Head

“Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from, but every morning I start off with a good head on my shoulders, saying to myself, ‘It’s going to be a good day!’.”~ Lindsay LohanIf I did not write this down, it would be a complete tragedy and total loss to mankind.

Even though I cannot give specific details, I can give you at least the story which is too good to keep to oneself. I’ll have to change the names. Not for their safety, but to keep my ass from getting sued. Ready? Here we go.

Not that long ago, I was laying in a hotel bed at night just watching television, thinking to myself that I should probably go to sleep because the following morning, I had to get up early and knew that I would be working hard all day long.

The moment that I had the room dark with all the lights turned off, there was a knock on my door.

When I opened the door, they asked for me by name. I said that’s who I was.

It was a woman. More specifically, a prostitute. Hookers aren’t my thing, so I decided to turn her away. But she insisted that either she come into my room or she get paid. She told me that “Mark” had called for her to come to my room, and she was not going any where until something happened. Either her work or her getting paid.

“Mark” had a room two floors above, and I tried to tell her that it was “Mark” that called so she should attempt to get her money from him. But she was insisting.

I slammed the door in her face. But she kept knocking. I’ve never met a more persistent prostitute in all of my life!

So I gave her the money that I had made working for the week to get her out of the hotel and told her to get a cab ride home.

“Mark” was going to get it. I am in charge of “Mark”, so he was screwed.

But I double checked with those that are in charge of me, and to be honest, they do not like “Mark” and they wished that they could find a reason to fire “Mark.”

A small group of people went on a horse riding tour. One of which, took a long a shovel.

Don’t get ahead of me… keep reading!

But in fact, this group of people did gather the manure from the horses, and picked up more and placed it all inside of a plastic bag.

Here’s where it gets hilarious………

I know some people who have worked in the industry with make-up and the like. They took this head full of horse shit and sculpted it into the shape of a head. And then they painted it and made it look like a person’s head. Complete with facial features and everything. The only thing missing were ears for whatever reason.

They put this head and placed it into “Mark’s” luggage.

At the airport, there was an elderly man working. This guy was probably really close to retirement when he began sniffing into the air. Something was wrong. But he couldn’t figure out what.

So he had “Mark” open up his luggage to figure out what the problem was.

The moment he flipped open the lid, that head was right there in the middle of it all. The poor old man working luggage screamed like a pre-pubescent girl. He was terrified at the sight of that head being there.

“Mark” was busy staring into his cell phone when he jumped hearing the old man scream. He looked down and he screamed as well.

“Mark” immediately started to punch at the head, squeezing and pounding it. Allowing for the contents on the inside to scatter all over the place.

That’s right. Horse shit was everywhere. Everything was ruined.

“Mark” soon quit the job a few days later. Not because of the luggage prank, but he started having marital problems being away from home for so long at a time. He went home to fix his marriage.

Moral? Don’t mess with me. Especially if I am the one person you have to answer to.

No Thank You, Sam Pepper

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”~ Bill Cosby

As usual, I am a bit late to the party when it comes to these things that hit, become viral and get in the news and in our faces as a collective population. Things that make you shake your head incessantly.

Sam Pepper,

You need a new hobby.

Perhaps you could go to your 2.4 MILLION YouTube subscribers and ask them what they all would like to see you do…. rather than what you have been doing, since you know, you’re running a streak of TWO videos being pulled on YouTube due to sexual content violations.

And now that its out there and everyone knows what has been done, what makes you think that your newly found and well deserved haters won’t stop at two videos? What makes you think that the haters won’t flag every video you upload to YouTube from now on??

You clearly didn’t learn a thing from your first video fiasco by your ass pinching prank video when you sexually ASSAULTED women, you thought that turn around was fair play. But all it showed to the world was that you are an equal opportunity sex deviant and prime slimeball.

Even your equal opportunity video was flagged then banned from YouTube by ass pinching and sexually ASSAULTING MEN since you had given women the first round about.

Putting your hands on another person when it is unwanted is actually ILLEGAL in this country. And here’s the dumb thing: You put it on video of you doing it!! So you’re clearly guilty of this action.

Let me reassure you that if I was to go around town, video recording me talking to women and then suddenly grabbing their butts when they weren’t looking or suspecting it, I’d be in jail. And in addition a few of those women would not hesitate to defend themselves from my deviant actions. And  they would be justified in doing so. But who knows…. maybe you encountered that yourself, and you just simply edited that out of your video. We’ll never know.

And now that you are feeling some heat from the vlogging community as well as having your account go down in flames because you have been deleted TWICE in a row…. there’s really not too much that I can add that hasn’t already been said by countless people already in the past couple of days because of your disgusting actions to do what you did — all in the name of calling it a prank???

