Posts Tagged ‘sex’

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“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
 

Yep, you are reading this right. IT STILL WORKS.
This is a t-shirt that I had custom made recently this year. And it serves well for many purposes. But its legacy has taken off.
First, an explanation as to why it exists.
As an adult with a disability, I can safely say that I have had a lot of people come up to me and ask a lot of questions. Some innocently out of their own ignorance. But A LOT of personal questions that are downright stupid.
With children, the most popular question I get is: What happened to your legs?

Innocent enough. I answer the best that I can. Or I just tell them “That’s how I was born.”

With adults, the most popular question I get (outside of “What happened?”) would be something like:

Can you still do it? Does your dick work? Can you have sex? Can you feel “down there?”

Anything like that.

Trust me, it is really annoying. Especially since it is none of their business. Considering that a vast majority of the people asking, I will never see again in my lifetime.

So I decided to answer the question once and for all.

Honestly, I have not had a single person come up to me asking that kind of question ever since I wore the shirt out in public the first couple of times. Of course there have been some people who have seen it and read it, thinking with dirty minds. It was something that I anticipated to happen. And I just deal with the laughter and snickering that people think that I cannot hear behind my back.

Now let me tell what has happened since I started wearing the shirt in public.

As expected, I have a lot of people tell me that they like the shirt, as they sit there and laugh real hard until they can no longer breathe.

A few times I have had people come up to me, asking to take a photograph of it. In which I do not have a problem with.

I went out last night to watch the band AUTUMN STAY play a show at the Dirty Dog Bar wearing the shirt. And the legacy took off with a whole new chapter.

Before the show even got started, two people who said that they loved the shirt buy me drinks. One of which happened to be the touring band that was in town. The other an employee of a different bar next door.

It didn’t stop the entire night. Drink after drink after drink after drink. Included with so many people asking to take photos. And of course…. I never really know where those photos end up. 19221669_10154696784091453_5194340704344925977_o

As the night continued, more and more drinks and more and more photos. I didn’t have to spend ANY money on refreshments last night. And it was very very HOT, now that it is June in Texas. I think the temperature reached 100°F for the first time in 2017. Hydration was very important last night.

I had several people passing by continually expressing to me that they liked the shirt up and down Sixth Street. And a few women came up to me asking what it meant. As if that was not obvious enough. And other women were either brave enough or drunk enough to end up kissing me!!!

To this day, I have not had anyone challenge me to find out whether or not I am lying. I mean of course it works. If I cannot go through the process of urination, I am in trouble!!!! But yes I know what this hints at. And its supposed to. It has more than one function, perverts.

Before there was a time when someone would ask me if it works, I would answer “There’s only one way to find out!” but nobody ever followed through on that. And that is probably a blessing in disguise.

The only problem that I can see wearing the shirt is that some story randomly finds my family. But they already know about it. I told my parents, and all I got back in response was a chuckle. Especially from my father. So really, I am good.

Stay tuned for more adventures of It Still Works as it travels into the world.

astyu“The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself.”~ Douglas MacArthur

I am going to have to keep this rather short. This really isn’t the time or  space for an “all out” post with the steamiest of details.

The past weekend, I traveled to Houston, Texas once again. For the first time in well over a year!! Yes, I went to see SIX MINUTE CENTURY.

But this doesn’t have anything to do with the band, the friends, the love, or the fellowship. It has to deal with the hotel that I was staying in the two nights I was there.

When I arrived in town, the memory of the place came back to me. But I still to this day, cannot remember which side are odd numbered rooms and which are evens. The last several times I’ve stayed, were almost always numbered rooms ending in an odd number.

Not this time though.

Room 120. Important to the story.

As I began to settle in for the first day/night of my stay, I roamed around the property of the hotel, bypassing the swimming pool.. Laughing to myself because of what happened with a swimming pool the last time I went near one.As I gazed up, I saw several people hovering around the edge of the pool. One gentleman holding a hand-held video camera. I knew instantly what was happening.

I ignored it at first. But when I was back in my room, a few minutes later I could hear a horrendous roar of moaning, screaming, shouting, and overall noises of explicit ecstasy. Yep, someone nearby was going at it like rabbits.

Wouldn’t you know it, it was all going on in Room 118.

Yes… right next door to me!!!

Finally, it stopped. And the curiosity was killing me. I heard a door open. I dashed for my room door and yes I was able to catch them all coming out. Two girls wearing bathrobes caked and drowned in make-up all over their face. One man with just a towel around his waist and pink slippers. And another man standing there, smoking.

A conversation began.

I think that I spooked them really bad because I told them that I knew who they were in general, and I knew what they were doing there at the hotel. The looks on all of their faces were of absolute terror.

I had taken the upper hand.

I asked what the name of their website was. They scoffed at me, playing as if they did not know what I was talking about. They weren’t very good at lying.

