Posts Tagged ‘rumors’

blood_stained_hand

“The tongue like a sharp knife… Kills without drawing blood.”~Buddha

A lot of people have been testing my patience as of late. And sadly for the rest of us, it does a number on my head and it does lead to fallout of some sort.

Most recently with this rumor extravaganza that I endured, until I had the strength and the smarts to investigate the roots of these rumors and find out where they were being bred.

I had to do so, because it had caused me a great deal of pain and I ended up losing quite a bit of sleep over it.

Sadly, I would come to find out that not all of the information was rumors and that a number of pieces of information were actually true. But a majority of what was spoken to me was false. And as I confronted that which was true, I had actually received a personal apology, and the rest was just lies.

And after countless people that had been involved with these rumors that I went to them personally to find out what was going on, I was able to decipher on my own which was real and which was not.

The most common rumor that was being spoken was that there’s a huge circle of people that know me on Facebook, and that they do not like me. But they just “put up” with me. And when specific names were dropped, I went to them and asked. Most of them getting very upset and angry that these words were even spoken and it did not represent how they felt about me at all.

Most of them had a desire to kill the person responsible for those words. And I think that was just a natural reaction to the situation.

All of them were super pissed off. All but one. That one did get defensive but did not show the signs of the outrage that others immediately fell into.

After gaining “the other side of the story” I went back to the original tale tellers and told them that I wanted to speak to them again about the situation that they created. Little did they know that it was a trap. And little did “I KNOW” how things were going to turn out.

They had changed their name on Facebook, but their photos were the same, their information was the same. The only thing different was their name. Almost too easy to relocate them again.

I was able to convince the main person responsible for all of this to actually talk to me over the telephone to discuss the situation and to see what other kinds of information that they might have on colleagues or acquaintances of mine.

Once I got them talking on the telephone, they started to drop names again. The same ones. And more stories and tales about them. But I had stopped them in mid-sentence and warned that I had already spoken to those people and right now…. they were pissed off that these words were spoken about them.

If what they were telling me was so in-depth and true… why would there be such an outrage??

After a few minutes though, I began to listen to their tone and quality of voice. And it didn’t seem all that right to me.

So I asked how old they were.

14 years of age.

That young and already knowing so much dirt about people and creating even more bullshit to compile onto it. Knowing so much already about people, getting others to earn their trust and let them speak personally… only to have it backfire and their words twisted around and their trust shattered, by someone so young.

I finally had the upper hand and had them admit that they had lied to me to begin with. However, they were most adamant about NOT lying about one particular individual and kept up with their stance on them. And it just so happens to be the one person who didn’t show emotions of rage like the others. And I wonder if there is any validity to it at all.

The person that they were talking about kept denying things, saying things were untrue. But they weren’t so upset that they were wanting to kill those responsible for the vicious lies. Defensive for sure, but not wildly emotional.

It just really makes me wonder.

People hide behind their Internet connections every day. And in this case, the teenager thought that they were going to be able to hide behind their keyboard and be safe. I proved them to be wrong. And now their Facebook accounts are disabled, with a promise never to come back. Coming from a teenager, I don’t believe that. What I think though is that they’ll start over and try something new.

I don’t know if this child did it for attention, or just simply to start shit with me and other people, or just started it to get a reaction. I honestly don’t know why it was started. But you better believe that I had finished it, for sure.

I am still the kind of person that will stand up and fight for those I care about. And this was obviously made clear today.

“One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though… betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.”~ Steven Deitz

This comes as a part two of the post about keeping secrets. But it deals more with what happens after you have confided in someone with a secret and that someone has betrayed you by telling your secrets.

It has happened to us all. We tell people certain things about ourselves that we would normally keep to ourselves, but had faith in those people whom we love and call friends that in sharing with them that they would not betray us.

Sometimes its unintentional. Sometimes its flat out deliberate. Either way, the pain that we experience is all the same. We suddenly feel all alone in this world. Our trust is broken and we begin to build a wall around us so that we cannot be hurt by a second wave. Or so we tend to think. But whatever it is that we do, we’re almost always in the state of mind where damage control is needed.

There are several ways to deal with being betrayed. Some healthy, some more or less destructive and negative. Each person has their own ways of cope when negative situations arise.

