Saying Those Words: The Final Day (And Results Of)

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~ A.A. Milne,  author of Winnie-the-Pooh

The moment is gone. She is gone. And now it is Friday evening with the knowledge that I will never see our social services coordinator again.

Another person will come and take her place. Just like the people before her.

The residence, MY NEIGHBORS, altogether collected $295 for her. I think they tossed it into a money order and put it in one of two greeting cards that were set aside for her.

This apparently is the most money that was ever collected for any member of SGC staff who was leaving their position here. And yes, this is saying a lot. Many of us were waiting for her to go to lunch. This morning as I was having my morning coffee, Mrs. Irwin mentioned that she was going to have lunch with two co-workers from which the agency that hired her.

It was going to be a 90 minute lunch. What were they going to do, fire her?? It was her last day of work here.

90 minutes was all that was needed in order to set up the room, put out a spread of finger foods and snacks, decorate a little with flowers and balloons and then sit and wait for her to return back to work in the dark.

She actually arrived a little bit after 1:00 PM and some of the neighbors were getting ants in their pants. But eventually she arrived back to work from lunch and the lights went back off, the door shut, and about HALF of all total residents who live here….. sat in total and complete silence.

The apartment manager was behind it all. And so was Mr. Irwin, her husband. He would show up later and join us for a brief time.

It worked. She admitted that she had convinced herself that she only THOUGHT something was coming, but couldn’t quite say for sure what exactly it would be. All of those neighbors who would have been the perfect candidates for letting the cat out of the bag, either by accident or on purpose, never gave her a clue that we were planning a gathering in the afternoon.

She admitted rather quickly that she became misty-eyed. But she did not actually break down into tears. She was given a plant from the collective group. She also received a nice bouquet of flowers that I know of and the money.

I personally wrote her a poem. Telling her that it is hard to say farewell but that we here on the property would remember her and miss her.

Her response?

“That’s impressive.”

Then someone just jumped on in and bragged that poetry is what I do best. I don’t know why they jumped in like that. Mrs. Irwin knew that I wrote poetry.

The event came to an end and Mrs. Irwin made a point to visit those who were unable to get out of their homes to say goodbye to them.

I told her personally that I would be back and I came home to take off the black suit I had put on. I did see her going along the sidewalk, passing by my front door, but I never chased her down.

I went over to her office and she was still gone. Or so I thought.

She was in the apartment manager’s office behind closed doors with all three members of staff together.

I kept getting looks from our maintenance man. A person who doesn’t have a very high score for resident approval ratings. He never gave me any indication of whether or not they were having a private conversation or just chit-chatting with the door closed. He just kept looking at me like he was privileged and I was an outsider.

It was pissing me off because he kept looking through the window in the door, but would not acknowledge anything about me being there. So I left.

Then a little bit later, no more than fifteen minutes I had received a telephone call that a home health nurse was coming to visit. So I scattered to go back to the office area to do what I had to do and say those words that I hate saying and be able to find closure to the situation.

But when I got into the building, she was gone.

I felt the tears building up. But the wind that was powerfully blowing into my face prevented them from falling down my face. I was asked later by the visiting nurse if I cried but I told her that I almost did but could not.

I never got to say goodbye to her. I did get the chance to give her the poem that I wrote and to take a photograph with her. But I did not get that opportunity to say farewell to her. 

And as you probably can already tell, I am so frustrated and disappointed and actually BLAMING the maintenance man for this missed opportunity. Usually when a door is closed, that means privacy. But he could have given me some sort of indication. And he didn’t. He could have, what a selfish man.

I’m pissed.

I ran outside and looked at the parking space that she had been parking in for the past eight or nine months and it was empty.

She was gone. The apartment manager even told me that she was gone and it was final.

Some will argue that since I didn’t actually tell her goodbye that I don’t have to and that she will come back. I do believe that anything is possible. But for her to come back to visit or whatever is less than favorable. At least for now. Maybe down the road.  

