Conquering The Sickness

“A hospital is no place to be sick.” ~ Samuel Goldwyn

Wow!! It has definitely been a long time.

This afternoon I’ve been battling whether or not to talk about this here on Dambreaker. But I decided to at least do it for myself. If not, for others.

I’ve been sick. Like REALLY sick for the longest time, with edema in my legs. I guess it happens frequently to wheelchair users as their legs dangle downward when they are sitting upright.

I was no exception. Definitely no exception.

At last, it got so bad that they were draining fluids on their own and my skin was in horrible condition. Not to mention any infection I may have had.

I finally made the decision to go to the emergency room via ambulance.

This would be a turning point in terms of my health. The moment I arrived, everyone who gazed upon my legs was in pure shock.

It did not take them long to make the decision to admit me into the hospital. But I knew that was coming any way.

After getting fluids, antibiotics, and pain killers in my system. I felt that I was on the road to recovery. And depending how long it would take the edema to go away from my legs was  good question.

I even had two musician friends come and visit me while in the hospital. So cool…thank you to them for showing up.

But a few days later, I woke up around 5:00 AM in so much pain. I was cold and shivering and it was uncontrollable. By the time the sun had come up, I was fading in and out. And I could not keep my eyes open at all. And I couldn’t find myself to keep warm. 

Then I remember nothing but blackness. Like a film or TV show “fading to black”, sort of.

After that, it was a few hours later. Just like THAT!! I was sitting up in bed for a while and then had to lay back down. Nurses and hospital staff were congratulating me for what they said was for “coming back quickly” – but I did not understand. I had to be told that after the “fade to black” feeling, I was flat line for about two or three minutes, then I was revived. Apparently I was gone…. lost… and through the help of modern medicine, I came back.

I don’t recall much of anything about the incident, other than being told that I was “gone for a minute or two.”

Yet I was much, much, much stronger than that!!!! It was NOT my time.

The following day, I was pumping pain killers in me like clock work. By about the second day after the incident, I was being discharged from the hospital. The doctor however said something about going into “rehab” and it was up to me to pick a place to go to.

Rehab? What the hell?? What is this “rehab” you speak of dumbass?

In a panic I picked a location without knowing ANYTHING about the places that were offered to me. NOT A THING. 

The place that I chose for “rehab” ended up being “REHABILITATION AND SKILLED NURSING” — yep…. a damn nursing home!!!

What had I done??

So my first 48 hours there was pure torture. Including the fact that the bed was so uncomfortable beyond all measure.

After the first 24, I was in a meeting with the director. I was NOT happy with the way I had been treated. She agreed that it should have never happened. I came back with an idle threat out of frustration and severe anger “Maybe I’d be better off going back to the hospital.” I received no response.

So for seven days, I was stuck in the hell hole known as the nursing home. My roommate was a 70 year old man who was an alcoholic and farted and burped every time he was asleep and started to wake up. Every-single-time.

And of course the sights, smells, and sounds of a traditional nursing home. UGHHHHH!!!

But this afternoon… today…. I came home.

I’m not feeling quite 100% but I am so glad to be home. And I NEVER wanna go through that kind of crap ever again. From the near death to the misery. Never, never, ever.

I am alive. I am home. That’s all there needs to be.

14 March 2015: Metal Monsters of Texas – Casket Of Cassandra/SXSW 2015 @ Dirty Dog Bar: Austin, TX

“One of my favorite traditions is that my sisters and I, we all wear the same pajamas. I’ve even still got some from when I was 6. Also, I’ll always remember cooking together in the kitchen and that no matter how busy our schedules are, we are all together for Christmas.”~ Bailee Madison

I think that I got supremely lucky to have the opportunity to have two out of ten bands in my pocket performing all on the same stage.

But I did have to wait several hours in between the two performances.

Although during my wait I was able to get me some merchandise. The count has already begun. Some free, some paid for. But that’s for another post after this craziness is all over.

The excitement level went through the roof as I was about to see CASKET OF CASSANDRA on stage again. To be able to watch them play and then kind of look over the crowd for their reaction is always fun.

I would find that this was no usual performance from them. Band members were jumping on stage and doing their sound check …. in their pajamas.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over??

Some of them had super hero themes, others did not. But it was all bedtime sleepwear. 

The only thing that I could think about was that it was similar to Slipknot with their track suits. But each member of CASKET OF CASSANDRA had their own thing going on. Individuality doth rocketh!!

The thing with CASKET OF CASSANDRA is that there’s this strange, personal attraction to the band’s music that both entertains and scares the shit out of me. And there is no even balance between the two. Either I am totally floored with impression or I wanna run out of the building and go to my happy place.

How they do that, I will probably never know!!

CASKET OF CASSANDRA is constantly evolving, constantly growing, and continues to be impressive.

