Silent Angel Project

“I just want to say, good night, sweet prince, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”~ Harry Dean Stanton

I have not been asked to do this. I am not being forced to write about this either. I do this because I still have love in my heart.

But I wish to take this time to share with you something that was close enough to become personal.

For those of you who have been reading my blog for the last year or so will probably remember the blog post that I wrote when I had reunited with my beautiful friend that I had not seen since I was a child over breakfast.

She was the one that I called the Bear Queen. She still is, to me. I still respond to her with “yes your highness” and she could be rolling her eyes at me. But that’s who I am and that’s what it is.

She’s still around. I talk with her every once in a while…

For those of you who are unfamiliar, here’s that post:

https://dambreaker.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/reuniting-with-the-bear-queen/

This weekend will come again the annual breakfast but this time I will not be graced with wonderful presence of the Bear Queen. How her absence will be felt and missed.

But fate has other things in mind. Her best friend in the world just recently lost her 16 year old child. And so the Bear Queen has been that pillar of strength and love and compassion for her best friend.

The Bear Queen even has set up her best friend to give her a little help with everything that has been going on. A little help to relieve some of the burden put upon her by this tragic loss. I tend to agree whole-heartedly when I hear people say that parents should not have to bury their children.

And I wanted to share this opportunity to help her friend in her greatest time of need. She is so close to reaching the goal. I would love to see her get there and go beyond. So many people already have contributed their love but this truly is a project that I believe in because it IS so personal to me.

Take the time to look around. To read everything there is to know. And do what you feel is best.

So please consider. I’d much prefer someone helping in this time of need more than anything. Now would be that time, and this would be that way of helping.

And to those who do decide, Dambreaker PERSONALLY gives you thanks in advance.

http://www.gofundme.com/6qrihc

 

In And Out Of Migraine City

“After I saw the first thing I ever did, I got a migraine.”~Claire Forlani

Such a brutal 24 hours or so. And its still not over for me as of yet.

Last night I was feeling quite strange as I began to shiver and shake from out of nowhere. I did check my temperature and found a fever.

Great. Just great. Sick during the summer? That’s not what I want.

Eventually I would some how fall asleep by some miracle. And then this morning, the shivers went away, the fever was gone, but my head hurt like crazy.

So now I have a migraine. Water overdosing: here I come!!!

But I was lucky enough to find a caring soul to actually take me to the emergency room to just simply DEAL with it. And  so I wondered what they were going to do. I mean, I wasn’t suffering any severe injury of any kind. It was just a migraine.

And before I knew it, a few hours later  I was back at home.

The nurse announced that I was sick. And also said that I had a migraine.

Well no shit, Sherlock. I told you that when you asked me the reason as to why I was there in the first place.

A few moments later was the lowering of trou, and a syringe in the ass and sent home.

Fantastic. What the hell was that all about??

I would find out within a matter of minutes.

Apparently, I had ceased to make any sense when I talked. I wasn’t forming any cognitive words in ANY language and I kept slumping over in the passenger’s seat.

Then I just kinda stared at my ceiling as it spun counter-clockwise. It was then that I began to wonder the meaning of life and where we come from. You know, all those big and heavy-hitting questions.

The next thing I knew I was sitting straight up, but on the floor.  And it was dark outside. How the hell did I get out of the wheelchair? And how did I do it without injuring myself??

If you see any part of MY DAY on your milk carton…. please let me know.

 

 

A Risk In The Balance

“At a time when we’re having to take such difficult decisions about how to cut back without damaging the things that matter the most, we should strain every sinew to cut error, waste and fraud.”~ David Cameron

My heart and prayers go out to those people effected by the events that transpired in Boston, Massachusetts today.

I sit here this evening with four days left before the birthday bash for Chuck Williams of SIX MINUTE CENTURY. I have yet to even buy my bus ticket and usually I would have had that done by now.

But about a week ago, I became sick. And its a long and gruesome process to feeling better. I have to take things day by day.

Sufficed to say that Saturday and Sunday were very good days where there was not a lot to contend with. Today however just wasn’t up to par with the past weekend. And I still have that decision to make whether or not to go to Houston this Friday evening.

The thing about Friday night shows is that it always comes up so quick. And I cannot explain it but Saturday shows they just arrive.

I know that I won’t be 100% by Friday. That’s a given. But I keep thinking that in the back of my head that IF this Friday could be like this past weekend then I won’t have much of a problem. However I am not assured of that to happen.

I could medicate the hell out of myself with medicine, but I won’t be as clear and “all there” so to speak. But if I pass on this weekend, it will be the second time I have missed the birthday celebration for lead singer Chuck Williams.