That’s not a prank, that’s a crime. And believe me when I tell you that you DESERVE some jail time for these crimes against both women and men. Everyone involved from both videos that were pulled from YouTube!!!

You forcing your presence on unsuspecting women and then just expecting them to accept your actions because you are recording is nowhere near funny. Your laughter to break the ice to let them know that they’ve been pulled into your twisted joke is nothing but evil.

The fact that you refuse to apologize for your actions confirm you are a Top Class Jerk-Off.

You’ll “explain” what you did, but you won’t apologize??

Allow me to repeat myself: You DESERVE jail time, and a criminal record. Because that’s what you are : a person involved in criminal activities.

Enjoy your 200,000 EXTRA subscribers that you’ve attracted since this went down while you can. Since that’s the ONLY reason why you did what you did to begin with… that is quite clear. But you really really need to sit down and find a new hobby.

Then again, I don’t know you and you don’t know me… so why should I bother with my opinion when truth is evident?

Valentine’s Revenge?

“Nobody pulls a prank like George Clooney.”~Anna Kendrick

I just saw this video and there’s a ton of thoughts about it.

Its title however is quite deceiving in its own way.

Its supposed to a video about a Brazilian man who gets revenge on a cheating girlfriend. She opens up what she believes is a romantic box of yummy and delicious chocolates.

What she finds instead is a total nightmare.

The video shows the man giving the box to the woman in the back seat. Then he gets out of the vehicle while she’s distracted by this elegant gift of love.

The video shows him seemingly making the vehicle only able to open the doors from the outside from its safety-lock feature.  

As she finally gets the ribbon off of the box and pulls the lid off, she throws her loving gift into the air, spilling the contents everywhere inside the vehicle.

The box was not of chocolates, but of something so disgusting and terrifying that she scrambles as much as she can to get away from it all.

I will not tell you what was inside of it. You will have to find the video and watch it for yourself.

She screams in terror, calling out somebody’s name. We are to assume she is calling for the name of the same man who had given her the gift in the first place.

She tries in vain to exit the vehicle and screams more and more and more.

This video lasts only about 90 seconds and doesn’t give much explanation. The language is in Portuguese and subtitled as well.

Seeing this on Facebook for the first time, I actually laughed. I only knew what was being presented. That a man was seeking revenge on his CHEATING girlfriend. 

But as I did the research for this story and wouldn’t you know it, its all fake!

It was a prank that was set up and recorded for “Pânico na TV!” which is a television program in Brazil.

The poor victim’s name is Daniele Bolina. A model/dancer for the show.

The television program has been in a great decline from its viewers in Brazil. The model actually was being picked on because she had married in 2010. And the show’s contract stated that all models/dancers were to remain single. So, in an  act of payback they picked on her.

She is not yelling in terror at the supposed boyfriend, but rather the producer of the show once she figures out that she has fallen a victim of a prank.

The other comments that are being made about it is that her voice sounds like a man when she screams. But I’m not this person’s gynecologist, so I’m leaving that one alone.

I actually had fallen to believe that this was a real prank of vengeance. And I did not feel any sympathy towards the cheating woman. Knowing the pain and sorrow of being cheated on, I was almost to the point of applauding the video although I am not 100% sure if I would do something like that to get back at someone who cheated on me.

But then my opinion on the matter had changed completely when I realized that this was a prank for a television show. Instead of being supportive of the action, I turned around and was shaking my head that this happened to the model.

I understand that she broke the terms of her contract by getting married. But what I do not understand is why didn’t the producers just terminate the contract and fire her from her job?

I think that since she was a part of this program that she knew something was coming. But she didn’t know exactly what.

This video is wild and crazy.  Some will laugh and others will shake in terror. You tell me what you think!

 

 

 

 

 

Going To the Cracker Barrel

“If you don’t like the memories you have. Go out and make new ones.”

Every second Thursday of the month, the people of my apartment complex get together for a monthly resident meeting. It is then there decided that on every second TUESDAY of every month, we would go as a group on an outing to lunch.

This month’s selection: Cracker Barrel.

The last time that I went to the Cracker Barrel to eat, it was frought with bad experiences and horrible memories. But that was actually several years ago. I thought that by going today, I would have the opportunity to make a NEW memory to replace the bad ones. That, plus I wanted to get out of the house.

It would turn out to be the funniest thing so far in 2012.

Its raining today. I thought that it could be a bad omen. I was trying to keep hopeful. But as I pulled up the back of the group, I was greeted by the employees cheerfully and one woman ended up giving me a box of three crayons and something to write on with puzzles and mazes and what not. You know, those things that they give small children.

