“Just because someone hands you a S’more, does not mean that they’ve made it out of chocolate.”
In the stillness of this night, it feels as if my brain had caught fire. Perhaps it is just the after burn of all of today’s activities, perhaps its a fever. Either way, until this burning sensation leaves my head I know that I will not be able to sleep.
But to be honest, I know what the problem is. Self-criticism. And they’ve always said since the Dawn of Man that you are your own worst critic.
Over the past three days, I went back to my most recent writing project and attempted to connect the dots so to speak of what I have written already. I had taken a different approach when I began writing and now all that I have, is collection of pieces that need to be connected to this giant puzzle I have created.
I think that it does work in my favor that when I get burned out with writing that I put it aside for a while and then pick it back up again. And that’s what I have been doing. Yet I put it away many hours ago, after writing down certain parts of the story that I had come up with in my head from the very beginning. Some of the pieces now are starting to fit but I have a very long way to go. I know that one day, it will be complete and I will have something to be proud of.
These kind of writing projects are not as scatterbrained as… let’s say… this blog. I’m well known by now to throw randomness all over the place here. But with these projects, I’m a little more uniformed.
Or so I thought.
Especially over today and yesterday, I had built up on one of my main characters. At some point I describe just how rotten and terrible the character is. I spent many hours on describing how devious and deplorable the character is and even wrote in a scene of him doing what he does best which is being evil, uncaring, and unfeeling.
I felt that this action from the character needed to be portrayed to the reader to show just how nasty the sonofabitch really is. And to me, it seemed like it took forever to write it all down. And it was only one specific way in which to explain to the reader just how bad of a person the character is. It was honestly the only contribution I made towards the project yesterday.
I felt fine with it. I knew that it was a bit long and that I would have to edit and tweak it a little so I don’t bore the reader but as it was, I was okay with it. Knowing that I would go back eventually to help clean it up.
I even went as far as to pause for a while and look up helpful writing tips on how to work these situations out. A lot of what I found was extremely helpful. So it was all good.
This morning and this afternoon I worked on the story’s biggest dilemma. The pinnacle point in which everything comes to light and the characters must deal with the sudden and abrupt change and somehow overcome it, one way or another.
I did not finish that particular part of the story. I was distracted by other things and I didn’t have the time (or energy) to fully commit to what I was doing. And so I put it aside.
Now I just wanna throw it all out.
The whole thing about writing what the character was doing to be evil and show the true side to the reader is long, and now just seems unnecessary.
I am aware that authors and other writers often go through many edits. But I wonder how they handle the frustrations from time to time when everything seems like a brilliant idea in their minds but once they get it written down suddenly turns into crap? 
What has often boggled me is that my muse usually strikes when I am not able to sit down and write. Commonly when I am away from home or laying in bed. It’s always something like that. I suppose that what I have been told is true. I need to keep a notebook with me at all times. I was even told once to keep a notebook next to my bed so that I could write these things down when they come to me in the middle of the night.
I actually tried that. But I found myself writing in the notebook all night long and never getting any sleep. And when I finally got to sleep, I would wake up and NOT want to transfer the notes into the project.
I’m notorious like that when it comes to poetry writing.
As much as I have the inner desire to go back and just delete pages upon pages of the stuff that I wrote- knowing that “my time has been wasted”- I know that deep down, I do not have the desire to give up on the writing project entirely. I’ve kinda opened my mouth about it with too many people to do that. I’ve received a lot of “I can’t wait to read it” kind of responses. So in a sense, I do have something of an audience who is patiently waiting for me to finish.
I won’t say how long that will be. I never do. I still have OTHER writing projects that I haven’t touched in many years. And those were ideas that I was certain that I wanted to work on getting published. So who can say when this current one that I am working on will reach that point that I can share it with people so that they can read it.
Dambreaker 