Revelations In Pain

“People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument.”~Will Rogers

It has been a very wild past couple of days. I’m not bragging or anything. I am just saying its been quite an experience.

I’ve gone through some heartbreaking experiences. Things that I won’t go into detail about, but with every experience that I have had that are similar to what I just went through, there’s always been a rainbow at the end of the storm. And that rainbow is the knowledge of what I did wrong, what others did wrong, and how I attributed to what did go wrong.

So the other day I was speaking with someone and I was expressing my hurt, anguish, and disappointment.

Come to find out that my misery was coming from personal disappointment in other people. I had been placing far too much faith and trust in them, and they turned around and broke it by doing something stupid.

For anyone else, they probably would look at this case and think that these people that I put so much trust in, were complete idiots.

So then why did it hurt so much with great disappointment? Others were doing virtually the same thing, but it wasn’t as consequential as the previous group.

Then came in the revelation. The lesson important to life: The ones that we actually care about and love dearly, are the ones that hurt us the most.

Damn. That was deep!!

The ones that we care about the most, are the ones that hurt us.

Through my previous agony, I realized that this was spot on. The people that I loved, were hurting me the most. Why?? Because whatever they were thinking, they were wanting to “help” me or “protect” me. And therefore did and said some really stupid shit, in my opinion. Stupid enough to hurt my feelings to the core.

I’m becoming better and better at recognizing veils of pain and insults. I’m not saying that I am a professional, but I am getting better at detecting them.

And so those who were disappointing me were attempting to veil their harsh words.

The other thing that makes it true is the fact that when we regard certain people in such high esteem (or even place them up on that pedestal) then we crumble within when we find out that those who we regard so highly does something so low. We believe that they know better, and therefore wouldn’t do it. And then when they actually do it in our faces, your faith begins to shake, and in some cases begins to crack and fall apart.

But these are the same people that will actually hurt you because they care so much about you. Just as much as you care about them. Unless its unbalanced. Then you are just a stalker.

And besides…… if someone does something to you that was wrong, and you don’t care that much about them, it is not going to hurt as much. Why??? Because you do not care and will not take the time to allow your emotions to get tangled up in pain.

I’ve had these past few days to think about who has done what to me and why. And it just comes down to these two main points. That those who care about us the most are the ones who hurt us. And those who we care about the most, hurt us for what they often do.

Its a hard lesson. But I think it is an important lesson to learn.

Explosion Moment #01

“Life is hard. People can be cruel. Trust is easily broken. We all make bad choices in our lives… But for crying out loud- life never was meant to be easy. People are always going to be different. And just because you trusted and got burned doesn’t mean EVERYONE will burn you. And you have the free will to change your choices, if one proves to be wrong. Quit living your existence in your aquarium full of your own tears. Learn the lessons given to you. And free yourself from your enslavement!”

Never Take Advantage Of What You Have Today

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”~William Shakespeare 

I am writing this because I felt it to be important to share. Then I will go on with the request of writing about how I met my fifth future ex-wife a few years ago and blew it.

I was reminded by some song lyrics about a few things. In general, we should never take advantage of what we have today, because we could surely lose it by tomorrow.

Through these song lyrics that I was reading, I was reminded about how wonderful life is when you have people that are close enough to you in your life to be able to call them “friends”.

People establish relationships all of the time, and they come to us in various ways in life.

And I do use the term “relationship” when it comes to referring to those people that I consider my friends, even though a lot of the time it makes some of them who are of the opposite sex a little nervous. After all, you do RELATE to people in many ways who are your friends. It just so happens that a lot of people that I relate to, and have become friends with are women. That’s just the way it is with me.

But this moment had made me stop and think about those friends that I have in my life. Some are closer to me than others. A few know some of my worst and darkest moments as well as my happiest times in my own life. And they know every single detail to it all.

Others are there, but only at arm’s length. Yet they are there.

It all boils down to a matter of trust in that other person and their trust in me. And that’s where it had struck me that all of us should NEVER take advantage of the relationships and friendships that we have in life.

I certainly have no relationships in my life because I deserve it or it was owed to me. I have relationships and friends because I have EARNED it.

We make the decisions of who we keep close. Not because we feel compelled to do so.

There’s nothing worse for me in my life than to know that I once had a friend and then they left because of something that I had said or did in order for the other person to feel that they must terminate it.  And there are those who are so careless with what they have that they can’t even hold on to what they have. Instead they keep on in their routine and eventually something ends for them. Only for them to replace it and their cycle repeats.

As far as it relates to people and those who I call “friends”, its not anything that I would dare dream of doing to them. It kills me deep inside whenever someone has made their own decision to walk away because of whatever error I had done to them. And in the end after the fire is gone and the smoke has cleared, its up to me whether or not I have learned that lesson to never repeat such a mistake with other people in my life.

But I also must keep in mind that with my friends there has been ZERO obligation. These people are not obligated to do anything with me. It remains because of a strong and mutual desire to have one another in our lives. And usually there is a bond. That bond is the glue that keeps things going.

I had reminded myself that I should never take advantage of anyone who has come into my life because they do not owe me anything. But rather I should cherish each and every moment that I am able to spend with each of them and be thankful that I do have them in my life.

And I am thankful. My heart is filled with appreciation and joy for each and everyone of them. Both present and past. I do my best to convey that message with them to the best of my abilities. Sometimes I hit the mark, other times I do not. And even though I may miss, I have to have faith that they somehow know.

We place a lot of trust in people. And that really should count for something. It definitely tells you that there is this level of trust and faith that others have IN YOU, and you should never take advantage of that. Because once that trust and faith is gone? Chances are, either you’ll have a very difficult time earning it back or you will never get it back at all.

I am thankful for the expression of emotions and feelings through song lyrics. I am very passionate about music in my own way. And through this recent experience, I am so thankful that I actually did remind myself of what I have today, because God knows that I’ve done nothing to deserve it!