Bad Uncle

“If you live a life of make-believe, your life isn’t worth anything until you do something that does challenge your reality. And to me, sailing the open ocean is a real challenge, because it’s life or death.”~ Morgan Freeman

Even I believe that this story is too good and too funny to pass up to pass around. 

My sister had come by with her children. My nephew and niece. My nephew had noticed that no lights were on in my home. The sun was shining and still sufficient natural light was there, so I didn’t feel the need to use the electricity.

My nephew wanted to know why it was so dark. And his mother literally looked him in the eye, and said that I was a vampire.

I looked up and saw that she had said it with a straight face. She was a wall of all sincerity explaining to her child why the lights were out.

My nephew actually fell for it, it had seemed. But I was so intrigued that my sister said it without cracking up and laughing.

Later on, I would be told that my nephew said to his mother that he did NOT really think that I was a vampire.

Darn!!!!! I wanted to see how long that I could make that one go.

It’s interesting how parents throughout generations have said certain things existed just to get their children to behave. The monster of the bed, the thing in the closet, and the threats of misbehaving children to be taken away by demons and devils forever.

But then we also have things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Some of the things we are told as children are told to put the fear into us, so that we would end up being good children. At least children that will do what our parents want.

The other side of it, we’re told as children that our good behavior will be rewarded.

As adults, we don’t really have that kind of thing that will curb our behavior. We’re not exactly rewarded for doing good things in our lives. But then again, we’re not threatened by evil for when we do bad things.

Maybe we should come up with something?? A huge group of people from all nations should combine their children’s myths to tie it into adulthood and for those able to talk about it with a straight face, let these adults know that there’s rewards for good behavior and punishment for bad behavior.

Nonetheless, I think that I could have curbed my nephew’s behavior… had he still believed that I was in fact, a vampire!!!

Sugar In Puberty

“When I was 14 years old, I decided I could cook. It was either that or puberty. “~ Dom DeLuise

As we all know, going through puberty really sucks!!

I remember when during that time in my life that I had re-discovered this television channel called “MTV”.

Yeah, it was actually MTV and not this rubbish it is today. It was actually music videos 24 hours a day, seven days a week. But on the weekends, they would have their Top 10 Video Countdown.

MTV was a channel that was forbidden growing up. I don’t honestly remember why. But we were not supposed to be watching it.

However, I would always sneak downstairs and watch it in silence, usually with the volume off.

And then one day I found myself watching the Top 10 Video Countdown and then my life would change forever.

I had not paid any attention to what I was watching. I did notice a lot of women dancing around, doing different things, and wearing VERY short shorts.

And then I saw this…

It caught my attention to say in the least. With a body and mind going through puberty as I grew from a boy into a man, how could I NOT pay attention.

The image in the music video progressed. Back then, the high heels, the big hair and often times … really bad hair, and the tight fitting shorts.  

Things were going on inside of me, weird things. But for whatever reason, I liked it!! In fact, I LOVED it and wanted MORE of it!!!!!!!!!!

I didn’t know who she was, I just knew that I liked what I saw. My acne-loaded face began to grin from ear to ear.

I watched as she moved around in those high heels, being twirled around and hugged upon and whatever else. But her image would not last very long on the television screen in this music video.

This was not the age of technology where I could just pause live television and rewind it back and stare and drool.

I would say that I made a mental note of at least which music group made the music video.  It was not something that I had in my music collection.

The image would stay in my head for the rest of the day.

Then at the end of the year, MTV would always do their Top 100.  Again, I got extremely lucky to have been surfing through the television channels with the sound on mute and I would catch the music video again.

It was as high as #13, I believe.  I don’t remember now.

A few days later, I would see an advertisement on MTV that they were going to show the Top 100 again. And I made another mental note of when it started. Ten videos shown (in their entirety mind you), and so it would be on somewhere within the eighth hour which allowed for music videos #100-20 to go by.

My brain synchronized to be downstairs at that time so I could see the delicious redhead one more time.

This time I would catch myself nearly missing out because I was playing with my younger brother in a bedroom upstairs. When it came to me, I told him that we had to go downstairs as fast as possible. I told him that I wanted to show him something.

My poor younger brother would sit there for almost 45 minutes nervously because he knew that we were not supposed to be watching MTV. And he just didn’t want to get in trouble.

Then it came on. I told my younger brother to be extremely quiet and just watch. She would begin to pop up on the screen eventually.

When she did, I pretty much lost control. I went up to the television screen and I kissed the woman’s face on it. There I was standing there, kissing the television.

Let me just add that kissing a woman in real life is nothing like kissing a woman on a television. In real life, her face doesn’t taste like very thick glass.

What happened next, would make me cringe for many years afterward.

I felt someone grab me by the arm and squeeze the life out of it.

I turned around, and it was my father.

My younger brother was crawling along the floor behind my father as to not to be detected by him as he made his escape as he crawled far enough to be out of reach before he was safe enough to jump up to his feet and run like hell back upstairs.

I got into so much trouble!!!!

I was yelled at for what my father’s point of view was, kissing the butt of a woman. I also was yelled at for watching a channel that I KNEW that was forbidden in the house. I was instantly grounded. Grounded from watching television, grounded from going outside. And not to mention I had to spend the rest of the night in my bedroom.

Not only did this woman in the music video began the unleashing of attraction to women, but the song itself would cause some sort of trauma because after that day when I would hear it on the radio,  I would simply cringe and want to die.

My memories of seeing a delicious redhead but rather a cold, dark memory of how I had been “caught” doing something that I should not have been doing, and the consequences that were dearly paid afterwards.

