Posts Tagged ‘respect’

boundary

“Boundaries are to protect life, not to limit pleasures.”~ Edwin Louis Cole

Everyone has boundaries. Some extreme, some not so difficult. All of them, REAL.

Even I have certain boundaries. And they are there for a reason. And to be honest, no matter if it is my boundaries or your boundaries or someone else, they are NOT up for discussion and tweaking.

Usually with those people who know me personally, I will explain that I have certain boundaries. I may or may not choose to explain why. Usually I do not explain. And I expect those boundaries to be respected. The same as you would expect your boundaries to be equally respected.

For example, if I personally tell you that I have a phobia of spiders…. this does not give you any license to conjure any and all photographs of spiders and show them to me or post them on Facebook and other social network pages, expecting to get a good hearty laugh when I see it.

That is NOT respect but disrespect. And so then you should not be surprised when I come across to you as pissed off and annoyed and less trusting in you.

I have cut off even my best friends for doing stupid stunts like that. They sent an e-mail to me that I had not known was waiting for me. They told me over the phone that it was important for me to open the e-mail and that I needed to see what photograph they attached. Only to find that it is a photograph of something that I DO have a phobia with.

I haven’t heard a single word from them since that time. Well, I should say that I have not gone out of my way to contact them.  boundaries

My boundaries are what they are. They aren’t for you to play with. And don’t for a second think that there will never be any consequences for crossing those boundaries. Never.

If it is something that you did not know before, that is one thing. I most likely will then explain to you WHY I got upset and ask you not to do it again.

If it is something you did know before, or if it was explained to you WHY it is a boundary….. and you do it again, expect very serious and negative consequences.

If I am not afraid to walk away from my best friends, what makes you think I won’t walk away from anyone because a boundary was crossed? Think twice.

This ends the soap box………………………………………

 

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Michael Garcia

A Houston waiter refused to serve a customer who made a rude comment about a child in the restaurant.

Michael Garcia is a waiter at Laurenzo’s Restaurant. He said his regular customers are like family, especially 5-year-old Milo Castillo and his parents.

Milo was born with Down syndrome.

On Wednesday, Garcia said another diner moved him family away from Milo’s table and made a comment about the boy.

The family was heard to have said, “Special needs children need to be special somewhere else.”

Garcia said he then confronted the customer. Garcia’s personal feelings took over as he informed them, “I’m not going to be able to serve you.”

The man and his family left. Milo’s parents said they didn’t know about what happened until another waiter told them about it.

Castillo said she was worried that Garcia might lose his job, but the restaurant stood behind his decision.

Upon reading this article, this man has earned my respect in more than one way. Living with any disability can be difficult, both for that person and for the people that must take care of that disabled person. It is not easy. So comments like that do not belong in society. I’m glad that Garcia stood up for this child and did what he did. And he gets the Hero Award for January.

beautiful_redhead

“Well for ‘a brief shining moment’…and then that mouth”~ Michael Caine in “Miss Congeniality” [2000]

In my short life online, I have to say that I have stumbled and mixed paths with some very beautiful women. And in the beginning, I knew that kindness and respect would get me far. But back then, ashamed to say that it didn’t actually last too long before I gave them the unusual impression that I was some kind of maniacal marauder.

Why? Because of my mouth.

It was awful that I had said something so quizzical to someone that it would be misconstrued. The next thing I know, they vanish forever. And probably offended to the most degree.

Looking back, I honestly regret having said what I did. And understanding HOW that might have been a bad thing. Lessons learned over the course of several years before I learned to relax and just take things one conversation at a time. And actually take time to think and re-think and then re-think again before I say much of anything.

But the mouth returns and gets in the way and just blows everything into bits.

I’ve abandoned the complete and total adulation conversation for the most part. Through experience and watching others, the adulation is nothing that these women hasn’t heard before by anyone else. So why in the world would I believe that I would stand out? One doesn’t necessarily stand out when joining the masses of others who have gotten out of control to speak their opinions about how gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy some woman is.

I’ve learned that models, personalities, and “small time celebrities” are human too. Complete with feelings and opinions of their own. And they are none too shy to express that, when you are talking with them and acting like a complete and total ass hat.