Last year was just a tragic time as I had lost my brother-in-law. I think a better way to define it was bad timing. It just wasn’t something that I had any control over.

But will my going to Houston this weekend cause me to pay a price that I truly am not able to afford? Had I been asked this question either last Saturday or Sunday, I would have told you that I had NO problems whatsoever.

I also don’t have the plans for a possible option B in place as far as traveling back home as I was offered a ride from one of my colleagues. I’m just not feeling 100% on that either. Perhaps I need more faith.

It just really stinks because over the past couple of years I have become really good friends with Chuck Williams. His birthday celebration is actually ON his birthday. How cool is that?!??

Not to mention that I will get some face time with Dr. & Mrs. Froth which always something that I look forward to. And there will be others there that I enjoy hanging out with. Including someone that I just met last month at the WELL OF SOULS show that I actually have some kind of curiosity and interest in getting to know better… without saying where its going to go from here.

I hate the feeling of not going because of my illness because it does in fact feel like I am letting people down. Even though I am aware that isn’t the truth. Disappointed people? Sure. We are all human.

So I ponder the implications of going while trying to recover. Whether to go and heavily medicate myself to a point where I can manage pain. And whether or not that will bite me in the butt in the end.

I am sure that the Centurion family would tell me that if I am just not feeling up to it, then not to worry. But I worry still regardless. The least I can do for my friends is to show up. But there would be some who could argue that if I am not 100% … then I am useless to my friends.

As I said, today was so very difficult for some reason. But I still have just a small window to figure it out.

 

Blog Hiatus

“Mourning is not forgetting… It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust.”~ Margery Allingham

So I never thought that I would be writing about this in my blog considering the fact that I have read many other blogs and the authors complaining about how they feel that they have neglected writing. And here I am writing that I’m going to stop for a while.

My brother-in-law has been in the hospital recently. His liver basically right now is gone. And with his medical condition as it is, (I don’t want to give out too much information) basically he’s going to pass away at some point. The doctors were given him just a few days because his kidneys were beginning to fail, but then the good news is that they started to bounce back. But because of everything else that is going on well.. as they say, “the damage has been done.”

I feel really rotten for my sister right now and what she is going through. There’s no way that I can fathom it. I have helped out in watching her two young children (ages 2 and 7 years old) while she went to the hospital, but then I got sick with an infection and very high fever and  couldn’t do it any more.

Nobody really knows how long this is going to last with my brother-in-law. He is coming home from the hospital, but will be in hospice care. And I can’t really say whether that’s good, bad, or what.

But I am going to do what I can to help out my sister. Especially after I start to feel better. I’m nervous though because I do have that sledge hockey tournament in Dallas, and then the week after that a weekend with SIX MINUTE CENTURY. I’m scared because what if he passes while I am gone or just before I am to leave? It’s a very difficult thing to consider or ponder.

However, I will be leaving the blog behind for a while. At least, that is the current way of thinking. I haven’t been doing it recently, because I have been sick. And yes, I know that is an excuse. But it is what it is and that’s the way it is.

Bear with me, please.

 

Storm And Fever

“It’s a twister! It’s a twister!”

The 24th of January will be something I will remember for a long time.

They had issues a TORNADO WATCH for my area until the middle of the night today, Wednesday at 5:00 AM. Stating that the brunt of the storms could be severe around 3:00 AM.

As much as this kind of weather fascinates me, being issued for MY AREA in the middle of the night is really bad juju.

What is even worse is that I started feeling bad around Monday evening. But made it until last night before I felt worse and went to bed early, nervous about the storms that were coming in the middle of the night.

Well, NO PROBLEM!! That bad boy woke me right up!! I was up and about around 2:15 AM, and watched the television’s radar for this massive red and orange blob.

About 3:05 AM, I heard the standards noises of a tornado coming and I immediately took cover. My head said “go into the closet”, but my body moved into the bathroom.

I would find out that an actual tornado did strike just a few miles north of me.

I was fine though. I was very safe. No damage to my property, and the tornado did not cause any injuries. Just that homes were damaged.  The tornado was about 50 yards across and on the ground for just a few minutes.

My area ended up with four inches of rain so we are dealing with flash flooding. Although on the other hand and a way of thinking about the rainfall positively, we really needed it. We’ve been in a drought that since October of last year, we’re behind by 19 inches of rainfall. Too bad our total rainfall didn’t do a lot for the drought.

