An Uncertain Farewell

“You and I will meet again, When we’re least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face, I won’t say goodbye my friend, For you and I will meet again.”~ Tom Petty

Somewhere near Waco, Texas this evening gathered a group of people to join with food and fellowship. Among the participants of this crowd, and the hosts of this gathering were Auggie Del Ray and Brenda Flores of local music fame in Waco.

Auggie and Brenda, along with drummer Erik Williams were saying their farewells to Texas.

The band BEAUTIFUL DISTURBANCE dissolved with the departure of their bass player and they made the difficult but confident decision that in order to further their career in music that they were going to be moving to Los Angeles. But as the new project called “Queen Of Kings.” I did personally receive an invitation to Waco, Texas to join them this evening at their Farewell Party. I had previously been invited one-on-one by Auggie and Brenda to come to their party even before the announcement of them leaving for Los Angeles was actually made public. I’ve kept it to myself… until now.

Unfortunately I was unable to travel and attend. And it has me somewhat heartbroken. But that definitive spark within way in the back of my mind tells me that this change is for the better. Over the last few years of attending their live performances and shows locally and in once in Houston, I have felt like I was part of La Familia. I had heard about them for the first time in 2012.

It was a musical suggestion to check them out by Dr. Froth from SIX MINUTE CENTURY. My first opportunity to see them perform live was the 30th of June in 2012. It was an acoustic set but that didn’t matter. I was set and sold as a fan. And from that moment on I feel as if I have grown with them, and them with me as musical friends and colleagues. I only needed to hear the first three seconds of “Nearly Forgotten” to know I was going to fully get into this band…. complete with rockin’ out until the cows come home or someone calls the police, whichever happened first.

The song became like an anthem for me.

I had their EP, and I insisted that they autographed it, even though they might have given me the look that I was insane.

I still have that EP. A little smudged but in good condition otherwise. I’ve probably seen Auggie and Brenda perform live with their band more times than any other band that I’ve followed here in Texas. When opportunity was knocking… I answered the door!!

I followed them in 2013 and in 2014 during the SXSW Music Festivals as much as I could. I’ve supported them when they went into the New York/New Jersey area to the recording studio with freakin’ Atlantic Records. I supported them throughout these past few years and now this is a new chapter with more opportunity to support them.

The rough factor to think about is that they will be in California chasing that dream and then one day capturing it. Farewells though, are never easy. Most certainly, they are not easy for me as I never utter the words “goodbye” from my voice. For anything or for anyone.

California is going to be hit by a major storm by their massive talents. Queen of Kings will make a name for themselves there. Their flag will be put into the ground. I regret not being able to go to the party earlier. I regret not being able to attend their show as Queen of Kings at Muddle in Waco, Texas on the 15th of August. If you are in that area or going to be, I would definitely stop for the evening. It is worth your time.

From my first show on 30 June 2012 to seemingly my last show at SXSW on the 14th of March. And I was always up front or as close as I could be to up front and singing along.

Without knowing that their path was going to lead them out of Texas, it now seems legitimate and appropriate that the last time that I saw Brenda and Auggie I attempted to give the band a dozen red roses, not knowing if Auggie was going to introduce me to his massive, anaconda-sized biceps to wrap around my neck.

The band probably didn’t even know themselves at that time but if any one of us would have known that this decision was going to be made in the future… I would have found something tons better to say as I departed from them other than to use humor and mix it with my ability of being bilingual and say….. “Hasta la tacos!”

So now they have their final show on the 15th and shortly after they will begin their journey to Los Angeles. 

Of course I am happy for them and I wish them well. But I’m sad that I won’t see them again before they leave. I will continue to encourage them in both their personal lives and in their professional lives as musicians. And I’ll cross my fingers in hope, praying that they return for SXSW 2015 and beyond with each annual festival afterward.

Erik: I didn’t get many chances to get to know you personally as I may have liked. But I am glad that our paths have crossed and that we became friends. I hope you capture those stars in the sky and hang on to them for dear life. Your talent as a drummer and musician is remarkable. The West Coast honestly will not know what hit them until you’ve left your mark on them. Walk tall, be proud of yourself as we are of you, especially me. I only wished I had more time with you. I will miss you, brother. 

