Making New Memories

“Our dreams must be stronger than our memories. We must be pulled by our dreams, rater than pushed by our memories.”

As much as this blog post is reader specific, I believe that it can go for just about anyone in the world who also reads it.

I was speaking to one of my wonderful friends about their upcoming trip. I told them about an exhibit that I just knew that they would enjoy.

They replied that they had been there, but the exhibit had some bad memories to it from their previous visit based on the company that they had with them.

As much as I felt for them and their heartache, the wheels in my head couldn’t help themselves from spinning. I was sorry to hear that their previous visit was not actually pleasant. But hey, that was then. This is the time we are in… the NOW.

If it was something that they were going to enjoy in the time of today, why avoid it??

So let me get to the point right away: Make NEW memories. Let not the past control or dictate our future. We hold the keys to our memories. We can save them or lock them away forever and forget all about them.

My personal is example is the fact that I have visited The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas. Twice. And with each visit, I was within the company of two different people, who would ultimately become a bad situation and a bad decision to involve myself with.

Does this mean I should never go to The Alamo? Of course not!

If I ever get a chance to go again, I know that in a heartbeat, I would! Why? Because it is something that I totally enjoy! But with the bad experiences and memories of the bad women that I was with, I don’t believe that it should stop me from doing what I enjoy and love doing. Instead, if I ever get a chance to go again, I will go with someone else and make new memories to cherish.

The first person I ever met from the Interent lived in Indiana. Five full days of uncertainty and at the end- a bit of disappointment. Not because of the person with whom I am visiting, but because of circumstances that arose that was out of our control. The last day and a half in the state of Indiana, I was plugged in a hotel. Alone. And able to do nothing.

Does that mean I should never visit that person or enter the state of Indiana ever again? Hogwash!!

As a matter of fact, I still am in communication with that person today. Probably not as much as it was from the beginning, but I keep up with them every once in a while. Their life is busy and so is mine. But we get caught up every so often.

I just don’t think that we should allow our past to haunt us from doing things that we love to do.

My last girlfriend’s name was Melissa. Terrible and horrifying ending to the relationship. Should I take the lessons learned and avoid every female in the world by the name of Melissa, Melanie, or Lisa? Because they all are similar by name.

Sure, whenever I met someone else named Melissa, I would remember. But then again, THIS Melissa is not the OLD Melissa.

We will always have our memories. Some bad, some good, and some that you just want to hold on to for the rest of your life! But to be ruled by them is to be kept prisoner. Particularly the “bad stuff”. And eventually as we begin to move forward and make NEW memories, our brains won’t have enough room for the bad stuff and we can replace them with the new and better memories.

When opportunity knocks, it’s always best to open the door. When the experience from that opportunity is learned, we can take it from the bad and move on. Or we can take it from the good and thrive better in life.

But we have to make those choices on our own. Nobody can force us or make us to make choices that we deep down, really don’t want to do. I just have a firm belief that allowing that dark cloud to hang over us, when it no longer needs to be there, becomes a wasted opportunity.

As they say, “Get up and back on the horse again.” But for sure, I’m not calling anyone a horse! Let’s not get me wrong!!

When we are stuck by the lightning of fortune and opportunity, we shouldn’t just stand there and cough up dust. Instead we should go inside and do something about our soiled clothes.

And I am sure that my reader could possibly feel picked on by this blog post. Honestly, that isn’t what I am doing. Instead I am trying to present the tools of enpowerment for a better and happier time of opportunity to make NEW memories that are far better than the old ones.

If need be, I’ll pay for the damned admission price for the exhibit. I’ll send the money by post or wire it or whatever it takes, because deep down I know that they are going to enjoy the new attraction. The only condition is that they buy a postcard from their trip at some point. Neener, neener.

Don’t be enslaved by bad and old memories. Just LEARN by them. And lift yourself up and create times to be able to make new ones.

 

 

Carpe Diem

“Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards.” ~William Arthur Ward

A person can really go through a lot of self-induced pain and misery when the realization sinks in that an opportunity had been presented before them, and they did not take advantage of it.