I was approached with, “The one lady at the head of the group told me to give this to you.” And she did so honestly, seriously, and with a smile.

So I thought, “Oh how funny! Someone is messing with me. I’m gonna run with it.”

And I did. When I finally got to the table I immediately opened the box of crayons and announced, “At least I have something to do while we wait for our food. YOU ALL have to sit there and be bored.” I proceeded to use the crayons and began coloring.

A few moments later, someone nearby wanted to see what I was doing. But I covered the paper just like in grade school with my entire arm to block their view of my “masterpiece”, telling them that nobody can see it until I was done.

They didn’t like that.

Too bad!!

And then when I found out exactly WHICH ONE of them it was that pulled this prank on me, I noticed she started to refer to me as “son”, in front of everyone. So then I turned around and asked her, “If I’m your son…. are you paying for my meal??”.

Half of the people at the table laughed.

Then I started over-emphasizing a lot of things and behaving as like a child. I was asking for chocolate milk, and I wanted my dessert first, and many, many times I said that I “had to go potty”. And that I wanted a bending straw in my beverage, and I didn’t want any vegetables. And so on.

The three crayons that I had were the colors of red, yellow, and blue. I improvised with them and came up with something a little special. When I was finished, I showed everyone at the table. They were impressed!!

Yes boys and girls, yellow and blue STILL make green. Who would’ve figured?!?!?!?!? So I was able to make green for the stem in this photo.

But I continued to milk the situation, as it were.

I didn’t do anything overly foolish like intentionally knock over my drink or drop something like that though. I had to draw a line into maturity.

So then I got up from the table and passed by the woman who had given me the crayons in the first place. She asked me if I had finished with my puzzles, and I just laughed and told her that I had, and I would come by later again to show her my work. To my surprise she said, “I’m looking forward to it.” All the while, keeping a straight face.

The general store inside the Cracker Barrel was filled with wonderful items. Especially dozens of stacks of patriotic items on numerous shelves. 

But as I’ve always said when it comes to these kinds of things, that I can’t be around them without adult supervision.

So difficult to withstand the temptation to get something. But I pressed on and returned the table. I grabbed the paper that I drew the rose upon and went and showed the woman.

The only “bad thing” that happened was that when I was moving towards the cashier, I got hit on the side of the neck with a serving tray by a waitress who wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing and where she was going.

Being at a certain altitude in a wheelchair, accidents like that almost always end up in weird places. I probably should have cried bloody foul and murder. At least that way, my meal could have been free. But the waitress was paranoid and more attentive to what she was doing after that, especially if she saw me moving around from place to place.

When I showed the woman what I had done, I got another surprise. She was so impressed with it that she asked if she could KEEP IT!!!

Wow.

And then in my abilities of being a smart ass, I asked “Would you like for me to autograph it as well?”, as I pulled a pen out from my shirt pocket. She agreed to that as well.

So there she had it. An original “masterpiece” complete with autograph. Done by Dambreaker with using only three crayons.

I got back to the table and I mentioned that I shouldn’t be left alone in that general store because there were so many things in there that I would want. One of the neighbors asked me, “Did you bring your credit card?”.

I replied, “UNFORTUNATELY…. yes.”

Then the food came. And I didn’t think it was too terrible. But I didn’t eat a whole lot because I had stuffed myself with breakfast tacos only an hour and a half before. But it still was very good indeed.

When we were finished, the cashier’s table is inside that blasted general store. And I began to look around more seriously. Still wanting all of these really awesome and cool things. I grabbed a shirt that I liked, but when I saw that the price was $39.99 …. that was the end of that!! Holy crap. It was a t-shirt for crying outloud.

I found something else and I was looking for a price tag. I think it was cheaper, and then I was looking for my size, but the collective group that I was with starting making their way through the exit doors and I had no more time to find a shirt that was my size.

The lady that was working in there, kept working on me the entire time, trying to get me to buy something. She was close. But I shrugged at her as if I had the last laugh on the situation. Thinking that it was over. And as I was going through the doors I heard her say behind me, “Well, you’re just gonna have to come back. Have a great afternoon!!”.

Dang it!!!!!!!

But still, with the paper and crayons and being told that I needed to have it. And then me just taking it all in stride and running with it beyond what the original prank was intended for, made it the funniest thing that has ever happened so far in 2012.

I crack jokes, pull pranks, and make people smile. And yes, people do it to me too. But warning: I can get very crafty and devious if I decided to ONE UP you on your prank.