Posts Tagged ‘memories’

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“I always want to learn but I am sure on my dying day I will feel like I left something in the bucket.”~ Tim McGraw

This blog post I am more than happy to write about. So many wonderful things happened and I didn’t bother to screw any of it up.

I have recently talked about the invitation that I received from Red Vamp she was planning on visiting the area and she wanted to meet up. I was shocked at first because it was she that was asking ME about it. But I accepted and had a few weeks to prepare for it.

I’ll spare you the long drawn out details of the weeks that happened and skip right to the point of the blog post today. A band named “Iris” was having a CD Release Party at Elysium.  Red Vamp and her husband were planning on attending. They live out of town a few hours, so I could tell that this would be a big deal for them. So I agreed and pushed all other plans aside to make this happen.

This was probably more exciting for me than for anybody else. I mean, I knew Red Vamp back in her modeling career when that was pretty hot. I tried to keep myself on the level with her, treating her like another human being because from the comments of other people, they were just concerned about hitting on her or flirting with her… hoping that it was catch her attention.

I can only guess that the attention it brought up was the wrong kind.

Then I started my Bucket List. Meeting Red Vamp in person was #9 on the Bucket List. So you can tell this was pretty much a long time ago for being at the beginning of the Bucket List.

Well now as of last night, the 15th of November 2014, I can scratch that totally off the list.

Before Iris was Mr. Kitty & NITE. Not sure what to think about Mr. Kitty, other than it is just not my style of music that I listen to. That’s more computers than human beings. But then again, I guess you have to be pretty smart to know how to use a computer to make what they call music.

NITE’s performance wasn’t bad at all. But their music sounded more 80’s than techno or electronic. Still, they had some good vocals. It is explained to me that there’s a set of twins in that band. Two brothers. So I thought that was cool.

Then when Iris got on stage, the entire club just erupted. It was very clear that these people were here for Iris. Red Vamp apparently felt bad for leaving me behind as she and her husband approached the stage. But as I have complained before that Elysium just isn’t wheelchair accessible for anyone. 0RV1I mean, if you have to go to the club next door just to use the restroom… there’s something wrong! SERIOUSLY WRONG!!

When Iris was done, I had taken about 70 or more photographs. I was sure to take photographs WITH Red Vamp because honestly… I had been bragging this meeting was going to happen. And only a hand full of people believed me. The rest just thought I was messing around and joking.

I was actually a little flattered that Red Vamp’s husband did talk with me. I honored our conversations that we had, no matter how small they were.

When Red Vamp walked by the wall of local legends, I took a photo of her. I doubt she was prepared. In my mind, it was fitting. Considering all these years I’ve wanted to meet her in person and now I have had that opportunity.

It was a glorious visit, and the music didn’t suck across the board so that was plenty of bonus.

My obvious purpose was Red Vamp and the Bucket List.  Now I have that. My star struck attitude probably only lasted 10 minutes.

But I do hope that we all can do it again. Her living a few hours away makes it difficult. It would mean so much to me to have a second visit.

Check out Iris, see if whether or not its something you fancy. If so, you’re welcome. If not, then at least I tried.

Until then, I’ll forever hold these memories so close to my heart, knowing that nobody can take that away from me.

Princess-Of-Wales-princess-diana-32114836-220-254“I think that celebrities should never underestimate their power. I mean just to draw attention, because then people get involved on a personal level.”~Debbie Gibson

Birthdays, anniversaries, days of “firsts”, graduations, sometimes divorces, and dates of death of loved ones are always and forever etched into our subconscious some how.

These things never seem to leave us and we stand up and shout that we will never forget. Mainly because our brains never do allow us to as our memories are triggered by someone or something that would always bring us back to these specific and personal days in our lives.

The 31st of August is one of those dates for me. Both good and bad. Both happy and sad.

Deborah “Debbie” Gibson was born on the 31st of August in 1970, she became the pop music princess of the world and she paved the path for so many others such as Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and even Demi Levato and Ariana Grande today.

