Killjoy Battles

“Oh, that clock! Old killjoy. I hear you. Come on, get up, you say, Time to start another day. Even he orders me around. Well, there’s one thing. They can’t order me to stop dreaming.”~Cinderella

The Killjoy. Everyone knows one. Everyone has them cross their paths once in their life.

Sad to say that I have them in droves. Inside my social circles and family. It drives me insane to the point where I come here to WordPress and blog about it late at night.

In a recent blog post, I talked about the end of the sledge hockey season for the Austin Blades. And the great possibility that the team has to join the Houston team throughout the summer so as not to get rusty over the hot months.

Earlier this evening, GOOD NEWS came from the Houston team as they were able to pinpoint where the USA Hockey Disabled Festival for 2014 will be held.

The 2014 tournament will be held in Marlborough, Massachusetts just outside of Boston. It was a bit disappointing as I had hoped that it would be held in Florida. I was hoping to meet a colleague there. But instead, I have the opportunity to meet YouTube personality, AskCarrieLee. (And maybe Michael Buckley from WHATTHEBUCKSHOW, if I asked nicely.)

I found both of them online probably six or seven years ago, and I’ve been able to establish a personal friendship with them both in one degree or another. So I think that it would be great to meet them in person as well as show them this magnificent adaptive sport.

Nevertheless, the excitement and joy rushed over me like a tidal wave. And I began to contact people who follow my sledge hockey career here locally. Friends and family both, I began to tell them that we just found out where the next tournament will be at.

Apparently I need to enunciate better over the telephone. “Boston” sounded like “Austin” to some of them. Oops!!

I have a full year to prepare and save and do what I need to do to fund raise in order to be able to participate. I really hope that I can, it being the tenth annual tournament.

But all I ran into was a bunch of killjoys. People just crushing my excitement, joy, and enthusiasm.

I sat there getting lectured about how expensive it is to travel to this tournament. And this was something I am already aware of. I received more lectures of the fact that I would fail in earning enough money to go, if I attempted this on my own as well as there’s nobody around here locally that could help.

Where do these people get the guts to say stuff like this to me?? Most importantly, why am I just sitting there listening to this garbage???

It occurred to me that these kinds of people are the exact types of people that I honestly don’t need to be associating with. All they do is troll my life, my joy, and my excitement. Looking for a way to knock me down out of the stars when I have gone shooting up in the air for them. 

There’s no law that says that you have to listen to these depressing and negative people. You can walk away from them. And most likely, you probably should. If all that they do is bring you down when you are up, then the influence of these people are not necessary and they will hold you down and not allow you to succeed in anything….. if you let them!

So yet again, I am swinging the blade to cut and sever these kinds of people from my life. Those who have been nothing but negative, must go!!! They should all know that sledge hockey is very important to me. It is something that I excel in as well as enjoy doing. And for them to try and cut me down and say that I shouldn’t do it or cannot do it? Its uncalled for and so yet again, I edit those who have any influence with me at all.

To support and love me is to support my dream in this adaptive sport. If you’re not on Team Dambreaker, then you don’t need to be anywhere near me and involved in my personal life.

 

 

The Frontal Lobe

“Every clinical assessment of behavior requires a careful review of frontal lobe functions.  Nonetheless, several challenges face behavioral neurologists and neuropsychologists in their clinical attempts to assess the frontal lobes.  Whereas an assessment of sensorimotor systems is guided by a relatively well understood pattern of brain-behavior relationships, the frontal lobes are incredibly complex, and because of their extensive interconnections with other neural structures, they control or influence a broad range of behaviors.  Injury to the frontal lobes can affect initiation of complex motor behavior, attention, executive functioning, working memory, episodic memory, language, emotions, and behavior.”~ from the chapter “Bedside Frontal Lobe Testing,” of The Human Frontal Lobes.

