Penske Trucks Blow People’s Minds

“There is nothing more provocative than minding your own business.” ~ William S. Burroughs

Apartment complexes are starting to become a fascinating hobby. Especially the one that I reside in.

Early this morning there was a Penske moving truck in the parking lot.

Neighbors were amazed at the presence of the vehicle. I personally did not see it though. I guess it was on the other side of the property from where I am.

I did hear about it over today’s episode of morning coffee. It seemed as if nobody could figure out why the moving truck was in the parking lot at all. Nor could they figure out who it belonged to.

They failed to remember that they live in an apartment complex. A place of residence. A place where people actually come and go.

I believe that where I live, could be the exception for a majority of its residents as they are elderly and they have made their own decision to live here for the rest of their days.

That could be why they get all worked up whenever they see someone in the actual and physical process of moving their stuff out.

From what I was told, people flocked around the moving truck this morning as if they were holding a vigil for the truck gods. But they just could not figure out on their own WHO exactly was leaving.

Later on during morning coffee, a gentleman walked in to get his own cup of java. He stood back with a proud smile on his face and sheepishly announced, “I’m moving.”

Well, that answered that question!

And it should have sufficed. But you know what? This is SGC. It is never going to be enough.

I bet the guy felt like he was holding a press conference as everyone moved from where they were seated and crowded around him. Flooding his attention with more questions.

Where are you going?
When are you leaving?
Why are you leaving?
What are you going to do when you get there?
Who do you know that lives there?

Geez people. Calm the piss down!!

But the man was kind enough to go through the questions one by one and answer with them with brief responses.

He said that he was moving to Michigan.

Annnnnnd…. round TWO began!

Round two really didn’t have much in the way of asking newer questions. Just the same questions over again. This time around, asked with more curiosity and enthusiasm.

He got to the point where he stopped answering questions. And I cannot say that I blame him.

When the Q&A session was done, next came the input.

“It’s freaking cold in Michigan!”

Ummm… yeah, it is. Most of the time. Especially during winter.

But there they all stood. Eager and willing to inform him of the obvious.

After he had enough of the lecture, he spoke up and said that he had lived in Michigan for twenty years before moving to Texas.

The moment he said that, I tuned out mentally from the ongoing conversation. But it did seem as if everything wrapped up at that point. After all, if he had been there for that long … I don’t think that these Texas born citizens could offer any further knowledge that he didn’t already know.

Since I tuned out, I cannot even say for sure that anyone had wished him well as he said that he was leaving in about a week’s time. Poor guy.

Usually from what I have experienced with other people in the past who have moved out. They’ve either found a better living condition OR they had made the decision to go be with or around family. And that’s exactly what this gentleman’s plan was.

Not that it is truly any of our business. But SGC seems to think so!

And with each person that moves out, we know that in a few weeks that someone else will be moving in. The turn around rate is crazy!

Most of us get to the point where we start to see a stranger walking around on the property and don’t even give them the benefit of the doubt that they could be a new neighbor and instead, they hound them like private investigators. But that is for another blog post.

I am slowly and surely beginning to understand why more than 50% of the residents who move from SGC, do so at night. And why even a higher percentage of them don’t bother with farewells.

I would hate to see what they would do or not do if/when I leave SGC.

At least it killed the monotony of a typical Friday morning.

Easter Week Chaos

“If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm.”~ Frank Lane

I am greatly considering either writing a book, or starting a brand new blog when it comes to the great people and experiences here at the SGC.

Allow me to present to you the events over the past 24 hours.

It is late March. Tis the season. Texas went through a lot of rain overnight and into this morning and early afternoon. However the insanity started to break when our beloved meteorologists were warning that “storms could be severe.”

Texas translation? MILK AND BREAD! MILK AND BREAD!! AND BATTERIES!!!

The corner gas station was completely wiped out of the items.

On this day in 2014. Just saying Texas likes to be stormy on this day.

