Summertime Delivery Blues

It’s very HOT in the state of Texas right now. Record temperatures are being broken almost daily. And there’s no relief in sight for well over the coming week.

For me to get anything, I have been staying inside and using online delivery services for what I need.

I created a small order for groceries. I found this second online delivery service that is far better than the first. Maybe one day I will write a post about it and show you the comparison. But that’s not important right now.

Living in a gated property, instructions were given on how to reach my front door along with the delivery and waited for the selected time in which it was to arrive.

Then the telephone rings. The driver is outside one of the many gates that stretch along the property and wants to be let in.

I verbally repeated the instructions to this woman. And the following responses from her were less than professional or nice.

Over and over again she kept telling me which numbered apartment she was parked in front of. But couldn’t find a key pad to enter a gate code to get on the inside.

A second and third time of repeating the instructions to her, she shouted back “Can’t you just let me inside?? I see a door. Just come open the door.”

I told her she was at the wrong gate and she needed to drive a little more to get to the correct gate. And more argument came from her as she screamed “Just come get me and open this door. I see a goddamned door.”

The first thing that came to mind was to tell her that I was not dressed to come outside.

She then began to cry and whimper about it. She said that if I was not going to come outside and open the door that she was looking at that she would not know how to get my delivery to me. She was obviously starting to give up and was probably getting ready to leave.

I told her that I was on the way.

I had a feeling inside of me that told me that if I actually went around to the other side of the building and opened the door that she kept talking about that she was going to find a person in a wheelchair attempting to make their way down the path and she was going to instantly regret it.

Needless to say, that I hung up on her as she was in the middle of another whining fit.

So out into the horrible heat I went. Today with another record breaking temperature today of 103°F/39°C.

As I rounded the building and she turned and saw me…. the look on her face was PRICELESS. Maybe even Internet worthy.

I did not think of it until now, but I should have went up to the door inside of the gate and told her that the door was locked and I didn’t have the key, or that the door was welded shut to keep people off the property who don’t belong here.

So I opened the door and she immediately went into this wave of apologies and excuses and then back to apologies. She claimed she saw no other gate. And I physically pointed it out to her. She still said she could not see it. So I gave very descriptive terms to her along the lengthy gate on where to find where she should have gone in the first place.

The bags were heavy and she did offer to carry them for me to my home. But I did not want her inside of my home.

I led her to the front door. And as we went along the path I explained to her how roads work and how much easier and more convenient it would have been for her if she would have just followed the instructions that I had provided for her already several times.

She walked in front of me and then I told her which apartment to walk towards. She got to the door and then she proceeded to open it. That is until I told her NOT to open the door and just leave the bags next to the door on the patio area.

Again she gave me another priceless look of disbelief. I really think she’s got a problem with following instructions. Perhaps she’s one of the many kinds of people that don’t like being told what to do. And I would think that if that was the case, she shouldn’t be working as a delivery driver.

I understand that it is hot outside. And I also could believe the possibility that she was running behind on her deliveries.

And I also understand that trying to find where I live can be very confusing. My family had plenty problems of their own when they first tried to visit me here. However the screaming, the whining, and the not following instructions is deplorable.

Just another day in the big hot sweltering city of Austin in the summertime, I guess.

Freakin’ idiot.

Stop Messing With Nature

“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”~ Russell Baker

Welcome to the beginning of July in the year 2014. For those of you who have been waiting for it, please be patient. The bitchy blog posts about heat, humidity, and unbearable air temperatures during summer are coming. Just not yet. Hang in there!

But in all seriousness- let’s have a chat. Just you and I.

For those of you that have been paying attention, you know that there’s a nest full of barn swallows and right now is the time that these birds are being born and eggs are hatching.

Round two is happening currently as we speak for this year/season. The birds have hatched and they are just about ready to learn how to fly. I don’t know for sure whether or not we’ll have a third round of eggs. It is rare but has happened before.

But as with every year, there’s bird drama. And it happened yesterday evening when I heard a bunch of voices of children hanging around my front door.

One of the baby birds had accidentally fallen out of the nest and was on the ground. Its neck seemingly broken as it was able to twist it in ways humans can’t even dream of. But I don’t know for sure whether or not barn swallows have that same neck structure as say, an owl does. Able to turn it directly behind itself and look.

Whatever it was, it had caused one of the “bird parents” to come down from there nest and perch upon a shopping cart that got left on my patio area… watching its young struggle to move about. It had not yet learned how to fly at this point, so it was really at a poor disadvantage.

However if we have learned anything by having these birds come and build their nests is that you do not mess with the young. You do not touch any of the birds. And you must certainly do not touch any of the baby birds that may have fallen out of the nest. Its just nature happening. As sad as it may be. 

A few summers ago, our maintenance guy decided to mess with the nest by flashing an LED light inside while the birds were sleeping. Maintenance was attacked viciously to the point where he became paranoid about birds if he had to come over to my home.

A social services coordinator attempted to lift a baby bird back into the nest because it had fallen out. That bird (even though was returned from the nest) was forced out of the nest again and landed on the ground and soon after that perished.