The frontal lobes are considered our emotional control center and home to our personality. There is no other part of the brain where lesions can cause such a wide variety of symptoms. The frontal lobes are involved in motor function, problem solving, spontaneity, memory, language, initiation, judgement, impulse control, and social and sexual behavior. The frontal lobes are extremely vulnerable to injury due to their location at the front of the cranium, proximity to the sphenoid wing and their large size. MRI studies have shown that the frontal area is the most common region of injury following mild to moderate traumatic brain injury.

There are important asymmetrical differences in the frontal lobes. The left frontal lobe is involved in controlling language related movement, whereas the right frontal lobe plays a role in non-verbal abilities. Some researchers emphasize that this rule is not absolute and that with many people, both lobes are involved in nearly all behavior.

Another area often associated with frontal damage is that of “behavioral sponteneity.” individual with frontal damage displayed fewer spontaneous facial movements, spoke fewer words (left frontal lesions) or excessively (right frontal lesions).

One of the most common characteristics of frontal lobe damage is difficulty in interpreting feedback from the environment. Perseverating on a response, risk taking, and non-compliance with rules, and impaired associated learning (using external cues to help guide behavior) are a few examples of this type of deficit.The frontal lobes are also thought to play a part in our spatial orientation, including our body’s orientation in space.

One of the most common effects of frontal damage can be a dramatic change in social behavior. A person’s personality can undergo significant changes after an injury to the frontal lobes, especially when both lobes are involved. There are some differences in the left versus right frontal lobes in this area. Left frontal damage usually manifests as pseudodepression and right frontal damage as psuedopsychopathic.

When traumatic brain injury occurs to the frontal area, it is impacting the brain’s largest lobe. Located at the front of each cerebral hemisphere, this lobe is responsible for conscious thought, voluntary movement, and individual personality characteristics. When you are searching for just the right word to say, it is this section of the brain upon which you rely. Damage to this vital lobe can cause impairments in judgment, attention span and organizational ability, as well as a loss of motivation. In addition, the frontal lobes are charged with the task of regulating mood and emotions. Consequently, when they are compromised, a patient may become impulsive, act rashly, and adopt risky behaviors such as substance abuse.

Sexual behavior can also be effected by frontal lesions. Orbital frontal damage can introduce abnormal sexual behavior, while dorolateral lesions may reduce sexual interest.

As is the case with other traumatic brain injuries, damage to the frontal lobe most often occurs as a result of vehicle crashes, falls, and firearms. There are over 6 million car accidents in the USA every year, resulting in 3 million injuries, 2 million of which are permanent.

In the case of frontal lobe damage, particular attention will be focused on helping the patient to learn strategies for curbing impulsive behaviors and regulating emotions. Since many of the symptoms of frontal lobe damage are similar to those of attention deficit disorder, researchers are conducting preliminary studies to see if these traumatic brain injury victims respond to Ritalin and other ADHD medications.

Patience and perseverance will be absolutely essential for all involved. Since frontal lobe damage causes marked deficits in mood, personality and behavior, a patient might have to thoroughly overhaul many of his or her most basic coping and human relations strategies.

Okay, so are you ready for the layman’s terms???

I’ll do my best here to summarize in shorter length what this all means.

The frontal lobe of the brain is usually the part of the that receives the most damage when a person is involved in a vehicle accident. This part of the brain controls the cognitive motor skills that drive us every day. It also controls the part of the brain that deals with emotions. When a fronal lobe injury occurs, then a lot of usual function becomes impaired.

What is fascinating to know is that people who have these kind of brain injuries actually go through a lack of compassion, care, and otherwise loving emotions towards another human being. A spouse for example will have an extremely decreased sex drive. The thought of having sex with their partner after having a frontal lobe injury just no longer interests them. Yet on the other hand, if sexual contact is something that they desire, they are not considerate of their partner’s feelings and they drive for what they want and disregard their partner.

Which is sad because I think that a lot of the times in this particular situation the relationships crumble and fall apart and then totally dissolves. And the person who has suffered the injury begins to think “it’s me, it’s all me… I am no good. I am nothing but a bother to people. I am sorry.”- and so on.

Not only that, their relationships with family, friends, and other people become extremely diminished as well. They seek only what they want without the thought of other people. If it is attention that they want, then they seek it- anytime, anywhere, by any means possible.