So it rained and rained. There was thunder. There was lightning. And there was a promising look of local flooding. But it all subsided. In the end, store owners got richer and the area got some much needed rain to help with the drought.

When the sun came up this morning and it was time to get that all important cup of coffee, I suddenly realizing that I had walked into a room full of outspoken and loud obscenities.

F bombs were flying!! “Fuck this and fuck that. Fucking fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” And when you are trying to wake up and having a hard time making sense of the day, being bombarded with profanities isn’t the best way of going at it.

It would have been easier to handle, if there was a point to it. But the guy just couldn’t stop swearing. He was just rambling on about various things. And then he finally stood up and left.

The neighbors have labelled him as “the insane one.” From people who know him however, apparently he is highly intelligent. So there you have it.

The chaos train had started rolling at full speed.

Today was our special Easter dinner event. It was a catered event from a seafood restaurant and only a few select people could attend. There was a sign up sheet that the residents had to sign in order to be able to take part. If you were not the list, you were not offered any food. Easy enough to understand.

There was supposed to an Easter egg hunt, but due to the fact that at 11:30 AM looked like 10:00 PM and the rain was pouring down, that was cancelled.

In an effort to avoid bodies bumping into everything while trying to get in line to get food, they decided to go to the sign up sheet and call people’s name one at a time. Your name was called and you got your food. Once you were handed your food and you walked away, the next person was called.

It was a process that I felt worked out very well.

And the guy who had the potty mouth this morning?

His name was not called. His name was not written on the sign up sheet that the social worker had in her hands. And so, without his name being on the list, he was refused being served food.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT???

Round Two. Screaming and wailing. Minus the profanity for whatever reason.

Our resident who had coordinated the event with staff was trying to talk to him to tell him that she had his name on the list and that he can go ahead and get something to eat. But in his blinding rage, he did not hear her. And so instead of having that saving grace that he was in fact included on the list, he stormed his way out of the building and into the pouring rain with bitterness in his heart. Even though the coordinating resident was trying to get in a word over the shouting. She simply was overpowered.

Apparently what unfortunately had happened was that the resident attempted to e-mail the social worker last night to add him to the list. But the social worker never received the e-mail.

He was gone before the resident could resolve the problem.

Being that I was sitting at the same table as the coordinator, I heard the conversation between her and the social worker when they both realized what the problem was. And there was not anything they could do about it because technology had failed.

I can believe it as I was without Internet for several hours last night. So the e-mail probably was never sent.

Food however WAS set aside to be given to him after the fact. I do not know what happened when they went to deliver it to him at his home.

The other residents began their buzzing. One guy even came up to the coordinator and decided that he was going to put the full blame upon the shoulders of the social worker. He stated that the social worker handled it extremely poorly and it should have never went down the way that it did. And there were others that were just as willing to chastise and point fingers.

I realized at that moment that the craziness of living here would NEVER go away!! I understand that there are over 60 people who call this place home, and that means there’s probably going to be over 60 different opinions.

The fighting and the minutiae will forever be present here at SGC. And that’s why I wonder if I should start writing more and more about the events that go on here because it has to be wildly entertaining for some of you!!!

And finally to bring this tale to an end, the social worker decided that she was going to just hand out plastic Easter eggs to those who were in attendance because there would be no Easter egg hunt.

Inside of each egg were treats. Basically bite size pieces of chocolate and quarters. I stopped in the social worker’s office to say “good morning” to her early last week when she was putting them together.

Each person got several eggs. Most of which contained one piece of candy and one quarter. I believe the intention was to give out enough eggs that there would be enough money to use for the laundry machines. At least to wash your laundry.

I sat there at the table and I was making jokes about the social worker looking like the Easter bunny. But it went terribly, terribly wrong!!

It was probably the biggest faux pas I had made in over a year.

Instead of saying “She looks like the Easter bunny handing out treats.” I said, “She looks like the Playboy bunny handing out treats.”