Fast forward out of my budding years into manhood and into my adulthood, at a time when I was living with sister and her family. I was going to be left all alone during the week of the Thanksgiving holiday. So I used my sister”s Netflix account and started renting movies that “I” wanted to watch. And I didn’t have to give way to what the rest of the the adults in the house wanted to watch.

I think I had in the queue anywhere between eight to ten various vampire films. It was a collection of probably the worst low-budget films, mixed in with some foreign classics from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s.

Enter: Graveyard Shift.

A low budget film that dealt with a very old vampire who was a taxi cab driver. He was a very sad vampire who would only drink the blood of women who were hopeless and at the end of their desperate lives.

I would after so many years, come across this woman again. 

The woman who had captured my attention when I was so young, that I instantly recognized her when she came across the television screen.

But this was different. This was a full length picture. And she came on kind of early in the film. I thought for sure I’d get something more. I knew that if a person acts in a film, and they have a speaking role that they are to be listed into the cast of characters which either rolls at the end of the film or at the beginning.

And she did have a speaking part. I was tempted to skip through the DVD to the very end to find the cast of characters, once I figured out what her character’s name was.

But I didn’t. I wanted to see just how much of the vampire story she was going to be a part of. Her character was of a stripper. And there was nudity. Can you imagine what that could have done to me if I had seen the film when it first came out and I saw her naked as a kid going through puberty?

Again, just like her appearance in the music video, she was not on screen for very long at all. But she did speak!

This pathetically lame film from the 80’s turned into a piece of gold.

So when I got to the end, I realized that I never caught on to what her character’s name was. I had to go back to watch and listen closely to see if I could catch on. I was successful.

Her stage name was Sugar Bouche. (Probably pronounced “bush”.) I immediately spent the rest of the night on the Internet trying to find out as much as possible that I could about her. But it was Sugar that entered into my puberty!

Polish born Sugar Bouche lives in Toronto, Ontario. And has had small parts in a variety of films. All of which were either low budget or just didn’t do very well at the box office. An actress, a singer, and surprise surprise- an exotic dancer in the Ontario area for a while before she left that all behind and CURRENTLY is more focused on the rights of animals around the world.

She had her own “dot com”. And I e-mailed her, giving her the stereotypical adoring fan message. I told her about how long I had been looking to find out who she was and was so glad that I found her and I couldn’t wait to find her more and more and more.

Researching her on the IMDB website was also helpful. I would be able to buy these crappy films off of eBay just to see her in them. And nine times out of ten, her character was a stripper. I would also buy her album that she recorded called “Future Gospel”. Yet I didn’t listen to it much. It was really there for nostalgic purposes of being part of a memorabilia collection that included very old and used VHS cassettes of the films she was in.

But I would become rather disappointed in the “dot com”. Even though I was receiving back replies to my messages, I caught one message that said “she/her” instead of “I/me”. Someone else apparently had been running the site. Or at least the e-mails.  

Soon after, the “dot com” would vanish and would be no more. But I would find Sugar Bouche on MySpace, then on other social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. Her focus was on the animal activism that she was involved with.

Her being in Canada made any dream of meeting her in person a very challenging one to the point of surrender of thinking that I probably never will. But one never knows, anything is possible.

Today, I have no idea where she is. I have no idea what she is doing in her career. I do know that her Facebook profile is still running and available. And the reason as to why I am writing about my stories about her in the first place is because the 27th of September is her birthday. Or that is what it has been posted as.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUGAR! Wherever you are!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dark Shadows

“Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead. “~ Les Brown

 

My heart bleeds for vampire film lovers across the world.

 

The re-make of the beloved gothic soap opera made for a film “Dark Shadows” comes out in May. It is by Tim Burton and stars Johnny Depp as “Barnabas Collins”.

 

When I heard the news about a new “Dark Shadows” film, I was thrilled to death. When I heard that Johnny Depp was taking the lead role, I began to get nervous. And now that I’ve seen trailers for this new film… I weep heavily.

 

This film is going to take on its own life. I have high doubts that much of anything from the classic television series will be taken into account. And from what I’ve seen so far, it comes across more as a “dark comedy”. 

 

That bothers me because the original series of “Dark Shadows” was anything but funny. Plus from the trailer that I watched, seems to have a lot of sexual content in it.

 

It will be what it will be, but that still bothers me that it appears that when they made this film, that they held nothing sacred. I pray that I’m wrong!!!

 

I can remember the re-birth of “Dark Shadows” as a television series when Ben Cross played as Barnabas Collins. I got into it back, but it was pulled. Looking back now, I can see why. Even though I was disappointed that they took it off the air.

 

So I really don’t know what to do or say about this film. It looks terrible though.

 

Vampire film lovers, I wonder what they will think. Although it is safe to say that 102% of the female population and film lovers will go purely for the eye candy that is Johnny Depp.

 

Such high hopes I had for this film. I’m not sure if I will go see it or not when it opens in theaters. I just know that I am extremely disappointed in what I have seen so far.

 

But then again, we are talking about Tim Burton here. Say what you will, but Burton will always re-create beloved classics and turn them into epic acid trips.

 

“Chocolate Factory”, “Alice In Wonderland”, and now… “Dark Shadows”!! (Needless to say, all films re-done by Tim Burton, and all starring Johnny Depp.)

 

As a fellow lover of vampire films, I can only hope and pray that there is enough folklore and tradition in this film, as well as having the Burton touch to it.

 

Ladies, boo me all you want. We’ll see!!

 

Hollywood, as a whole though has right now a terrible reputation for taking older films and trying to re-make them, and failing miserably. Horror films that were extremely popular in the 1980’s were given re-makes and every last one of them flopped like a fish out of water. Hollywood doesn’t know how to come up with any original ideas any more.

 

Until then, I’ll support the original soap opera series and stick with its stories and legend.