Crushing Crossroads

Posted: April 29, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Its been a week since my trip to wonderful Houston, Texas. I’m still filled with great memories and feeling so very fortunate to have been able to go.

I held on to those “high feelings” for as long as I could before I knew that I would have to let them go and get back into my regular routine. But being able to approach it with a better sense of mentality as I sift through daily insanity.

One thing though has not escaped my mind. That is the thought of moving into the Houston area. Yeah, big surprise right!?

Right away I can see definite positives and negatives of this idea, should I make the decision to move to Houston. I’m not quite sure though which side has the upper hand.

Houston, Texas is the fourth largest city in the entire nation. That’s far bigger than any city that I had ever been in. At least for any discriminate amount of time. The thought of the cost of living being so ridiculously high stick in my mind. But with having a larger city means there’s bound to be more for me to do, more people to meet and get to know. I think it has the potential for more opportunity.

One thing that is important to me, is sledge hockey. I’ve already stated that no matter where I was to move to, I would want that option to be where I was. As far as I know, sledge hockey just got started in Houston. But there’s never really any concrete evidence of the program in existence. Nor is there the promise of it developing. There are no answers to those kinds of questions.

Sure, I’ve already said that I had a wonderful time. I’ve met some really awesome people that just made my trip become so fabulous that I didn’t want to leave. But a week later, here I am. I thought that I would just forward in planning for the next trip, because 100% of the opinion of all of those people that I got to meet, got introduced to and everybody else had said that they wanted me to come back as soon as I can.

Who am I to let them down?

I will be going back in November to a wedding. I have been given the promise of torture and death, if I did not show up for it. As well as the powerful word of suggestion that if I did not come down there by myself, I would be dragged down there, whether I liked it or not! Clearly, I don’t have much of a choice. Well, I do honestly. I can choose to either go on my own or be dragged… THAT is my choice.

Besides, I like breathing. It keeps me alive.

But living there is a very big and important decision. True, I have friends there and yes I even made more friends. People who would absolutely go out of their way to help me, if they can. There’s no doubt in that. I believe that I would feel welcomed in that area. And there would be more opportunity to meet with those that I had already made friendships with. Yet, life does go on. They already have theirs and I will be starting over with mine.

The fairy tale idea will not last forever.

I remember back in 1998, I moved from one small community of about 1,300 people to a full county population of nearly 50,000. It was only 60 miles. My best friends lived sort of in the center of it all. They were somewhere between 20-24 miles from my old place and only 35 miles from the city that I moved into.  They came by every evening (or afternoon if they had the day off of work) and visited. Whether that was to take me to the store to get something for my place or the grocery store so that I had food for the week to eat.

They did this every night for over two months, straight. But eventually, it stopped. Life went back as usual and I would hear from them every once in a while. Either they would call or come visit me. But it wasn’t every day.

Could this same situation happen if I made the decision to move to Houston? Its quite possible, yes. But again, life will go on as usual after some point.

Now I am not saying that I am expecting anyone to do what my best friends did for me so long ago. To sit here and say that it WILL be the same would be something of a very foolish remark. I didn’t “expect” to be taken care of so well when I visited Houston last week. But you know what? It happened. These people made the decisions out of the kinds and love in their hearts to make things enjoyable and happy for me. Still a week later, I am totally grateful beyond words.

I’ll continue before I get off track here. If I moved to Houston, I shouldn’t expect much. Clearly, there will be times during the process where I will need help. It will be up to me to make sure that I ask for it, not expect it.

And yet one curious thought still lingers: Could it just be that I am considering a move into the Houston area, because of the fact that I am on this “high” still? Is it possible that the only reason why I am thinking about doing this at all, is because of all the fun that I had over a period of three and a half days?? And does that mean that my mind and judgement is clouded with those energetic positive feelings???

I don’t know.

Since I’ve been back, those whom I met I have been able to contact via the Internet, whether it be Facebook or Twitter or even e-mail. I knew that was going to happen. In the days leading up to my trip, and now several days afterward the frequency of correspondence between those who I knew lived in the area, added with those who I met while down there, has increased dramatically. And all of that is fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. Yet I think it only fans those lingering flames.

I think that with some of those people who I knew before and then got to meet, the visit has strengthened the bond. Which is really cool!! I’m glad for it. I was given the compliment of a lifetime just last night. I believe in every word of theirs that they spoke too. It warmed my heart and strengthened the bond. And then brought me to streaming tears with emotion.

It was really cool. And I thank them for their kind and sincere words.

Perhaps I need to just put this idea on the back burner and keep it there for a while and see if it pops up again on its own, without self-provocation.

Now I stand at the crossroads, facing a rather huge decision in life. Keep me in your mind as I go through this process, for however long it takes.

  1. Vampiress of Metal says:

    You are definitely thinking smart…but then, I know you are smart! 🙂 That is definitely a decision that you should let sit on the back burner. I know this from experience as I have moved away from Houston twice in my lifetime…only to come back “home.” It’s a very important life-changing decision, that should never be made lightly.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you deliberate your crossroads.

    Love and Hugs!

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