It was met with dead silence until I realized the error and quickly corrected myself for it.

I swear I thought I was next to be crucified for it.

After I survived that scare, the social worker came back around a few minutes later asking for the emptied plastic eggs. They wanted to be able to keep them and use them in years to come.

A majority of the eggs contained Hershey’s Kisses. Not all, but most of them.

In a moment of quick thinking, when the social worker came around to collect the eggs from our table I said, “Thank you for the kisses!!”

The social worker busted out laughing so hard that she bent in half. And in the next moment the entire building was laughing as hard as they could.

I probably saved myself from certain social and personal destruction after the “bunny” comment.

I am not sure what “holiday” will be served up next here. If I had to guess, it could be Memorial Day or Independence Day.

And as always…. stay tuned!!!

Winter Warfare

“People don’t notice whether it’s winter or summer when they’re happy.”~ Anton Chekhov

Welcome to 2018, everyone!

It is mid-January, which means just a few days until my next birthday. And also time for a new blog post. Since there were none in December.

If you have been keeping up with recent weather events, you’ll know that a majority of the United States of America is pretty darn cold right now. Including right here in Austin!!

As a matter of fact, the entire city has been shut down. Monday was a federal holiday and Tuesday’s weather got really cold. A TRUE winter time here in Austin. It was going to be a shorter week, but due to the fact that temperatures were way below zero, and there was the threat of freezing rain/sleet/ice/snow, Austin just basically said “Screw it! We’re closed.”

Now it is Wednesday. Here at the SGC, we’ve not had much in the way of events since Thursday because staff chickened out and left early last Friday. But today, Wednesday the 17th, staff returned. The doors were open.

And glory glory hallelujah…. for most of us, that meant free hot coffee and something to kill the monotony!! I took advantage of it because I have been suffering cabin fever really bad.

But the temperatures are below 20°F/-6°C this morning with the promise of getting up above freezing sometime this afternoon.

Here I was this morning though, triple layers up top and single layer below. And suddenly I realized I am not the brightest bulb. But I got to the coffee before what I thought would be a mad scramble.

The usual “suspects” were already in the building. A meeting of the slow minds, if you will. Which is nothing against them, it is what it is.

As I sat there enjoying the warm cup of life, another woman walked in screaming at the top of her lungs, inquiring if anyone in the room had the flu.

To me that didn’t make sense. These are mostly elderly people. What in the world would make her think that anyone would be out of their homes if they were stricken with the flu? How many of them would honestly have the strength to get out of their homes if they were sick to begin with??

But there she was, insisting on answers in the most obnoxious way. Hanging around the door way with her mask on her face.

When nobody proclaimed to be ill, she removed the mask and made her way to the nearest available chair to sit in.

Minutes later she got up and left, only to return to start shouting again. This time she inquired about who was doing their laundry. And one of the slower neighbors said that he had something going on.

She cried out, “It’s done!”

The gentleman thanked her for her notice and went back to his conversation and coffee.

This pissed off the woman.

She cried out again, “Go get it so I can put my things in the machine.”

To which he responded with “I’ll get it here in a minute.”

And that was not good enough for her. He had already acknowledged what she had said to him. But like I said, he’s a bit slow. So it wasn’t like he was going to leap up from where he was sitting and skip merrily into the laundry room to change his clothes from the washer to the dryer. He just was in no hurry at all. And she was!

His lacking response caused the fight bell to ring as she literally shouted and screamed at him. “I need that machine NOW!!”

She was met with the same response of acknowledgement and the promise to get the progression moving “…in a minute.”

There was an eerie silence. I looked up and found her face turning a deep red.

She then left once more to go back into the laundry room, and she mumbled under her breath (loud enough for me to hear) that she was just going to do it FOR him. And that meant removing his clothes and discarding them elsewhere to where they were out of her way. And this was also going to be mean that she was not going to be all that concerned with where she put them, as long as they were free and clear of the washing machine that she wanted to use.

