Posts Tagged ‘past’

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“One person can make a difference, and everyone should try.” ~ John F. Kennedy

I could have sworn on the life of my music collection that I had discussed this before but when I went back through the pages of history in this blog I could find nothing.

Strap in, hang on tight. Because with history comes action and with action comes consequence.

Let’s do this in steps because I’m not sure how long we’re going to be here:

1. HISTORY: Ever since the first time that  I moved to where I live currently back in early 2005, we’ve had our social services coordinator.

I’ve discussed that job position many times but had been talking about many people. However in late 2005 into early 2006, there was someone that was fresh out of college, fresh out of getting her degree in social work. Or at least, her license for social work.

Let’s face this ongoing fact: My neighbors then and still now, are old enough to remember World War II. And I can NOT recall the Vietnam War??

But what am I to do as a young adult with nobody around me or my age group?

When this new social services coordinator came into the job in late 2005… I thought I could choose her. NOT in the sense that I wanted to date her because I felt that would be crossing a boundary. But I just didn’t see any problems with doing something menial… you know, going to a movie, going shopping, taking in a meal. Whatever the case may be.

There was this little tiny thing that was in the way, and I had no idea it existed. Now in 2014, I call it the Book of the Devil. 2005 however, I didn’t know it at all.

Its the social worker’s Code of Ethics. (COE for this blog’s purposes.)

I had never heard of it. This social services coordinator was hiding behind it. And I kept getting shot down and I did not know why. Until one weekend I decided that I would search for this COE myself. I found it in a PDF and I opened it and started to read all of its pages.

It took hours. Practically the entire day of reading the “DO’s and DO NOT’s” of any person in the field of social work.

It was incredible. And if we’re being honest, a lot of it is FUBAR.

Although it did explain to me why this social services coordinator was being such a terrific butthead to me about wanting to go do something over the weekend and hang out.

At long last I had pushed this girl’s buttons too far and the words came out “If I am going to be your friend, then I cannot be your social worker.”

Touché. Game over too.

But hell at least at long last I had an answer. She also had other boundary issues where I would be myself, nice and complimentary, and she was taking it all in as harassment. Once someone else had mentioned that she had a pretty dress on. She said thanks to them, and THEN I said that I agreed. And five minutes later she took me into her office stating that what I had said about her dress was inappropriate?

Umm, what??

She didn’t last long at her job though. She quit and when people attempted to give her farewell gifts on her last day at work she turned down everyone and everything that was attempted to being handed to her. Destroying everyone’s feelings in the process in the name of the COE.

I have since grown a full-on hatred for the Code of Ethics that social workers must abide by.

The problem is that I am too friendly and too social of a person in my young adulthood for COE to be slammed down on my toe like a wall of denial. The COE and I do not click at all.

Now I get and understand that some social workers will have their own PERSONAL boundaries as well as the boundaries set within the COE. So I tend to believe that with each social worker it depends on personal boundaries as far as professional boundaries are concerned.

SITUATION IN CURRENT SPACE & TIME: Enter two more social worker interns for 2014. Almost ten years later after the nasty SNAFU that happened with someone with a social worker’s degree and some pretty high walls for their PERSONAL boundaries which led into their PROFESSIONAL boundaries.

I will not say much about them. They were here for a few sessions to hold a group for remembrance and now that area of time has passed.

But knowing it was going to be held by social worker interns, I hedged and attempted to stay far, far, far away from it all because of the ugly past that I did have. In the end I found myself going inside of the room and joining the first session/meeting so very very very late in the hour that they were going to be there. I had ideas of what it was SUPPOSED to be about however I would be proven to be very wrong.

So I stuck with it. But I was flighty for sure!

This group met once a week for an hour for a total of LESS than ten times.

So it really didn’t give a lot of people who wanted to participate a good deal of time to get settled in. As I had mentioned in the last meeting that things were just too short because we were just getting started. However, I had to keep in mind that these were college students, hired by an agency to do their internship.

Those two words stuck in my head though like flies on stink…. social worker. Even IF they were interns.

I backed off. I backed WAY off. Even though I put on appearances that I was there and I was participating. I ended up going because of a bit of a connection between the two interns. And that was fine. Because I knew based on the horrors of 2005 and 2006 that this connection soon to be severed and cut into shreds any ways.

The relationship DID have an ending and it was most definitely in sight. 

That’s the other thing….. dealing with relationships ending. It also caused me to sit back during that last meeting, refuse to eat, sweat like a hog, and keep as quiet as possible unless one of the interns had asked me a personal question.

I backed away from the group. Sat behind the couch with a pillow against my chest and stomach, clinging on to it for dear life.

I attempted not to make direct eye contact with either of the interns. But that quest failed miserably. The two of them were the kinds of people on this Earth that actually LOOKS at you while they are engaged in conversation. Me having my face to the floor would have been very obvious to them, and they would have definitely called me out on it.

