Critical Kick In The Nuts

I probably should not be paying this much attention to the situation, and rather thanking the person for not taking their criticisms on a public forum. But I think it can be an interesting subject on how we handle criticism.

I was recently told by someone that they hated.. rather they LOATHED a few things that I had selected for posting. They were just not that into it at all. They were however, rather gracious enough to explain what they did not like about to me, but privately.

Needless to say that I was shocked. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. It was like they were taking their words and just kicking me straight in the junk with it and had no worries about consequences.

I read over it several times, trying to see their side of things. Some of it made sense, I could see how they just wouldn’t care for it at all.

I think though it was not their criticism that got to me, it was HOW they were criticizing. Their words were just about as insulting as can be. I kept trying to tell myself that I needed to be grateful for their negative feedback and move on. After all, one is not going to be able to please the entire world. “To each, their own.” Clearly, that which I had posted was not their cup of tea.

Naturally they were quite vocal on their opinion on how I could have made each posting that much better. With each paragraph that I read of their so-called “corrections”, I started to hate the term “constructive criticisms”, believing that it is just a way to soften the blow to someone who disagrees with another person.

All in all, they felt that it was “okay” to go ahead and give names of people, places, and things. That I did not have to be so vague. They believed that if I am speaking of a certain individual, I should just the flood gates open and give all detail involved with what I am posting about, so that my point of it all becomes more clear.

That simply just isn’t me. It is not who I am. I write whatever comes to me in that particular moment in time and just go with it. I do not want others to feel that sense of being “threatened” because their name and situation has been posted on the Internet. After all, is it really the business of the world to know that I think that Sally is the worst driver in the world and I cannot stand having to ask her for transportation whenever I am needing to go somewhere? No!!!

Is it really the business of the world that I went to Tokyo two summers ago and got wild and crazy with a girl named “Asuki”? What, are you kidding me?!?

And honestly, is it really the business of the world that I am going to go to New England for a wedding to witness a friend get married to a girl named Michelle twenty-two years his junior? Absolutely not.

I do not post these things–not because I fear the backlash from these individuals, but rather I choose to hold their privacy in respect. Trust me, if I ever had feared personal backlash for mentioning someone or their situation, it has not and will not appear here, ever.

So then, how in the world do we deal with criticisms, in general??

I do not believe personally, that there is right and wrong way. I do believe that with every piece of criticism, whether positive or negative, there’s something to be learned about your audience, and about yourself.

This blog obviously has taken a wild turn since I started it several months ago. The subject matter of each and every post doesn’t fit any pattern at all. So I have to stop and think, “What is it that I want to do with this blog?”. I will give my hypothetical answer to this question in another post.

Yet with the changes that it has gone through, I would have to say that I am still fine with it all and very much pleased with how it has been coming along. I’ve had many people comment on several different posts in several different ways. A majority of them in a positive light. But others, not so positive.

For myself, which is the only person for whom I can speak… whenever there is negative criticism, I stand back and try to figure out just what it was, that the person didn’t like about whatever it was that I had done. If it comes to be that they have shown me a different light where something should be changed, that it would benefit me then its all for the good and good should be taken out of the negative. If it just comes to be that the person who sent the negative criticism was just being mean, I must be able to identify that and dust them off and move on. That particular audience is not the kind of people in which I need to target.

But I will say this: I have a great number of people who are very, very supportive of me and what I do. They might not agree 100% of the time with what I say or do, but they stick by me no matter what. The difference is, is that they just don’t come up to me and say, “Ohh man, that sucked!”, then walk away OR try to change who I am.

I do not receive a lot of “negative criticism” too much. So when it comes, I’m never really all that prepared for it. And that is kind of what happened.

Therefore, I’ve taken into consideration their words and will be dusting them off because all it was (in my opinion)… was them trying to change who I am and how I write. It is too bad that they didn’t like it. I guess all I can say is that I am sorry that they didn’t like it. But is it necessary? Probably not. With how they worded things, I seriously doubt that they will be back again.

For those of you who have made it this far… I thank you and appreciate you. Every comment left, whether private or public, means a great deal to me. Your feedback is always genuinely considered. I think that it helps mold this blog to be better, as well as knowing myself better.

