Posts Tagged ‘women’

Not since the great humiliation of my teenaged years did I ever think that history was going to repeat itself. At least not in the sense that I would receive a second helping of self-humiliation in my life.

But since I know that you will get a good laugh out of this by reading about it, I decided to share my story of woe and misery.

I was enjoying the day away from home for once in my life, when I was approached by someone asking me if I wanted to go visit and see some particular model who was in town for the day. She was taking pictures and signing autographs, etc.

I did not know who this particular model was personally. I had never even heard of her. But when I was shown just a few photos of this woman, that’s all that it took for me to say “Count me in!”.

Off I went (in a vehicle full of strangers) to this strip mall where indeed, this beautiful model was posing for pictures, signing autographs and everything else that was promised.

I couldn’t believe my luck. Basically I was in the same area as this woman. And yet I was unprepared. No camera, no pen or paper for autographs, nothing. I started to back off and shy away. I admired from a distance. A very LONG distance. Until one of them asked me why I hadn’t gone up to this model to talk to her. After all, I may not have had a camera or had the tools to get an autograph but I was reminded that I could at least go and talk to her.

You know, sometimes people just have a point. And their point is so solid that you cannot argue with them because you know they are right. I suppose that they found it ridiculous that I was just sitting there with my eyes popping out of my head- and I was doing nothing about it.

I am that shy though, honestly. I guess I just don’t know what to do in these kinds of situations. But allow me to continue on, so that you can get your laugh.

After being defeated like that, and seeing that it really “couldn’t hurt” to go and talk to this woman, I approached cautiously. As I was getting closer, she spotted me and I FROZE. A little smile and a wink and then she was diverted by another person wanting pictures.

Well, well, well….. aren’t I Mr. Special all of a sudden.

So I got in line to talk to her. The people that came with me actually forced me in front of them. For reasons I didn’t know at the time. But the line wasn’t that long at all. Maybe four or five people ahead of me. Still this woman, this glorious model, actually had a sense of humanity about her as she allowed each person all the time in the world that they wanted individually. So it took a while for the line to move.

Then it was my turn next. I looked behind me to make sure those guys were still there, and they were. They kept smiling at me, asking me what I was going to talk with her about. Others wanted to know if I wanted my picture taken with her because they would use their camera. I honestly didn’t know.

I wasn’t paying close attention when I got shoved really hard in my back and heard someone clearing their voice. It was my turn and I was holding up the line by not moving.

So the first thing out of her mouth was, “Hello. Picture?”… well ummmm okay, sure!

I gazed upon the guys behind me and they grabbed their cameras trying to get both her and I in their view finder.

My luck would increase.

This woman was all over me. She sat on my lap for one picture. Then she shoved her boobs in my face for another. Then she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. Then she got cheek to cheek with me. I could feel and smell her breath. (Later I would find on someone’s camera that she posed as if she was licking my face.)

For about sixty seconds, I was finding myself in the middle of a photo shoot with this model because I remember A LOT of camera flashes going off at the same time continuously.

When the cameras were done, I blinked to get the spots out of my eyes so I could look at her and talk to her. I still felt like a big shot though.

Eventually I gazed over at her, and the humiliation doth begun.

She began to speak, but I couldn’t really understand her. I asked her to repeat herself, and she did. But I still couldn’t understand her. She wasn’t speaking in English.

I tried speaking to her in Spanish. She just looked blank at me.

I tried speaking to her in French. She just looked blank at me.

I even tried speaking to her in German. She finally just stuck her tongue out at me.

Whatever language she was speaking, I did not have the ability to converse with her in. And why didn’t I catch on to any of that when she had said to me only “Hello. Picture?”.. what gives there??

So there I was, unable to communicate because of an apparent language barrier. She signaled to someone and whispered. And then that person made the announcement that the model had to “powder her nose” and would be right back. It was suggested that nobody moved out of their place in line because she was not going to leave without seeing everyone who came to see her.

The guys that brought me there were just laughing and laughing because they could tell that I was really thinking this girl was something else.

Then the model was walking back and I saw an action that horrified me. She grabbed her crotch. Yep, apparently this model had a bit more “plumbing” in her nether regions than would be necessary for her to be deemed female.

My eyes quit bugging out of my head, and I couldn’t find a place quick enough or deep enough with sand to bury my own head in. Some European model was in town, but nobody had told me that this was a man in the process of being a woman. Working their way through the modeling industry to pay for all of the operations.

I left. I waited by the vehicle. I accused them all for their deception but they all were saying that they were as shocked as I was to find this model walking down the sidewalk, grabbing herself like she’s about to throw out the first pitch at a Giants game.

