Posts Tagged ‘PSA’

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“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
 

Yep, you are reading this right. IT STILL WORKS.
This is a t-shirt that I had custom made recently this year. And it serves well for many purposes. But its legacy has taken off.
First, an explanation as to why it exists.
As an adult with a disability, I can safely say that I have had a lot of people come up to me and ask a lot of questions. Some innocently out of their own ignorance. But A LOT of personal questions that are downright stupid.
With children, the most popular question I get is: What happened to your legs?

Innocent enough. I answer the best that I can. Or I just tell them “That’s how I was born.”

With adults, the most popular question I get (outside of “What happened?”) would be something like:

Can you still do it? Does your dick work? Can you have sex? Can you feel “down there?”

Anything like that.

Trust me, it is really annoying. Especially since it is none of their business. Considering that a vast majority of the people asking, I will never see again in my lifetime.

So I decided to answer the question once and for all.

Honestly, I have not had a single person come up to me asking that kind of question ever since I wore the shirt out in public the first couple of times. Of course there have been some people who have seen it and read it, thinking with dirty minds. It was something that I anticipated to happen. And I just deal with the laughter and snickering that people think that I cannot hear behind my back.

Now let me tell what has happened since I started wearing the shirt in public.

As expected, I have a lot of people tell me that they like the shirt, as they sit there and laugh real hard until they can no longer breathe.

A few times I have had people come up to me, asking to take a photograph of it. In which I do not have a problem with.

I went out last night to watch the band AUTUMN STAY play a show at the Dirty Dog Bar wearing the shirt. And the legacy took off with a whole new chapter.

Before the show even got started, two people who said that they loved the shirt buy me drinks. One of which happened to be the touring band that was in town. The other an employee of a different bar next door.

It didn’t stop the entire night. Drink after drink after drink after drink. Included with so many people asking to take photos. And of course…. I never really know where those photos end up. 19221669_10154696784091453_5194340704344925977_o

As the night continued, more and more drinks and more and more photos. I didn’t have to spend ANY money on refreshments last night. And it was very very HOT, now that it is June in Texas. I think the temperature reached 100°F for the first time in 2017. Hydration was very important last night.

I had several people passing by continually expressing to me that they liked the shirt up and down Sixth Street. And a few women came up to me asking what it meant. As if that was not obvious enough. And other women were either brave enough or drunk enough to end up kissing me!!!

To this day, I have not had anyone challenge me to find out whether or not I am lying. I mean of course it works. If I cannot go through the process of urination, I am in trouble!!!! But yes I know what this hints at. And its supposed to. It has more than one function, perverts.

Before there was a time when someone would ask me if it works, I would answer “There’s only one way to find out!” but nobody ever followed through on that. And that is probably a blessing in disguise.

The only problem that I can see wearing the shirt is that some story randomly finds my family. But they already know about it. I told my parents, and all I got back in response was a chuckle. Especially from my father. So really, I am good.

Stay tuned for more adventures of It Still Works as it travels into the world.

tony christensen (3)

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”~ Albert Einstein

DISCLAIMER: Every person is different. This is educational post is only for myself and for those that I know who are also in wheelchairs and what they have expressed to be their opinions on the matter, and since I have reached a rather large majority of the consensus, I will list what the results of that majority will be. 

The other night, a strange woman came up to me and just made herself at home while plopping herself down onto my lap. Miraculously, she did not spill her cocktail in the process.

But I swiftly rejected the idea and ejected her from my lap. For many reasons. One..  I did not know her. Two, she was more than obviously drunk. Three, because she is a stranger, I don’t need any possible significant other getting any weird and wrong ideas about what is going on.

So allow me to provide for you some rules as well as dis-spell some myths about able-bodied people sitting upon the laps of those who are confined to wheelchairs.

Rule #1- Before making the decision to do so, always ask the person if they are okay with the idea of having you upon their lap. I would like to believe that this would be the case for anyone sitting on any body’s lap in general.

Rule #2- Do not assume or freak out that the person in the wheelchair is going to cop a cheap feel. If they are touching you, they are more likely concerned about you shifting your weight to the degree that they fear that you are going to fall off their lap and then you end up on your ass. If they do end up in contact of your body in a place that you are not comfortable, chances are greater than none, that it was simply an accident.

Rule #3- Making engine sounds while sitting on a person’s lap, is only going to make that person think that you are immature. Or really drunk. Or something to that. Don’t make jokes about “riding a stick shift” or “go vroom.” Anything of that nature is just frowned upon from the person sitting in the wheelchair. They will probably think you are an idiot, and they will hope that you will get off of their lap as soon as possible.

Rule #4- “Wheelchair Tricks” are out. Not to say that if you are on a person’s lap, that the person is going to say that you are fat, however with the added weight of you being on his lap, wheelchair tricks are going to be twice as difficult to perform, if not impossible.

