The Great Nacho Challenge

Posted: June 4, 2015 in Uncategorized

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“If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find that you are ready for great challenges.” ~ Pat Riley

Some time ago, I did what I always wanted to do. Enter a food eating challenge.

It was not the kind of thing where you see on the Internet how eaters pile on their plates enormous amounts of food and shovel it down.

It was a Nacho Challenge. And I love nachos.

I sat down with seven other competitors. The object of the contest was that they would weigh each plate of nachos before giving it to you and at the end of 45 minutes, they add up the weight in food. The most consumed obviously won.

But with seven other people, it was interesting to see what was going to happen.

Unfortunately, I had no plan. Nothing to go on. I hadn’t eaten anything all day long in preparation but that was it.

It didn’t take long for about four competitors to drop out after eating about two and a half plates of nachos. The other three were showboating….. a lot.

The guy sitting directly next to me was working the crowd, hitting on women, and acting tough. He piled down about five plates of food, which he specifically had requested. His nachos were more of an off-shoot style of taco salad. Minus the taco meat.

I had it simple. K.I.S.S. is your friend. Cheese and meat. But Mr. Macho as I will refer to him from now on, had other ideas.

30 minutes into this contestant, it was only him and I and one more contestant before that third contestant was eliminated for well… having it come up. So to speak.

Mr. Macho was slowing down. I kept to my own business. Even though my jaw was hurting and my tongue and taste buds were getting quite bored. I figured if I could hang on until the end, I had a chance because Mr. Macho continued to stop eating, work the crowd, come back and attempt to chew again. His jaw was probably in about as much pain as mine was.

But suddenly there was a force from within. The entire time during the contest that I would stop eating was to burp. Hoping that the air leaving my body would make room for more food. So the more I burped and belched, the more confident I felt.

That was not the force that I was feeling. It came more in the source of a purple-blue-ish plume of biological and anatomical death.

The next thing I know, my body went through its motions. I leaned over and allowed air to escape through another way. It knocked out Mr. Macho and everyone within a 30 foot radius which was behind me.

Mr. Macho took his quivering plate of congealed nachos and went to sit down at the complete and total opposite end of the table of me, until he finally quit with seconds left to go. But they didn’t consider him eliminated. They wanted a real challenge, a real contest. Something to judge.

He later admitted that it was stuck in his nose (somehow) and it ended him. But honestly all that trash talk and beer (which he chose to have for his drink) did him in.

All in all I personally ate 2.9989 pounds of nachos. Mr. Macho had 2.05 which was stunning considering the amount of time he talked.

So that’s the story. I was DARED to write about it.

People must learn never to challenge Dambreaker. You usually end up humiliated. Never underestimate what I am able to get done.

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