Posts Tagged ‘mental health’

Coffee-Lady3

“Crazy people don’t sit around wondering if they’re nuts.”~ Jake Gyllenhaal

It is hard when you watch someone that you’ve become to know for so long start to lose their marbles… in the most literal of sense.

Such is the case for the one that I will refer to as Super C.

Super C moved here to this complex around the same time that I did my first time in 2005.

Like many who live(d) here: Quiet, shy, withdrawn, anti-social.

But Super C was actually cared for by a few others and eventually Super C would see the errors of her ways and how life was just slipping away from her by her sitting inside of her dwelling day and night. She was shown the light that her ex-husband was a complete and total douche nozzle and she finally learned how to stand up to him and tell him where to go and the quickest way to do it.

She participated more and more and suddenly found herself with FRIENDS. WOW!! Who would have thought it?!?

However, Super C just like everyone else around here has her own sets of challenges and problems. Medicines and appointments with doctors and things to keep up with in her life.

As of lately the rest of us neighbors are finding that she’s unable to control it all. Either that or she just does not handle it well at all.

How many times has she had to go back somewhere because she left her glasses or wallet or purse or keys or cell phone???

A few years ago she suffered what the doctors called a mini-stroke. But she was back at home within a week. Her best of friends are no longer living. Her attendant has come to end of her rope with Super C. Her children do not visit. Her medicines are often rumored to be scattered everywhere in a pile of atrophying disarray and indecency.

The worst of it is not yet to come. I think that the worst of it has arrived and is living among us within Super C.  It is also safe to say that everyone has made an effort or two or twelve to get her life back on track where its not so much a disaster. As soon as one person fills in with a complete system that is going to be helpful in the end, Super C slips up ONCE and then she’s back where she started. roedhaaret_schmidt_z

I can see the will to help her has left the building. Or property in this case. Its no longer there within anyone.

People are literally afraid to deal with Super C any more. They are afraid that if they get involved too deep that they too will “end up just like her” and as shitty as that is to think or say… it is what it is around here.

Some say that the mini-stroke doomed her. Other people had faith in her that she would recover from her mini-stroke. And even more people seem to think that she might be too far gone because she lost her best friends in the world in the time span of about a year and a half.

It appears as if the simplest of life’s tasks has become monumental for her. As if she was looking at an entire valley of mountains and instantly believing that she will never make it.

Her latest tale is her supposed journey of walking in the pouring rain one morning where she began to tread with a walker 3.7 miles (5.95 km) by herself to return home from an appointment in which she was denied because she had an outstanding balance. And she had gone that far without her wallet.

She’s been called out on it and other alleged activities that she has been telling everyone who would listen to her.

A 70 plus year old woman with a walker isn’t going to walk nearly 4 miles…. in the rain. And then expect us to believe it when she’s not soaking wet, dragging in water with her shoes and her walker and just have a few raindrops on her back. She should have been drenched and dripping. But she was not.

Everyone tends to want to run away from her when they hear her begin a conversation with the words DID I TELL YOU…..??

Plus the fact that you and another person could be holding your own conversation and she’s going to chime in. Just like her friends did before they both died. In this case, it was something she was taught that she never should have been taught. oneofus2

This morning’s episode was all about standing water in the rain water collection barrels. And that just isn’t possible as all of the barrels have screened filters on them. So there’s no standing water anywhere. She was quickly called out and she left the community room rejected and denied.

Calling her out isn’t going to help her state of mind. All it does it automatically say to her that people think she’s lying.

I don’t know though. It is just really really difficult to watch this progression. I am sure there are people out there who know what I am talking about. And probably deal with worse circumstances as they have watched a loved one slip away like this. I do not envy anyone of this.

“Ah, to think how thin the veil that lies Between the pain of hell and Paradise.”~George William Russel

Too many times we find ourselves sinking through the quicksand of our own negativity in our personal lives. Too many things that we feel have “gone wrong” always keeping us from rising from the ashes and prevents us from exploring all of the things that we find wholesome, pleasant, and enjoyable.

Our human nature is fixed on thriving on the worst things in life. And we find ourselves in an seemingly impossible state to ever be happy again. We tend to allow our brains to thrive on what is keeping us unhappy.

We all have our own things in life where our situation calls for us to believe that “we are in hell.” Yes, we have the bad with the good. But if you ask the average person to name off twenty things that they are unhappy about, they will find themselves snowballing beyond that twenty item list and have the desire to keep going before you have to literally stop them from continuing on.

But if you ask the same person to name only ten things that they are happy about, chances are that they are going to have more trouble trying to fill the list to make all ten items. They might be able to do it, but it will take them longer.