Auggie, ……. if I may, hermano: These have been some crazy times. But I feel that they’ve been productive times throughout the past couple of years that I’ve known you ever since meeting you for the first time in person at the Microsoft store at The Domain that very warm late June afternoon. It was worth busting my ass and falling over many times over uncovered paths to find you and watch that fire within you just grow and grow and grow with every single possible that I have seen you perform live. If I had my own band, you would be the sought after gold mine that bands so desire as a musician and as a person with that drive and desire to be successful in all that you do. Thank you for all that you have done for me, both spoken and unspoken. Realized and unrealized by you. You’ve been such the pillar of inspiration for me, the strength in many weaknesses to press on and to keep going. Be good to those intimidating biceps. Keep crashing those drum sets!!! Keep me posted. I love you, amigo. You rock!! And as always: \m/

Brenda: This has probably been the hardest blog post to date to have to write. Along with Auggie, you too have done so much for me, whether I actually told you or not. Your voice is wonderful and powerful. I’ve gone through chills to tears and to smiles and everything in between and back again each and every time I’ve heard you once you’ve picked up a microphone. Los Angeles is definitely picking up a new treasure. Too bad we couldn’t have done a duet or something, that would have been fun (or scary) to do. Scary for me at least. I’m never going to forget just what a beautiful person you are both on the inside and outside. Your passion and strength is exemplary and its something that I strive to duplicate every day of my life. You and Auggie are a permanent fixture and role model in my own life. And I know that you will be setting that same example out west as more and more people are able to hear your voice and talents. Never lose touch. I love you as well, amiga.

The Next Step From Now

“I can enjoy anywhere, and I can leave it.  Life is about moving on.“~Waris Dirie

Recently the most uncomfortable and the wildest decision was made for me and my life. This included a complete and total change in what I am doing in life, particularly in my spare time. 

It definitely was not easy, and it is not easy to deal with the consequences of making that decision but right now I feel that it is the RIGHT decision for me.

And who knows for sure … I may come back. But for now my hockey career comes to a close. “I’m hanging up those skates.” if you will.

I’m not going to go into what all caused this decision and I’m not going to spit fire at anyone. I just felt that with the entire scope of things for this season and the way things have not worked at all in my favor that I need to step away from it and hope to find something else that will occupy my time and be just as fun and rewarding as possible like sledge hockey was for me. I was trying to look at the bigger picture that was standing behind the picture that was in my face.

My sledge is already returned and so I have nothing holding me back. I’ve told those whom I felt needed to know and now its just time to move on. 

Of course I shall miss being a part of the sport. The people that I’ve met throughout the years because of it have been phenomenal. The experiences that I’ve had from the sport were once in a lifetime. Including being a part of a team that would enter their first ever tournament in 2012 and face difficult opponents and come out  with a 3-3 record and winning 3rd place and earning a bronze medal. 

My one and only award for sports. And nobody that knew me thought it would happen. But it did. 

However one thing is just eluding me. And that is the possibility of joining Team USA on the national level of the sport. Or at least trying out for the team.  With my absences being noted this year from practices due to one reason or another and my not being able to go to the USA Hockey Disabled Festival in Boston, its all been a huge set back for that one specific goal to try out for the national team. But of course its not just that. And its not worth getting all involved about everything else. I choose not to. 

Who knows though… I may return to the sport later in the future. For now though its time to leave.

For those of you who have been reading this blog and have been supportive…. a great big special thank you goes out to you. Those of you that I know and those of you who stay silent. 

And now as the Paralympics are going on in Sochi and Team USA is advancing closer and closer to the medal rounds of the tournament I cheer that they take it to top! 

GO USA!!

So I take the next step from here and now. I do not know where that foot will land. But the biggest part of getting over that reticence. 

 

There’s Something Worse In The Water

“When heard someone’s boasting, I could smell shit of bull from afar.” ~ Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

So the neighbor situation hasn’t improved. I’ve not been able to discuss with them the fact that them talking to the working attendant is not a smart thing.

I also just realized that the attendant who is talking to me about the neighbors is also at fault.

So it is up to me to at least set the attendant straight about what she talks about in my home. And that has to stop with the gossiping and talking about the neighbor.