Some people with a lesser injury will actually appear to become concerned for the feelings of others but the injury doesn’t allow them to fully understand that what they are really doing is looking for the acceptance from other people that what they are doing, “is okay” with them. And if so, they continue on in this behavior.

They fear that people will run away from them because of their injury. And sometimes that is actually the case. They will come across so frustrating that it breaks the point of the other person and they put an end to it because they are no longer able to handle the situation.

My sister was in a serious vehicle accident and she suffered the same injuries. Luckily she was not injured any more than she was or even killed, just because some asshole decided to leave his house after drinking and get out on the wet roads in the middle of winter where there was actual snowfall in Texas after the sun was gone and the temperatures at night were dipping below freezing.

Yet because I had known about what happens with the frontal lobes when they become damaged, I thought to myself that “this was going to get interesting, or miserable”. I was living with her and her family at the time. And indeed, it became interesting. She got into more arguments with her husband and was frustrated a lot with her son, and with me. The best I could do was try to see where she was coming from and NOT take everything extremely personal because I knew that she has this injury to her brain.

For those of us who know someone with a frontal lobe injury: Taking things personally all of the time is not really the best resort in dealing with the person. Yet it is extremely difficult not to. Patience is the key. Also you should make clear of your boundaries so you are not being taken advantage of all of the time. You shouldn’t fear to tell a person with a brain injury “no”, or “stop”. Set your boundaries and explain them that as much as you still care for them, just because you are telling them “no” does not mean you have stopped caring.

For those who have suffered a frontal lobe injury: Clearly this is not the end of the world. It just means that your world is going to be different than what it was before. I am not a medical professional, so I cannot say if this is possible or not but working on your social behavior could save you a lot of anguish in the long run. Finding a way that is non-intrusive upon your family and friends could greatly benefit you. After all, before the injury, you knew that it was not the right thing to do to be a constant bother towards others. Finding a solid outlet (such as therapy) could definitely help. Yet the entire “woe is me, I’ve got a brain injury” is only going to get you so far before people DO start walking away. And it is not because you have that injury it is because of your impaired behavior. The injury itself has nothing to do with it.

Like I said, I am no professional. So I do not even know if “thinking before you act” is even possible because of the damage sustained. Yet using the injury as a crutch is only going to turn people off, and then eventually turn them away.

Understand your injury and what you can do about it. Once the brain is damaged, there is no cure. A broken arm can heal, but a “broken brain” cannot. So that is why I would suggest to a person that they seek the professional help of a therapist to begin some kind of mental rehabilitation.

It is not an impossibility to have human relations with a person with a frontal lobe injury. But it is safe to say that it is extremely complicated and difficult.

 

 

 

Bulletproof Emotions

“If at first you do succeed try not to look too surprised.” ~ Anonymous

Many times I have used this blog to express a number of emotions. I would say that a majority of the time that I am posting something on this blog is because of emotion. And probably this post is no exception.

Plenty of you who read this blog regularly have read of my highs and my lows. And those do swing fairly wide it would seem each time I review my blog as a whole. Then others who read this blog end up being some kind of silent therapist as I am just writing to get things off my chest and off my mind. And there’s really nothing wrong with that.

But since the end of the Labor Day weekend, there has been things that seemed to have unphased me. I won’t go into a lot of detail, but certain things either have happened or have not happened in the past several days, and I find myself amazed at the fact that I have not gone through much emotion. Many things that I know that have either frustrated me or caused me to be sad and upset, didn’t do a single thing!!

So many times before in the past when these similar situations would occur, I would get upset and frustrated. But this time, I didn’t. Up until last night I wondered, “Why am I not upset?”.  It has been completely unusual.

It would seem that any other human being would go through the emotions. Perhaps there are a million and eleven reasons why I have not.

Perhaps deep down I knew that situations that were rising, were just out of my control and I knew that eventually they would resolve itself. Or maybe it was because I knew that I would go crazy if I allowed the cognitive distortions to take control, and I never allowed them a chance.