But her own physical capabilities are extremely limited due to her morbid obesity. So she realized that she wouldn’t have the stamina to go through with it.

She did the next best thing: Tattled on the guy with the one staff member present.

Staff came into the room to make a general “announcement” that when laundry machines are finished working that residents need to take care of it, so that the machines are open and available for other residents to use. It was also said that the apartment manager would be informed of this altercation when he arrived.

I think that was the appropriate response from staff.

The woman walked out into the hallway with an evil smirk on her face, realizing that she got her way. And the man who was slow in all senses of the word, attempted his best to get up from his chair so that he could go switch his laundry from washer to dryer. It did in fact, take him quite some time to get up to his feet and move towards the door. And she just couldn’t stand it any more.

She verbally attacked as he limped by her. And from what I think, she lost the upper hand when she followed him outside, berating him every slow, limping step of the way.

I was on my way out the door myself after finishing my cup of coffee and what happened next hasn’t happened since the great  Strawberry Milk Fight of 2011.

Oh Yes Indeed!!!

To put it plainly, he had enough of her shit talking and he retaliated with a physical vengeance. And due to her own physical shortcomings, she didn’t have a chance.

The battle was swift. And it left her retreating back inside as he continued his way to the laundry room to switch his laundry. The last words I heard was him in frustration as he walked into the laundry room grumbling, “Damn Fucking Bitch!”

Yeah, don’t let the fact that the elderly are cute fool you at all. Especially not around here.

I Cracked The Code

“When I was growing up, I dreamed about becoming a cowgirl, a detective, a spy, a great actress, or a ballerina. Not a dentist, like my father, or a homemaker, like my mother – and certainly not a writer, although I always loved to read.”~Judy Blume

So back in March, or the end of February of this year, I departed from hanging out with one of the neighbors.

Now almost six months later, I’ve been able to crack the code on the entire situation.

I will refer to the neighbor in question as Liz.

Liz as you  can tell from the previous post really went on a rampaged attack on me when I least suspected it. This behavior caused me to refuse to go back over to Liz’s apartment no matter what it was for. It didn’t matter.

But today the case is solved on Liz. The code has been cracked. The secret was unveiled.

Liz unfortunately works too hard in maintaining her relationships with people. She does far too much to make sure that people that she considers to be a friend is going to stay in that friendship.

Back in the day when I used to drink Dr Pepper, Liz would go out of her way to buy some form of Dr Pepper just so it was in the house and if I ever stopped by, she could offer me a refreshment and be a good host. If I had never gone over there, then there would be no reason for her and her husband to go out and buy it. They probably would still be buying their usual Ginger Ale soft drinks. But because I DID go over there and I DID drink Dr Pepper, they went meet half way and buy the Diet Dr Pepper and serve it.

You’re busted!

Liz apparently has fallen into this state of trying too hard to be everyone’s best friend. She was buying food, gifts, and other things for the person who was living directly next door to them. But that particular neighbor left because Liz is in a nasty habit of interrupting her husband (and other people) and shouting over the top of people to disrupt whatever conversation is going on without her so that she can make her point, whatever it may be or she would do it so that she too could participate in whatever conversation got started without her.

There’s something awfully wrong when your very neighbor that lives beside you decides to cut you off suddenly. Even to the point where all of the gifts that Liz had given to her were actually returned.

Liz’s insecurities in life seems to cause her to try TOO MUCH and TOO HARD to make things work with other people. Liz is the kind of person that when she meets someone and primarily gets along with the other person well enough that she aims to be that person’s #1 BFF in the entire world. She aims to be that one person, that one friend, that whenever a person has a problem or an issue or something is bothering them… that they go straight to Liz to talk about it.

What better ways to solidify that path to begin by gifts and purchases and incentives to offer whatever the person enjoys, such as me with Dr Pepper for an example. 