It is always great to be sitting right up against the stage when they are playing. To be able to hear Amanda Maddera’s vocals as it pours from her mouth even before it reaches the microphone is a cool experience. To be that close to…. well … uncertain death (so to speak) can give quite the thrill. Or scare.

Amanda Maddera

But I am not mocking them in the least. All of them are supremely talented. Its just that the band as whole with their music, lyrics, and stage presence can be quite intimidating.

To this day, Maddera is blowing minds that she has the vocal capability to perform as she does. I heard so many people afterwards totally tripping out about her vocal talents and abilities. I kept thinking to myself “Welcome to the world of the Casket.”

Considering that most of the members came from California and implanted themselves for their career in Texas says a lot about their passion and dedication for their specific craft.

However on this day, it was like watching a brand new band.

The pajamas, the music, the stage presence, the ending… was all new to me.

inches away

At the very end of their set, they played my favorite song, “Solitaria.”

I also love “Bury You” and “The Kraken’s Reign” so I had three options of favorite songs that they could have played. They played my most favorite of theirs.

And I kept thinking as Maddera got closer and closer and closer, coming off the stage and standing on these very unstable bar tables and just inches from me. I knew something was going to happen. I just hoped that she wasn’t going to crash in the process.

I abandoned my digital camera and attempted in vain to stabilize the tables that Maddera was standing upon.

Then it suddenly dawned on me about what she was about to do.

Maddera shouted to the crowd without her monster vocal tone and then went into a crucifixion pose.  She stepped to her right and one step away from being directly in front of me. And then she dropped while finishing off the song.

An official (or unofficial, whichever) CASKET OF CASSANDRA stage dive. Something I had never personally experience from them. It was pretty bad ass though.

So I don’t know when I will be seeing them again. I hope its soon. I don’t know if they will abandon the pajamas. But I think it worked with great entertainment value. So kudos to CASKET OF CASSANDRA.

Check them out!!

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia: Post #666

“We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.”~ Oscar Wilde

Here we are. The 666th post of DAMBREAKER.

I had no idea what I was going to write about. I thought perhaps I would write about something evil, dark, and disturbing. But there’s already so much of that out there on the Internet that if I was to do it, nobody would really pay attention. And I doubt that anyone wants to really hear about my exes.

I asked around for opinion to those I know who read this blog more often than others. They couldn’t come up with any ideas.

And so research is what it was. Then I stumbled across a word relating to the number:

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. 

Damn. What? Not even I.. who needed only four tries to say the word “floccinaucinihilipilification” correctly, would even bother trying to say this word!

What is it? Well, the word “phobia” is on the end so then what is it a fear of?

FEAR OF THE NUMBER 666. 

And now you honestly and truly know that there is a phobia for EVERYTHING under the sun!!!!

However the fear is actually there and comes up a lot more than one would think.

When I was a child, there was a neighborhood kid who came running across the street to show me his math textbook. He was in an extreme panic mode when he asked me to take a look at his math assignment.

Ironically sixth math problem on the page was “999-333=?” and even though he claimed that he knew the answer to the problem, his question for me was “Is it okay to write down the answer?”

Wow. Really kid? It’s math. Nothing else.

But it does get a lot more weird.

 A prominent example is Nancy and Ronald Reagan who, in 1989, when moving to their home in the Bel-Air section of Los Angeles after the 1988 election, had its address 666 St. Cloud Road changed to 668 St. Cloud Road. 

There were reports of pregnant women who were terrified of the possibility of giving birth to their child when the 6th of June 2006 came around. That’s pretty strange!!

The date of the sixth of June in the year 2006 , no matter how you write it,  would be 06-06-06.

A bunch of heavy metal bands were pushing to get their new albums finished for release so that it could be released on that exact day, including the band SLAYER, but many of them failed for various reasons. Nothing major actually happened on 06-06-06. At least nothing that would be worth mentioning for this post. It was however the 62^nd anniversary of D-Day. And that’s about it.

Former White Zombie bass player, Sean Yseult was  born on the sixth of June in the year 1966. But that would be 06-06-66. I think that’s too many sixes.

There was a significant killer tornado that struck Topeka, Kansas.. but that was two days later on the 8th of June of 1966. So that was too late.

A more recent example came in November 2013, when Codie Thacker, a cross-country runner at Whitley County High School in Williamsburg, Kentucky, refused to run in her Kentucky High School Athletic Association regional meet, forfeiting a chance at qualifying for the state championships, when her coach drew bib number 666.

People fear the number of 666. And it is inexplicable.

The only reference we have is the biblical passage in the book of Revelations at the end, saying that #1- it is a human number and #2- its the number of the beast (in which we are led to believe would be the Devil.)