Almost ten years ago, I was chatting with a woman from Hollywood, California. And even though everyone who reads this blog knows how I feel about all of that, I was attempting to get passed all of that and actually KNOW the woman. She was a performer of sorts. So I casually brought up the question of what it would take (money wise) to have her come local and perform.

When she gave her price, which was seriously high, I sat there blinking and staring at the screen thinking what in the world could cost THAT much money! She also insisted on paying for airfare and a place to sleep, which I did think was fair. But both items didn’t actually cost that much money. So then: enter my mouth.

What I told her was a legit concern. I was worried about spending so much money for her to do what she does and then just leave and return home. To me, it wasn’t worth it so I asked her if she was willing to do something more than that so that it would be worth that high price in my mind. But it came across to HER like I was propositioning her for a little “somethin-somethin” on the side.

Needless to say that she vanished within a month after that conversation online.

I could see the problem and it was an accident, a  mistake. But I could still see why she split!

And then a little more than a year ago it happened again with an author that I was attempting to get across my point that I wanted an autograph. She doesn’t live nearby so it would take some money and travel in order to personally receive her autograph. And I went on and on about how expensive that would be to me and what not. I was very comfortable giving her my mailing address to see what she might sign and put in the mail.  Again, the mouth got in the way. Even though she attempted to bring up a tentative invitation of having lunch or coffee.

I have since then learned to pull back and tone it down…. A LOT!

shenka

I always get the generous invitation and then my mouth turns around and spoils it.

If I do not respect these women, then I shouldn’t expect them to respond kindly.

I think that though it is totally awesome that when these kinds of things happen with certain women and they offer a tentative time for lunch or coffee or drinks with their family and/or husband, that it should tell me that they are trusting in me enough to do something so bold. And that I have EARNED their trust. I think that it comes from each and every time I have spoken to these women that I have been nice, social, kind, as well as respectful. Particularly when there is a mention of a husband.

 

Why wouldn’t there be a husband? I think that these women are very attractive, so its not a surprise that they would be married for years already. But they are showing their trust in me and that really needs to sink in.

Also I should learn that when these women are willing enough to offer something like that. I just need to be thankful towards them and then after that? SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

I should not complain about the difficulty, I should not complain about the hardship in order to make it happen. Rather I should stop talking and then later on try to figure out a way TO MAKE it happen!

Very early this morning I received yet another generous invitation. It was the “if you are ever in the area….” conversations. The thing is that it was the second time she had mentioned it. And instead of seeing that she was quite serious and friendly about her invitation, I opened my mouth about how I could take a day trip and make all kinds of fun about it, but after the holidays.

Saying crap like that can often lead to a retraction of someone’s invitation. Its happened to me before. I hope however, that this most recent flap of the lips didn’t do any damage at all.

I hope that my brief stories of experiences will be a warning to some. Telling someone that you think they are beautiful isn’t a crime. However, going on and on and on about it gets old fast. More than likely, they’ve already heard it before so many times that it just flies over their heads as they ignore it all.

There’s nothing wrong with thinking that someone is beautiful or sexy. However if you vomit your opinion on someone, all you are doing is getting them dirty and they aren’t going to like it all that much and so their first impression of you is automatically negative.  Red_Head_Beauty

Will you stand out in their mind? Maybe. But if you do, it might not be what you were wanting.

Men and women DO have feelings just like yourself. If you’re just trying to jump in the sack with someone that you just saw and thought that they really flip your pancakes, chances are that if you take that route of trying to gain their attention, you may get their attention. But your pancakes are going to burn.

Stop burning your pancakes. Treat other people with respect.

And this goes for me as well as others– learn to shut up. Less can be more in this situation.

I’m actually stunned most of the time when I see the comments and posts made by men that are constantly the same. And then they say the same to other women. As if they are spreading around their so-called complimentary words thinking that eventually one of them are going to take the bait.

Nine times out of ten, its going to be ignored. Sad to say that in my early years of being online, I did nearly the same thing. I did however, learn not to vomit on women. Sometimes my mouth will cause a little spit up as I struggle with learning to shut up, but a little drool is a lot easier to clean up than verbal vomit.