And as she continues to do so, she doesn’t realize that she is pushing people away instead of making sure that the glue is bonding. And when that seal of a bending relationship begins to crumble… Liz doesn’t take responsibility for her OWN actions. And if she’s at fault, the buck is being passed.

To this day… months later…. Liz is blaming Super C (from the previous post) about the troubles between Liz & I. The truth of the matter is that Liz’s mouth damaged the friendship that she and I had. Not Super C. Super C was innocent. And Liz is just dragging Super C into everything nowadays and I wonder what in the world Liz has against Super C.

People…. I honestly hope that the lesson here is quickly learned. Stop trying so hard to impress people in order to develop a friendship with someone. No matter how lonely life gets, if you try TOO hard or TOO MUCH then your plans are going to explode into your face. If you are having to try that hard to maintain your relationships then you might want to think again about whether or not its worth having to do that much for a person’s affection and attention because I would guess that deep down its not.

As for Liz, she’s burned every last bridge with people here on the property and nobody gives her any slack. According to everyone else she messed up everything. But nooooo… poor Super C gets the blame, and Super C doesn’t even know that the finger of Liz points at her back.

I implore you all, NEVER get to a situation where you are like Liz. Bottom line… at the end of the day, you’re going to be pretty lonely.

 

The Law Will Not Win

“It is on, like Donkey Kong.”

The lyrics say, “I fought the law and the law won.” But in this case I’m afraid that the law is about to have its ass handed back to them on a silver and gold toned platter.

What we have here is a serious mismatch of a former Vietnam veteran against a former law enforcement officer. The Master Sgt. versus the police sergeant.

The two of them for whatever reasons have been trading jabs at one another. Silently and of course behind one another’s backs.

It appears that I am the only one that remains neutral in this escapade.

Until now.

Because when one of them parades around as if they are entitled to everything and anything under the sun… there will come along someone who will pull that sun out from under them.

And sadly it is coming and coming soon!!!

Nobody is paying attention to the warning signs. Nobody is doing anything to bring peace. And the rest of them are just adding their own fuels to this fire because for once its not their personal fight but someone else.

Of course that is so wrong.

Geez. Its about to get really NASTY here at the SGC.

Entitlement is about to be brought down by swift and heavy actions. The sad thing for Miss Entitlement is that she’s burned so many bridges around here that she cannot find shelter from any storm. And then expects everyone to still get out of the way and let her HAVE her way???

The hammer is down and “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” has been called.

The only way that the law will win this battle is if someone calls the actual on duty service people. Not the former ex-cop.

Grab your popcorn. Grab your drinks. And fire up the La-Z-Boy. Here we go!!!!!

There’s Something Worse In The Water

“When heard someone’s boasting, I could smell shit of bull from afar.” ~ Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

So the neighbor situation hasn’t improved. I’ve not been able to discuss with them the fact that them talking to the working attendant is not a smart thing.

I also just realized that the attendant who is talking to me about the neighbors is also at fault.

So it is up to me to at least set the attendant straight about what she talks about in my home. And that has to stop with the gossiping and talking about the neighbor.

Nonetheless, we’ve come to a close with regards to dealing with the neighbor. At least on a social level.

As was the habit, I returned to the neighbor’s home to watch NCIS. But the greeting when I showed up was less than cordial. I mean, it wasn’t even close to being friendly. The wife saw me, got up from the chair and called for her husband, announcing my arrival. It was he that got to the door and invited me in.

And then hell would break loose that I would not think clearly when I should have just up and left the home.

During the commercial breaks, I was accosted by the wife for everything and anything under the sun. The first commercial break I was accused of giving her “the finger”- 1960’s & 70’s style– with the crossing of the forearms this last Friday during the farewell party of the social services coordinator.