Nonetheless, we’ve come to a close with regards to dealing with the neighbor. At least on a social level.

As was the habit, I returned to the neighbor’s home to watch NCIS. But the greeting when I showed up was less than cordial. I mean, it wasn’t even close to being friendly. The wife saw me, got up from the chair and called for her husband, announcing my arrival. It was he that got to the door and invited me in.

And then hell would break loose that I would not think clearly when I should have just up and left the home.

During the commercial breaks, I was accosted by the wife for everything and anything under the sun. The first commercial break I was accused of giving her “the finger”- 1960’s & 70’s style– with the crossing of the forearms this last Friday during the farewell party of the social services coordinator.

As much as I must admit of doing the gesture, I did NOT point it or aim it or intend for it to be AT her. But, she swears up and down I gave her the finger. And so I said softly “I’m sorry if you feel that way. But I did nothing wrong because I didn’t do anything to you.” It was juuuuuuuuuuust enough apology to smooth that wrinkle out before the program resumed on television. But it was hardly the personal apology she wanted and believes that she got.

All in all she was offended by the arm gesture. Basically that was all it boiled down to.

The second commercial break, I was accosted and accused again. This time of “being/acting like a shit.” Whatever the hell that means! 

Accosting number two, I was not given any moment of peace or any time to defend myself or explain my behavior to her. It was all 100% my fault. And she wasn’t liking it.

But wait. She was totally offended by the gesture that I made on Friday afternoon, but she’s not offended by her own foul-mouthed profanity and calling me names? What in the world is that??

So yeah she wasn’t liking my behavior as of lately. Too bad. When people are going through tough times, particularly when a lot of it is mental and emotional, they aren’t going to act the way that you want them to.

Third commercial break I was told the tale of a different neighbor who had come to visit her this past Sunday and she had nothing but vicious and attacking words about me behind my back. Even though she (and her husband both) were discussing the situation they refused to tell me what exactly was said because this different neighbor prefaced her speech with “don’t share this with any one.”

Last commercial break was her to strongly encourage me to go talk to this neighbor who was talking shit behind my back. And made the suggestion that I kick her ass. Then report back.

Ummm… do we have to go back and ask the question about the profanity again? Or can I just imply it at that point.

Those who have heard me tell this story in person have said that they would have left after being accused of acting like a shit. But I didn’t think that I would be able to escape to be honest. At least not before someone else had something more to say. Yet I didn’t think to leave in the first place.

So that was Tuesday night. Wednesday afternoon I saw the woman that apparently had been blabbering about me and I asked her if she needed to talk to me. I never was cruel with her. I never yelled at her. I never pointed any finger. And I never called her names. I simply asked if she had anything on her mind that she needed to say to me.

And she did. She confronted me with an issue that she was genuinely concerned about. The problem was that she had already gone over to the neighbor’s home and gossiped about it there rather than coming to me instead. That was her only mistake.

But she never jumped down my throat like the first original woman.

The one that I confronted and I both learned that the woman that I had been keeping company week after week after week, to enjoy something on television with company…. is probably one of the WORST people on the planet. And that she should not be  trusted with any kind of information or news. 

I have a feeling that she’s going to go back to the queen of gossip and they are gonna have it out with one another.

So we’ve reached the end of the road for the gossiping neighbor. I still have to deal with the attendant and her eagerness to run her mouth. But at least I’m not going to put up any more with the neighbor.

And besides, all of those times that I’ve come on to this blog and complained about her  tendencies to gossip and the food that gets prepared in their home that eventually causes some kind of digestive distress from within…. I’m not missing out on anything.

Moving on!!

Always Get Back Up!

“Never, never, never give up.”~ Winston Churchill

 Earlier as I sifted through the dozens of blogs that I find myself following… one struck me kind of hard and up close and personal.  

One that has a rather small following and that is probably because the blog is fairly new. I mean, you could read all of the archived posts in a day if you wanted. 

Its not a bad blog at all. But it is the personal struggles and trials and tribulations of one woman dealing with life. 

Blogs are just that way any more. Its either life struggles or poetry. Neither of which are a bad thing. 

