Posts Tagged ‘taking advantage’

“Don’t pour ashes on those who are willing to save you from the flames.”

There are many types of people in the world. Many of them who have a lot to offer and in many different ways too. We all some how fit in this giant puzzle we call life.

We all have a purpose, and a calling. Some people know what it is that they are meant to do, and others it takes time to learn and process before they know what it is.

There are those people in the world that will bend over backwards, go flat-broke, and even sacrifice their own selves for the benefit and happiness of others. They are giving people and that is what they know they enjoy doing.

Naturally, there is nothing wrong with wanting to help someone. In fact, we all should probably do a little bit more than we actually do in everyday life. Not to say that we should always try to go above and beyond, but if we just do a little more each day to the best that we can, life could be so much easier for ourselves and others. Because we never know when we might need someone ourselves.

Let’s face it, we all need help sometimes. It just would be nice to know that we have someone to give us a little extra push whenever we need it. And when we find that in someone, we actually feel better and more confident as we battle our every day demons.

There are those who help and there are those who need help. There’s no other way of putting it. Sometimes the roles will reverse and sometimes the roles will stand on their own.

So when we get to the point where we are in trouble, we call out for help in whatever way that we can. If we are blessed enough, those around us will come and save us from our dark hour and take us out of the proverbial building that is completely engulfed in flames.

How wonderfully enriched we are to have them.

And when the flames die down and there’s nothing much else to do but to go back and save what is left, we are amongst the ashes of the disaster- but we are alive!!

Isn’t that the most important part?

But what most saved people in this hypothetical sense of speaking often forget is that there is someone who just stepped away from their OWN lives in order to save them. It might not have been too tedious or difficult in what it was that they did or it might not even seem like there was much effort involved. The fact of the matter is that they stopped whatever it was that they were doing to do it.

Where is the appreciation?? Did they happen to thank them after the initial time of rescue??? Unfortunately we often forget to show our appreciation for those who did help us. And for a few select people, they never even bother with it at all.

Often times when we are saved, we look up to the person who did it. They instantly become “our hero”. For whatever reason, we believe that what they had done for us was heroic and that I guess would be just a matter of personal opinion. But for those people who enjoy helping others, they are never going to see themselves as “a hero”. Those who are saved will always remember that time when that person did help them. And so that is how they feel.

For many though, it turns into a negative behavior when someone shows enough kindness for nothing. They believe that no matter what you are doing, no matter what is going on with your life, that all they have to do is start to call and you are going to jump to your feet and save them again.

They start to take advantage of your good nature and kindness. And honestly, it totally is wrong.

I believe that no man or woman was built with the sole purposes of being at someone’s beck and call. That is only my personal opinion.

I believe that I am one of those kinds of people that are willing to stop and help someone, to the best of my own abilities. And I think that in many cases, I have been successful. But I will tell you: I will be absolutely adamant and opposed to your selfish behavior if you for one fraction of a second believe that since I did help you once or twice or one-hundred dozens times, that I will be there for every single little thing. There will come a time when your selfish nature will expose itself, and I will realize it and that will be the end of it. For good.

Saving you from the flames is not a question of whether or not I can. Neither is it a case of whether or not I want to. If I don’t want to, then I simply will not. But those who know me a little better know that I will do whatever it takes. And that is only because I know that they would do the same for me in my hour of need.

I am talking about once I realize that I am being taken advantage of, then your goose is so cooked. And there will definitely be no discussion about it.

Therefore do not take the ashes of your previous fires and dump them on me, and expect me to still be there for you when you’ve abused me by doing that.

The best way to avoid it is to actually show your appreciation for what was done for you in the first place. Whether almost immediately afterwards or a day or a week or a month later. The point is, be full of gratitude because someone’s life was some how interrupted in order to save you. If you do so, you’re going to greatly reduce the cognitive thought that they are being taken advantage of, especially after a certain point of saving you time and time and time again.

The other day, I was on the phone with my best friend and I thanked them for saying something to me that just turned into a situation where it was unavoidable to smile. I had verbalized it and I really don’t think that they had heard that too much from me. It is something that I really intend on working on.

Had I not said thank you to them for anything that they’ve done, I am sure that they would have paused and wondered whether or not they were being taken advantage of. They didn’t say it, but I think that it touched their heart just to hear the two word phrase “thank you”.

Manipulators and the selfish however will always show themselves. In time, their poor and hurtful natures towards people will surface.

As I said, we all are going to have our fires. We all are going to find ourselves in a moment where we are in need of someone’s help. Even those who help others have a time of personal need. That’s just life.

If we show that we are appreciative and thankful, and never dump the ashes from the old fires on those who are willing to help, we will be presented with the opportunity for a strong and solid friendship with those people. The perfect example is when you see or hear on the news about how a disaster struck and someone completely from out of nowhere came to help. Those people usually will connect later on, at a personal level after the disaster or crisis has initially ended. Some of the times, it creates a new relationship and a chance and hope for friendship.