Or perhaps I have been distracted so much that I’ve not had a lot of time to dwell on these things enough for it to bother me. Whatever the case may be, my mood has remained constant as well as positive.

There’s been a number of things that have kept me busy as of lately. Sled hockey season has started and practices will begin soon, the fact that some major important decisions will have to be dealt with and I am doing all that I can to make sure that I have all the information that I need in order to make the decisions that are right for me.

So it really could be the distraction. However it doesn’t change the fact that these smaller things that would usually eat me up inside haven’t done a single thing to my mental state. The only thing it has done, is caused me to be surprised that I have not been down. Even though I am full of confusion as to why exactly.

Change is inevitable. How we deal with it is what makes us who we are. This by far, is a change that I haven’t really recalled experiencing in many, many years. And I won’t complain.

Our own mental health depends on how we are subject to certain circumstances. Those who are weaker, find themselves falling down and unable to get back up. Those who are a little stronger, find themselves falling down but then try to figure a way to get back up. I on the other hand have seemed to find myself already standing back up, but then asking myself, “Did I just fall?”.

My point is this: If I can do it, you can do it.

It may not be through the same ways as I have, but the end result remains the same. If you fall, get back up. Find your way to stand up again. When you find it, then do it! After you have done so, then you can worry about dusting yourself off. But always remember how you have done it, so that you can do it again and again.

Nothing can make a person more proud of themselves than to find a way to advance through adversity and come out smelling like roses on the other side. It causes your self-image to become more positive. It encourages your self-esteem, and your confidence levels can go sky high. The trick is to repeat the process whenever something or someone has you down.

And we can take my example. I probably should’ve been down. Probably at this point I should be blogging about something different. More about how upset I am that things didn’t turn out how I would like them to. But instead, I am writing about how I’ve been able to keep positive some how. And I have no idea why that is. I just know that it is what it is. It is a nice surprise indeed.

The more we learn from the lessons of life, the easier things become, the stronger we are, and the better the quality of life we have in front of us.

Lesser Expectations

“The best way to avoid any disappointments, is not to create any expectations.”

That’s what I came up with today. This is the phrase I have coined. Just that one little sentence can speak so much that is really makes a person stop to think and then they either agree and take time to reflect or they disagree and thumb their nose at me.

Disappointments do happen though. It is just a small part of life. Sometimes things happen that are far beyond our own control.  But I think that the greater asset would be  the knowledge of how we deal with disappointment.

The world changes daily. Not everyone in the world are just like us and so we must really learn to adapt. Things will be awesome one minute, and then turn into rubbish the next. We as human beings actually do have the capabilities within ourselves to pause, absorb & reflect, then change what we must. It is not whether we can, it is whether we really want to.

Sometimes we struggle with change. We find ourselves flat on our faces and lay there wondering what just happened and why? Clearly there was a life lesson to be learned and that is why you have fallen. The only to way to get back up is to learn what that was supposed to teach us. And then yes, adapt.

However, it is my personal feeling that we can better arm ourselves when circumstances of differences become involved. We cannot change people. And we would not want people to try and attempt to change us. I am talking about “expectations”. We should not focus on what we want from other people. Instead, we should focus that anything is possible. And nevermind the whole attitude of forcing someone to change just so that they will see it your way, or that you can have your way.

Do not expect certain things to happen. Because whatever it is you expect (or want) to happen, just might not come true at all. The next thing you know, your feelings are hurt, your emotional state is crushed and then life becomes so much harder to bounce back from.

I cannot expect my neighbors to want to go out on a Friday night, just because “I” want to. To totally rely on that expectation would be foolish. Especially if I offer the idea to them personally, and they just are not interested.

Hope is one thing. Expectation is another. And I am all for having hope. Yet if we allow our minds to play out what we “expect”, and then it does not go how we had imagined it, we’re going to end up with greater disappointment.

It comes into the same subject matter that I posted about before in “Things Arent’ Always What They Seem”.