I begin the weekend, angered and hurt and disappointed.

So farewell Mrs. Irwin. You’ve done so much more than what you realize for me and for the rest of us. I am going to miss you.

 

 

 

When The Time Comes To Say Those Words You Hate To Say

“It feels right. But it’s emotional. Saying goodbye to anything you’ve done that long is hard.”~ Angela Ruggiero

The 28th of February, will be our social services coordinator’s last and final day of working with us here at the apartment complex where I live.

She had started to tell this to everyone on a one-on-one basis, knowing that the news was going to spread like wild fire.

She’s been with us for two years. And unfortunately for me, her leaving will be the fourth person who has come and taken over that office and that job and has eventually left.

One retired, one quit, one got fired. This one found a better job opportunity. And yet here I am in my numb state talking about it as it is just beyond midnight and will have the morning and part of the afternoon to see her at her work, in her office. Not really knowing what to say to her other than to wish her well in her future endeavors. But I am not one for typical responses. 

My neighbor tried to pin it on the fact that she’s this hot chick with long red hair. But that was established two years ago when she walked in the door for her first interview and I happened to see her walking up the sidewalk to enter into our community building. It was also established that she was married and had been for many years. And I just don’t play that game of home wrecking.

So for two years, I’ve done what I could to deal with that sort of thing and I believe that I have done my best not to let it get in the way of letting her do her job and whatever else she needed to do.

Yet when you are around someone five days a week, forty hours a week, one cannot help but develop some attachment. Even if its just simply being social and polite and acting like a caring human being. Yes I did find the long red hair attractive on her. No, I didn’t say or do anything really stupid in order to make her freak out or wanna report me to the police or her boss or whatever. I did say some snarky things but I knew that I had crossed a boundary by her reply of either “oh boy!!” or “oh dear!!” None of which had any permanent damage and yes, I was brave enough to tell her that I was sorry during times. And forgiveness was shortly followed. 

But here I am faced with a dilemma that is very much so a personal problem. The farewell. Or as the rest of you call it “The Goodbye Conversation” … even though I freakin’ HATE using that term. What is appropriate? But also what is not going to sound like a standard and cliché response?

With the new job that she took, it does sound like (for her) that it would be a step forward and an improvement. And honestly, we all should do that in our lives and careers. Step and move forward. But it does not sound like much of an opportunity that she would return for a visit any time soon. Much like the person before her. But the person before her actually retired, instead of going to a different job. So the former person has the time, the one who is leaving us today probably will not.

So I hope that soon, everything will be okay and that I won’t sound like an asshole when I am having my last conversation with her …. as a professional. Nobody can say for sure if I will ever have a conversation away from this property and as a person. I do believe however, that anything is possible. I just hope that the possible becomes a probable.

I spoke to a different professional today. I explained that her leaving us is like being in mourning. Those of us (like myself) who got close enough to her. And they said that I was right. Being in “mourning” just plain sucks.. there’s nothing else more to describe it. And I hope that the mourning period for this particular personal loss will not last long.

I am sure that I will write a follow-up blog soon, probably sometime this weekend. Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!

One And Done

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened…” ~ Dr. Seuss

Very powerful words there. This coming from an author with the most expansive imagination and capable of entertaining small children. I’d still hate to find out who his illustrator was. I digress.

Life has its cycles, its chapters. With every beginning, must come an end. And of course they always say that in order to open one door, you must close another.

I believe that it is challenging enough without all of these fancy words being tossed around from all sides, only to say those words that you honestly never wanted to hear in the first place. Just because they are not telling you those words, doesn’t mean that they are not saying them.

I said farewell to a friend today. I knew that it was coming though. And it was not a matter of fight or disagreement. Their life simply came to the end of another chapter and so tomorrow morning, they will begin a new one. Unfortunately that meant without me.