As much as I must admit of doing the gesture, I did NOT point it or aim it or intend for it to be AT her. But, she swears up and down I gave her the finger. And so I said softly “I’m sorry if you feel that way. But I did nothing wrong because I didn’t do anything to you.” It was juuuuuuuuuuust enough apology to smooth that wrinkle out before the program resumed on television. But it was hardly the personal apology she wanted and believes that she got.

All in all she was offended by the arm gesture. Basically that was all it boiled down to.

The second commercial break, I was accosted and accused again. This time of “being/acting like a shit.” Whatever the hell that means! 

Accosting number two, I was not given any moment of peace or any time to defend myself or explain my behavior to her. It was all 100% my fault. And she wasn’t liking it.

But wait. She was totally offended by the gesture that I made on Friday afternoon, but she’s not offended by her own foul-mouthed profanity and calling me names? What in the world is that??

So yeah she wasn’t liking my behavior as of lately. Too bad. When people are going through tough times, particularly when a lot of it is mental and emotional, they aren’t going to act the way that you want them to.

Third commercial break I was told the tale of a different neighbor who had come to visit her this past Sunday and she had nothing but vicious and attacking words about me behind my back. Even though she (and her husband both) were discussing the situation they refused to tell me what exactly was said because this different neighbor prefaced her speech with “don’t share this with any one.”

Last commercial break was her to strongly encourage me to go talk to this neighbor who was talking shit behind my back. And made the suggestion that I kick her ass. Then report back.

Ummm… do we have to go back and ask the question about the profanity again? Or can I just imply it at that point.

Those who have heard me tell this story in person have said that they would have left after being accused of acting like a shit. But I didn’t think that I would be able to escape to be honest. At least not before someone else had something more to say. Yet I didn’t think to leave in the first place.

So that was Tuesday night. Wednesday afternoon I saw the woman that apparently had been blabbering about me and I asked her if she needed to talk to me. I never was cruel with her. I never yelled at her. I never pointed any finger. And I never called her names. I simply asked if she had anything on her mind that she needed to say to me.

And she did. She confronted me with an issue that she was genuinely concerned about. The problem was that she had already gone over to the neighbor’s home and gossiped about it there rather than coming to me instead. That was her only mistake.

But she never jumped down my throat like the first original woman.

The one that I confronted and I both learned that the woman that I had been keeping company week after week after week, to enjoy something on television with company…. is probably one of the WORST people on the planet. And that she should not be  trusted with any kind of information or news. 

I have a feeling that she’s going to go back to the queen of gossip and they are gonna have it out with one another.

So we’ve reached the end of the road for the gossiping neighbor. I still have to deal with the attendant and her eagerness to run her mouth. But at least I’m not going to put up any more with the neighbor.

And besides, all of those times that I’ve come on to this blog and complained about her  tendencies to gossip and the food that gets prepared in their home that eventually causes some kind of digestive distress from within…. I’m not missing out on anything.

Moving on!!

There’s Gotta Be Something In The Water

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.”~ Oliver Herford

I was having a really nice day. “Was” being the key word there in that sentence.

I think there’s something going on and there are only two logical explanations that I have come up with.

People have either lost it and have gone insane. Or there is something in the water.

I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt and say that there’s something in the water.

Nonetheless, I am still quite frustrated and angry over the events of this afternoon. Just when I am only hours away of going back to the Dirty Dog for music by BEAUTIFUL DISTURBANCE tonight.

My neighbors and I share the same attendant. The attendant actually is helpful in doing things around the house that I am simply either unable to do or have great difficulty doing on my own. It actually is a great help.

But I had to fire my last one because of stupidity and struggled through hell to get the one that I have now who happens to be helping a neighbor in the morning and then she comes to help me in the afternoon.

I think it works out well.

Until today when my attendant came to work for me.

The neighbor that she works for in the morning has had the fortitude to sit there and tell the attendant what to do in MY home. And tell her how to do HER job when it comes to MY home. And today is the biggest straw that was broken because now the neighbor is just so upset that I flipped the bird the other day in humor and she took great offense to that. And suddenly now, I’m the devil and “I’ve changed” and now the attendant either needs to watch out or actually quit working for me, because I am the one that isn’t doing right.

