There I was the other evening, having to contact someone that I hadn’t spoken to in over a year and that was by my own choice.
Nothing that I was overly proud of doing, since knowing that the person I had to contact had thrown me under the bus, then ran me over with a series of army tanks. But I was able to keep my composure until the very end and separate the point of my communication with them from my own deep hurt personal feelings.
When it had seemed that the business side of things was over, I slipped out of my mouth my curiosity if ever I and that person would ever be friends again.
And I remember feeling not all that sincere when I had asked. Still feeling or at least remembering the ragging burn that I experienced from their grand deception.
But they sensed something wrong. I mean after all, I hadn’t spoken to them in well over a year. And then they literally had the balls to ask if I felt that they had done or said something to wrong me.
I don’t feel that you did, I know you did!!!!!
A series of apologies came sprouting from their lips like the Bellagio Fountains of Las Vegas.
The first apology being:
Whatever it is that I did or said, I apologize.
Umm, excuse me?!?!?????
That right there, is NOT an apology. That is a CYA.
That is “Oh shit. I did something wrong but have no idea what it is but I will apologize just to get this person to shut up.”
Sometimes the apology is just about as fake as the people who give them. The actually took no responsibility for their actions. Probably because they didn’t see any bad or negative actions.
They clearly had no idea to what I was talking about. And that told me that their dumb actions from long ago that I felt were wrong, they didn’t think that they had done anything wrong.
This actually caused the opposite reaction to happen. Instead of calming my doubts, my fears, my insecurities, and my questions… it re-fueled the anger and re-lit the flames that were once dead. Actually dead but then brought back to life.
The next thing that I knew, was them asking if sex would be something that they could do in order to make things better. Uhh. NO!!!!!
It was honestly no surprise to me that they were more than willing to talk about something else and change the topic as fast as possible. I could’ve talked about the most disgusting things on the planet, and they would have been more willing to discuss it than their faults that they had yet to atone for.
I could categorize it as “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all.” but I do not think that fits this situation. What I do think is that this pre-emptive apology was quickly delivered so that they could gain something. Probably my forgiveness or probably just me shutting up about it and letting it go. But that didn’t work.
I’ve ceased communications again. And it appears as if there will no longer be any, for the rest of days.
I don’t get how people can think to apologize without knowing what they are doing it for. Or it might be that I do not understand how they think others will or should accept an empty sorry.
Sometimes I feel like these people should forfeit living on this planet. But then again, I am not the one to judge that.
So the next time someone is confronting you with an issue and you don’t know what they are talking about, ask them. More than likely since they gathered the courage already to talk to you about it… they will tell you.
Stop making empty promises of sorry and apologies. Act and be mature. Admit your mistake when you make one. Be sincere with others if you want them to be sincere with you.