Posts Tagged ‘spurned’

“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.”~ Bo Bennett
 
To my surprise, this evening I would make a return to the local Applebee’s for dinner. The same one where the two “cougars” of neighbors were flirting with the waitress when I went there last Friday.
 
I went with three different people, and I had told them about how really cute the young woman was.
 
The collective group was indecisive and I stepped away. When I came back, they said that’s where we were going. I then said that if she was working again, that I would point her out to them so that they could see for themselves how cute she really is.
 
I found it really peculiar that when I was ahead of the pack and went into the restaurant that we were seated at the same table that I sat at last Friday, and a chair was already removed from the same spot at the table. Weird.
 
Well, we did not have the same waitress. We had a guy waiting on us that was just as good as far as service goes. I asked him if she was working though. He said that she was there, but not on the clock. Then a few seconds later, I saw her and I tried very unconspicuously to point her out to the rest of the group that was with me tonight.
 
I was RIGHT (for once) about her being really cute. Neener neener neener!!!
 
But she never looked our direction, or walked by or anything. Up until about 6:00 when she did walk by and stopped at our table to say hello. I introduced the “gang” to this waitress and they exchanged greetings.
 
I was moving into “cute and quirky” mode and I said to her.. “Sorry, I don’t have a camera with me tonight.” Because I took her picture last Friday.
 
Her response was more of relief by saying, “Good because I don’t like pictures. I don’t do well with it.”
 
Cute & quirky: FAIL.
 
She kept herself at a distance, didn’t make any contact with me or anyone else at the table and kept shifting her weight from one leg to the other, swinging her arms. She was a bowl of JELL-O.
 
She asked if we needed anything and if we were satisfied with our food and what not, and we gave her the thumbs up. Then she said that she had been there working the lunch hours and was off for a few hours but back on the clock again at 6:00. I looked at my watch and it was exactly that. So she asked again if she could get us anything and we politely declined. From that point she walked away. She would never even walk anywhere near our table the rest of the evening.
 
So at the end of our night there Ipulled some cash from my wallet and slipped it into my hand again like I had done on Friday. Then when I saw her, I went into her direction. She would cross directly in front of me and excuse herself, and I called out, “Hey, come here?”.
 
She never moved. Only turned around. I stuck out my hand to “shake her hand” and I was telling her how good it was to see her again and that I had not thought that I would be back so soon. She probably saw the money in between my fingers this time and she just suggested that I give the money to our actual server.
 
I told her that I had already done so on the credit card slip. And that it was for her.
 
She looked right at me, didn’t raise her voice or throw a fit… simply said, “No!”.
 
Ummm…
 
I told her that it was for her. Again, she said “No!”.
 
I asked if she was going to take it or not and once more, the same as the first two times came out: “No!”. She didn’t even blink.
 
I know what waitresses in the state receive per hour, and it was only $5.00 that I was given her. Not the keys to a new car which resembles her actual first name.
 
When I gave up the offer and retreated, she turned back around and walked away without as much as saying, “Have a good night.”
 
So I guess this means that she probably has a boyfriend, or was thinking that I was trying to do something more than what I was intending on.
 
Also, I guess this is going to mean that I am going to have to go back and the class for being cute and quirky over again.
 
I was shot down, but I was not kept down. HER LOSS.
 
Back to the drawing boards!!!!!!!!!!
 
 

Truth

Posted: June 28, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

“If the truth hurts, imagine how a lie would feel…”~ Amy Diggs

I had a female colleague come up to me recently and she asked me a question that was both surprising and difficult. She had asked me if I could see myself in a relationship with her.

I totally did not expect this kind of question to come up in conversation, even though I had previously seen warning signs and her line of questions that led up to it were very much so in the category of hinting at it. Yet, it still surprised me.

My first reaction was to try and avoid the subject, mainly because I was so much in shock at the time that I had heard it. But as relentless as she was, I knew that eventually I would have to face up to her question and give her an answer.

I told her “No.” She did inquire as to why I had said that, and I began to give my reasons that her request was a bit incomplete. Yet she was apparently unable to listen to my reasons for very long, so my bottom line for answering as I did was because I did not know her well enough to just start a relationship out of nowhere. Naturally, it appeared that I had destroyed her heart. At first, she held back but she could not keep her tears in for very long.

Those who truly know me understand that I cannot stand seeing a woman in tears, or ANYONE for that matter! Knowing that I had ruined her idea, and perhaps her hopes and dreams didn’t go down easily. Not for her, and not for me.

But I told her the truth. There was no sense in lying to her just to make sure that she was smiling and happy. And since I had started out with a “no”, it would not make sense to quickly go back and change answers, just so that she would not cry.

And before you go running to write an e-mail to me, making cracks about me being a “heartbreaker” or worse, start with the hate mail… let me just say that I’ve been there where she was. I have most definitely felt the harsh sting of rejection and have been spurned before. And more than just a couple of times. Yet, I would never expect those who had rejected me to LIE to me, just so that I would be happy.

It was my decision to tell this woman the truth. And tell it from the very beginning. But to my credit, I did tell her that I enjoyed her company and she has been a very funny and awesome colleague. That’s cliché, I know.

There was no way that I would have even answered with “I don’t know”, or “maybe” because in those cases it could have allowed her to fill her own head with fantasies about the possibility, when I knew for a fact there was no possibility.

I do not know who Amy Diggs is. I do not know where she came up with such an intense and powerful quote. But I agree with it wholly 100%. It would have hurt this woman far worse if I would have lied to her.

I’ve never been a fan of the “Check YES or NO” scenario when it comes to relating to the opposite sex. I haven’t been in grade school in quite a long time. But I know that for her as an adult, one of the two things will happen:

  • Her feelings will be hurt for a short time. She will harbor some resentment for the rejection she received and began to have feelings of hatred. And in the end, I’ll never hear from her ever again.
  • After a short time of hurt feelings, she will heal from the inside and at some point be able to move on from this rejection. And we’ll be as we were yesterday.

Telling the truth often is like that ouchie you get from falling off your bike. It stings like crazy at first, then it hurts. But after a while it begins to heal and soon the scar goes away. Does anyone honestly disagree with that??

Yes, I honestly agree that “the truth will set you free”. And I also agree that “the truth often hurts”. As for my personal feelings, I would much rather hurt from the beginning rather than be led on to something that isn’t true. I don’t believe that people like being lied to by any means, but I would not want to be lied to just because it is an effort to save my feelings at the time, because lies always come out in the end. And by then, the situation is far worse to deal with mentally for me after being lied to.

Always tell the truth, right from the start. Even if you know it is going to hurt. If you care about them and they actually care about you, then they’ll see the significance of your truth. And then they will appreciate you all that much more for being honest with them to begin with.

If I had started to hate those women who had spurned me, I sure would be far worse off and a lot more lonely of a person. It hurt, I cried. But I healed, and I moved on, and I’m still alive today.

Yet for this particular woman’s situation, it is still “fresh” in a sense. It just happened. I feel awful to a point about it right now. But I also feel that I had done the right thing.