What business is it of hers? What business is it of ANYONE around here what happens in my home??

So now I’m pissed. And there’s gotta be something done. I know that I need to confront this neighbor and unfortunately, its not going to be pretty and definitely will not end well for someone.  

It is ridiculous that this neighbor is just talk-talk-talking about me the way she has been. Its not right.

And they wonder why I wanna move outta here??

I’ve had enough.

Ding! Dong!

 

Its been a long day coming. But the day is finally approaching.

The neighborhood is approaching a possible place of peace.

The wild and unruly neighbor that I have spoken of before.. the one made a name for herself as kind of an alcoholic and a whore. Word on the street is that she’s been given an eviction notice.

Some of the neighbors are finding it, a victory. Others are finding it a tragedy although they agree with the decision to have her removed.

I’m not quite sure of what will happen with her. Although I have seen her in great decline over the past several years. Including her own health, both physically and mentally.

Drugs, alcohol, and sex simply do NOT mix!!!!

When we had heard the horrible news that she had a sexually transmitted disease, we felt really bad for her. We knew at that point that she was an alcoholic, but to have this added to her plate had to be difficult.

But to all of our surprise, her sexual activity actually increased into higher rates AFTER the diagnosis… which is insanity!

She made company with unsavory people. More alcoholics and drug abusers. And kept the company for more time than the rules of her lease would allow.

Relationships with the rest of us declined. Particularly her next door neighbors.

After that, nobody wanted her around anymore. Not just because of that, but I think that deep down they wanted her to get help. She simply refused to seek it for herself.

Before any of us knew it, there were tons of people on our property that simply didn’t belong here. They were loud, obnoxious and unruly at night, causing problems with noises. The police constantly being called to her apartment. It got so much worse. And now with the news of her being told to leave in the next month, we are hoping that there is a silver lining to the dark clouds that this woman brought along with her.

She’s hit up everyone who lives here for money. And still owes everyone back. Including me.

Many of the neighbors just couldn’t understand how she could get away with what she was doing. But most recently, some of this woman’s visitors came here and parked in a weird place to the point that the vehicle blocked any ramp or access to the sidewalk. And unfortunately someone else was needing emergency medical help and they were blocked off and had to take an alternate route to get to them.

I think that was the last straw.

Most are talking about throwing a party when she leaves. I’m not on board with that kind of thinking. I am just hoping and praying that #1- this woman actually gets help and #2- that the person who moves in after her won’t be worse than she is.

We’ve had that issue before. Someone leaving and then having someone else move in and they were worse than the first person that moved out. I hope that this won’t happen.

But for now… DING! DONG! THE WENCH IS DEAD!!! And everyone is singing along. Figuratively.

 

The Tommy Pop Problem

“Therapy is expensive, poppin’ bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.”~ Unknown

Here I am, avoiding the Academy Awards as if it is contagious with the plague or something, and a riff from the band Disturbed comes out of nowhere into my head. It translated from my brain through my arms and into my thumbs where I let it loose with tapping on the desk with my thumbs.

Suddenly the telephone rings. And someone’s asking me to keep the noise down.

Um, really?? WHAT?!?

I was using thumbs. Not actual drum sticks or anything major. My very own thumbs.

Then the suggestion comes that I should sit here and play with bubble wrap to really annoy the neighbors.

You can read about another noise complaint from the neighbors by searching my blog post “Paper Bag Activity.”

Enter August of 2009.

That summer I had a lot of deliveries come to me wrapped in bubble wrap or tucked inside bubble mailers. Whether it was medical or from eBay. I had a nice collection of various types and lengths of bubble wrap lying around everywhere.

And then the genius struck from within.