Those boobs that were in my face, weren’t boobs at all… but LIES!! I was just thankful that I did not come home with lipstick prints all over my face or smelling like some kind of cheap women’s perfume. The only thing that I was able to save myself from further humiliation was that these guys wanted to add me to their Facebook, and I said “no”. Even if this wouldn’t have been so embarrassing, I didn’t know these guys from Adam. So they had no chance of it happening in the first place.

This definitely takes the cake on embarrassment.

It appears as if the days of the stereotype sung by Carol Channing in the Broadway production of “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”, might be over with.

With the advent of several birthdays, anniversaries, and the soon approaching Christmas holiday, I find myself in a rather odd position. The stereotype in what women want as gifts doesn’t seem to be the case anymore at all. The things in which we (as men) grew up to learn about what women wanted has been thrown out the window entirely.

It used to be a safe bet for a man to buy a woman either chocolate, flowers, or jewelry, or all of them. But I am finding out that within the group of female colleagues and friends that its not really what they want any more.

Sure, I don’t see a woman turning down these things. I don’t see how a woman would want to turn away from FREE chocolate. But it really isn’t what they WANT from anyone. It appears that the female population (at least within my circles) want things that are less tangible and more meaningful. They seem to want to hang on to the bond of friendship more often than not. That they want that to grow and develop, rather than a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates.

I will say that some of my female friends are already married. So perhaps if it is chocolate and flowers and jewelry that they want, they could probably seek it from their husbands. But, not all of my female friends are married or in a relationship. And they still would rather pass on the objects and maintain the emotional bonds.

I have a friend’s birthday that is coming up and I have absolutely no clue at all what she would like or would want. Perhaps the first step would be to ask. Yet with previous conversations I have had, she’s not exactly the “material girl” either.

That is not to say that ALL women have abandoned the stereotype and aim for less tangible things in which they desire. There are still those who want these things. I am just saying that through my social life, those women that I speak to regularly are NOT those kinds of women.

I personally have no problem giving my female friends chocolates or roses. I am not opposed to ordering a small and simple vase of flowers for their special day. Whether they are married or not. My intentions are always true… “This is for your special day. Be happy!”.

I recall one time that I sent a half dozen roses that were white, to a female friend of mine who was married. It was for her wedding anniversary. She was thrilled. But when she got home, the gift in which her own husband had purchased for her, she found less endearing than the white roses. Oops!!

They do laugh about it now.

Clearly, it was not the objective to outshine her own spouse. That’s just what happened. I’m also not opposed to “downgrading” a gift, just in case that may happen again.

One thing that I always run into over and over and over again is “Don’t spend your money!”. Well, I am creative. I can create greeting cards, write poetry, give simple gifts in lieu of roses, chocolate, and jewelry and it would be tons cheaper if not at any cost at all. But what exactly is it that women want any more??

Perhaps it all depends on who the woman is. And that would make sense to me. If I was friends with a woman, and I knew she loved Chinese food. I’d probably buy her a gift certificate for the nearest Chinese restaurant. I think that it’s really, all a matter of paying attention.

If she’s been raving about a particular film that is about to come out, then I’d get her free movie passes.

Each woman is individually unique. That goes for anyone in this world. And I love all of my friends, male or female, in my own unique way.

It is just- what in the world do women want??

 

“One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though… betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.”~ Steven Deitz

This comes as a part two of the post about keeping secrets. But it deals more with what happens after you have confided in someone with a secret and that someone has betrayed you by telling your secrets.

It has happened to us all. We tell people certain things about ourselves that we would normally keep to ourselves, but had faith in those people whom we love and call friends that in sharing with them that they would not betray us.

Sometimes its unintentional. Sometimes its flat out deliberate. Either way, the pain that we experience is all the same. We suddenly feel all alone in this world. Our trust is broken and we begin to build a wall around us so that we cannot be hurt by a second wave. Or so we tend to think. But whatever it is that we do, we’re almost always in the state of mind where damage control is needed.

There are several ways to deal with being betrayed. Some healthy, some more or less destructive and negative. Each person has their own ways of cope when negative situations arise.

I recently felt the sting of betrayal. At this point, the smoke hasn’t cleared yet and so I could not tell you if whether or not that betrayal was done on purpose or if it was just a slip of the lip.

Long story short: I discussed with a few people that I had put some trust in about my social life, both on and offline. All parties involved knew that it was not a topic of  conversation that could be discussed out in the general public or open. But it came out anyways, and it was done in public. Suddenly the rest of those who heard (or overheard) the conversation have it set in their minds that I am involved in a romantic relationship. In which, I am not.