This however was (in my book) this blogger’s personal growth. 

http://embracethebliss.wordpress.com/2014/03/05/breaking-my-own-heart/

She realizes where she went wrong and she’s more than likely not going to make that mistake ever ever again. But its hard to sit back and read what is going on. Especially since I am fairly recent in her situation and its similar and can totally relate. 

But as you can plainly see I told her to get back up, dust off, move forward. She knows what the issue for that situation was and she CAN fix it from there. Just because she made an error doesn’t mean to put a fork in her. 

So I’m doing what I can to offer her moral support. 

We too in our own lives need to remember to ALWAYS GET BACK UP!! No matter who puts us down, no matter who hurts us…. we should always strive to dust off and try again. Failure is temporary. So is pain. But we should also keep in mind that we should never live a life of regret because we didn’t try. 

When our lives are down and seem to be out– life betrays us, our friends deceive us…. NEVER throw in the towel. But throw away the garbage and rubbish that leaves us to lay there on the ground. We should not let these things control us, but rather we should be the ones in control. 

It is always best to pick yourself up and move on. That is honestly the hardest part. But after you’ve had practice, then you will know exactly what to do. 

ALWAYS GET BACK UP! MOVE FORWARD!! LIVE LIFE YOUR WAY!!!

If you like Stacia’s blog, then be sure to follow her. Embrace the Bliss. Thanks!! 

When The Time Comes To Say Those Words You Hate To Say

“It feels right. But it’s emotional. Saying goodbye to anything you’ve done that long is hard.”~ Angela Ruggiero

The 28th of February, will be our social services coordinator’s last and final day of working with us here at the apartment complex where I live.

She had started to tell this to everyone on a one-on-one basis, knowing that the news was going to spread like wild fire.

She’s been with us for two years. And unfortunately for me, her leaving will be the fourth person who has come and taken over that office and that job and has eventually left.

One retired, one quit, one got fired. This one found a better job opportunity. And yet here I am in my numb state talking about it as it is just beyond midnight and will have the morning and part of the afternoon to see her at her work, in her office. Not really knowing what to say to her other than to wish her well in her future endeavors. But I am not one for typical responses. 

My neighbor tried to pin it on the fact that she’s this hot chick with long red hair. But that was established two years ago when she walked in the door for her first interview and I happened to see her walking up the sidewalk to enter into our community building. It was also established that she was married and had been for many years. And I just don’t play that game of home wrecking.

So for two years, I’ve done what I could to deal with that sort of thing and I believe that I have done my best not to let it get in the way of letting her do her job and whatever else she needed to do.

Yet when you are around someone five days a week, forty hours a week, one cannot help but develop some attachment. Even if its just simply being social and polite and acting like a caring human being. Yes I did find the long red hair attractive on her. No, I didn’t say or do anything really stupid in order to make her freak out or wanna report me to the police or her boss or whatever. I did say some snarky things but I knew that I had crossed a boundary by her reply of either “oh boy!!” or “oh dear!!” None of which had any permanent damage and yes, I was brave enough to tell her that I was sorry during times. And forgiveness was shortly followed. 

But here I am faced with a dilemma that is very much so a personal problem. The farewell. Or as the rest of you call it “The Goodbye Conversation” … even though I freakin’ HATE using that term. What is appropriate? But also what is not going to sound like a standard and cliché response?

With the new job that she took, it does sound like (for her) that it would be a step forward and an improvement. And honestly, we all should do that in our lives and careers. Step and move forward. But it does not sound like much of an opportunity that she would return for a visit any time soon. Much like the person before her. But the person before her actually retired, instead of going to a different job. So the former person has the time, the one who is leaving us today probably will not.

So I hope that soon, everything will be okay and that I won’t sound like an asshole when I am having my last conversation with her …. as a professional. Nobody can say for sure if I will ever have a conversation away from this property and as a person. I do believe however, that anything is possible. I just hope that the possible becomes a probable.

I spoke to a different professional today. I explained that her leaving us is like being in mourning. Those of us (like myself) who got close enough to her. And they said that I was right. Being in “mourning” just plain sucks.. there’s nothing else more to describe it. And I hope that the mourning period for this particular personal loss will not last long.

I am sure that I will write a follow-up blog soon, probably sometime this weekend. Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!