With my fascination at the time of trying to find a way to get into the Guiness Book of World Records, Debbie Gibson Debbie-Gibson-Foolish-Beatentered it with her number one hit “Foolish Beat” … she was the youngest person to write, produce and perform a song.

Ironically, I would hear that song for the first time and something was going on in my own personal life with a girl I had a crush on at the time, that was devastating to me. And that’s the first song I remember hearing.

The news was that she had a #1 hit with the song, and she was put into the Guiness Book of World Records.

And that would start an amazing collection of “cassette singles” that I would have for many, many years. “Foolish Beat” being the first one I ever bought for one dollar and some change at the local Wal-Mart.

If only music (actually physical copies of CDs) were that cheap still. Screw iTunes!!! At least until there are no more compact disc players and mine die out.

Today, Deborah (as she is now known) turned 44 years old. Wow.

Twenty-seven years after the birth of Gibson came another event on that day. It would turn out to be a tragic event. The announcement of the death of Princess Diana in 1997.

I woke up that day and turned on my tiny black and white television that had been loaned to me for a while only to find that television had been interrupted. There was an airplane standing there. Then a car. Then a hearse.

I wondered which “celebrity death” had happened and who was famous enough in the time and space to interrupt television programming but I couldn’t think of anyone.

But it was England’s finest princess. And she was dead. Rumors were constantly circulating around. But one thing was for sure. She had been involved in a automobile crash that took her life and the life of her current lover. princess-diana-accident-photos

For the rest of the day and night television was focused on NOTHING but this news that Princess Diana was dead.

Princess Diana to me was someone who was like an angel.

All of her charity and humanitarian work that she did and her goals to get rid of violence in other nations and taking care of one another was so appealing.

I remember as a child shortly after she did marry Prince Charles, of her going through the airport at the same time my family was sending off my grandmother after another long summer visit with her.

I remember punching and pushing my way to get to the front of the crowd to see her walking through the terminal and waving and once in a while touching hands.

She saw me standing there and I was waving and saluting. Princess Diana walked by and turned her head and saw me. She then stopped in her own tracks and came back to me and touched my cheek and the top of my forehead and called me a “lovely child.”

These are the memories that cannot be taken away from me. And every late August I sort of mourn because of her loss, which is almost twenty years ago. Amazing what time does to you.

original-e1348413881604“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”~ Lewis B. Smedes 

As of lately, I’ve been dealing with a love/hate relationship over something so small as an album that was released in November of 2013 by an artist that is within my top ten artists of… ever.

But I’ve honestly not been able to listen to any of it because of the memories that were unfortunately connected with it that came back right around the time of Christmas.

Memories were made, “song dedications” were made as well. And now that part of life is gone as the person that I made these memories with are history. And yet the memory of them linger strongly in connection with the album.

But since the beginning of the month I have been forcing myself to listen to it since I actually paid for it to have it in the first place. At first it just didn’t do it for me but as time went on and I got used to the content on the album, I was better okay with it. At the time of its release… if I was giving a critical review…. I would have then given it 3½ out of 5 stars.

And this is coming from an artist that I’ve been following for decades. I simply didn’t like half of the album. Although the first half I thought was entertaining.

Now, I am scumbagged with memories of those no longer a part of my life in association of this album.

For the longest time, I refused to listen to it. Or even look at the CD.

So then why now??

The ultimate goal is to take this album and make NEW memories with the songs that will replace the old ones that are carved into my mind. memoryfigure1

Its a struggle right now but I think that I will be successful.

And even if I don’t totally or completely get rid of the older memories that were once good and now turned sour, I can still make the effort to focus on the newer memories that I have made.

Let’s face it… erasing the human memory is not cheap. Or pleasant. Even though it is possible.

I think though that this could be possible to exchange the memories. I’ve only just begun on my experimental journey as this involves music it obviously is a huge piece of my life. I would to have one person DESTROY something that I consider to be an influential part of MY life, simply because they chose to no longer be apart of it.

So I can either choose to exchange those memories or I can let them win and live the rest of my life miserable because they killed something of mine that I enjoyed so very much. Even before I knew who they were!!!