So then, what should I do? What should I say?? Is there a need to go around and talk to everyone that was in the room at the time and explain to them that I am not involved with any woman at the current time? Do I need to go to those who betrayed me and just chew them out until they feel about an inch tall?

Answer: Probably not. I personally do not see the point in all of that, even though I am a bit hurt that it had happened in the first place. If it were in general terms, it would definitely be easier to go to those people who heard this information and explain to them. But those individuals whom I call neighbors are set in their ways. They will believe whatever they want to believe is the truth behind whether or not I am involved romantically.

People are like that though. They believe what they want. You can explain and defend your side of things until you are blue in the face. It doesn’t mean you are going to be 100% successful in convincing them of what is true and what is rumor. Most of us would agree that it is just not right. But we can’t change the world.

So the best way that I know how to maintain and control this situation is to NOT discuss previous topics of conversation, and of women, to those who started this mess in the first place. I can’t totally shut them out. They live nearby. I’m going to run into them a time or two. But I CAN control what kind of things I say to anyone. Just like I control the content of this blog.

I was just so horrified and shocked that those whom I had put some faith in, wanted to further discuss these topics with me and then chose to do so amongst other people. More specifically, in front of those people whom both sides had agreed that if others knew about it, then I’d be thrown into the rumor mill and it would spread like wildfire. And it has, to be completely honest.

So I’m not going to discuss these things any more, with any body. And if those whom were once trusted with such information dealing with certain subject matter come to me asking for an update… they simply will not get one. Or they will get a reply that will simply answer their question but give nothing of substance.

We as human beings have our circle of people in whom we entrust a lot of things. Deep personal things. It really hurts though when those things are suddenly made public. Our brains immediately turn to the feelings of anger, wanting to hurt those who have clearly hurt us. But I personally do not believe that revenge is the answer.

I’ve been entrusted with MANY things by MANY people. Yet I have shown my merit and worth by respecting their personal lives and keeping it personal and private. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that.

So then how do we deal with the situation of our trust being broken? Everyone is different and has different needs and wants. One can just hope that they deal with it in a constructive manner and not destructive because it only makes things so much worse than it was before.

To those people who now believe on what they think is true about me… they are going to soon see that I am not hanging out with anyone special. I am not going to be seen with a woman on my arm. And eventually they will be forced to admit to themselves that whatever they have been thinking about me and this situation of being involved is simply untrue. It is just a simple matter of time.

The ways in which society evolves around itself never ceases to amaze me. How we as human beings treat one another seems to be in a constant state of change.

But there are some things that I have noticed that remain the same. And that is that we all demand respect.

In the past two weeks, I have heard several women tell me that they’ve felt disrespected both in the past and by others who they’ve chosen to surround themselves with today. Not just one, be several. There are many, many sob stories out there to be told about how (in general) men are totally disrespectful towards women. And they get away with it.

Perhaps I am already jumping on the issue that is a double standard. But personally, men crave respect as well. It just seems to me that men still do not respect women as much as they should. And they can get away with it. But if a woman is disrespectful towards a man, then suddenly she is sent to the gallows.

I do not think that there should be much of a difference between men and women respecting one another. Perhaps I am just one of those kinds of men that are so far back behind on what is socially acceptable in this day in age that I am  considered a dinosaur for my personal beliefs.

About a month ago, I was hanging out with my buddies, at a local restaurant. One of my friends decided to bring one of his own personal friends along with him and introduce him to everyone in the group. It was one of your typical “guy’s night out”.

So the ‘new guy’ starts talking about women and sharing his score card with the rest of the group and bragging about who he had slept with, and who did what to him and how. The guy was pretty aggressive in his sharing of his personal sexual conquests. Not a lot of us said much to him about it. A majority of us just nodded and said “yeah” whenever he spoke.

Not only that, but he was speaking loudly about it, to the point where I was personally becoming uncomfortable. But since I did not know the guy personally, I decided to let it go in one ear and out the other.

Quite clearly from the tales that he told, he had no respect for women at all. It was all something that he was proud to boast about gaining for himself. This guy truly had “Man of the Year” written all over him. But by the time he finished talking about it all, he then went into this somber mood and started to ask the questions of life and wondered why it had been six years since he had a steady girlfriend.

Umm, really?

Within a couple of hours of hanging out, the same man who was spewing his “love stats” with anyone within ear shot noticed an attractive girl that had walked in by herself. He got up and went to the bar and ordered her a drink. Then he sat back down with the rest of us and just kind of stared at her while the waitress was bringing her a drink.

