Boundaries Are Meant To Be Respected

“Boundaries are to protect life, not to limit pleasures.”~ Edwin Louis Cole

Everyone has boundaries. Some extreme, some not so difficult. All of them, REAL.

Even I have certain boundaries. And they are there for a reason. And to be honest, no matter if it is my boundaries or your boundaries or someone else, they are NOT up for discussion and tweaking.

Usually with those people who know me personally, I will explain that I have certain boundaries. I may or may not choose to explain why. Usually I do not explain. And I expect those boundaries to be respected. The same as you would expect your boundaries to be equally respected.

For example, if I personally tell you that I have a phobia of spiders…. this does not give you any license to conjure any and all photographs of spiders and show them to me or post them on Facebook and other social network pages, expecting to get a good hearty laugh when I see it.

That is NOT respect but disrespect. And so then you should not be surprised when I come across to you as pissed off and annoyed and less trusting in you.

I have cut off even my best friends for doing stupid stunts like that. They sent an e-mail to me that I had not known was waiting for me. They told me over the phone that it was important for me to open the e-mail and that I needed to see what photograph they attached. Only to find that it is a photograph of something that I DO have a phobia with.

I haven’t heard a single word from them since that time. Well, I should say that I have not gone out of my way to contact them.  

My boundaries are what they are. They aren’t for you to play with. And don’t for a second think that there will never be any consequences for crossing those boundaries. Never.

If it is something that you did not know before, that is one thing. I most likely will then explain to you WHY I got upset and ask you not to do it again.

If it is something you did know before, or if it was explained to you WHY it is a boundary….. and you do it again, expect very serious and negative consequences.

If I am not afraid to walk away from my best friends, what makes you think I won’t walk away from anyone because a boundary was crossed? Think twice.

This ends the soap box………………………………………

Rubber And Glue

“All men’s misfortunes spring from their hatred of being alone.”~ Jean de la Bruyere

So you wanna talk about how much life stinks, eh? Vent a little bit about how it has been mistreating you and that it hasn’t been fair?

The world seems to hate your every move and decision and now you are being sorely punished for it and you don’t deserve it.

And it has been going on for months. Even a few years. Nothing is going right for you.

Worst of all, you’re wondering if there’s anything left to have faith in.

You are feeling a bit down in the dumps because women are hitting on you and they don’t seem to be interested in who you are, but rather what you have in your wallet and/or bank account. And it’s not fair.

You are feeling overwhelmed because men are wanting you so much and all they truly want is to get you in bed. And you are feeling like they are doing nothing but treating you like a piece of dirty meat. And it’s not fair.

And many, many other things that frustrate you and you don’t understand why you are continuing to feel so miserable.

Who can you blame? I mean, life wasn’t supposed to be like this. Or was it??

I have the answer to your blaming question:

The person in your mirror.

Ouch!! That had to hurt now didn’t it??

Don’t you remember the saying about when you point a finger at someone, you have other fingers pointing back at you? Remember that one? You probably didn’t think that it would ever apply to you.

Perhaps women wouldn’t be so into you and your bank account had you not taken a week and a half of bragging that you won the lottery or how you came into a bunch of money. And perhaps men wouldn’t be so into finding what you got going on in bed had you not screamed for over sixteen months that you were single and finally “free” from a relationship that you determined was bad for you,  and could now do whatever you wanted and you decided that it was time to live your life the way you wanted.

I’m not going to write again about how people just have their bad times and good times. Its ridiculous and boring by now to be coming from this blog. But when you refuse to take a look at yourself and find out just how you became so miserable and fail to accept that the things you have done in the past led you to it and only want to blame others, then that’s where the road ends.

Its about as juvenile of an action as quitting your job because your vehicle is out of gas. And about as sad as starving yourself to death because you’re house is empty of food.

Things break. Fix them!

I’m there for you. I will listen to you when you have bad days, and I will listen to you when you have awesome days. But when your misery multiplies because of your own actions and deeds… then there’s something called “reached a limit” with me. And that means that there’s nothing else that I can do but listen. And listening isn’t going to fix whatever issue you are having.

