PTSD Day

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.”~ Sivananda

June 27th is PTSD Day. Its not a celebration, but a day of awareness of what truly is said that there are scars with the illness that are unseen.

It is not only combat fatigue that is PTSD but victims of serious crimes such as sexual assault can suffer from PTSD as well. Both men AND women equally can suffer PTSD.

I never really gave it much thought in the past. I wondered if my younger brother had it because of his experiences with being in the military and his time at war.

But then things changed for me in the past few years, particularly just days before my birthday in 2011. And I have not looked back or been the same ever since.

As I said, victims of serious crimes and that I have been in the past. To the point where things were deadly. Now, I wonder what happened to life when I am having a very bad day.

Most recently its been an issue when my eight year old nephew was standing behind me and I did not know that fact, when he moved closer and bumped my wheelchair, my knee-jerk reaction was to throw an elbow backwards at his face. But I didn’t follow through with it as I realized where I was and that I was safe. The unfortunate part was that my sister, his mother, saw it and bitched me out. 

But that is part of what can happen with PTSD or at least with people who have dealt with the similar experiences that I have gone through in the past few years.

It has not been the easiest for me, but its not been the absolute worst in the world either. I know that there are other good people who are dealing with far more deeper issues than what I have.

It hasn’t been easy for me to deal with and it hasn’t been easy for me to explain either. But it was the beginning reason as to why I started with this blog. But in the almost two and a half years since then, its changed a little bit. To the point that I nearly have 90,000 total view stats.

AWESOME!!

My life isn’t peachy. My life isn’t perfect either. But then again, my life isn’t a miserable piece of shit either. Just my attitude sometimes. Sometimes days are good, days are great, and sometimes days just plain suck. But I am doing what I need to be doing in order to make it through each and every day that isn’t up to par.

I am thankful for the mental faculties that I’ve had to know to do something about the bad experiences in my life and try to make things better. Whereas there are plenty of people out there who just simply believe that they are stuck with the hand that they have been dealt in their own lives, and do not believe that they can do anything about it.

And so of course I am not going to get into specifics of what’s what. I feel that if you are lucky enough to know me personally then you probably already know. And if you are one of those people that already know, then that is why you are subscribed to this blog. Others have come since then, and I am thankful that the dozens of men and women have made that choice to pay attention to what this blog has to say. Whether happy or sad. Goofy or outrageous. Pathetic or nasty. No matter what you have been here. Thank you.

We’ll get through this together. One blog post at a time.

 

Post-Traumatic Experiences

Certain things that happen, shape us for who we are. We have our joyous moments and we have our depressive times. I believe that whatever comes our way, builds our character and helps to mold us into the person that we become.

We gain strength through our struggles, and share in celebration of our accomplishments.

This post however, deals with personal traumatic experiences. Most of us have gone through them. Many of us who have survived them are able to carry on. But some have difficulty with their previous experiences. In other words, some do well… some do not.

Yesterday evening, I went to the store to pick up some bread and other items. It was not far from my home so I was able to get out and go and come right back. When I was exiting the store, life has we know it was carrying on. Until a man showed up around the corner. He was approaching from the opposite direction. And then a moment later, he brought a pistol and fired it until it was empty. I had enough sense and probably the best of instincts to abort from my wheelchair and kiss the concrete before anything had happened and stayed there until the loud popping had stopped. (I was not injured or hurt. Neither was anyone else.)

The only casuality, was the bread. Instead of hamburger buns, it had turned into thinly sliced bread. Still, I can use it though!

Certain situations like these, are what I believe to cause people to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Other situations such as assault, rape, and war also are known to cause post-traumatic stress disorder.

What I am finding rather odd, is that my mind is not filled with re-living last night’s events. But my mind is focused more on the assault from last January where it had become a situation of life and death and doing what I had to do in order to protect myself.

There are no feelings of being afraid or scared. Only feelings of just being really pissed off. Frustration, anger, and the continuous attempts of trying to make sense of everything that happened so long ago.

For many people who deal with this kind of thing, it is possible that a little extra help might do them some good. A friend, a caring person, a smile, and a listening ear.

Some survivors actually would benefit from going a step further and seeking therapy to allow themselves to think and feel without judgement and release their fears and feelings about what had happened to them. Thus I believe that it does help with the healing process from their mental anguish.

Therapy is not the devil. Going to therapy also does not automatically imply that you are crazy, or you are the weakest person on the planet. In fact, therapy is a sign of courage and strength, and it shows you have the desire to make things better in your life instead of just allowing the problems to eat you up inside.

I would actually applaud those who actively seek therapy as a tool for mental health. The strength and empowerment one can receive by going to therapy can be limitless. When I hear someone tell me that they are considering or have started to go to therapy, my response is always the same, “GOOD FOR YOU!”.

Personally, I am no stranger to it. How else would I know so much about cognitive distortions??

To say or believe that you are weak, because you need a little extra help, is a lie!! Don’t be influenced by society and peers to control you in what you should do with your life. Find the help and allow yourself the opportunity to live your life by your own choices and not the choices of others because they are ignorant. Even the world’s strongest man has days of weakness.

Find out for yourself whether or not it is right for you. And if you do decide to seek help– GOOD FOR YOU!! Just stick with it. Results are not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself the time your body and mind will need to adjust and heal.

And for those reading who have a personal relationship with me: I am doing okay. I’m angry of course. But also know that I slept very well last night and I’m not sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling re-living it over and over again. Physically, I’m uninjured. The guy’s aim pretty much SUCKED. Nobody else was hurt. And its rumored he had his ass kicked while in a holding cell after he was hauled to jail. Whether or not that is true does not matter to me. I am alive!!