Even more horror dripped across my sense of hearing as I heard someone else ask “Do you gals have Facebook?”

Ohhh GOD NO!! PLEASE NO!!

I stopped. I attempted to melt into the background. But I listened with great intent.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that the answer to the question of  “Can we friend you on Facebook?” is an emphatic NO. I know this!!!

After reading the Book of the Devil… its not allowed. My everything however turned and did a flip when I heard the two of them fumble and bumble like a comedy duo routine of whether or not they could add anyone to Facebook. Their final and official answer to the open question was “We’ll ask and find out. But do not get upset if the answer is no and we never hear from them again.”

Good show, ladies. Because I am calling BS on that one. They both knew the answer. And they both knew that the answer was NO. They knew that answer long before they started. But perhaps they will ask, if maybe only for the sake of knowing for sure that the answer is in fact NO. The only reason that the answer would become YES is if these two were to abandon their COE and come up with their own personal boundaries with regards to communication and socialization with anyone that was involved in the group.

THE PROBLEM FROM THE SITUATION: Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t call BS and I think that’s because I would WANT to be wrong. I just think that based on the horror and experience that I had as well as talking to other people in the social working field, its not going to happen. So right now, I’m not crying about it.

But I totally and completely robbed myself.

I think that people (even social workers) can agree that what happened to me many years ago was insanity and that the person back then did not handle the situation correctly at all.  However for me to take those memories and experiences and apply them to build a wall around me when I first go into this group meeting to fight against these two interns, was unfair both to them (as people) and to me because I was short changing myself from receiving the full benefit of the services that these two interns were actually offering.

But because of what happened in the past, I didn’t fully participate and therefore I didn’t fully take on everything that I could have. Even if there were professional and personal boundaries. I am aware of those. It doesn’t mean that I need to shoot myself about it because there is this belief that I need to avoid any and all situations where the COE would come in and just stop everything because whatever was going on and/or being said was crossing a boundary.

I was called gregarious today. After looking that word up, I totally agree. I am a very gregarious person. In fact, that’s going right next to being called a RENAISSANCE MAN by LFC. Hand in hand, you know????

And for me to be in a social situation where there’s a undefined boundary that can be sprung up in my face just is a major conflict with me.

Instead of attempting to avoid the landmines of life, I need to charge forward and attempt to receive anything and everything that life has to offer to me. These two interns, I had nothing personal against them. They were uber nice and kind. One of them reminded me of someone from my past that I had a serious crush on and currently working on getting past– but that’s okay. Its going to happen. And its definitely not her fault. Saying-Goodbye

I did learn my lesson though. I definitely cheated myself out of some thing. Whatever that some thing is, I will never know. Because I cheated myself out of it by stepping back and retreating based on experiences. That was definitely foolish!!!

And now there will be no second chances. No second guesses. No second tries.

Even though something is uncomfortable, never short change yourself out of any opportunities that may fall upon your path. Because you just never know.

I was successful in taking photographs of the group as a whole. And I got a few shots with the interns as well. It was something that I definitely felt that they were going to say NO to, but they didn’t. And that was their choice, not mine.

And I wrote down the URL to this blog for them and gave them my e-mail address. So they could be reading this, you never know.

Just don’t do what I have done and rob yourself of opportunity, benefit, and glory… just because something makes you feel uneasy or horrible. Step forward and march on strongly and you never know what will be the spoils of your victory in war.

Rosa Headshot

Another One Bites The Dust

“The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.”~ Cesare Pavese

Amazing how quickly that I can get into trouble by clicking on a few “bad links” over the Internet.

Lost in translation to many, I found myself wandering the pages of Google Plus.

This is NOT a social networking site that I frequent at all. In fact, the only reason why I have it in the first place is because of the stupid merge that YouTube had with Google.

Before I knew it, I couldn’t have my old YouTube account without linking it to some Google Plus account. So I gave in, for the sake of YouTube.

Until a few days ago.

My fingers moving quicker than my own brain, clicking that stupid mouse key until I found myself into someone else’s Google Plus account. At once I thought why not?!? So I went to add a few people to my circles but didn’t realize that there was a daily limit to that action. And then I found that feature that every social networking site has, called the “From your contacts” which will go into any other networking site you may have or your e-mail address book and find friends.

I FOUND MYSELF IN PURE HELL IN EVERY SENSE OF THE DAMNED WORD!!!!

I found that in the list of friendly Google Plus suggestions, women of my past. Women that I either had something with and it went absolutely and terribly wrong or wanted something with and never got there and then had them fade away.   And of course, as I have been complaining for many years now, some were just friends that my ex at the time had some kind of stupid and ridiculous insecurity about their looking better than she and I was only going to fall for them, so she went way out of her way to ruin the relationships entirely.rosita1

Why Google?? Why bring back those horrible and miserable memories?? You bastard! You digital social bastard!!!!