Whether it be work, or our home situation, or even at play- we all have those things that we involve ourselves with and deep down we just cannot stand it because it gives us so much grief and unknown pain to the outside world. We grumble and complain about having to do things that we do not want to do. After all, it’s hell: remember??

I believe that our mental health actually is dependent on both the good and the bad. It’s called “balance”. But because we are all different and we all believe different things, it can be tricky to decipher what is heaven and what is hell. In this case, mental balance is relative to what we assert ourselves to believe.

But whatever those things are, our mental health cannot attain much good if we constantly think negatively. We will never find our heaven because we are setting up residence and forwarding our mail in hell. And we are considering a new coat of paint within the walls of our trapped mind.

So what if we pause for just one moment and find something that actually pleases us? A thought, an experience, an activity. What about those things that we totally surround ourselves in joy? Nothing can be lost if you just stop and think about these things for a single moment. And not allow the cognitive distortions to creep over us and try to convince us that even though these things make us happy, that we’ll never attain it. Which is an unfounded theory and just “stinking thinking”.

We’re going to have our hell. But it doesn’t mean we have to swim in it day & night. We can also have our own piece of heaven too!! If we just calm down, breathe, and pause. Focus on the POSITIVE things that keep us encouraged and motivated to be better people.

Needless to say that how we live inside our heads, also effects how we interact with other people. And they will notice whether or not you are in your heaven or drowning in your hell.

Stop drowning. Don’t even swim. Get out of the deep end and towel off. Then go find your ideal of what your GOOD mental health can actually be and take a break for as long as you can! Refresh your batteries while you are at it too… its free of charge!

Certain things that happen, shape us for who we are. We have our joyous moments and we have our depressive times. I believe that whatever comes our way, builds our character and helps to mold us into the person that we become.

We gain strength through our struggles, and share in celebration of our accomplishments.

This post however, deals with personal traumatic experiences. Most of us have gone through them. Many of us who have survived them are able to carry on. But some have difficulty with their previous experiences. In other words, some do well… some do not.

Yesterday evening, I went to the store to pick up some bread and other items. It was not far from my home so I was able to get out and go and come right back. When I was exiting the store, life has we know it was carrying on. Until a man showed up around the corner. He was approaching from the opposite direction. And then a moment later, he brought a pistol and fired it until it was empty. I had enough sense and probably the best of instincts to abort from my wheelchair and kiss the concrete before anything had happened and stayed there until the loud popping had stopped. (I was not injured or hurt. Neither was anyone else.)

The only casuality, was the bread. Instead of hamburger buns, it had turned into thinly sliced bread. Still, I can use it though!

Certain situations like these, are what I believe to cause people to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Other situations such as assault, rape, and war also are known to cause post-traumatic stress disorder.

What I am finding rather odd, is that my mind is not filled with re-living last night’s events. But my mind is focused more on the assault from last January where it had become a situation of life and death and doing what I had to do in order to protect myself.

There are no feelings of being afraid or scared. Only feelings of just being really pissed off. Frustration, anger, and the continuous attempts of trying to make sense of everything that happened so long ago.

For many people who deal with this kind of thing, it is possible that a little extra help might do them some good. A friend, a caring person, a smile, and a listening ear.

Some survivors actually would benefit from going a step further and seeking therapy to allow themselves to think and feel without judgement and release their fears and feelings about what had happened to them. Thus I believe that it does help with the healing process from their mental anguish.

Therapy is not the devil. Going to therapy also does not automatically imply that you are crazy, or you are the weakest person on the planet. In fact, therapy is a sign of courage and strength, and it shows you have the desire to make things better in your life instead of just allowing the problems to eat you up inside.

I would actually applaud those who actively seek therapy as a tool for mental health. The strength and empowerment one can receive by going to therapy can be limitless. When I hear someone tell me that they are considering or have started to go to therapy, my response is always the same, “GOOD FOR YOU!”.

Personally, I am no stranger to it. How else would I know so much about cognitive distortions??

To say or believe that you are weak, because you need a little extra help, is a lie!! Don’t be influenced by society and peers to control you in what you should do with your life. Find the help and allow yourself the opportunity to live your life by your own choices and not the choices of others because they are ignorant. Even the world’s strongest man has days of weakness.

Find out for yourself whether or not it is right for you. And if you do decide to seek help– GOOD FOR YOU!! Just stick with it. Results are not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself the time your body and mind will need to adjust and heal.

And for those reading who have a personal relationship with me: I am doing okay. I’m angry of course. But also know that I slept very well last night and I’m not sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling re-living it over and over again. Physically, I’m uninjured. The guy’s aim pretty much SUCKED. Nobody else was hurt. And its rumored he had his ass kicked while in a holding cell after he was hauled to jail. Whether or not that is true does not matter to me. I am alive!!