I get so frustrated at times when I read these kinds of comments. It makes me want to reach into the monitor and choke them and try to slap some sense into them. But that’s never going to happen. And I suppose that when they are in this habit of doing crap like that, then the chances of them learning the mistake is less and less.

For lack of a good analogy: Let sleeping dogs lie.

Express yourself but do it with respect towards others. Learn to leave it alone.

 

 

 

 

“She’s just so talented, so beautiful, so kind, and has so much integrity. I’ve looked up to her and she’s taught me that you can overcome obstacles and work hard and become the person you want to be and achieve your dreams. Having her as  that example of what is possible has meant the world to me. She’s  the best singer in the world, I love her beautiful voice and her music speaks to me, but she’s far more than just a singer to me.” ~ L. Catalano

It has been a few days now since my last visit to Houston. The “high” from the excitement and happiness has begun to cool, but it has not completely diminished.

This blog post is about passion and the great things that can come from it. As is the passion in the quote, many of us are passionate about a lot of things or about people.

But as I reflect in my mind about the past weekend, my passion would lead me to a whole new understanding of what people have meant to me, and what I mean to others in return.

It is clear that I have a passion for the music of SIX MINUTE CENTURY. If you are a regular reader of this blog, and haven’t noticed that then you haven’t been paying that much attention!

I would have to say that I have become very fortunate to have met all of the people that I have met within the circles of the band. Both in their families and in their friends. And those relationships have definitely come a long way since my first show that I attended in April of 2011. I would not quite understand what that would mean until this past weekend.

I know that with each and every journey that I take in order to go see the band, I’m always feeling like the VIP. Of course, I naturally keep that opinion to myself as I would not want to come across as arrogant. Nor would I want anyone to think that I was selfish either. But honestly, it is how I made to feel.

I’ve gone through a lot of “behind the scenes” experiences with the band. And it was something that I didn’t beg or plead for. It simply was presented or given to me that I would have them. I cannot say as to what all I have been given, but sufficed to say that it blows me away as a simple “fan”.

And what I think has been incredible is that with each and every moment that I have gone through with the band and their families and what not, that I surprisingly found myself as “one of the family”…. the Centurion Family.

I was not aware of it until recently, but even the band members go out of their way to explain that whenever I come along to see them perform and the topic of conversation turns into “who I am” OR if I am being introduced by one of the band members or their wives, it is distinctly made clear about just how far I am coming to see the show. Or something to the effect of just how big of a fan I am of the band is almost always mentioned.

I had heard it a time or two, but I had not realized that it happens pretty much all of the time!! Even if I am not present at a show, the tale is told that I am one of their biggest fans and that I do so much for the band.

I have multiple copies of their CD. One of which is autographed. I made sure that I had photographs taken by the band. I have a nice collection of t-shirts, even if it is the same one. Again, one of them autographed. I talk about them at home to anyone that will listen. I even made a Facebook Fan Page for fans BY the fans.

I would absolutely believe that they are extremely appreciative of it all.

My favorite song, “Zero Hour”, has now been given to me in a sense. Each and every single time that SIX MINUTE CENTURY performs it live, they dedicate it to me as well as the members of the United States military as it deals with the war in the Middle East. Once the band started to realize how much I really love the song, from that point on… it has been dedicated to me. Even during live performances when I am unable to attend. Even lead guitarist, Don LaFon, wrote to me in a note “From now on, that is your song!”. (I wonder if one day he might allow me to hold his blue Ibanez guitar?)

Lead singer Chuck Williams said last Saturday night, “He comes a very long way every time to come see us and he loves the song a lot, so this goes to him and to the men and women in our military.”

But some where in the middle, I have made a transition from “fan of the band” to “friend of the band”. And it is a lot tighter than I had thought.

My first clue was when MRS. Froth had asked myself and her husband about how she looked prior to arriving to last Saturday’s show. I waited for Dr. Froth to speak first as he was the spouse. And I just piggy-backed his compliments as to not outshine his words. Because that would be bad juju.

Before I could concur with Dr. Froth, she turned around and claimed that he and I both were biased.

When I asked HOW I was biased, her response was “Because you are one of my best friends”, something that hit me that I never actually saw coming because I hadn’t really thought about it all that much. Nonetheless it touched my heart. I had to turn my face away just in case because I could feel the tears begin to build.