Then I started to play with their minds even more. I told them that if they needed something larger to work with, to stop by. I said nothing more. I gave one last look at the females of the group and went back inside to my own hotel room and kept my business to myself.

45 minutes later, they knocked. Full of inquiry. And bringing offerings of food…. good timing considering that I was hungry and the obvious plans for dinner that were obviously never going to happen in the first place were not happening.

The next day, I ran into them again as I was getting ready for the day to spend with SIX MINUTE CENTURY and most importantly, my best friends. I heard comments coming from them … something about “That was amazing.” and “I can’t hardly walk straight, or at all.”

These are the things of legend. The things of fantasy. The stories that are told only in magazines, books, and novels. But this honestly and truly happened.

Lorena Bobbitt

“I’m crazy and I don’t pretend to be anything else.”~ Rihanna

Ever since the “famous incident” that happened in 1993 between John and Lorena Bobbitt, and the mass hysteria that the media infused with it by putting it all over television and print and keeping it there for much longer than it needed to be, I swear the world has gone absolutely insane.

And if I am not mistaken, it was the same year or time that the Amy Fisher affair was broken into the public.

MERCY!! Don’t these people have any lives to live?

We can turn on any television set, power up our own computers and even phones now, and see these idiotic stories come crashing down on us like a tidal wave.

Yet when someone does something brave, noble, or fierce, we never hear about it.

I don’t know how many times in the past 20+ years that some woman lost her stupid mind and bit the penis of a man, if not totally severing it from his body. Those are some strong chompers. Ask Armin Meiwes if you don’t believe me!!!

The Bobbitt Syndrome has begun. And it has spread like wildfire. And it doesn’t even need to. penisbiter

To my own knowledge, you never hear it the other way around. I would love for someone to explain that one to me.

 

Aren’t women thinking ahead when they do this? Usually this kind of assault is done to a lover or a boyfriend/husband. Don’t you realize that its there for your pleasure at times when you are NOT MAD AT HIM???? Why would you do something like this to your man???

It is ridiculous!

Now that it is bitten off or at least damaged, its not going to work the way you were used to it working. And seriously, you’re now going to have to go through all of this “training” again with your man because you were pissed off and stupid (or drunk and high) and went after his manhood. penisbiter2

Are you proud of yourself now?

But I’m way off the train of thought that I had when I thought to write about this.

This story has become so popularized, its not funny. Yeah, I remember laughing about Bobbitt and his incident, but when the media pumps it through their lines every time it is reported by law enforcement…. the story becomes less and less and less and less interesting or entertaining for lack of a better term.

All in all… this is the latest and greatest if you want to dare read about it.

Have fun, you biters!!

 

http://www.kjrh.com/news/local-news/woman-arrested-for-maiming-after-man-claims-girlfriend-tried-to-bite-his-penis-off

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“Throw caution to the wind and just do it.”~ Carrie Underwood

Okay so guys listen up. 

I was privy to talk to a woman who was willing to give up a secret on a simple task of making a woman happy and full of appreciation.

Are you ready for this valuable information???

Do ONE simple thing for her. Just one thing. And it doesn’t even have to be something so expensive or time consuming. Do one simple thing that will let her know that you are thinking about her. 

An e-mail that tells her something. A text message that you are daydreaming about her. A quick voice mail on her busy cell phone that is turned off so that she is not distracted by the ringing during her important part of the day or work.

So I took these things into consideration and tested them out.

The first communication I made with a woman this morning, I sent a text message saying that the skies were clear and the sun was bright but not as bright as she is. It wasn’t much but she LOVED IT! So much did she love it that she expressed herself back in reciprocation in ways that I had never heard her speak to me before. 

I randomly sent a text message to another woman, saying that I could swim in her blue eyes forever. Which is borderline everything in the book …. but you know what??? It made her pay attention to me for the rest of the afternoon until she had no other choice but to end the conversation. But quickly invited me to contact her later. 

One thing guys. Only do one thing. 

Give her a LOVE BOMB if you feel so inclined. 

The thing about it, is that she’s going to see that she’s been on your mind for at least 30 seconds and she’s going to take that into consideration and feel wanted, desired, and appreciated. 

And oh, the bonus points you’ll end up receiving unknowingly. They will remember and they will reward. 

So remember: Do only one thing to capture her attention. And then go from there. Just don’t forget to follow up and keep going!!!!! 

8D15CBCC“When your dad’s a cop, calling 911 is really just like calling Dad at work.“~Ryan Reynolds

I’m real close to considering a separate and totally new blog about the stupidity of humanity as it comes to my knowledge and separating everything by state.

I have a feeling that Florida would probably be a full blog with plenty of posts. This would be one of them.