I recently felt the sting of betrayal. At this point, the smoke hasn’t cleared yet and so I could not tell you if whether or not that betrayal was done on purpose or if it was just a slip of the lip.

Long story short: I discussed with a few people that I had put some trust in about my social life, both on and offline. All parties involved knew that it was not a topic of  conversation that could be discussed out in the general public or open. But it came out anyways, and it was done in public. Suddenly the rest of those who heard (or overheard) the conversation have it set in their minds that I am involved in a romantic relationship. In which, I am not.

So then, what should I do? What should I say?? Is there a need to go around and talk to everyone that was in the room at the time and explain to them that I am not involved with any woman at the current time? Do I need to go to those who betrayed me and just chew them out until they feel about an inch tall?

Answer: Probably not. I personally do not see the point in all of that, even though I am a bit hurt that it had happened in the first place. If it were in general terms, it would definitely be easier to go to those people who heard this information and explain to them. But those individuals whom I call neighbors are set in their ways. They will believe whatever they want to believe is the truth behind whether or not I am involved romantically.

People are like that though. They believe what they want. You can explain and defend your side of things until you are blue in the face. It doesn’t mean you are going to be 100% successful in convincing them of what is true and what is rumor. Most of us would agree that it is just not right. But we can’t change the world.

So the best way that I know how to maintain and control this situation is to NOT discuss previous topics of conversation, and of women, to those who started this mess in the first place. I can’t totally shut them out. They live nearby. I’m going to run into them a time or two. But I CAN control what kind of things I say to anyone. Just like I control the content of this blog.

I was just so horrified and shocked that those whom I had put some faith in, wanted to further discuss these topics with me and then chose to do so amongst other people. More specifically, in front of those people whom both sides had agreed that if others knew about it, then I’d be thrown into the rumor mill and it would spread like wildfire. And it has, to be completely honest.

So I’m not going to discuss these things any more, with any body. And if those whom were once trusted with such information dealing with certain subject matter come to me asking for an update… they simply will not get one. Or they will get a reply that will simply answer their question but give nothing of substance.

We as human beings have our circle of people in whom we entrust a lot of things. Deep personal things. It really hurts though when those things are suddenly made public. Our brains immediately turn to the feelings of anger, wanting to hurt those who have clearly hurt us. But I personally do not believe that revenge is the answer.

I’ve been entrusted with MANY things by MANY people. Yet I have shown my merit and worth by respecting their personal lives and keeping it personal and private. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that.

So then how do we deal with the situation of our trust being broken? Everyone is different and has different needs and wants. One can just hope that they deal with it in a constructive manner and not destructive because it only makes things so much worse than it was before.

To those people who now believe on what they think is true about me… they are going to soon see that I am not hanging out with anyone special. I am not going to be seen with a woman on my arm. And eventually they will be forced to admit to themselves that whatever they have been thinking about me and this situation of being involved is simply untrue. It is just a simple matter of time.

When I was in grade school, we played this little “game”. The students stood in a semi-circle and it started with someone whispering in my ear something random. Something about “Jimmy has a new girlfriend. She had blonde hair and blue eyes”. There was more to it but I no longer remember what it was about.

The point was to whisper to the person next to you exactly word for word what you just heard and then by the time it got to the other side of the classroom, it was totally blown into pieces and hardly anything was accurate at all.

It was a lesson in gossip. Trying to show the class that gossip always loses the facts whenever its spread around. And probably the moral of the lesson was, not to do it.

Today, gossip is more popular than ever. The stories continue to be told and spread around but I believe that the same rule applies. By the time the story is finished being told, most of the important details have been grossly removed. And so the last of the people who hear these false stories believe in what they have just heard without any consideration that something might be missing or incorrect.

In the apartment complex where I live, gossip reigns supreme. (So does chaos for that matter.) I guess that is just the price that I pay because I live with a group of elderly people who honestly have nothing else better to do. They’ve lived their lives and now they are retired, so then now what are they going to do?

I tried to get a clear-cut definition of the word “gossip”. I would find out that even the definition of the term constantly changes and evolves. But a majority note remains the same. Its the talk about someone else’s personal and private life. And often times it is brought up through a lot of errors when it comes to the facts.

A person can talk another person about a third person without it being gossip. But it turns into gossip when it deals with the private lives of that third person, especially when the two people involved in the conversation has nothing to do with that third person’s life or situation.