By about 4:30 AM, my body gave out. I had been checking my body temperature and it was really, really high. So today I’ve been drinking like mad on anything I can get my hands on. My sister came by and saved me by bringing me Sprite on her way to work.

I’m so loved.

So then she sent a text message asking if I was feeling better. I told her that I had been drinking so much that I was having a pee party. And this is a very good thing because I now suspect that I am sick with a possible UTI. And that is very dangerous for me, and sometime fatal if nothing gets done about it.

I honestly don’t want to go into the hospital for this. I’m only days away from my birthday and that would really freakin’ suck to spend it there. So I’m drinking, drinking, drinking!!

Then about 9:20 PM, my entire body gave me the scare of the month! Every muscle was trembling and shaking so hard that I couldn’t concentrate on anything BUT my violent shaking. I had to abandon the text message conversation, take some medicine, and lay down until I warmed up again.

I was so cold that my finger tips were turning blue. And it actually hurt to shake or move in the least.

Fourty minutes of this before those meds kicked in and left me with a warm feeling all over. My fever is down considerably. But I am not out of the woods. I’m just glad that I stopped shaking and my fever dropped like a rock from the sky.

I promise that I am not writing this to gain any sympathy. The point of this blog post was that I came close to a tornado– at night. And it intrigued the crap outta me. But, I was sick in the middle of it all.

For those of you that do or want to, keep me in your prayers.

But as far as WordPress is concerned, “I’ll be bawk!!”.

 

Sickening Summer

“It would be a shame for you to miss New York in the Spring.”~ Tom Hanks as ‘Joe Fox’ in “You’ve Got Mail” [1998]

Well, this isn’t Spring, its Summer. And this definitely isn’t New York either. Thus, there really isn’t anything out there that I would consider that I would be “missing”.

But I think that irony is a funny thing as I am sick. It is early August, and this is commonly the hottest month out of the year, and I’m sick. How does that happen??????

So now I am sort of confined to the ceiling fan going full blast, three oscillating fans blowing, and the air conditioner doing its job. Meanwhile, I cannot seem to be able to feel any better.

Sufficed to say that it is not heat stroke or heat exhaustion or anything of that nature. I just simply lack the fortitude and desire to want to do anything in this heat. And then I found my own body temperature almost as hot as the air temperature outside. Well, not quite THAT high, but high enough to be called a fever.

I’m just a rolling mess I guess you could say. But at least my mess does not require me to go and venture outside in this heat any more. I did my errands before it reached 99°F today. And was glad that I did. One must do what they must do.

After that, I’ve had a few comforting phone calls from friends. Great times. I love the diversions and distractions of the pitfalls of life when I am able to speak to them. But other than that, the day just went downhill and I am just surprised at my own self for coming to the realization that it is the Summer, and I am sick?

Doesn’t this crap normally happen during the later months of the calendar year? Perhaps Spring as Joe Fox had put it in “You’ve Got Mail”?? I don’t know. It’s a wild sensation. Nothing enjoyable no doubt.

My guess is that it has something internal going on that is making me feel like the crud. I’m just waiting for someone to steam roll me over and then shove me in a closet. But I don’t suppose that I will be so lucky.

Nevertheless, being sick in general is never much fun at all. Our bodies adjusting to the weird and wonky things that really give our immune system a battle. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. I suppose that I could say that I lost this round.

People here are generally grumpy from the record setting heat. But it is almost everywhere else in the country. NOT just the south. I cannot speak for much of the country but our own heat records for the year are being shattered almost continuously for the past two months straight. When the meterologist on the local weather report are cracking open the Weather Almanacs, you know there’s something to be paying attention to because this heat is so dangerous. Records this year are being broken that were only set back in 2009, and again in 2007. Anything more that is still a standing record goes all the way back to the 1920’s. And this heat is punching forward to shatter those as well.

I am happy to say that I am staying hydrated. My bladder can testify to that. And I’m not outside a whole lot. Or should I say- that I haven’t been. Especially not today since 10:45 this morning. But my point is that I am doing very well with hydration.

Still my body and my moods suffers today. And there really isn’t much that I can think of that would make me so miserable, but here I am…. trying to get my temperature down and drinking so much damned fluids.

So as I sit in the dark, as the sun begins to set as I finish this blog post and realize the temperature is STILL at 100°F, I roll my eyes and just wanna curl up into a ball. Let’s hope that tomorrow becomes better for me (even though the weather will not as it is predicted to be even worse and possibly the HOTTEST day of the year!), and that future blog posts will have more to it than just blather.

Thanks for hanging in there, oh Disciples of Dambreaker.