I was happy.  I was in the moment. I was talking with someone new at the time that just blew me away! And you have to punch me in the junk like that??

I realize that 99% of these women will never return. Particularly the ones that I either walked away from, had disappear on me, or didn’t want anything with me. Attempting now to rekindle seems ruthlessly stupid and unnecessary. Time flies an we all move on. I mean, we are talking about me not speaking to any of these women at all since 2007 and before!! That’s a long time. I am sure that many of them have moved on.

And so I went back to my original feelings and opinion about Google Plus, you nasty group of people. Shame on thee for nearly destroying my weekend.

This post is kind of a last minute thought, but I think that I have some really good and valid points here.

I ran into one of my ex-girlfriends today. When I first saw her, I was not 100% sure of who she was. But she looked up and saw me and waved at me heavily. That was the dead giveaway.

I was not sure what I was going to do in that exact moment. I knew that if once there was any conversation and it started to drift towards the past, it was gonna get very ugly. I was not even sure if there was going to be any conversation at all. So, I faked like I did not know who she truly was, but I guess my poker face needs work.

Luckily for me, there was only bit a brief conversation. No talk about the past, no talk about “What are you up to now?”, nothing like that. Instead, I got “Hey! Good to see you. Glad to see you’re doing well. Here’s my card. Call me, we’ll catch up!”.

Umm, are you NUTS!?!?

Never in my life I thought I would be having that kind of an experience with an ex. They always show that kind of rubbish on television and in movies. Yet they also show that once the former lovers re-connect, something always sparks the flames again, and then they live happily ever after, THE END, roll the credits!

It is my belief that it just doesn’t happen like that in real life. There were specific reasons why the particular relationship ended between her & I, and reasons why I chose to end it. One of those reasons was not to bump into her years down the road in the future to get back with her.

There are hard lessons to be learned when ending a relationship. Whether you dump someone, or they dump you. What I am trying to say is that there are reasons why it ended when it did. And my own personal opinion is to dust yourself off, learn those lessons and move on. So it doesn’t make sense to me when couples break up and then later get back together again.

Comedian Larry Miller did a stand-up comedy routine about relationships and for couples who break up and then get back together. He says, “Getting back together with your ex is like wanting a bowl of cereal in the morning. You go to get some milk and then realize that it has passed the expiration date and you say to yourself, ‘This milk is sour! Well, maybe tomorrow it will be fresh!’.”

I couldn’t agree with him more.

Now I don’t know what my ex truly is seeking. All I know is that whatever business or personal card she gave me, was non-chalantly dropped into the street when her back was turned.

But the fun drama doesn’t stop there. NO sir!! After returning home and getting ready begin another day of working on some projects that I have lined up, I checked my e-mail. I had a message from my last ex-girlfriend who was asking specific questions:

How is life treating you? Where are you at now? Are you married?… and so forth. As many times as I have simply hit “BLOCK” on her e-mails, she’s always finding the time to create new free e-mail accounts in order to try and reach out.

I started to wonder what was in the air that was making these women do these stupid and annoying things. Neither one of them are ever going to hear from me. I thought that was clear that I’ve not said a single word to them once the relationship was terminated. So instead of bogging my mind with questions that I probably will never get the answers to, I decided to make supper and watch the Stanley Cup playoffs.

But still though, there are those people who dare to try a second go at it for whatever reason. To be fair, I will say that sometimes it does pan out and it does work. But most of the time? Not so much.

And then there are those who go in and out of relationships like a broken record. You KNOW what to expect of them because most likely they haven’t changed, and neither have you. But you try anyways and fail, over and over and over and over again.

Its like sticking your hand in the fire. How many times are you going to do that until you finally realize that “Ouch, that hurts!”??

But in all honesty, its not just about relationships that we do these sorts of things. A lot of times we do whatever it is that is bad for us, and we get burned the first time. But then we go back to doing it again and again. And we never seem to learn from our mistakes.

I think that it comes down to two kinds of people. Those who learn, and those who will never learn. And I do feel sorry for the latter, but I don’t feel sorry half the time when they are repeatedly doing the same crap that causes them pain in the first place, even IF they say, “Yeah, I know! That was stupid of me.”, and there they go the next day doing it again.

I don’t know. I guess it just doesn’t make sense to me. And as far as my relationship past? Well, that’s where they are going to stay. I am so lucky I am that strong as to not go falling into those kinds of pitfalls. Not saying that I don’t have my own, but at least its not those past relationships where I am looking for fresher milk because I KNOW what is there, and I KNOW what to expect. And since I do not care for that, I will not entertain the thought.

When will you learn?