Rule #5- NO Free Rides. If I had just one penny for every time some random person came up to me, jumped on my lap, and then insisted/requested a ride… I’d be so rich that I could hire somebody else to write this blog for me. It is rude. Its unnecessary. The difference here being that YOUR legs work, and OURS do not. If your legs work…. YOU CAN WALK!! You don’t need a ride. Don’t be fucking lazy. Remember, we are WISHING our legs would work.

Myth #1- People in wheelchairs (males) are not going to get an “automatic erection” because you (a female) have decided to sit on their lap. Although it is true that the person in the wheelchair could possibly joke about that. And the joke is probably coming because they are a little uneasy about you being in their lap for whatever reason may be.

Myth #2- You’re NOT going to end up pregnant from sitting on someone’s lap. Dumb as soup to think that!! Clearly the only way that is going to happen both people are naked and their sex organs make a connection and intercourse begins.

Myth #3- Sitting on a wheelchair person’s lap will NOT give you any STD!! If you think Myth #2 is dumb. This is one is beyond ridiculous. And yet I’ve met people who honestly BELIEVES that it will happen. Trust me: it won’t.

Myth #4- We are not going to piss on you. There are some people in wheelchairs who have such a disability that they deal with problems of incontinence. Not everyone though. But that does not mean that men are going to whip it out and just let loose. Women are not going to just lean closer to you and just have at it. We’re disabled human beings… not gross human beings. Chances are if the person does deal with that issue, you’ll be denied to sit down on their lap for their own protection and state of mind.

Myth #5- Duration will be short. If you are told it is okay to sit, don’t expect to be there long at all. If our legs don’t work, it does not mean that they don’t get tired, and you don’t realize when the best time is to shift your weight around like you do on your own. Or even how to shift your weight. Listen to the person that you are sitting upon. Off means off!

So this small lesson should be helpful for you in the long run, especially for those who are socially connected with the physically handicapped. And if you know me personally… then DEFINITELY pay attention to this. It will save you in the long run.

An angry woman

“A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.”~Christopher Morley

In my youthful age, I have been fortunate enough to pay attention to certain things that would to most, seem mundane and minimal. I thank my lucky stars to have the common decency and sense to remembered things that would later serve a purpose in life, no matter how large the scale.

I’m talking about the treatment of pregnant women by men.

And therefore I send forth my plea to men… PLEASE STOP PISSING OFF PREGNANT WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that by now, men in general realize not to mess with a woman who is dealing with her period. But there really can’t be much said for those who know not to, and still do it. These men are beyond help.

But it’s recently come to my attention that the hormones in pregnant women…. well… guys seriously, there’s no other way of putting it. If you mess with a pregnant woman, you’re gonna get tore up.

So now I give you the TOP FIVE incidents that I had personally witnessed to of men messing with a pregnant and the disastrous consequences thereafter. Of course, I believe this kind of thing happens every day, and it shouldn’t. But these are the ones that I am aware of.

Here we go!!!!

#5 – Little Rock National Airport. Mid-1980’s. My grandmother would often visit my family from Michigan. She would fly to Arkansas and spend what seemed like to us at the time, almost an eternity. But once the entire family went as we were giving grandmother a ride to the airport so that she could return home. She unfortunately had missed her flight. So she was made to wait for another flight to leave. And the family stayed. Meanwhile, there was a couple that was sitting directly behind my seat and I could overhear their conversations. Mainly because they were being loud and obnoxious. Ahh, young love in the 80’s!!!

So the woman told her lover/boyfriend/whatever, as she began to weep, that she went to her doctor and found out that she was about a month or so pregnant. To which the response out of him was “Ohhh thank God!! I thought it was you who was stealing my fuckin’ Star Crunches out of the pantry. Baby, I didn’t know how to tell you, but your booty is starting to get large.” 

About this time I did glance back behind me, only to find the woman’s hands around the guy’s throat as the man was drooling and slobbering on himself, gasping for air before airport security escorted both man and woman away, and in different directions with the assistance of local police. Portrait of angry lady with a bat

#4- Sedgewick County Zoo, Wichita, Kansas. Late 1980’s. After being at what I could gather was some random conference for teens, to learn about the dangers about teen pregnancies and what not, one female participant had apparently been feeling guilty because she was pregnant with her boyfriend’s child. The teen couple had taken the summer day off to go to the zoo and they happened to be at the tiger exhibit at the same time I was. To which the girl confessed that she was pregnant with his baby. (I could only make such a theory based on the t-shirts they both were wearing at the time.)

The boyfriend then did that stereotypical macho garbage move and told her that when they had left the zoo, that they were going to buy a home pregnancy kit. And if it came to be that she was in fact pregnant, that he was leaving her.

After a few seconds of cursing, religious blasphemy, and swearing, I was quickly moved on to the next area of the zoo for my own safety.

Later I would get ill from eating something bad at the concession stand at the zoo and would be still awake after my supposed “bedtime” and long enough to be awake for the late night news where it was then reported about how a young teenage girl was arrested for attempting to throw her boyfriend into the tiger cage. Luckily for him, the tigers were sleeping and didn’t notice anything.

