Posts Tagged ‘males’

first-date

“You think relationships are difficult? Try friendships. Try courting someone in order to convince them to join you in some nameless, shapeless Platonic complication — forever. Convince an adult stranger that you are worth a healthy slice of their limited time and energy without the prize of sex or romance.”~ Laura Jayne Martin

Time for a review. Why? A- because its become necessary unfortunately. B- Going to catch up for some of the people who are newer to this blog than others.

This afternoon, I received a telephone call from a man who was whining and complaining and going on and on about how his dating life was starting to stink.

I asked him when he started having a girlfriend. He said that he did not have one. But he had been dating one girl that just flew his rocket and it hasn’t been going well. When I asked him why, he shouted at me that he didn’t know and he wanted to know what to do.

So with him screaming (and crying) in my ear, I came to drill down to the bedrock of his problem.

Expectation. Or intention. Whichever term you choose.

He had been taking his special girl out to dinners. A few times they would meet for lunch. But they hadn’t gone and shared in any other activity other than one of the three meals of the day.

Well, everyone has to eat.

He has been coming across with his invitation that its nothing but a meal. Even though he’s been wanting to improve his relationship with this woman and maybe see if they couldn’t get a little more serious.  3006365-poster-1920-hiring-dating

He’s also paying for it each and every time. So guess what then?? She’s taking him on for free meals because according to him, that’s all it is. It is his own words.

Being that I know the both of them personally, the guy asked me to be the middle man… the go-between…. and talk with her to make her realize that its not just dinner but dating.

I knew right away there was a red flag. But I went ahead and was going to talk to the woman in the first place over something completely unrelated and found it absolutely easy for the topic of conversation for her and I to talk about him and what she thought and felt about him taking her out to eat.

I didn’t need to bring it up myself. It just presented itself.

I have bad news for the guy:  She just isn’t looking for that in him. She already has a crush on another man.  And she IS dating him. But because of his terminology and vocabulary, she doesn’t feel that she is doing anything wrong. Of course she is worried about whether or not she is coming across  that she is only being a leech because he keeps paying for all these times they go out to eat.

So now with them, not only is it expectation and intention. It is also communication.

firstdate

Umm, I wouldn’t suggest doing that if I were you!!

He likes her. He wants to date her or have a serious relationship with her.

She likes him. But she doesn’t want him to think that she’s the kind of woman who is using him for free meals.

Now what?

He needs to express himself clearer with her. He needs to tell her of his future intention. Even though you and I now both know that’s going to end in rejection.

She needs to tell him that she’s got her eyes locked on someone else. And she also needs to express her concern and get him to admit his feelings of whether or not he “thinks” she is using him. And then tell him that’s not what she’s doing.

If people would somehow learn to be more open with one another, these difficult situations wouldn’t come around as often. At least, I don’t think so.

And I wouldn’t have to suffer something like this as much as I do. If at all.

Besides, a relationship cannot survive for long without decent communication.

 

 

Today is Super Bowl XLV. (That’s “45” for you non-Romans.) And yet I find myself not much in the hype of the big game, or at least not getting involved in it all. I have to be honest, the NFL is not one of the things I ascribe to.

But don’t get me wrong. I am like any other warm-blooded male who enjoys his sports. It just happens to be that this is not one of them.

My mood has been the same all day long. There’s been no crescendo of jubilation or any countdown to kickoff of any kind. And I understand that there are many out there who have been waiting and waiting for this day to come.

Locally however, the apartment complex in which I live in, they have been struggling with management to let them be able to access the community room in order to watch the game. Our community room has a television, VCR/DVD, several dozen books, furniture, tables, chairs, and six computers. Its there for our use in the first place. But since the great remodel job of 2006, its been closed to the residents on the weekends. A bit unfair, but I’ve adapted to the fact that we must be crammed into our tiny apartments like caves for the weekend. So in a sense, it is a great victory for us living here.

As far as just having it opened for the Super Bowl, I’m not so sure I agree with that. But as they say, one step at a time. The struggles and tribulations of the community room is best served for another time, another blog.

I have been given the understanding that there will be food. So I suppose that would be one good thing about it. One thing about being a bachelor is that I can take the opportunity to partake in the munchifications and nobody will say anything about it. Finding places like that to eat, that is on the outside of the home is always a bonus in my book.

But here we go back again to the game. Its not giving me any interest at all. The Super Bowl takes a common football game which should last about two and a half, and up to three hours and stretches it so far with special commercials and what they consider “Halftime Entertainment”. Including the pre-game, the pre-pre-game, the pre-pre-pre-game, the trophy ceremony and oh…. on top of that, the post-game.

And did I mention, they get some goofball to sing our National Anthem and turn it from a two minute and ten second moment of patriotic pride to a four minute church hymn?

Altogether, a heeping pile of five to six hours in total length.

There’s almost a guarantee to have nothing else on television. For those of us who do not have cable or satellite, you know what I am talking about. Options are absolutely nothing on this day.

Yes, I know the commercials are amusing and sometimes hilarious. But believe me, you’re not missing anything because those commercials will be re-broadcast again throughout the rest of the month. Plus, there’s always the Internet. So that argument is out.

I think that instead, I’ll just stick to my sledge hockey. (Sled hockey as its called in the USA.)