The lessons came quick. DO NOT TOUCH THE BIRDS. DO NOT INTERVENE WITH THE BIRDS. DO NOT HANDLE THE BIRDS.

Once a human being does that, then the adult birds stop caring for it and force it away where it actually is left to die.

Granted, barn swallows are not very large birds in size. But birds are birds. And to this day I do not know why they trust me, but they do. Enough to build their nests and enough to NOT attack me when I come out of my front door to do whatever it is that I need to do that day. 

Usually the adult birds will just fly away, swoop around, and come back to the nest once I have cleared the area.

These children last night however, were hovering and circling around this one bird that unfortunately fell out of the nest. I warned the children not to touch the baby bird. I warned them to stay away from the baby bird because the adults would come after them.

I’ve seen it happen before. Birds will defend their own.

And instead of paying attention to me and listening, the oldest child of the group took off her jacket and wrapped the baby bird with the sleeve of the jacket and picked it up. The adult birds were flying back and forth in a super rage. It was horrible to watch. And it had to be terrifying for the birds to watch their young being picked up and carried away. 

Since someone touched the bird, the adults left it alone. The kids took off with it but then minutes later came back with it and put it back on the same spot on the ground as they picked it up. But it was too late. The adult birds already abandoned it.

So this morning, I find the adult birds still perched lower to the ground, but the baby bird was on the ground and had not survived.

And to think that this bird would have had a fighting chance as it struggled to move. Just a crash course in learning how to fly and it would have lived and been okay and probably in the future, been something that laid its own eggs.

Again human nature got in the way and spoiled everything for this winged baby. Sealing its doomed fate.

As difficult as it may be for some adults, we’ve got to learn to leave animals alone. Even while the animals are “in their hour of need.”

If the young of an animal will be abandoned if interfered with by humans, then yes – just leave them alone and hope and pray for the best.

Temporary Stay of Relief

“Yeeehaww!!!”~ everybody in the state of Texas

Today is Day 80 that the temperature has been either 100°F or higher. Right now, I am seeing that it is 101°F. I do not know how much higher it will go today as the afternoon wears on.

Today however, it is very windy. So that heat is just being blown all around. But I understand that all of this wind is ahead of a cold front.

I actually thought that this has had something to do with what is left of Tropical Storm Lee, which is slamming the Gulf Coast states at the moment. I’m not sure if it has drawn this cold front towards us or not. Nevertheless, the cold front is coming.

This means that our temperatures are going to be about 10 degrees cooler than what they have been. Which is a wonderful relief! Even though we really need the rain desperately!! And that is why I was hoping that these tropical storms that are in the Gulf or heading towards the Gulf would hit landfall near here… so we could get something, anything!!

So I think that we are at least going to enjoy cooler temperatures. There’s no rush into digging in the closet for winter clothing yet, but it should feeling a lot better.

And I really do not know how long this “better weather” will last. Usually in this area, the weather begins to get cooler in September and we leave the triple digit temperatures behind us for the rest of the year. I just cannot say that we have reached that point yet or not. I can at least cross my finges and hope for the best.

As far as rain is concerned, I was told that we will not be receiving any significant rainfall until spring of next year, and that is terrible news. So much plant life and everything is just in danger of dying off. This summer has definitely been brutal. The worst days of summer since 1925, and we blew it out of the sky as the record was 69 days of 100°F or more. Today it is 80… will there be more in 2011??

Sickening Summer

“It would be a shame for you to miss New York in the Spring.”~ Tom Hanks as ‘Joe Fox’ in “You’ve Got Mail” [1998]

Well, this isn’t Spring, its Summer. And this definitely isn’t New York either. Thus, there really isn’t anything out there that I would consider that I would be “missing”.

But I think that irony is a funny thing as I am sick. It is early August, and this is commonly the hottest month out of the year, and I’m sick. How does that happen??????

So now I am sort of confined to the ceiling fan going full blast, three oscillating fans blowing, and the air conditioner doing its job. Meanwhile, I cannot seem to be able to feel any better.

Sufficed to say that it is not heat stroke or heat exhaustion or anything of that nature. I just simply lack the fortitude and desire to want to do anything in this heat. And then I found my own body temperature almost as hot as the air temperature outside. Well, not quite THAT high, but high enough to be called a fever.

I’m just a rolling mess I guess you could say. But at least my mess does not require me to go and venture outside in this heat any more. I did my errands before it reached 99°F today. And was glad that I did. One must do what they must do.

After that, I’ve had a few comforting phone calls from friends. Great times. I love the diversions and distractions of the pitfalls of life when I am able to speak to them. But other than that, the day just went downhill and I am just surprised at my own self for coming to the realization that it is the Summer, and I am sick?

Doesn’t this crap normally happen during the later months of the calendar year? Perhaps Spring as Joe Fox had put it in “You’ve Got Mail”?? I don’t know. It’s a wild sensation. Nothing enjoyable no doubt.