And I assure you ladies & gentlemen that if you are thinking to yourself that it doesn’t sound like Dambreaker to do so and just let them win like that — you’re right!!!

We all have memories. Some have problems with memory. I clearly do not. But instead of allowing my brain to rule my heart more than it should already….. I choose to simply “reboot the brain” and replace the memory with neuralizer_largesomething new.

Besides, the memory wipe neurlizer-thing from MEN IN BLACK #1- does not exist. #2- would probably be too expensive. #3- might erase too much!!

 

“If it’s illegal to rock and roll, throw my ass in jail!”~ Kurt Cobain 113_n

And so it begins. A week of live music thanks in part to the SXSW Festival.

After a few days of rest from Wellborn Road which “technically” was not a SXSW show… I finally went to one that WAS.

And first up was my beautiful, beautiful friends from Mexico City who for the last several months has been stomping all over and around the New Jersey/New York area. Probably since around Christmas or even before that.f7e7e7afe7a61a1c177925da6881657eThankfully they came back here. 

It was to be at the very same venue and club that I had first laid my eyes and ears upon them.

I thought it was a little fitting to return to The 311 Club and then find Poc Nation there.

It wasn’t how I remembered it though. And that’s just fine by me.

I showed up several hours earlier so that I was there at the club before the sun went down. And that worked in my favor to be there that early. I also came along bearing gifts. Gifts that I was not sure would be accepted. But I had to at least try!

It was also good to see Auggie Del Ray and Brenda Flores of BEAUTIFUL DISTURBANCE walk in, even though they were not playing there.

I found it very amusing that the bar had two different types of classic movies going on at the same time. One was an old version of Sinbad and the other showing Terror of MechaGodzilla.

Yeah… no brainer. Go for giant lizard!!

A man wearing NOTHING but a diaper and a broken smile, using a cane attempted to come into the club but he was denied. It was both funny and terrifying. NOTHING BUT A DIAPER FOR A GROWN MAN!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly members of Poc Nation began to show up. And almost right away they recognized me. Probably because I WAS in fact wearing a Poc t-shirt! That was most likely the dead giveaway. Until Poc herself showed up.

I squealed so bad to myself it was stupid and embarrassing.

I began to speak in Spanish with her. And it was a surprise to her that my Spanish was so good. She assumed that I was using some kind of translation website to talk to her via Facebook.

There were NEW merchandise from Poc Nation and I wanted it. I wanted it ALL!!! But I ended up with only a $30 t-shirt. But you know what? Its of Poc flipping the double bird. pocnationp

You just don’t see that every day on any t-shirt!!

My gift to her was one dozen long stemmed red roses. I couldn’t tell if she was flattered or what. The only thing that she could do was stand there with her jaw on the floor, then say my name over and over and over again.

Yep… it was a hit! And a damned good one at that. Stroke of genius I may add.

By the time Poc Nation got on stage to play it felt like I had been hanging out with Poc for an eternity. And I’m fine with that.

I jumped right up front and didn’t bother to move. I didn’t care. People can just go around me one way or the other.

And they did. At least those who were attempting to take photographs closer to the stage.

The thing is that I am not use to these very very short sets that I’ve been experiencing. I know that The 311 Club has had bands playing all day long and had more to go, but the sets were just so short that honestly by the time any one that was there listening got settled in….. it was all over.

What the hell, man???

They were amazing and even better than I remembered from last September. They pulled some people into the club that originally weren’t there and everybody was having a great time. Myself included. It was great. Those are the kinds of shows you love to be at.

As they were breaking down their equipment, I shouted at Poc (and then to their guitar player) if I could take the set list. And both were agreeable to it. How I would have loved to have that thing autographed. Because I am an autograph hound. 

Poc Nation will have two more shows for SXSW but sadly I will not be able to make them. And I think that sucks.

It was six months since the last time I saw Poc Nation. And then six months before that. I hope that Poc Nation makes more stops here along the way because I simply just cannot make it to San Antonio… no matter how many times she invites me to events there.

