Posts Tagged ‘remorse’

“A big part of letting go is recognizing when it is time to stay in a situation and when it is time to move on.”~ Darren L. Johnson
 
Since there is no REAL way of deleting your Facebook account, there’s always the option to reduce it. Naturally a true way to “getting rid of Facebook” is to never sign in again.
 
But for those of you who truly don’t wish to get rid of it, and are just looking for a way to reduce yourself from the drama and the monotony, then here are some helpful hints that I have recently asked myself with regards to my own “extensive number of friends”.
 
1. Do I really know this person? A majority of our friends list are people such as family and friends. People we’ve some how lost touch with and now have the opportunity to “catch up”. Naturally, if there is someone on your friends list, its because you wanted them there for some reason. But do you really know who they are? Are you making that effort to get to know them at least??
 
2. What is the extent of my relationship with this person? If they are not family and friends, then there’s some kind of a connection that you’ve created once you’ve allowed them to be on your list. It could be someone from a group or organization that you belong to, or it could be a co-worker. Is the relationship between yourself and that person actually producing something that is positive in your daily life other than larger numbers or just eye candy?
 
3. Where did this person come from? Facebook is absolutely notorious about “suggesting a friend” once you’ve accumulated a certain number of friends. A lot of the time, Facebook will only go by those whom you have a mutual friend with. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that this is a person who is your friend or had been your friend. Just because you have friended your sister Bethany because they went to school with her and your cousin Willy beause they work at the same grocery store, doesn’t mean that you should go ahead and send a friend request to Mark just because Mark is friends with your sister and cousin.
 
4. Does this person understand or speak my language? Facebook is a networking website based on social protocol across the entire globe. But if you do not speak the same language as many of your friends on Facebook, where’s the stimulation that benefits you? Even though I do know how to speak in several languages, doesn’t mean that I am always going to understand what they are saying (or not saying to me personally). So these friends will just fill your spaces with wall posts that will mean nothing to you. There’s no point to it.
 
5. Does this person actually communicate with me?Having a large amount of friends can be exciting. When you watch the total count go up and and up and up, it can be deceivingly excellent. But if the friend doesn’t care about what you say, what you do, or even what you post, then are they really your friend?? I sincerely doubt it.

"Hmm, do I actually know this 'John'?"

 
Each individual has a reason and purpose for being on Facebook. The most disturbing thing that I have been told (repeatedly) is that the person’s Facebook account was created by someone else, because that other person thought that YOU should be on Facebook, and thus created it FOR YOU… and then once you were all set up, left you to your own vices.
 
Some are trying to sell something. Others are trying to get the word out on something that they feel strongly and passionate about. Many of them, having to deal with their occupation or a very serious hobby. And so you will always find them relentlessly adding people as friends. Until they’ve reached the 5,000 friend limit. After that point, they’ve gone on to create their own personal group or Facebook page where there is no limitations on how many people can “like” or join.
 
But for those of us who are on Facebook to use it as it originally was intended, as a socializing tool, and we begin to see the muck and mire of it all because we cannot stand the drama and whining and bitching of others. Then it comes to a point where we must stop and think “Do I really want them as friends”?
 
For me, this is what I have done recently and it goes with the five listed prior.
 
Do I honestly know them? There came a point to where I was just adding people because they were friends of friends. I got caught in the web of Facebook’s “Suggested friends”.
 
Do they talk to me? Do they communicate with me? Are they offering something for me that I will benefit from in daily life? If I answered “no”, then I deleted them. I understand that sometimes it’s great to see updated photographs and funny cartoons and memorable quotations with deep and meaningful images. But if they’ve not spoken to me directly, they were deleted.
 
Do they speak my language? Some people whom I had added in the past actually had deceiving information on their profile. Broken and torn was their English, only to find that they don’t really know how to speak it. Others came from other countries and as fascinated as I am with the great big world out there to understand learn their cultures, customs, and languages… if the language barrier was just that, a barrier, then I’ve deleted them.
 
Others that I have deleted may have been communicating with me in the past, but for whatever reason they’ve stopped. I personally stopped to think “how long ago has it been since they’ve said anything to me?”. And then the next question has been, “If it has been six months since the last time, when was the last time that they posted anything?”.
 
If the answer is less than the answer of the first question- then why was there a communication breakdown? Did you fail to keep up or are they simply moved on?? If I had actually made attempts and they just never responded, it was time for them to go because that time is over and they’ve moved on.
 