We end up having the urge to kick ourselves in the butt as hard as we can, but physiologically we know its not possible, and still we have the urge. Others go to such extremes as to find other ways to actually inflict some kind of physical pain to ourselves because we know that kicking our own butts would hurt, and yet we some how deserve to feel that pain.

A few years ago, I felt that desire to kick my own butt because of something of a missed opportunity. I had known a woman for about five years, not intimately or personally, but socially and I found her very attractive. But because I was aware of a large age difference between us, I did not seize the opportunity to get to know her intimately. Instead, I chose the path of the socially acceptable person, aka “the friend”. And then after a while, this woman began dating someone else. I was genuinely happy that she was happy, and it appeared as if the her relationship was blossoming. Eventually, she would pop out three children who were fathered by this man. And with each birth announcement, I was still filled with joy for her. But the one thing that was missing was that she was unmarried still.

I would see her again later on in life, and find that she did have this many children by him. I was with a few friends and all of us knew her, and we asked her if “wedding bells” was in the future.

Her answer would stun and shock us. Well, some of us.

She said that she had no idea whether or not they were going to be getting married any time in the future, but she was ready for it and all he had to do was ask.

All I could do was nod and feel the inside of my own chest begin to collapse as my heart sank.

One of my neighbors that I commonly socialize with on a daily basis, actually had it right all along. He once had told me, “Do you know why you see attractive women with really, really ugly guys? It’s because THEY are the ones who asked.”

I began to recall the conversation in my mind as if it just had happened. I couldn’t believe that he was right. I mean after all, this old man has a reputation of being dirty and perverted- so what the heck would he know, right??? Well, in this case he did know!! Even the sick and twisted make sense once in a while.

I lost the opportunity for something, or for nothing. But the bottom line is that because I did not ask, I lost. Plain and simple. I chose not to go for the hunt and ended up watching her make a family with someone else.

And it’s not that I think that the father of her children is ugly. I don’t know the guy that well to make that kind of a judgement. And even if I did, I’m really not the kind of guy that would do that in the first place. It is the fact that he DID ask, and therefore he was the one who was victorious.

Carpe Diem – It still means something that is so true today, even if it comes from a language that is basically dead. We must “seize the day” if we wish to become successful in any adventure in life. Whether it is for family, for work, or for love.

Even if you don’t speak or understand Latin, there are so many other phrases out there, that are coined to help us understand better and allows us the empowerment of what we need.

“You cannot make an omelet without breaking some eggs!”… who remembers this one??

Had I gone to that woman and expressed an interest, who the heck knows what would have happened. Sure, there would have been a chance of rejection. But that’s just part of “breaking the eggs”. And honestly, nobody will ever know what could have happened if I just stayed strong and chomped down on the bullet.

Break the eggs! Life will get nowhere if you don’t even try. And let’s not forget what our parents and teachers and educators taught us when we were growing up in school: “You will never know, unless you ask.”

If you are met with rejection, then two things:

#1- You will then know and it will no longer be a mystery to you because you know you have tried.

#2- You now can deal with handling your rejection, instead of having to suffer the pain and anguish of the missed opportunity.

There’s so much to learn in life, and in this case I sure did learn the hard way. And honestly, I didn’t have to. I made excuses that she wouldn’t be interested and so I balked from the chance to further pursue anything.

Don’t let life’s chances pass you by. Yes, I know that it is very difficult to understand just when an opportunity has come before you, or a chance for you take is presenting itself. But whatever it is– take it!!! (And yet I would caution to be smart about it too. Make sure it is what you truly want, then go for it.)

Don’t worry yourself about consequences as they will certainly come later. And so why worry about something that isn’t even there yet? Cross that bridge once you come to it, if the bridge is even there at all.

You have truly nobody to blame but yourself if you miss out on life’s wonderful opportunities. And yes, you’ll want to find a way to physically kick your own butt. But you won’t find it. Instead, take the chance of falling on your face rather than burying it in the sands of disappointment.