Sometimes, we actually set ourselves up for disappointment. All because we have already surrendered to the possibility that no matter what, we are going to be disappointed. These are the people that have so much difficulty in life and usually are seriously lacking in personal happiness. I find it to be very sad.

So we really do not need to overload our lives with these constant waves of disappointment when we have the tools to make sure that if we do not expect anything, that we cannot suffer it.

Don’t buy a lottery ticket BELIEVING that it is the jackpot winner. When your numbers are not picked, then all you are left is the terrible feeling of that all you have done was wasted your money on that lousy ticket that did you no good. You’ve allowed yourself no opportunity for great happiness because you just knew that you would win. But now you didn’t, and you’re looking for someone or something else to blame but yourself. If you didn’t believe so hard that you were going to win, and ended up losing anyways, it would not have been such a big deal. But now its a huge deal.

I do not know how many other examples I can come up with to explain this any clearer. But I will not have any expectations of you as the blog reader. That way “I” cannot be disappointed if you are misunderstanding the entire intent of this blog.

So allow your mind to open up a little more. If you have faith and believe that anything is possible, then you know how to roll with the punches from whatever comes flying at you. Whether it was something that you wanted to happen, or something you didn’t want.

Change your habits. Life will become a whole lot easier!

Venimus, Vidimus, Vicimus

No matter how long it takes, we will find you!

The military of the United States of America has done their job.

 

Now that we’ve been hearing that Bin Laden is dead, Americans have been more or less celebrating.

 

Many are rejoicing. A lot of them, so overwhelmed with excitement that they are unable to restrain themselves from their inner jubilation.

 

And yet, not even a full twelve hours after President Obama spoke to the nation, and to the world and confirmed the news, I have heard some people talking about how we shouldn’t “glorify death”.

 

Umm… what?!?

 

People- Americans are NOT glorifying the death of Bin Laden. But rather we are rejoicing in the comforting notion and thought that he is no longer able to cause bloodshed and destruction. He can no longer destroy what freedoms and peace we have in this nation. This is by far, is not a glorification of death!!

 

Bin Laden was an enemy of the nation. He was an enemy to the world. Including those whom he wished to have died because of his radical thoughts of interrupting peace.

 

The United States military did what they had to do: Their job. And that means to defend and protect our country. Even if it means war.

 

The United States of America now has their justice for the horrible attacks that took place on 9/11 because of Bin Laden. Those whom we loved and lost, the innocence gone. We did not attack him. He attacked US! Why? Because he threw a temper tantrum because the leaders of Saudi Arabia chose to allow the United States to help with the liberation of Kuwait. Bin Laden wanted his group of people to get rid of Hussein’s troops out of Kuwait. But he did not get what he wanted. So he decided that he would attack the United States of America.

 

And now look at him today. He started a fight, and he lost. Paying the ultimate price for it.

 

It definitely isn’t over, now that he is dead. I really don’t believe that it is. For sure there will be some group of people who will want their retaliation. And they will try! But our military is strong. We have held our resolve and position since this started and we have not backed down.

 

“Frothtonomy” has it right today. In his blog entry, he mentioned that the United States of America didn’t ask for this. The same as we did not ask the Japanese to attack Pearl Harbor which led us into World War II.

 

http://millsap.wordpress.com/2011/05/02/ding-dong-the-bitch-is-dead/

 

If history teaches us anything, its that if you mess with us… you’re gonna get it!! We are going to MESS YOU UP when we get to you!!!

 

No matter how long it takes we will find you. And we will have our justice. Freedom isn’t free. But we as a nation, will do whatever it takes to make sure that we have our freedom.

 

With the fact of people so excited and happy about the news about the death of Bin Laden, there’s been a lot of them who just haven’t had a lot of self control. But you know what? That’s just how emotion works. I may not agree with what they have to say, you may not agree either. But to actually tell them that they are wrong or ask them, “How could you?” isn’t the right response just because you disagree.

 

After a while, the over the top reactions will cease. But the opinion of the country and of the world will remain the same. We rejoice that this evil man can no longer hurt anyone.