Many people come and go throughout our lives. We meet the most wonderful and glorious of people and we also meet the scourge of what we consider to be the most horrible waste of space. Yet those whom we can hold on to for long periods of time, we able, willing, and happy consider them “friends”.

I wish my friend well in their newest adventures of life. And I hope that the prosper to the best of their ability. And who knows? Anything is possible. In this I truly believe. Yet the chances that I will meet up with them again, are next to nothing.

After a long pause in silence and staring at one another, they left and I watched them get into their vehicle and drive off until I was no longer to see their back bumper as it turned into just a tiny dot on the horizon as they climbed the hill along the street that they were driving.

It didn’t really hit me until I had returned home. Realizing that there would be no more phone calls, no more e-mails. I was absolutely overwhelmed. And this really got me thinking about certain things. Mainly the different types of relationships I have with each individual person that I know and have grown fond of.

In the past three years, I have met some incredible people. I say “met”, but not really. Simply put, several people that I have come to know, I have known them from being online. The person that left today was of no exception. Even though they did live closer to me than others whom I associate with frequently.

Now it is true, that I have actually “met” people who have been totally amazing and quite the asset to my life. These are the kinds of people that I would do anything for. We all have those kinds of people in our lives, I think. “Blind Faith” is what I call it.

There are those people that I have become more of acquainted with from online, and the joy that I felt on those days when I was able to meet them face to face. It really is a wonderful feeling in my book.

Yet as I sat upon my couch, staring up at the ceiling, each individual person came to mind that I have grown to know better and better throughout these past few years. What a solemn and frightful moment that would run through my mind, had I not done what I have done in the past to make these people all that more important to me in my life. Had I not known them as well as I do today. And the fearful illusion of actually coming to know these people even better, only to have either never met them in person at all, or met only one time in my life. As was the case with this friend who just left.

Over a year of e-mails and chats and lengthy phone calls led to what seemed to have been a friendship that had been going on for decades. And never once met in person. But I had that opportunity today to meet them for the first time, at least in person. We acted as if this fact was never a part of it. As if we had been around each other the entire time.

I had become the fortunate one today. To have been able to have that opportunity. And still, even though I should concentrate on the fun that was had earlier… I sat there, sighing.

My hands trembling in sync with my bottom lip when the visionary mind games came into place about whether or not I would meet those whom I truly want to meet deep down in my heart of hearts. And the terrible scare of this happening again with them after it was all said and done.

One… And… Done.

To be fair, I think that if I were to meet someone in person and things just didn’t go very well then I would have to agree that “yeah, maybe meeting again is not the right thing to do.” But who wants to think about that??? I sure don’t.

I want to be positive, yet firm, cautious, and open-minded. After all, who goes on a blind date in this day and age and even before you get there, you think to yourself, “Good grief, I hope I never meet this person ever again!”. I don’t think anyone does. If they have, I am sure that their doctors can lead them towards the correct medication and treatment that they are needing.

I have been there too many times in my life, where I have met someone (whether it be from online or not) and I never heard from them again. For me, its not a great feeling. I do not like it! I simply don’t do well in that kind of situation.

Even within the past 12 months, I have become rather commonly acquainted with some really fantastic people. Male, female. Tall, short. Old, young. All of them though: just wonderful as can be.

Some of you may remember in a previous post a few months ago about my trip to Houston. Those people were absolutely incredible. And the thought of never seeing them again, just isn’t an option for me tonight.

I have now developed a determination. I WILL see them again! It may not be tomorrow, it may not even be next month or even next year. But I WILL see them. And I’ve also determined that those whom I have endeared for so very long, and have not met yet, I shall see them as well. And with the exception of some unforeseen tragedy, I WILL see them again.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. You bet your sweet bottom line there is! And I will find it. So here I come world of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. If you will have me, I will be there!

And if it does come to the fact that I never really DO see these people again, it will only be because circumstances were as such that I could not control. And I will be happy that I have been able to do it the first time.

Look out world! Dambreaker is on the move!!