To those who do not like this blog: I wish you the best of luck in finding something that suits your needs more somewhere in the future.

 

 

Accentuate The Negative

“I have noticed that it’s easy to find things to complain about but training my thoughts to be grateful even when things aren’t going my way takes effort and faith. Sometimes conflict is inspiring. I think it helps us in some ways… IF we don’t let it drive us crazy or crush us.” ~ Jessica Trapp

 

You know what? After having a brief conversation with her today and hearing her opinion on it, I agree with her. It is so simple to slip down into the clutches of being negative and live in it when things in life are not going our way.

 

Human nature has a way to draw us towards the negativity like a magnet. And what is even worse, is the fact that others around us are also drawn into our negativity. So what does that prove? That you are very capable of dragging other people down with you when you don’t need to be doing it at all.

 

Life is full of surprises. Some great, some not so great. Our minds are not trained to focus on the wonderful things but rather we find this wonky comfort in swimming in our own filth. And then the more the merrier. Why? Because now you don’t feel so alone. All eyes on you!

 

What is it about being sad that makes us just wanna scream at the world, only to hear our own voices and to sit in hope that someone will come and rescue us? Or if they are unable to rescue us… then you have their attention and you think that gives you the master opportunity to spread it all over the place and eventually pulling people down into your sadness.

 

There are some people in the world that have experiences that are none other than horribly negative. Their minds are trained that since their life is the pits, then that is the way that they must live. Miserable and sad. It is all a part of conditioning of the mind. These are the kinds of people that will NEVER be happy in life. No matter what happens to them, their minds are controlled to automatically find the worst parts of it and believe that is the core reason as to why things are happening.

 

But for those of us who have experienced happiness and joy before, there is hope. There is not a single person on this planet living today that has gone through life 100% totally happy. Everyone experiences the bad as well as the good. So then, what are you going to do about it when the bad comes in your life?

 

I have seen so many times where people are going through bad days and they just go on and on and on about how bad it is. What happens? Their friends and colleagues come crawling from the dark spaces to run over to them to offer whatever they can: A shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, hugs and kisses even.

 

And I am not saying that these people are bad for offering that extra support and friendliness towards those who are down. But its those who are in a constant state of negativity that cause the problem.

 

Even I get down once in a while. I’m single and lonely, VERY lonely. I haven’t even had a hug or a kiss that was not a greeting or a farewell gesture in over two years. But nobody hears about it. (Well… until just now because you just read about it.) But my point is that even though I do think about how it stinks to be lonely, I don’t go crying about it in front of other people ALL OF THE TIME! And so I focus on those things that have been able to keep me happy these past few months.

 

You tell me that your dog ran away, and that you are sad. Well, I am genuinely sorry to hear that your dog is gone. However, why don’t you go and do something about it? Go look for your dog. Or if you cannot find your dog, get a new one.

 

You just cannot allow your negative emotions drive you insane. It is very difficult and challenging, but a person must learn to condition their minds to focus more on the positive and less on the negative. As far as any social setting is concerned, who wants to be around someone who is so down and negative all of the time? I certainly do not know of anyone like that.

 

If we were able to concentrate on the things that help make us happy, then we are more likely to share in those moments with others, and that too is the same type of influence that we have on another person. You come to them positively, they react positively. You come to them full of negativity, their response will be negative as well.

 

There’s only so much that I personally can do for others. I will listen to them of course. I will offer advice some times too. But believe in me when I say, “After a while, it gets really old. And I just don’t wanna deal with it any more.”

 

Yes sure, you’ll get those people who “wanna help”. You’ll  capture their attention. But it won’t last. People are more accepting of an attitude that is happy and healthy than an attitude of sadness and bitterness. They’ll stick around longer.

 

So instead of focusing on the bad, think about what goodness you have in your heart and in your life. Aim towards fixing what is wrong and keep a better attitude in general. Your true friends will come around more, instead of when you “cry wolf”. And they will be more likely to want to stay.

 

Try and then try harder to condition yourself and your mind to a different way of thinking. Your mental health will thank you in the end.