The rest have either been simple eye candy, at least in my situation. But having eye candy doesn’t fulfill your life in a positive manner. Having multiple accounts does nothing either. So the eye candy (even though it was difficult) were at last removed and those with multiple accounts have been reduced to the singular and primary account that they held in the first place.
 
My own personal feeling. Facebook, MySpace, and all of the rest is a social website. Just sitting around watching and reading what others say, is NOT socialization. And I’m simply not going to permit you to watch what I write or post without some kind of retort at some point. If you remain silent, just watching and learning… then have faith that eventually, you will not be able to any longer.
 
Psychologists have said that one human being can only concentrate fully on about 150 relationships at once. So then having 2,204 friends on Facebook does one of two things:
 
#1- Facebook begins to take notice that you are just adding people left and right without regard to what you are doing. And will eventually cut you off once you’ve reached their 5,000 limit. #2- It will cause you to lose track of other people. People whom deep down you’ve felt are important. But you’ll never see them in your news feed because everything else is buried by the blather and junk of others.
 
But that is IF you are using Facebook as a tool for what it was really intended for!! Socializing.
 
I am reminded back in the days when MySpace was quite popular. A fetish model who lived in Dallas, Texas had OVER 250,000 people on her friends list! Do you think that she cared about whether or not you received flowers at work as a surprise or that your sister had a baby or you’re having a bad day and need encouragement? Nope! She wanted the publicity which was free. And that was her choice. But I knew then that I should stay away from trying to add her to my own MySpace profile because she would do nothing for me that would be of great benefit.
 
I intend to have Facebook actually work for me!! Having that tool to talk to people, geting to know them and them to know me, and actually communicate is the goal. Yet once I see the path going on one side or not going at all, then the swift button of deletion will be pressed.
 
From those who have already been deleted, I’ve not received any communication from them at all. I’ve not received any of the expected, “Hey!! Why did you take me off your list??”. Nor have they made the effort to send a new friend request.
 
And because of that, I know that I have actually done the right thing by deleting them because they probably didn’t care in the first place. And I can delete them without having remorse.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

“An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything.” ~Lynn Johnston

An apology is define as “an expression of sympathy, pity, or regret.”

We can be sorry to find the news that someone is having a rough time. We also can be sorry to know that the person’s negative situation has become worse. But we can also be sorry because we have feelings of regret from what we have said or done.

In the English language, an apology can be expressed by using just two words: “I’m sorry.” It doesn’t take a lot of breath and it doesn’t take a lot of time to express. Two words. More and more I am finding that the English language can be used to say so much by saying so very little.

Situations happen in life to where we must apologize to another person. Or that they must apologize to us because of some kind of circumstance in which that person had done wrong. And a lot of what was previously broken can be fixed by simply offering that expression of regret. Yet it is only half of the link because the person receiving the apology must be willing to forgive and forget.

No matter what we do in life, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re all human and full of fallacies. Once we realize that what we have done or what we have said was wrong, that feeling of shame and regret swallows us whole to the point where we feel that because of what happened, the world has now become totally FUBAR.

Once we apologize though, we get that feeling of the weight being lifted off of us and we begin to heal and feel better. Then all can be right in the world once more. All it takes, is two spoken words.

I’ve done my share of wretched and stupid things. I’ve said things that I shouldn’t have and done things that should not have been done. And I have also felt that regret. When I do, it feels like the biggest and darkest suffocating cloud is surrounding me until I am able to offer an apology in which I had done wrong. Whether or not they tell me that it is forgiven, is their choice but I know that I have expressed my remorse for my words & actions and expressed to them that I am acknowledging what was done was wrong towards them.

There’s a lot of situations in this world that can be solved as well as healed with an apology. Someone must have the strength to say it though. Too many people are at war with one another and they don’t have to be, if only one of them would say they were sorry. And this is not to say who to point the blame to either. When the olive branch is extended, it should be treated as such- no matter who was at fault.

There are some people that have done wrong to me. And I know that if they were to just come to me and say that they were sorry, then the relationship can begin to heal.

So think about it when you’re so angry and pissed off because something happened that went really bad for you. Could the situation be solved with an apology? If you think so, then do it!

Showing or expressing regret is often necessary. A lot of people just don’t know how to do that. And that in and of itself is a shame. Nonetheless, often an apology is just the right thing to say and do in many situations in life where two or more people are fighting so much that their relationships are being torn apart because they focus more on their anger, wrath, and revenge rather than admitting their guilt and remorse.