Poc did sign my CD though. Then when I was safe and sound at home, I realized she spelled my first name wrong. Oops!!

After Poc Nation was Nancy Silva Project that I was curious about and I stayed for that. And I have adventurous tales of my experiences with that band as well from the night. But one band at a time.

For much of the rest of the week will be performances by BEAUTIFUL DISTURBANCE. One more by Nancy Silva Project. Another from Resisting Vegas (if I can remember what time/day they told me) and then hanging it all up with CASKET OF CASSANDRA.

Next post: Nancy Silva Project.

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Another One Bites The Dust

“The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.”~ Cesare Pavese

Amazing how quickly that I can get into trouble by clicking on a few “bad links” over the Internet.

Lost in translation to many, I found myself wandering the pages of Google Plus.

This is NOT a social networking site that I frequent at all. In fact, the only reason why I have it in the first place is because of the stupid merge that YouTube had with Google.

Before I knew it, I couldn’t have my old YouTube account without linking it to some Google Plus account. So I gave in, for the sake of YouTube.

Until a few days ago.

My fingers moving quicker than my own brain, clicking that stupid mouse key until I found myself into someone else’s Google Plus account. At once I thought why not?!? So I went to add a few people to my circles but didn’t realize that there was a daily limit to that action. And then I found that feature that every social networking site has, called the “From your contacts” which will go into any other networking site you may have or your e-mail address book and find friends.

I FOUND MYSELF IN PURE HELL IN EVERY SENSE OF THE DAMNED WORD!!!!

I found that in the list of friendly Google Plus suggestions, women of my past. Women that I either had something with and it went absolutely and terribly wrong or wanted something with and never got there and then had them fade away.   And of course, as I have been complaining for many years now, some were just friends that my ex at the time had some kind of stupid and ridiculous insecurity about their looking better than she and I was only going to fall for them, so she went way out of her way to ruin the relationships entirely.rosita1

Why Google?? Why bring back those horrible and miserable memories?? You bastard! You digital social bastard!!!!

I was happy.  I was in the moment. I was talking with someone new at the time that just blew me away! And you have to punch me in the junk like that??

I realize that 99% of these women will never return. Particularly the ones that I either walked away from, had disappear on me, or didn’t want anything with me. Attempting now to rekindle seems ruthlessly stupid and unnecessary. Time flies an we all move on. I mean, we are talking about me not speaking to any of these women at all since 2007 and before!! That’s a long time. I am sure that many of them have moved on.

And so I went back to my original feelings and opinion about Google Plus, you nasty group of people. Shame on thee for nearly destroying my weekend.

5yrs

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”~ Nelson Mandela

Five years. Seems like a lifetime ago already. A moment marked in life that is significant to nobody else in the entire world, but me.

The 30th of September in the year 2008, was the long yet almost simple journey to my personal freedoms from a relationship with a woman whom I had no longer feelings for, and had also feared for my own life. And with good reason.

After surviving in a place with no outlet, no freedoms of my own, no voice, no opinion, and existing as nothing but someone on the arm of a woman who happened to be a few years older than I, eight months of that mental prison and it came down to this day where I left without saying a word, without giving any sort of clue that I was leaving, nothing.

I just up and left.

After being ignored to my feelings, thoughts, and wishes of what was to be “OUR HOME” between my last girlfriend and I, The relationship and all of its connecting parts had breathed its last breath. From that point on, I knew that there was nothing in the world that I could say or do within my own powers to make her change her mind or even consider changing her mind on how she lived her life and/or behaved.

Two separate ships sailing away from each other in the same ocean. One sinking, the other one sailing in circles.

I had proven to my family, myself, and to anyone else in the world that CHANGE is still possible. You just have to want it bad enough to do something about it. And then actually DO it in order to get it.

I had actually cried over the telephone when speaking with my elder brother and the sounds of my tears and frustration and sorrow really struck a nerve with him. Within one month, a plan had been put together by my family to help me escape my dark and lonely existence in a place where I was thousands of miles from anyone who honestly and truly cared about who I was and how I felt.