Those who are selfish though will see that they just might have someone on their side that would help them in a real crisis. The problem is that they suck the life out of you by showing no restraint or appreciation and continually bombard you with their life’s infernos and expect you to come flying to their aid with sires blaring. Even if we don’t have sirens. They will be waiting for you to come through for them over and over and over again.

If it is not something that you cannot do, or feel that you cannot or should not be doing, then never, NEVER succomb to someone’s beck and call. Especially if your own life is becoming impacted in a negative way. Save yourself!!! Because you cannot save others if you are not in a position to do it. If you are crumbling yourself, you’ll only make things worse for everyone involved.

Be a friend. Be strong. And yet overall, be smart.

“When other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers I kind of wanted to be a vampire.”~
Angelina Jolie
“Emotional Vampires”. We’ve all been forced to deal with them at some point or other in our lives. They are not the conventional “blood suckers” we see in movies or on television.

But what exactly is an “emotional vampire”?

Anyone who seems determined to “feed on you” emotionally in a desperate attempt to build up their own reserves of emotional strength would fall into this category.

There are people in this world who do everything in their power to boost your spirits and fill your heart with hope and joy, even to the point of their own exhaustion and coming to an end of their brain power and energy. but then there are also people who will do everything in their power to bring you down and drain you of all your hope and joy and love, and those are the ones who can be considered emotional vampires.

For example, you may have an emotional vampire in your life if, upon experiencing something truly wonderful, then they take the opportunity to knock the wind right out of your sails by trying to create for you, a level of low self-esteem, doubt and even try to get you to second guess yourself into believing perhaps this wonderful thing that has happened to you, is not so wonderful at all.

What Motivates Emotional Vampires to Behave in This Way?

Jealousy. It is as simple as that.

However most emotional vampires struggle mightily with a wide variety of “self esteem issues.” Because they don’t feel good about themselves in life, they try their hardest to deflate everyone around them, often in a misguided effort to boost their own self-esteem. They do not care about whether or not you have a life or career. Once they are able to get to you, they will do whatever they can to make sure that they are getting what they need. Even if that means having you sacrifice everything that you have so you can “be there for them”.

Each time they are feeling low, they hunt for someone to bring down to their own level of unhappiness. They first disguise themselves as this wonderful person, but in the end when they are exposed, they have reached a level of draining you away from what you used to be. And now they are not feeling so alone.

Some of the specific “personality disordered emotional vampire types” to describe them include Anti-social, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Obsessive-Compulsive.

They often appear to be charming and seductive at the outset of a relationship, but they tend to turn emotionally lethal after they have already drawn you into their emotional lair. One of the ways to determine if someone is going to act like an emotional vampire with you is to spend some time finding out how they have behaved in their past personal and/or professional relationships.

Of course, if someone in your personal life is behaving like an emotional vampire, it is advisable to make every possible effort to cut that person out of your life FOR GOOD!!!

If you have an emotional vampire, and you realize it, once you make that contact again, it starts all over. 

  • Remind yourself (constantly) that their horrible behavior is their problem, not yours.
  • Don’t get sucked into their endless series of obviously senseless drama.
  • Limit your interactions with them as much as is humanly possible.
  • Always keep your cool and maintain your composure when dealing with them. (They will likely try to get you just as worked up and upset as they tend to get. After all, as we all know, “misery loves company;” so don’t fall into their emotional traps.)

Use a tone of voice that is not cold or cruel, but that does send the message that you intend to keep your emotional distance. In fact in this case, use force. Because their powers to drain you of your energy are quite powerful and charming. Stand absolutely firm with them and tell them what’s what.

Once they see that they cannot easily engage you or rile you up, the emotional vampires in your midst will likely figure out that you have already “got their number” and chances are that they will give up and stop targeting you for emotional harassment. Instead of admitting that they are being the abusive person and then make a step for change, they will move on to their next target and forever stay in that cycle.

We might not always see them coming. But that doesn’t mean that you are to blame. These emotional vampires will do everything that they can in order to mask their true selves from you, so that you are still around whenever they feel the need to feed on your energy. If you don’t “see” a problem, then you are less likely to leave. Many of them will right from the start tell you that they are afraid that you will leave, when they are developing that beginning stage of selecting for someone to use and take advantage of. And naturally, that can cause you to think that they are crazy, and you end up vowing to them that you will never leave. Once you do that, they’ve got you.

And the feeding begins on everything you have, so they can feel better about themselves.

Don’t be afraid to stand up to them once you realize that you do have an emotional vampire in your circles. It is time for you to release the demons and cast them away. They will fight you tooth & nail of course, but as long as you remain strictly firm with them, then they will stop trying.

Remember: None of this is your fault. What they’ve done to you or what they are doing to you is supposed to be kept in secret. So there’s no real reason for you to blame yourself for something you didn’t even know was going on.