Cancellation Prone

“The moving finger writes, and having written moves on. Nor all thy piety nor all thy wit, can cancel half a line of it.”~ Omar Khayyam

For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I had always considered and thought that a cancellation was based on something more than it actually was.

Throughout my high school years, I was THE KING of no-shows, no calls, being stood up, and downright cancelled at the last possible and final minute.

Not that I was the one doing the cancelling but rather I was being cancelled upon!

I recall asking a girl in high school if she wanted to go out for some ice cream after a vocal performance in which the entire town was going to be attending. Yes, I asked her out on a date. And I even explained that she and I would both be performing in our perspective choirs and therefore afterwards, all she had to do was drive the both of us to get ice cream and then after we were finished, drop me off at home.

My parents were not that willing to believe that it was going to happen. My father stayed behind, until he and I were the only bodies left in the auditorium nearly an hour and a half after the ending of the performance.

I didn’t even cry or get upset about it. It was like I was actually expecting it to happen and then it did. The worst part of it was that I had a class with that girl the next morning and she would be forced to deal with it. The only optimism that I received was my father telling me that I didn’t have to spend any money and I still had that money in my pocket for something that I might really and truly want later on…. OTHER THAN taking a girl on a date.

That next day in class, I did receive the explanation that she was told to come straight home from her parents after the performance and she didn’t want to get into further trouble at home. But I received nothing in notice of this and I could have saved myself the humiliation of standing there all alone with my father and gone straight home or done something different.

I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t point the finger. I just nodded and never brought it up again. Until now.

Throughout the rest of my adult life, I began to wonder if the problem was who I was. Particularly when it came to the areas of dating and relationships.

I knew that I would be rejected by many. But I was confident that eventually a NO would turn into a YES. And at times, I would receive that YES. But again, only to be cancelled on or stood up and without any good reason as to why they never showed up.

I just couldn’t understand the why. And I began to blame myself for it. Was I coming on too strong after the woman agreed to the date? Was I in some way, being a total and complete douchebag because I finally found someone who would say YES??

Fast forward to these past months of 2013.

I’ve been up and knocked down so many times that its not worth counting the times I’ve dusted off and got back on the horse. I’m just glad that the horse never runs away when I get knocked off of it!

These past few months I have been going through it all over again, in one capacity or another. And yes, being rejected really sucks. Its not fun. And it hurts…. really hurts.

But I am done with the self-blaming.

Most recently I have made effort after effort after effort to expand my social life, only to find myself with the ending results that I experienced in my youth. And these were not even circumstances in which dealt with dating or relationships.  So I’m also done with the butthurt.

She simply never told me why she stood me up until she was forced to deal with the confrontation the following day.

To be fair, there are times in which a cancellation must happen because of circumstances that come that are beyond our control. And we must deal with that. I get that. I’ve always known that. But I’ve always excused people’s behavior to be just that.

One must really take into consideration what people are doing to you, when they are continually cancelling on you for a myriad of reasons and/or excuses.

I believe in giving people a second chance in these situations because simply shit happens. But if the shit is constantly draining, then you should really think about the kind of person you are dealing with and realize just how long you are willing to put with that stream of shit that they keep pouring out. How deep are you willing to let it get??

And if you are easily manipulated and controlled, just like I was in high school, then you too will eventually be up the creek with no paddle.

As for me, I can probably give people a chance or two but no more. After that, I must think about the kind of person that I am messing with and see for myself whether or not they are just full of excuses or just cancellation prone.

For myself, having gone through it practically my entire life…. I’ve adopted the “one and done” method. Its basically goes with the expression of fool me once, shame on me.

There are better people out there in this great big world who are worth far more than the people we are attempting to connect with. People who are willing to give to you what you need and open to receive what you are willing to give to them in return.

Those who do not fit inside that category? Think to yourself: Do you REALLY need them??? The answer is probably going to come out as NO. So rid yourself of the anguish. Don’t cement yourself in a place where you are going to be stood up and cancelled on all of the time. Don’t be like I was in high school!!! Its definitely not a picnic.

So here I sit, thinking about those who have put me through this process in most recent times. Ready to shove them into the rear view mirror. Opening myself to different and new opportunities with other people.

One and done, everyone. Are you ready??????