She and I have been friends prior to her getting married to Dr. Froth last November. She and I get along quite well. Except when I end up doing stupid shit and get myself grounded by her.

It is because of her, that I was introduced to SIX MINUTE CENTURY. And I think that she and I share the same passion for the band.

That coupled with how the band has treated me as far as introductions to newer people. New to me, that is. And the band and their families with their endless generosity, it becomes a perfect fit. And the key is reciprocity. With as much support as I have shown for the band and their music, they return in kind with their words and their actions of appreciation and generosity. And it just floors me because it wasn’t something that I had thought about or have been dwelling upon.

When I asked MRS. Froth why it was that she felt that way and how it has become that she has been so generous with me… a simple fan, her response was: “You have been a good friend to me, in spite of SMC, and that’s all I need.”

This is very true. I do not talk about the band 100% of the time with her. Between her and I, it has become a lasting friendship that no candle can be held against.

The same goes for Dr. Froth and lead singer, Chuck, and others within the band’s circles. I am able to talk to them any day of the week about anything… not just “When is the next show?”.

The new understand of what “I” mean to them, has come to the surface. The mutual love and respect for one another grows each time I see them. And you know, I could almost cry.

I feel like I AM the #1 fan in the world. I have been turned into the champion.

I am still the fan and yet I am the friend. I have traded in my “horns” for “hugs”. And to me that is AWESOME!!

I’m so much into the band, because I enjoy the music that much. Therefore, I definitely become a very loud mouthpiece and wave their banner.

The passion that burns inside all of us can definitely have its wonderful consequences. All of my experiences are living proof of it. Don’t be ashamed of being so supportive in what you believe in and what you are passionate about… whatever it is. Never let anyone stand in the way of what you enjoy. Life will have its moments of rewarding you in the end.

 

 

The ways in which society evolves around itself never ceases to amaze me. How we as human beings treat one another seems to be in a constant state of change.

But there are some things that I have noticed that remain the same. And that is that we all demand respect.

In the past two weeks, I have heard several women tell me that they’ve felt disrespected both in the past and by others who they’ve chosen to surround themselves with today. Not just one, be several. There are many, many sob stories out there to be told about how (in general) men are totally disrespectful towards women. And they get away with it.

Perhaps I am already jumping on the issue that is a double standard. But personally, men crave respect as well. It just seems to me that men still do not respect women as much as they should. And they can get away with it. But if a woman is disrespectful towards a man, then suddenly she is sent to the gallows.

I do not think that there should be much of a difference between men and women respecting one another. Perhaps I am just one of those kinds of men that are so far back behind on what is socially acceptable in this day in age that I am  considered a dinosaur for my personal beliefs.

About a month ago, I was hanging out with my buddies, at a local restaurant. One of my friends decided to bring one of his own personal friends along with him and introduce him to everyone in the group. It was one of your typical “guy’s night out”.

So the ‘new guy’ starts talking about women and sharing his score card with the rest of the group and bragging about who he had slept with, and who did what to him and how. The guy was pretty aggressive in his sharing of his personal sexual conquests. Not a lot of us said much to him about it. A majority of us just nodded and said “yeah” whenever he spoke.

Not only that, but he was speaking loudly about it, to the point where I was personally becoming uncomfortable. But since I did not know the guy personally, I decided to let it go in one ear and out the other.

Quite clearly from the tales that he told, he had no respect for women at all. It was all something that he was proud to boast about gaining for himself. This guy truly had “Man of the Year” written all over him. But by the time he finished talking about it all, he then went into this somber mood and started to ask the questions of life and wondered why it had been six years since he had a steady girlfriend.

Umm, really?

Within a couple of hours of hanging out, the same man who was spewing his “love stats” with anyone within ear shot noticed an attractive girl that had walked in by herself. He got up and went to the bar and ordered her a drink. Then he sat back down with the rest of us and just kind of stared at her while the waitress was bringing her a drink.

He admitted that he had never seen her before and wanted to know who she was. I watched as the woman smiled at him, giving a nod of appreciation towards him. Then she began to go about her own business.

It pissed him off. Perhaps she just wasn’t interested in him. Maybe she was only there to satisfy her hunger. But he didn’t recognize any of these as possibilities. Only that she had disrespected him.