 

So allow people their emotions. Allow people there opinions. If you are someone who disagrees, fine then. Just because a few MILLION people are excited that we as a nation finally got what we have been wanting for almost ten years, doesn’t make us bad people. And it should not annoy you as much as it does.

 

 

 

 

 

Express Yourself

Three words. Just three. Doesn’t seem like a lot, but those three little words are the most potent ones in our language today. They also have the potential to be the most poisonous, if used callously.

I personally refer to them as the “make it or break it phrase”. Of course, I am talking about the phrase, “I love you.” These thoughts have been on my mind for quite some time and I couldn’t find the most appropriate venue to discuss them, until now.

Yet I still find it a difficult subject to talk about as we all have our own different belief systems on what love is or isn’t. You may find that you totally agree or totally disagree with me. No matter which side of the fence you sit, it still is something we all face at one time in our lives.

Personally though, I find myself going through great frustration when showing emotion or expressing feelings. I don’t know if it is a personal problem I have with the automatic response within a person or the immediate necessity for the building of walls to be built whenever the words are spoken/written.

I do know that there are several ways of “saying it without saying it”.

For example, “Love you!”. I think that in my personal experiences, this one is used the most. And it is the phrase that I have the most trouble with. WHO loves me? You? Your cat? Your creepy neighbor who doesn’t know how to iron a shirt? Tell me exactly, WHO loves me??

Then of course we have written form and not necessarily verbal.

“Love U” or “Luv U“. Let’s face it, with the invention of the text message and electronic mail, it has greatly curtailed our ability to speak properly. And it has nothing to do with character limits. I find this to be a lazy away of showing your emotion and feelings towards another. Of course someone loves me, but again who???

So let’s go even further. Has anyone ever just typed “ILY” or even tried to be fancy and unique and written “143”? (Each number representing the number of letters in each word of the phrase.)

1= I

4= love

3= you

Seems like a neat trick, doesn’t it? I will admit that when it was first used with me, I thought it was probably the neatest thing in the world. Now that I have become used to it, and more or less immune, it’s not so cute any more.

Three words. Eight letters. One phrase.

I was once involved in a cyber relationship where the woman never really once told me that she loved me. I know that I had, but that was because I thought I was in love with her. But she never once repeated it back. Even when I realized that the relationship was not something that was healthy or in my best interest to continue with, I told her that she was loved. And when she finally got the hint that I was ending it, I received “Goodbye, God bless. 143“.

I now realized why she never said it. It is because she never felt it or meant it in the first place.

Now I am not going to go into the different types of love, because then this blog would take forever to write and forever for you to read. Besides, my blog entries are far from formal and wander off a lot in the first place.

So then why do we say it? Or don’t for that matter. And when its said to us, why is it such a massive undertaking to share that back with the person?

I know that there are people in the world that just have a very difficult time expressing themselves. They feel vulnerable and weak. Others are insecure about themselves and probably the case there is that they don’t love themselves and therefore do not feel worthy of receiving another person’s love. Much less hearing that they are loved.

One must believe in their words when they speak. That is my assertion.

I am the kind of person that once I become quite fond of another, that eventually I will tell them that they are loved. Many times I have been spurned for my words or actions but I was confident in what I was telling them. Just because I told them that I loved them, should not have been an automatic sign that I wanted to jump into bed with them. It was more of an expression of caring for them as an individual and a way to let them know how much they really mean to me, that they are in my life.

And that is probably why I have so much frustration and difficulty with others when they decide to shorten the phrase or not really bother to repeat it back. As I said earlier, I know that people are not exactly alike. I cannot expect them to respond with “yeah, I love you too!”. A life in that kind of world does not exist.

My own rule of thumb has been “Don’t say it, if you don’t mean it.” And that includes saying something that you perceive that the other person is wanting to hear. I’m not saying that I go out and tell every Tina, Dina, and Harriet that I love them. Or every Tom, Dick, and Harry for that matter. But if you’re hearing it from me, you need to know that I am caring about you. That I’m not just full of hormones and want to find a way to eventually bond flesh. But you are important enough in my life for me to express myself with those three words. “I LOVE YOU.”