Confused yet?

I can talk to my best friend, who lives in the West Coast, and tell them that my neighbor is in the hospital. And that would not be gossip. What would MAKE it gossip, would be to add details that are totally incorrect. Something like, “My neighbor got carried away by the EMT because they are so old and they were having a heart attack.”

The truth may be that they were taken to the hospital by EMT, but it turned into gossip when the untrue facts of having a heart attack become involved. We might never really know why that person was taken into the hospital. At least not for sure.

So that is the example that I have come up with to help explain the difference.

With that being said, I will repeat: I live in a place where gossip is spread every day & night!

I know some of you reading this will probably grumble, but I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t like the weekends any more.

I will wait for the grumbling………………………… all done? Good.

There’s really not that much to do when your capabilities and opportunities are limited.

So a lot of the neighbors and myself stay at home during the weekends and it becomes really dull and boring. Until the point where my phone rings and its someone calling me. And that someone lives only about 50 yards away.

They ask how I am and what I have been doing. It is funny to me about those kinds of questions is that usually they already know the answer. And then they ask about my personal life. Those walls of mine immediately start to build.

The questions get more and more specific about certain people in my life. They are asking very detailed questions and are seeking very detailed responses. Not even a fraction of a second ago, they were asking how “I” was doing. It is like they truly don’t even care. They just want to throw that in there so it doesn’t sound so bad when they finally get to the questions that they’ve been really wanting to ask.

I’m left sitting there thinking, “Geez, thanks a lot!”. They really could care less about what’s going on in my life, unless it has something totally oozing with drama.

And from that point where I deny them any information about my friends, contacts, or colleagues other than “They are doing fine”, the level of intensity to their devious ways goes way up.

Its a fact that they don’t really KNOW who my friends and colleagues are. And it would take probably a year and a half of explaining why they are the way that they are, and why I am in contact with them. They don’t seem to have that kind of time to listen. So they switch it over to the subject of other people that we mutually know. Such as, other neighbors.

A statement or comment that is just general knowledge will be said. “They have left town again this weekend for the sixth weekend in a row.” And then it becomes a free-for-all on them telling me their opinions about how they think the neighbors should be staying at home during the weekends.

As much as it might be true that these neighbors are out of town a lot during the weekends, we have absolutely no idea as to why. And it really isn’t anyone’s business but their own.

Living in an area where the group of people have nothing better to do than talk about someone’s private life, sometimes can just suck.

They take what little information that they know and began to assume. Assumptions are lethal too. But that’s for another post. It goes along with the earlier post that I wrote “Things Aren’t Always What They Seem”.

Just because I am one of the youngest residents here, doesn’t mean that I get out as much as they would like to think. I don’t go around visiting with other neighbors just to collect information and get their scoop. 

Yes, I KNOW that these neighbors are going out of town a lot. But if you wanna know why, then you need to go and ask them why. Not call me up in the middle of the afternoon during the weekend because you are bored, and believe that I am going to know everything.

What truly prompted this post out of me was that this situation happened. Both on Saturday and on Sunday. I called one neighbor to ask for a ride to the grocery store and I had to sit through a list of questions about other neighbors for about an hour before I was even able to put in my request for transportation.

Two things about it both amuses me and offends me at the same time.

When the “conversation” was finished, I literally heard them say, “I didn’t used to be like this, until I moved here.” It sounded like they were trying to justify why they were wanting to hear gossip or involve themselves in gossip. In which I feel is pretty lame. If you did not used to be like this before, why did you even start??

And the second thing that just really offended me was that they told me that I was their source of news around here. What was worse, was the fact that they have noticed that I do not speak to them as much as I have in the past, so suddenly they believe that “something must be wrong”. That I must be going through a difficult time in my life at the present because they haven’t heard from me, or have had me come and visit them in their homes in such a long time. It is like it never has dawned on them that I saw the face of reality and saw that all they were doing was pumping me for information about the other neighbors who live here, instead of them going out and visiting with them and finding it all out for themselves.

So that’s my rant.

I will say that I am thankful that I am starting to learn the red flags about how the neighbors here gossip. It has caused me to change directions and whenever they are asking me about someone else, I am smart enough to say, “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask them.” Believe me, after a few times of having to say that they quickly change their tune, as well as the topic of conversation.