Posts Tagged ‘telephone’

time-warner-logo“Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?”~ Rita Rudner

This afternoon as I found my eyelids protesting and winning to close, I was heavily startled by the sounds of a crying and ringing telephone. 

As I was actually quite comfy laying there I had decided that I would not move from my escape from the cold weather that blasted its way through this morning and even got colder this afternoon. 

I felt that if it was important then whomever it was calling can either leave a message or call me right back again. 

Then I heard the automated system kick in and the phone call was coming from Time Warner Cable. 

They were calling to tell me that a very serious matter needed to be settled and a change in my status of the account would soon be happening.

A.K.A.– I didn’t pay the bill this month. Ooops!! Slight oversight and mistake. 

So up from the nest that I had created and I went straight to the website to pay the bill once in for all via online payment.

Problem solved.

Until this evening after business hours where yet again Time Warner decided to call. 

I didn’t wanna hear their message about how they were fixing to change the status in my account. I had already paid what was past due AND MORE!

So I answered and then hung up. They called back again.

I knew right then and there that this was another automated message and there was nobody LIVE to speak with. 

So I answered a second time but was as silent as can be. I heard nothing. Not a sound. So I hung up. They called back again. 

That’s when I gave it to them just to see if they would stop the recording and put on a live person. 

When I answered I said “HEY-HO-COCK-BITE-SWEATER-VEST-PINEAPPLE-FARTS-CUM-DROPLETS-BIKINI-SHITS-KAYAKING-TOURIST-SEASON-BALL-SACK-GOT-MOISTURE-TURTLE-TURTLE-PUMPKIN-PIE!!!!!!!”

Whomever it is running the show with the switch board and handling the calls to customers over at Time Warner Cable LITERALLY waited until I had stopped talking before they flipped the switch and the automated message came over the telephone, thanking me for my earlier payment and have a nice day. 

Okay, SOMEONE had to hear all that nonsense since they actually waited for me to run out of things to say.

And someone had to have been busting a gut from all of that. Because honestly, I never gave them a traditional telephone greeting.

 

Phone Sex 2.0

Posted: February 7, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

boy-tin-can-phone

“I see people putting text messages on the phone or computer and I think, ‘Why don’t you just call?’~ William Shatner

Seriously now. This happened today. I don’t get it. I do not understand it. And I do not have any clue as to why people do the things that they do.

However dear readers, you should get a laugh out of this.

I called someone that I haven’t spoken to in a long time. A buddy of mine, that I understand just found himself a new girlfriend. Yaay!!

So I wanted to get back with him and catch up.

I dialed his number and he answered.

The first thing I noticed was that there was a lot of groaning and moaning and low volume sounds in the background.

Then there was a short period of growling and panting as I began to talk to him, asking how he was doing.

He said in what seemed like a lifetime to say, that he was doing fine and asked me how I was doing.

More sounds and noises came from the background. I suddenly asked him, more like begged for him to admit to me that he was just watching porn. But he said that he was not watching porn.

I hung up.

TRUE STORY.

Who does this sort of thing? I certainly am not understanding it.  He could have ignored the call and then returned it later after all. It’s a little weird. Okay, it is A LOT weird!!!!!!!! phone-sex-uk

I get that he’s enjoying this new girlfriend and he’s doing it obviously in more ways than one, but to answer the telephone while you are in the throws of something like that seems a bit excessive and weird.

Just when I think that taking your cell phone with you to the toilet is bad enough. You have full on erotic activities happening and you actually answer a call??

Has this happened to anyone else? Have you actually answered your telephone while in the middle of having sex??And if so, WHY?!?!?!?