I could not find anywhere else where this number would come up and have such a significance in society or culture.

Not even the Satanists bother to use the number 666 – other than for shock value. It means nothing to them.

Other uses with 666 have been numbered highways.

There are/were numbered highways with “666” in Belgium, Ireland, Canada, Italy, Sweden, United Kingdom, and the United States of America. However in Ontario Canada, Ontario Highway 666 was changed to 658 in 1985. But I cannot confirm the reasons why.

Even in the big state of Texas, there is a highway 666.

Farm to Market Road 666 (FM 666) is a farm-to-market road in the state of Texas that serves Nueces County and San Patricio County. The road begins at FM 70 in Bishop and continues north as it intersects both Texas State Highway 44 (also known as TX 44) in Banquete and FM 624 in Bluntzer. As the road enters San Patricio County, it enters the city of San Patricio, and, during the end of its route, is parallel to Interstate 37 (I-37). The road eventually ends in the city of Mathis at TX 359.

FM 666 was designated in 1945 from SH 44 in Banquete southward and eastward to US 77 in Driscoll. In 1949, FM 666 extended north to US 59(now SH 359) in Mathis. In 1955, the section of FM 666 from US 77 to its current junction with FM 665 was transferred to FM 665. In 1957, FM 666 extended south to FM 70, completing its current route.

Its length is 36.7 miles (59.1 km) long. 

In 2010, I had an “experience with 666. I stayed with someone that I should not have been with in a Marriott Hotel along the Riverwalk in San Antonio, Texas.

The room number that was assigned to the woman was literally 666. She looked at me all funny, but then was laughing about it and then shrugged it off. She WAS “evil” though. I only say that because with the amount of time I spent with her in that hotel room, after all of that …. she was MARRIED.

But that is neither here nor there. I was where I should not have been to begin with.

And still, the answer to the question “Why is this number evil?” remains unanswered. At least in my mind.

It is the number in between 665 and 667. And the next blog post here will be 667.

What scares you? What are your phobias???

CASKET OF CASSANDRA – Day Four

“I’m scared to death of being poor. It’s like a fat girl who loses 500 pounds but is always fat inside. I grew up poor and will always feel poor inside. It’s my pet paranoia.” ~ Cher

I finally went to my mailbox and got my pre-order for the new album by CASKET OF CASSANDRA.

I unfortunately missed their big release party because I was too busy working on the new Dr. Froth project. More about that later.

But this is for CASKET OF CASSANDRA.

I can say with full confidence that I am scared to death.

Some of the things that were recorded on this album were so creepy! And not that kind of creepy that makes the album stink, but more of a creepy that tells you “I should have seen this coming, but how could I have?” kind of punch-in-your-face-this-is-still-heavy-metal.

Everything about “Day Four” just drives me crazy with pleasure and contentment.

After only hearing about them a few short months ago for the first time, I really found myself drowning with interest in their music and I got to know the band personally which was really cool.

My favorites are still “Soltaria” and “Bury You” but now I’m going to add “The Egotist” since I had an interest in it when I heard it live back in March I think it was… the studio recorded version of the song grabbed me by the neck, slammed me into the chair,  and wouldn’t let go until the CD was finished. 

So not only am I really proud to say that I know these guys, but they really do put out some quality stuff for what they know how to do. This is one incredibly freaking awesome band.

And I must add before I forget, the back cover image of their new album “Day Four” is quite a trip- and still scary as shit.

“Nail To The Eye” is another song that is becoming a favorite of mine, simply for the chant in the middle of the song:

“Glass bones
Paper skin
Fragile as fuck
Faced with sticks and stones
You’re shit out of luck”

Lyrics that I never would have dreamed to have written!! Whomever came up with that line… I bow in respect, because in the world of heavy metal, it doesn’t get any better than that.

“You Shouldn’t Have Done That….” had so many wild turns in it, that I thought that I was experiencing a horror film IN REAL LIFE.. I literally turned it down because I didn’t want anything jumping out at me. I freaked out so bad.

The album as a whole is put together as one awesome unit. The entire thing from beginning to end is unbreakable. 

I am going to ask permission by Amanda Maddera and Riles Olacsi if I can do a Q&A session with them, and then post the “online interview” on my blog… if they agree to it, then it will be something exclusive for just this blog. If they say no, then I’ll move on.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have listened to this at night? I don’t know. I just know that I’ve gave it the maiden voyage and now…. life is a little creepy.

But like I said, not horrible creepy. Just scary-what-the-hell-was-that?!?!?!?!?

CASKET OF CASSANDRA could not have done a better job with this album. They are going to really pick this up I hope. Because I think that if they do, they will really make it in the business and do very well for themselves.