I literally closed the door on someone today because for the past ten days, I have been listening to them rant and vent about the  same problem that they are having in life. Ten straight days. And even though they have said that they felt better to get it off their chest, they didn’t go and fix the issue. So we’re right back where we started.

And for that person, all I can do is hope that they wake up and snap out of it and fix their issue in life. Once they do that, then they can move on in life happier. But I cannot do it for them. Only they can. And its sad to watch this crap going on through the window. But until then, I am rubber and they are glue.

If misery loves company, then I would much rather be alone.

Find the issue that is bothering you. Find out what exactly it is that is keeping you so miserable. Then fix it. Even if that means you have to fix yourself by changing yourself. Don’t play the blame game. Nobody wins at that!!

 

 

 

Ties, ties, everywhere there’s ties

I have been there for my friends for as long as I can remember. But now with the Internet and social networking sites, there’s the wide range of possibilities to meet new people and create even more friends and colleagues.

And with that goes the responsibility of having to put up with other people’s days when things are not going so well. Life isn’t always a peach, so when it is the pits- that becomes the true test of whether or not your friendship with that person is true and loyal.

Ever since my first days of being online, I’ve always been there for my friends and colleagues when they have been having it rough. I allowed them to vent, cry, cuss someone else out behind their backs, and do whatever it took to make sure that by the end of all of it, they felt better. I would even be so bold as to maybe offering help and advice at times when they asked for it.

I have fooled around with the notion that I have become some what of an online psychologist. I’m that shoulder to cry on, that ear that will listen. Clearly I say this jokingly as I am not a licensed psychologist.

I have sat through many long conversations online where I have been told that they were in tears, and just needed someone to listen. Yeah, I’m “that guy”. I could probably log in enough hours to have my own little corner of the world and sit by a table with a sign over my head that says, “5¢ please.”

As the years have gone by, the scenario changes. But I’m still that same guy that will stop whatever I am doing and listen to someone if they are speaking to me. Especially if they feel that they are in some kind of crisis or if they feel that they are just going to explode inside.

If any of you have ever watched Dr. Phil on television, then you know where I get the new catch phrase, “I wear the tie.” Yep, that’s me! I am the one that wears the tie. A few people realize this. They laugh and think its cute. But they also understand that I am actually going to be there for them. Most others do not. And this is what I am telling you. I am there for you, and I always will be there for you.

A few people have taken the opportunity to have me listen to them. Others, have not. There are times though that those who do not take that chance, I sometimes wished that they would. But its all a matter of personal choice. I’m never going to force someone to talk to me. Especially during stressful and difficult times.

I have been burned a few times. This is true. I have given my full attention in the past to people and all that they ever did was use me for their chance to just have themselves talk. They weren’t seeking any kind of personal relief from their woes, just personal satisfaction from the thought that someone is finally going to listen to them, and all they do is talk to hear themselves talk.

With the good, always will come the bad. That’s just life in a nutshell.

I received a text message this morning around 1:30 AM. Someone who I had earlier in the day given a text message to, and they were finally able to get around to answering me back. Their day was so bad that it got stressful and confusing as well as distracting and so therefore, that’s what happened. The response came, but it came late.

So I got out of bed and got online and had them tell me what was going on, and explain why it was so late for them to get back to me.

I took a very brutal beating for nearly an hour as they let their frustrations go. But in the end, I had them laughing. They left and I went back to bed. And that was that.

I was not in the direct line of fire from their frustration, but they were able to just get it off their chest. I was glad to have been there for support.

I take these things seriously. Because I know that I too, sometimes need a shoulder to cry on. Does the reciprocation happen as often as I deal with it? No. So what though?

I will literally get out of bed and talk with someone on the phone, online, or in person if they are in need. Doors have been open 24/7 for over 10 years now. And I don’t suppose that’s going to change in the future because that’s the friend that I am.

People have needs. No matter how shallow or great. Its up to the true test of courage as to whether or not you are able to take the good with the bad OR if you’re the kind of person that will only take the good and remove yourself from the bad, trying to avoid it. Just ask yourself: “Wouldn’t I want them to be there for you?”.

I’m not saying let them walk all over you either. You should know the difference between a cry on your shoulder and someone just out for attention. But a friend in need should have friends, indeed.