Even to the point after confessing my sadness to my family where my girlfriend would once come home from work after having a seriously bad day, not wanting to cook and wanting to go out to eat so that we were fed. When it was explained to her that there was no money to go out, she began to unravel from within. As she began cooking preparations with kitchen utensils that belonged to my departed mother, she came after me when I told her one last time that we were NOT going out to eat for that evening, and she had to cook if she wanted to eat. Deflating her efforts to plunge that kitchen knife into my chest cavity and ending up with her sobbing and shouting her words of hatred towards me.

One week before (on the 23rd) the plan was explained to me. And I had to be able to keep things quiet and not let anyone on to anything for seven full days.

My elder brother coming up from the south all the way up into Rhode Island to basically grab me and send me out of the trap of a household, all while the girlfriend had made her daily route to her job. I left in the early morning hours of that day, dropped the key in the mailbox, said farewell to the two cats that she owned and never looked back as my brother and I cruised down the Interstate which lead us to the airport in Providence, Rhode Island.

I had made the decision to return to Texas with the lessons learned in my brain. My sister picking me up at the Austin airport and I lived with her family for six months before I returned back to the same apartment that I had lived in before… to this day, is being said is still a miracle that I would return back to the same unit. But here I am.

Leaving the girlfriend in a confused state of mind, when she realized I had left with no real explanation left behind. Only that I was leaving and that I was finished with the relationship. The lengthy, four paged written “Dear John” letter that was scribbled on a legal pad would be mailed to her from a neutral location so she was unable to track my whereabouts.

All because she swung a knife. (And the confusing tale on my family’s behalf of whether or not her family still had ties to the New England mafia. In which they honestly did not. She just had a relative that was born by the seed of the head of the mafia many moons ago, a great aunt who had been dead for a few years by that point in time. My family still were confused though for whatever reason.)

Starting over with very little of my own possessions and only a few important documents and momentos, beginning at the ground level all over again.

Its been a hard road as I have not recovered in that aspect. But in these five years I have matured, I have learned, and I have gained MORE than what I had BEFORE I entered into that ill-fated relationship. And yet to this day I find life to be more satisfying without the things that I had, compared to having that knife actually plunged into my thorax.

Yes… there are a lot of times where I stop and think about where I may have placed something, wondering why I cannot find it. Only to finally remember that it was not brought with me in the Great Exodus. And I must somehow deal without. I think that for the most part, I honestly cannot complain about material things too much. For the other things that I have gained in my life in the past five years is, as the saying goes, more precious than silver or gold. setfree

Its not where I thought I would see myself in the year 2013, but it is far better than the ultimate and other option of being six feet under.

I now have friends that surround me with love and TRUE care when I visit Houston. And I also have those who will in silence, support me in whatever I do, which is a great span from California to Canada to Florida and New York and over across to France, Norway, Germany, New Zealand, and Russia. And the one thing that lights up my day about them all is that had I stayed with the girlfriend, these relationships would have never blossomed into anything at all if she was still around. I would not be friends with ANY of those of whom I speak of here. Because that’s the kind of person that she was. SHE had to be the one and only #1 person.

I have been without a romantic relationship since in my personal life. And some how, some way, I continue to breathe every day. I sleep at night and rise in the morning, and nothing becomes frozen over. And yes, it does get lonely and often times I wished I had someone to share my day and my night with. But if that is to happen for me in my life, then it will come at the proper time.

But until then, I can be eternally grateful that I have a family who was loving me enough through the stupid mistakes that I made during that relationship, so much that they still helped me when I called for help. I can be eternally grateful for those that are “new” in my life, and have been so positive and promising for me. And those are the people that will never stray from my life.

People come and people go, but they are the ones that remain. 525356_454686747955875_1230830816_n

So here I am in 2013, a few years older. A few more grey hairs. Lots of time to think. And lots of time to learn how to truly live.

For those of you who ARE in my life (and you know who you are) I LOVE YOU. And I always will.

Five years since I started this new journey, and we’ve still yet to come to the end of the road.