Honestly, how many times have I written in this blog about something stupid happening in Florida?

http://www.policeone.com/bizarre/articles/6905602-Fla-woman-asks-for-sex-from-cop-dials-911-after-denial/

Thankfully to find out that this woman was very much so intoxicated. I would personally much prefer that they threw every law book in existence at her for wasting safety resources and the time of law enforcement.

But in any case… since a huge majority of my readership/followers are female– after reading the article, enjoy the eye candy.

You’re welcome, ladies!!!!!!!!!!

poron

“My breakup with AT&T is final, and I’m done with Skype as the rebound guy.”~ Elayne Boosler

Thanks to the good people over at SourceFed, a YouTube channel full of umm… “news” …. I was made aware of this fine service that is available in the UK.

RENT A REBOUND helps create for you a lifestyle of a rebound boyfriend/girlfriend that will work over your ex’s senses to the point of absolutely jealousy and envy.

And that is the entire point of the service. A FAKE “significant other” or a bot, will be created just to fit your lifestyle on social media websites. And they will even create further fake “friends” for you so it seems as if you are suddenly the hottest commodity on the market. You know, now that you are single. Setting up fake fights over the Internet so that people will start paying more attention to you. And of course to make those exes of yours so insanely jealous that they’ll go crazy trying to figure out what they just left behind.

All of this for £399… about $500 USD.

So what do you think? Is this service worth it?? Is it something you would use?? Check out their website and then let me know in the comment section.

http://wish.co.uk/rent-a-rebound/

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“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”~ Buddha

The Truth. Where did it go? Has anybody seen it? Does anyone speak it? And why all of a sudden are MEN coming to me, during this short time period of a post-Valentine’s Day???

Women: You’re severely dropping the ball here!!

In the past five days alone, two men have sat there, afraid that they were about to lose their masculinity because they cried on my shoulder. Why? Because women, of all people, have not been telling them the truth.

Male victim #1 came rushing after being what he called “blind-sided” by a woman that he had been chasing for the past year. She said to him that she was unavailable for dating until she got her feet on the ground and her life turned around in a better and more positive direction. She had in the past been going through some hardships and it was because of her own choices. He didn’t push as hard but he kept himself in her circles so that she would not forget about him. And apparently he would be a little flirty and what not just to keep the lines of interest open. He was expected to “wait out the storm” for about a year to a year and a half. And somewhere in the middle of that time period, he was being flirty to the one he liked and she came back with “I don’t think that my boyfriend would like that too much.”

When he asked how long that she had been dating… her answer would literally turn his stomach into knots to the point where he was literally crying in my presence. Holding his stomach, and getting the dry heaves.

Male victim #2 had a similar case of the fibs. His “dream girl” told him to wait for her too. Different situation and different reasons why to wait. Until he too came by very recently, drunk as a skunk and cussing like a sailor because of his anger and frustration over the fact that there are rumors that the woman he had waited for had been involved with another man the entire time.  The only difference is that victim #2 is battling rumors and has no way of finding out for sure whether or not what he’s been told is truthful or not.

Until the stress from the situation got him to a dark place. So he had no choice but to confront and ask. And of course, his dream girl denies everything…. but in his eyes he felt something was wrong. The next morning, the dream girl changed her Facebook relationship status to “in a relationship with ________” and it wasn’t his name.

I’ve been where victim #1 has been. I’ve personally been there once before. It was not fun at all. In fact, it was torture. On the odd side of things it did make it easier for me to just walk away from her. That was the unusual part.

So here’s the question: Why not tell the truth from the beginning? Who cares about whether or not you are afraid its going to hurt someone, would you rather hurt them with the truth than KILL them with lies?

Two things are going to happen in this arena when it comes to lies and deception:

#1- Once a person believes in a lie, they are going to live their life as if that lie is the truth because they are not going to think or believe that the reality is any other way. And that’s going to cause the liar to have to keep up and remember all the lies they’ve told … just to keep the lies going.  So once the lie is exposed, depending on how much time has gone by and how much that person who was lied to, believed in it…. will determine how much damage there’s to come of this. Again, why lie when you just hurt someone’s feelings and be done with it? Because feelings will heal and we will move on. Becoming damaged on the other hand, is totally different.

#2- No matter what you say, no matter what you do. Lies will ALWAYS be revealed. Truth trumps lies!! It doesn’t matter what you do or what you say…. in time (or I should say IN ITS OWN TIME) the lies will unravel and your deception will be in the spotlight. And you’ll have nothing left to hide behind but your own sadness. Not because of guilt but because you got caught. Just telling someone a bunch of crap because that’s what you think that the other person wants is not being so honest. And quite frankly if you have been lying, you deserve the reaction and consequence that will come forth.

WHY HAVE WE STOPPED TELLING THE TRUTH TO ONE ANOTHER?? Especially when it comes to relationships and how we treat one another. Telling the truth might be a new concept in 2014, but good grief!! That’s the way it used to be. So, why not go back from where we came?

We as human being needs to do one another right.