He admitted that he had never seen her before and wanted to know who she was. I watched as the woman smiled at him, giving a nod of appreciation towards him. Then she began to go about her own business.

It pissed him off. Perhaps she just wasn’t interested in him. Maybe she was only there to satisfy her hunger. But he didn’t recognize any of these as possibilities. Only that she had disrespected him.

Eventually, he would order her another drink.

Finally, the woman looked in his direction and smiled. She got up from her table and came over to thank him personally for the drinks. The rest of the group watched in silence. My friend who was sitting next to me whispered that he wished he had popcorn. It would’ve been a little fitting to have available for what was about to happen.

 

After the proverbial name introductions and mini-background stories of where each of them came from and what they do, this new guy in the group had the testicular fortitude to literally ask this strange and lovely woman, “So, are you beautiful all of the time or is this your night off?”

The person sitting to the left and to the right of him immediately shoved themselves away from the table as far as they could scoot their chairs and as fast as they could do it. They were right in doing so because the new guy ended up wearing that second drink he bought her.

She immediately walked out of the restaurant without paying her bill. The new guy just sat there in shock as the cold liquid absorbed through his clothes and on to his body, giving him chills.

Then he called her a “bitch”. And a few other names as well.

He carried on and on about how disrespectful it was of her to throw that drink on him. But the rest of us sitting there with him could not fathom his reasoning of why he would think that way, when we were the ones trying to figure out why he did not realize that it was he that disrespected her!

I guess what I do not understand is how people think that they can be rude and disrespectful towards another person and expect to advance in the relationship. What is it about men that makes them think that they can act like pure animals and expect a woman to want to be around them?

When you meet someone for the first time and you want to get to know them better, you do not act like an idiot. Because the person you are trying to get to know will see this and think that you ARE one, instead of just acting like one. I’ve never been so disrespectful towards women (or anyone for that matter) in all of my life.

Like the saying goes, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” I heard that from my parents all of the time growing up. By the time I was out of high school I understood what they were saying.

I don’t refer to a woman as a “bitch” or a “whore”. Not even in anger. I don’t even go that far to be so disrespectful when I am referring to an old relationship or a past lover. Regardless of how the relationship might have ended. I do not see the point or merit of it.

Heck, I won’t even use profanity in front of a woman, unless they’ve used it first. And by that time, I would really have to get to know them before I would dare use such language. At least in general. I know that I have slipped a couple of times with others but I survived because they didn’t think anything of it. But seriously using such demeaning terms towards someone as complex as is the opposite sex does not mean any real sense to me. That’s just my opinion.

I know that every person is different. Some treat others with kindness, the others just do not have a mouth filter. I am the person who treats others with respect because I want to be respected in return.

But there are those who don’t. And those are the kinds of men who make socializing with women so difficult for me. Chances are before I have met any woman, they have had some kind of bad experience with disrespecting jerks, and it lays fresh on their mind as I began to talk to them. I end up having to struggle with showing that I’m not “that guy”. I am not “just another slimeball.”

And I am gathering that it is because I choose to behave in a civilized manner when it comes to talking with women, that I am always being called “sweet” or “charming”. And I get that a lot. Hey, I don’t get it. I’m just me!!

Men (and women) who do not know how to actually behave in public, probably shouldn’t be in public. But its difficult to manage that because we are all different.

I on the other hand, will remain who I am. I will treat women with kindness and respect as they deserve. And if that gives me some sort of label to the members of the feminine world then so be it.

The whole point of social interaction is to get to know a person better. So it does not make sense to me to go out there on the first try and act stupid because there’s probably not going to be another chance to get to know someone after that. Especially if I am genuinely interested in that person. I commonly use the phrase “One, and done.” And I hate that.

Why limit myself to only one chance on making an impression and talking with someone while trying to get to know them personally? I strive for that second, third, fourth, fifth time. That next opportunity to talk to someone I am interested in. I am not interested in playing Beat the Clock. I would much rather move towards endless possibilities.

One thing is for sure, your reputation does get spread around. The guy that wore the drink, we’ve not seen him since that night. I’ve been asked before by other associates of that woman who dumped the drink, why I was hanging around with such a moron. I was just simply there and I explain that to them. They’ve literally come off the streets to ask me what my problem was. But after I explained that I was just part of the audience, they back off.

Clearly, this guy’s reptutation is in the mud now. But he did it to himself.

I do not know how my own reptutation stands with women. Outside of what I just mentioned about being called “sweet” and “charming”. But whatever it is, I hope that it is optimistic.