 

 

 

 

 

taeda1

“Hey, I fool the camera. I’m a liar, a magician.”~Janice Dickinson

Before I get started and it turns to June 26th, I want to say HAPPY 25TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO MY FATHER AND STEPMOTHER, AS THEY WERE MARRIED ON JUNE 25, 1988.

I’ve been watching my  niece an awful lot already and its barely the official start of summer. I’ve got so much going on in August that I am trying to save enough money to do everything that I want to do.  The problem is that I do not think that I will have enough money to do all that I want. I am going to be short. And it sucks.

When I am watching that three year old child niece o’mine, comes the opportunity to listen to her favorite cartoons.

One of them deals with talking bunnies attempting to put on a magic show in the front yard. The children are always asking for a volunteer from the audience in order to do their magic tricks.

I’ll SPARE you the rest of the details that has nothing to do with this blog post.

As this crap is irrevocably burned into my brain, it just causes me to reflect on some rather unusual magician experiences that I’ve had as a child.

As a child, I HATED magicians. I HATED-HATED-HATED them!!! They could just all die and go away for all I cared to think about.  As an adult, I just avoid them. I do not waste my money.0

I especially hated the illusion of sawing a woman in half. It always bugged me. And luckily I had only seen it in person ONCE. The rest were on television.

But the time that I had to witness it with my very eyes, was back in the real early 1990’s where I was front & center row. The magician kept talking about his beautifully gorgeous assistant, and then he sawed her in half.

I never understood this illusion as a child. If you have a perfectly good woman who is beautifully gorgeous, wouldn’t you want to kiss her rather than cut her into pieces?

Ohh, how innocent my mind was growing up as a child. But back to the 1990’s.

The magician had a huge saw and started cutting into the box in which his assistant rested. But when he got to a certain point, the beautifully gorgeous assistant let out a blood curdling scream that stuck with me. He stopped then kept sawing until he had her into two pieces.

The screaming was all part of the act, I would learn later on. halfed

But after that illusion he asked for a volunteer from the audience. Stupid bunnies!!

This man who was also in the front row raised his hand and the magician called upon him. But before the man reached the stage area to join the magician, there was someone else in the audience cursing and screaming and yelling and everything else. He was totally causing a scene.

What the screaming man had done was effectively ended this magician’s career. Here’s the story and I’ll go back even further to more childhood terrors.

This man who was screaming had purchased tickets to this place and they box office messed up and gave him tickets to the WRONG show and he missed his favorite singer when they came to town. He was infuriated and gave threats to sue the box office.

In an effort to make things up to him, they offered him free tickets to any other even that was happening that year.

Well, he already purchased tickets to this magician’s show and he enjoyed himself the first time that he got those free tickets for another magic show the following night. The night that I was there.

What he had found out was that the guy that he picked as a  volunteer was the same exact guy that had been picked from the last show. The guy in the audience was part of it all, just wore different clothes day to day.

The guy who was awarded free tickets caught this magician’s lie and called him out on it. END OF SHOW.

The magician pretty much lost his career after that and the man that called him out was arrested for being disorderly.

But even long before that, I remember being in school and being forced to go into the school’s gymnasium to watch a magic act. The magician did his act and made the rest of the children laugh and enjoy the show. But something was up. Some of the children in the older grades were yelling at him to turn the props around.

Wouldn’t you know it, that they were props with yellow and blue bunnies painted on them when they had previously been red and green before he covered them up and did his little magic.

Get this. Someone caught on to his deception. And the entire gymnasium was yelling at the guy to turn this around. But he acted as if he didn’t understand. So he had one student come up to the stage to do what the crowd was wanting. Sure enough: One bunny was RED on one side and turned around, YELLOW on the other. The other bunny proper was GREEN on one side and turned around, BLUE on the other.

Deception had failed. Children started to BOO him. I figured he deserved it because of the fact that he got caught. But there were a lot of children that day that got into trouble for booing him. Teachers stating that to boo someone, was being disrespectful.

I still think he deserved it.

And I am going to think of these stories for as long as that lousy cartoon DVD is still around and I am watching my niece.

Damned rabbits!!!!!!