I lined it all up like my very own Slip-N-Slide and just started to roll over everything in the wheelchair. Backwards and forwards. Over and over until there was nothing more to pop.

Then I grabbed each individual piece and pinched and twisted what remained left to pop.

Good wholesome CHEAP entertainment for a solid 13 minutes!!!

An hour after everything was turned into rubbish, I had a knock on the door.

It was the police.  

They stated that the neighbors had reported hearing shots from a M1921 Thompson submachine gun. With their own sidearms drawn but placed behind their backs, they asked for permission to enter and look. But they found NOTHING!

Let me ask you people: Where in the hell am I gonna get a Tommy gun?? IT WAS BUBBLE WRAP!!!!!!!!!!!

For as many “pops” as they evidently had heard coming from my apartment and for it go 13 minutes, there honestly should have been nothing left of anything inside IF I was firing a Chicago Typewriter.

Al Capone would have been proud.

I realize that sounds have higher amplification because there are no carpets in my home. Nor do I have a lot of objects that could absorb a lot sound that goes on, but seriously… I just don’t know where these neighbors are coming from.

Granted that they are different people now than they were in 2009. But their damned Vulcan hearing and their wild fantasies and flashbacks to years long gone. Such imaginations!!!

But then on the other hand, I suppose it would work in my favor if something actually were to happen, God forbid.

Record Breaking Havoc

Ladies and gentleman, readers, subscribers: Its time again. 

Oh yes, we’ve come to yet another record breaking event in my own life. It is just too sad that I don’t have enough money to hand out rewards for this kind of thing.

This evening, I was reading from my good friend and fellow brother of the musical scales. He had written a new blog post. That blog of course, is Frothtonomy.

Those of you who have been with me for the longest time know that I’m always finding something amazing whenever he writes. He’s shown his “softer side” for a lack of a better term. But what usually gets me, is his totally unique and profane ways of telling a story.

Tonight was filled with ZERO TOLERANCE. All who read his blog post from tonight, will genuflect to his commands.

Not since the blog post that he wrote back in January 2011, have I laughed so damned hard. Tonight was even worse if you were to compare to the two. Worse being a loosely given term.

If you want to read this particular post that actually got me interested in following his blog, you can find it here:

 http://millsap.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/pass-the-bubble-yum-its-class-action-time/

 

Tonight’s read broke and shattered any and all records that were kept in the books. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! And that includes “The Great Garbage Can Bowling” event of my childhood.

I started laughing at one point, hearing about the “Tea Pot Girl” and once I got started it created an avalanche of hilariousness to the point that I had tears just streaming from my eyes. I could feel my face turning a deep red and feeling quite flushed and warm, and I could no longer take in any oxygen. I was expecting the drool to come.

It happened once before when I read the first post. The neighbors were calling me to see if I was okay. I was laughing so hard and so loud that they could hear it from my living room, THROUGH my bedroom, THROUGH the walls that separate my place from theirs, and into their living room.

Tonight, it happened again. TWICE!!!

And what puts the cherry on top is that tonight, the security watchman that patrols the grounds (and nothing else mind you) knocked on my door to see what in the world was going on. I’m just waiting for someone to call the police on me one of these times for laughing so much that it has scared the crap out of them.

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY has ever caused that kind of a response out of me. No woman or man or child.

And this is why I highly suggest that you go and take the time to read his entire blog from beginning to end. Dr. Froth’s visionary ways of using the blog to produce a great laugh has always baffled me.

He tells me that he does not have my readership — let’s change that!!

You can find “Frothtonomy” in the Blogroll, or immediately be transported to a wonder land of laughter by clicking on the link below:
http://millsap.wordpress.com/

 

 

And yes, he does use profanity a lot. But seriously… you have to look passed all of that in order to understand what he is telling you.

Leave him a comment. Subscribe to his blog.  Tell him Dambreaker sent you!!!

As for the rest of the Disciples of Dambreaker, more blog goodness to come this week.