Get your own copy of the album. And you’ll agree!!

http://casketofcassandra.bandcamp.com/

Conjuring The Conjuring

“Every single moment is a coincidence.”~ Doug Coupland

Okay, for those of you who are  creeped out by things too easily, are superstitious to the max, or otherwise bothered by the uncertain and the unexplained, go ahead and skip this blog post and wait for the next one.

The Conjuring came out in theaters here in the United States today…. with a few exceptions of certain places which it was released a little earlier than today.

So I stuck my nose in it today, trying to make a decision of whether or not to go see this film in the theater or not at some point over the weekend.

I couldn’t sleep much, so I was up and at it around 6:30 AM this morning, still dark… but looking up creepy stories about The Conjuring.

Its supposed to be “based on a true story” but we all know that Hollywood messes that all up and barely bases anything they release on film on what is to be considered true events.

These kinds of stories, the TRUE stories, I always find myself fascinated with.

So ever since this morning, I had been looking up the behind-the-scenes story as to what brought this film in production.

That thing is so creepy!!!!

There seems to be a lot of web articles about the story of Annabell the Doll. Its a older version of Raggedy Ann doll. It was bought in 1970, and weird things started happening with the doll. I was shocked throughout my research today that the doll is still in existence today!!!

And to think that as a child, I had a Raggedy Andy doll given to me for Christmas. Really does make me shiver! A LOT!!!

But I won’t go into a lot of detail and ruin too much about the film because the film is not the point of this blog post.

What happened afterwards IS the focus.

After I realized that I spent ALLLLLLLLLLLLL DAY LONG on this subject, trying to learn more and more and more about the true story behind the film, all I would get is the same story about Annabelle the Doll.

Before I knew it, it was dark outside. I knew that if I continued to research and I found something that creeped me out… it was going to work on my sleep. So that very moment I realized the sun was gone, I stopped looking it up.

I moved on with my evening, ate a few snacks, made a few tasteless jokes on Facebook, wrote back to some e-mails from my e-mail penpal near St. Louis, and even played Angry Birds via Facebook.

The idea and information about Annabelle the Doll went to the back of my mind. But something else popped up that I have NO explanation for. Other than coincidence. Some might WANT to connect it to something not of this world though.  

No matter what level I was playing in the game of Angry Birds, I would always receive the same score. This happened at LEAST ten different times on various different levels.

I had to take a screen cap of it to prove what I am saying was true.

Two stars, three stars, it didn’t matter. The score underneath was ALWAYS the same!!!!

I had to stop playing. Well, I did not HAVE to. I chose to stop.

What do you think about this mess? Is it a coincidence? Is it a sign? Or possibly a warning?

Let me know what you think!!!!!!!!!!! Leave a comment below.

Nightmares!

Dreams and nightmares are still a fascinating thing.

I remember that about 10 years ago, I would always try to analyze my dreams. Both good and bad and see what my body was trying to tell me. I was never really any good at it though.

There are some things that I have phobias about and they will enter my dreams from time to time.

But last night, I had such the nightmare that I found it rather difficult to shake even though I knew from the moment I woke up that none of it was true. All events never really happened.

Nightmares can plague someone to the point where they just never feel safe. And thanks to Wes Craven, back in the 1980’s there were a lot of people who were afraid to fall asleep.

Last night’s horrid dream dealt with plenty of situations that hit the wide spectrum of feelings, thoughts, and emotions. The content of sex (both consenting and non-consenting) mixed in with the fear of being chased, then being betrayed and then ultimately murder and helplessness.

Perhaps some of it was an extension of some post-traumatic stress in my past. I don’t really know. It has not been diagnosed with me. Not officially anyways.

What I ended up doing was getting completely out of bed and trying to get busy doing something other than sleep to get the horrific images out of my head and memory.  All I know is that it scared the living shit out of me.

I didn’t return back to bed for at least an hour and a half. But then I had trouble going back to sleep. So I got up a second time and by then I had been awake for pretty much most of the night, and the sun was beginning to rise.

So how do you deal or cope with having a nightmare that tends to stay with you even after you realize that it wasn’t real and it still is haunting to you?

My ex told me that it was best to talk about it with someone, outloud. That way, you can bring it to the surface and let it go. But I was personally confused by that idea. If you had a vision or a nightmare and you were awake and realized that it was over and it was not real, why would you want to talk about it and have to “re-live” it all over again?

I had heard from another person to write it down. Like writing a story. Yet again, it was seemed odd to do that because you have to think hard about the details that you just are trying to escape from.

So what’s the best way to deal with having nightmares? How frequently do you have bad dreams? We all have them. Some more than others.

I had several towards the end of January, and through February almost every night. But it soon had passed. But last night’s evil visionary tale has been stuck in my mind even this afternoon. But thankfully, not so vivid and not as scary.