Brick Walls

Posted: July 15, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

“If at first you don’t succeed….” 

Yeah, I know… “try, try again”. Shut up!!

There comes a time when a person will fall to humiliation and defeat. And its all up to that person of whether or not they get back up and dust themselves off.

Then there comes a time when you shrug off so much dirt and dust that you learn that you are strong enough to do it again.

And then there comes a time where you fall and it just gets plain stupid and often, funny once you’re able to look back at it and laugh.

I think that throughout my life I’ve hit the brick wall so many times and in so many different ways that it is almost comical.

But I have to say, that things are different now than what they used to be ten or more years ago. My own shyness was killing my social life. I wouldn’t go up to anyone and talk to them.

As of most recently though, running into that brick wall has been one giant bruise after another. I’m like a disaster waiting to happen.

I was just out and about and I went up to a woman and started to talk to her. It started out innocent enough and then the conversation kept expanding to other topics. Eventually, I thought that this woman might be someone that I could be interested to talking to again. And then it went south and that wall was waiting for me when I reached the bottom.

About the time that I actually had moved closer to her, she moved back a little. At the time I was talking about sledge hockey and I guess it was difficult for her to envision me playing a sport. So then I asked if maybe she would be interested in watching me play and that’s when I moved closer.

Yeah, I probably did invade her personal comfort zone. But women don’t have a visible force field or a sign that says “DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE!”.

Within five minutes of that, a man came up from behind her and picked her up and swung her around like a helicopter blade.

Hmmm.

I had already said and done what I did, and wouldn’t you know it she’s got one HELL of a jealous boyfriend. He wanted to kick my ass apparently. I said “nice to meet ya” and got out of there.

There’s been other times where I have actually had the testicular fortitude to say to someone “let’s meet here at this place and time”. And sure enough they would show up. I had met one woman in this manner. After only talking two days online I said she should meet me at this local beer joint. She and I for those previous two days would learn a little bit about one another and I would always hear about how she had this male roommate in the apartment that she lived in. And she had been considering moving out to be on her own.

But when I was face to face with her (and she had a few beers in her) the term “roommate” changed to “boyfriend”.

And there I was in a small bar with her, having drinks. Ugh, the humiliation!

What is worse than falling down in these types of scenarios are the times where you realize that you’ve made a mistake, and you just cannot seem to find a way to retreat out of it.

This seems to happen to me most when I am in Houston. Because its happened more than once.

Okay, okay…. more than twice.

I was talking with a woman and she smiled and I liked it, so I started to flirt. But nothing happened. So I turned up the juice. Flirting and complimenting was getting nowhere.

Then I had abandoned that for straight up hitting on her.

There was nothing still. I had said and done all that I could think of. And then days after I had been home, I was informed that the woman I was speaking to was married. WHERE’S MY ABORT BUTTON?!?!?

I should probably count my lucky stars though. I’m still alive!

I can see how it could put a damper on ever trying that again. Ever! But then I have to remind myself that life is short. And eventually there will come a time where the brick wall of humiliation, despair, and self-cringing will not be there.

Being single can get lonely and it can get very difficult. Being physically disabled adds a whole new level of difficulty when you are single. But not TRYING can be just as devastating. Each and every time this has happened to me, I refer to them as “war wounds”.

I think that what can be given to me as credit is the fact that I am able to look back after awhile and just laugh. Granted that I may or may not make the exact same mistakes, but I can laugh.

 

 

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