#3- Wedding Reception. Rhode Island. 2008. During the time that I was with my last girlfriend, I as the “boyfriend” was swiftly taken away to the New England states in order to attend the wedding of my girlfriend’s older brother. It was a most uncomfortable scene as I was very much made aware that my girlfriend’s ex-husband was best friends with the groom-to-be and was going to be in attendance.

I did not see him at the wedding ceremony itself though. I’m getting off track here. Back to the reception.

At the reception, was a young newlywed couple of probably no more than five years. And the woman was pregnant and showing. And her misguided husband attempted to take the role of food patrol for his wife, very publicly announcing to her that she had “had enough” wedding cake to eat. (In reality, was only a second piece since the first one was so thinly sliced.)

Saying nothing to her husband, she handed him the cake and he turned away to look for a place to dispose of the unwanted pastry. Only for others there to have been there to witness the wife standing up, folding up her chair that she was sitting in and proceeding to beat the living shit out of her husband with it.

As I was given to understand, the ink on the divorce papers were dried and served. Evidently she had cleaned him out and took the children with her by the time I left my ex LESS than a year later.

#2- Fundraising sporting event. Austin, Texas. 2010. This one, I should admit to not witnessing…. but rather reading about it. And then speaking to someone who was actually there. But it was later reported to be true in the news.

After paying $50 a piece to see a baseball game that was going to be played by “local celebrities” and other noted citizens to battle cancer, a pregnant wife was having trouble getting up into the stands where her seat was, as was printed by her ticket. Her husband was nowhere to be found for assistance and she had to rely on the kindness of strangers to hold her by the hand so that she could walk up to her seat.

During the game, her water broke. And where was her husband? Chatting it up with a local FEMALE news anchor on the other side of the field, doing and talking about who knows what. She had sent her husband a text message to alert him that her water broke and their child was on the way to be born. To which the answer by her husband was “But the game isn’t even over yet. And I’m way over here. What do U want me 2 do about it??”

By the time the other spectators had helped her down the stairs from the stands and escorted her to her car, she took the keys herself, and drove over to the general location of her husband. But she was not there to pick him up, but to mow him down while the natural flow of things continued to ruin the husband’s vehicle’s upholstery on the driver’s side. Narrowly missing her husband, taking out a news camera that was standing on a tripod to record film of the game in progress and side-swiping her husband’s newly found company before driving off to the hospital alone. angry

#1- Lunch Out at Applebee’s. Austin, Texas. 2013. So by now a few people who have been reading this blog know that every once in a while, there will be an activity of going out to lunch with my neighbors of the apartment complex. And they also know that some of the neighbors love to pick on me because 99% of the time, I will order a dessert. And they just sit there eagerly awaiting to see what sugary delight I am going to order at the end of the meal.

The demise of the day: Triple Chocolate Meltdown.

And for once, someone ELSE overheard me talking and from that had based their decision that they too, wanted dessert. It was a pregnant woman who was sitting at a booth off to my left.

The man that was with her, presuming it was her husband or boyfriend. Or at the very least the father of her unborn child, he questioned her decision and asked her if whether or not she thought and felt that she was getting big enough. The reference being her pregnant belly as he pointed to it.

The expecting mother reached across the table to slap him, knocking over his iced tea in the process that splashed all over his nice work clothes and neck tie. So in a sense, a double whammy. First the slap, then the spill. Growing up, we used to call them “two-fers” because two things happened in one instance.

The man got up and looked at her wondering why in the world she would do something to him like that and yelled “What the fuck is your problem?” and then proceeded to freak out about his clothes and whether or not he was going to make it to his rather important meeting after they had finished with lunch.

Why do people seem to think its okay to scream obscenities at the top of their lungs when in public???? I’ve never understood that.

So anywhoodles… the pregnant woman ambled her way to her feet and straightened herself out before lifting her leg behind her and putting as much force behind the swing through. The result was that she had kicked him square into the testicular regions, where he had lost all fortitude and then said back to him, “Just order the goddamned dessert and shut the fuck up. Its because of YOU that I’m like this. Remember that!!!

Needless to say that I took an alternate route to leave the restaurant as I did not want to feel any kind of residual wrath that may be lingering. The man just sat there in silence with tons of sweat pouring from his forehead as his face turned all kinds of colors in his face, but he never said another word for as long as I was sitting there.

I honestly could go on, but these are only FIVE examples. The history of the world is flooded with these kinds of things begginghappening because someone said something to a pregnant woman. And honestly………. its not that difficult, WATCH WHAT YOU SAY!!

This is why some women get away with murder. I’m just saying!

A person should watch what they say in the first place, but especially around pregnant women. Because much like a woman who is experiencing her “time” of the month, you never really know what’s going to set her off and what she is capable of doing.

So this is basically a Dambreaker PSA for you. I AM PLEADING…. STOP PISSING OFF PREGNANT WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guarantee you– you will live much longer.