Eventually, he would order her another drink.

Finally, the woman looked in his direction and smiled. She got up from her table and came over to thank him personally for the drinks. The rest of the group watched in silence. My friend who was sitting next to me whispered that he wished he had popcorn. It would’ve been a little fitting to have available for what was about to happen.

 

After the proverbial name introductions and mini-background stories of where each of them came from and what they do, this new guy in the group had the testicular fortitude to literally ask this strange and lovely woman, “So, are you beautiful all of the time or is this your night off?”

The person sitting to the left and to the right of him immediately shoved themselves away from the table as far as they could scoot their chairs and as fast as they could do it. They were right in doing so because the new guy ended up wearing that second drink he bought her.

She immediately walked out of the restaurant without paying her bill. The new guy just sat there in shock as the cold liquid absorbed through his clothes and on to his body, giving him chills.

Then he called her a “bitch”. And a few other names as well.

He carried on and on about how disrespectful it was of her to throw that drink on him. But the rest of us sitting there with him could not fathom his reasoning of why he would think that way, when we were the ones trying to figure out why he did not realize that it was he that disrespected her!

I guess what I do not understand is how people think that they can be rude and disrespectful towards another person and expect to advance in the relationship. What is it about men that makes them think that they can act like pure animals and expect a woman to want to be around them?

When you meet someone for the first time and you want to get to know them better, you do not act like an idiot. Because the person you are trying to get to know will see this and think that you ARE one, instead of just acting like one. I’ve never been so disrespectful towards women (or anyone for that matter) in all of my life.

Like the saying goes, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” I heard that from my parents all of the time growing up. By the time I was out of high school I understood what they were saying.

I don’t refer to a woman as a “bitch” or a “whore”. Not even in anger. I don’t even go that far to be so disrespectful when I am referring to an old relationship or a past lover. Regardless of how the relationship might have ended. I do not see the point or merit of it.

Heck, I won’t even use profanity in front of a woman, unless they’ve used it first. And by that time, I would really have to get to know them before I would dare use such language. At least in general. I know that I have slipped a couple of times with others but I survived because they didn’t think anything of it. But seriously using such demeaning terms towards someone as complex as is the opposite sex does not mean any real sense to me. That’s just my opinion.

I know that every person is different. Some treat others with kindness, the others just do not have a mouth filter. I am the person who treats others with respect because I want to be respected in return.

But there are those who don’t. And those are the kinds of men who make socializing with women so difficult for me. Chances are before I have met any woman, they have had some kind of bad experience with disrespecting jerks, and it lays fresh on their mind as I began to talk to them. I end up having to struggle with showing that I’m not “that guy”. I am not “just another slimeball.”

And I am gathering that it is because I choose to behave in a civilized manner when it comes to talking with women, that I am always being called “sweet” or “charming”. And I get that a lot. Hey, I don’t get it. I’m just me!!

Men (and women) who do not know how to actually behave in public, probably shouldn’t be in public. But its difficult to manage that because we are all different.

I on the other hand, will remain who I am. I will treat women with kindness and respect as they deserve. And if that gives me some sort of label to the members of the feminine world then so be it.

The whole point of social interaction is to get to know a person better. So it does not make sense to me to go out there on the first try and act stupid because there’s probably not going to be another chance to get to know someone after that. Especially if I am genuinely interested in that person. I commonly use the phrase “One, and done.” And I hate that.

Why limit myself to only one chance on making an impression and talking with someone while trying to get to know them personally? I strive for that second, third, fourth, fifth time. That next opportunity to talk to someone I am interested in. I am not interested in playing Beat the Clock. I would much rather move towards endless possibilities.

One thing is for sure, your reputation does get spread around. The guy that wore the drink, we’ve not seen him since that night. I’ve been asked before by other associates of that woman who dumped the drink, why I was hanging around with such a moron. I was just simply there and I explain that to them. They’ve literally come off the streets to ask me what my problem was. But after I explained that I was just part of the audience, they back off.

Clearly, this guy’s reptutation is in the mud now. But he did it to himself.

I do not know how my own reptutation stands with women. Outside of what I just mentioned about being called “sweet” and “charming”. But whatever it is, I hope that it is optimistic.