My guess is that it has something internal going on that is making me feel like the crud. I’m just waiting for someone to steam roll me over and then shove me in a closet. But I don’t suppose that I will be so lucky.

Nevertheless, being sick in general is never much fun at all. Our bodies adjusting to the weird and wonky things that really give our immune system a battle. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. I suppose that I could say that I lost this round.

People here are generally grumpy from the record setting heat. But it is almost everywhere else in the country. NOT just the south. I cannot speak for much of the country but our own heat records for the year are being shattered almost continuously for the past two months straight. When the meterologist on the local weather report are cracking open the Weather Almanacs, you know there’s something to be paying attention to because this heat is so dangerous. Records this year are being broken that were only set back in 2009, and again in 2007. Anything more that is still a standing record goes all the way back to the 1920’s. And this heat is punching forward to shatter those as well.

I am happy to say that I am staying hydrated. My bladder can testify to that. And I’m not outside a whole lot. Or should I say- that I haven’t been. Especially not today since 10:45 this morning. But my point is that I am doing very well with hydration.

Still my body and my moods suffers today. And there really isn’t much that I can think of that would make me so miserable, but here I am…. trying to get my temperature down and drinking so much damned fluids.

So as I sit in the dark, as the sun begins to set as I finish this blog post and realize the temperature is STILL at 100°F, I roll my eyes and just wanna curl up into a ball. Let’s hope that tomorrow becomes better for me (even though the weather will not as it is predicted to be even worse and possibly the HOTTEST day of the year!), and that future blog posts will have more to it than just blather.

Thanks for hanging in there, oh Disciples of Dambreaker.

Getting Scared Comes Early

such beautiful chaos at the House of Torment

The weather so far in June has been very uncomfortable for this part of the world. We’re used to the high temperatures and humidity of course, but this early in the season? It has been very dry and very hot. We normally do not get such weather until July or August. And then sometimes we deal with it through September.

 

I kept thinking to myself that all I had to do was make it to the Fourth of July weekend. And then it struck me: July, August, September, October.

 

Holy smokes!! I know the months of the year beginning in July ….. AND …… there’s only a few more months until the whole “Halloween Season” comes. But mainly the fact that the “House of Torment” will soon be auditioning for characters for the local haunted attraction.

 

For the past three seasons I have always wanted to audition to be a zombie or a monster at this nationally acclaimed haunted house. But I always had missed out because I didn’t know exactly when to go and audition. Not to mention not really knowing what they are looking for in a monster.

 

I had always thought that I could bring something to the table by sitting in my wheelchair, all disfigured and gross.. and just scare the crap out of people!! I mean, there are endless possibilities on how to do it. Trust me, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around thinking about it. So I have been wanting to this for so long. Why not make it an equal opportunity scare business by employing the disabled? People get scared of me all of the time, but that’s because they are ignorant. In this way, I could give them a reason to be scared. But I digress.

 

Then about a year ago (after the Halloween season no less), I read an article that the House of Torment was looking for people. The article was written in the early part of August. I know that they go through an extensive training during that month and then they open their doors at the end of September and into early October and stay open until Halloween. At least that is how it is to the best of my knowledge.

 

Personally, I think its great because most haunted houses are only open on weekends during the month of October and some of them will extend their hours of operation during the week OF Halloween. But there has been a few seasons where the House of Torment opened their doors at the last part of September and kept them open every day for business until the first weekend of November.

 

What a great way to make a living. Even if it is for a short period of time in the calendar year. I can dress up, look horrible, scare people and get paid doing it for a couple of months.

 

But like I said, every year goes by and I never find out where I need to go or what I need to do, until it is too late and the advertisements are beginning to circulate and the very late night commericals are begining to air.

 

Allow me to tell you a story of my first (and probably last) experience with the House of Torment:

 

As a paying customer I went through the attraction to the best of my ability. These attractions really are not made for people with physical handicaps and wheelchairs because a lot of the times their sets are built on feeding a person’s fear of small and enclosed spaces. A lot of haunted attractions simply post bulletins that if you are handicapped, you won’t get in.

 

But that one time that I went, I did okay.

 

There is one character by the name of Mr. Creep. You can look him up online. Top hat, top coat, walking cane. A “posh monster”.

 

So anyways, I was in the attraction and I saw Mr. Creep… but thought he was only a prop. I didn’t pay attention to it much. I moved about the attraction but did not realize that Mr. Creep was following right behind me.

 

I heard something, and turned around. Mr. Creep was right there again standing in the same position as before. I thought that haunted house staff members were playing tricks with me by moving this prop everywhere I go.

 

After a few times of this silly little game, I decided to test it out and see if this was a person in a costume or a prop. So I did everything I could to make it move. Maybe blink. But nothing happened. I then put my hand in front of its nose and mouth. The actor knew very well to hold his breath. So then I was moving my arm, waving it in its face and then I mistakenly bumped my arm onto theirs. So Mr. Creep ended up moving.

 

In a blink of an eye, Mr. Creep screamed at me!

 

I turned around and I was GONE BABY, GONE!!!

 

I literally ran over the group of friends I went with, passed them up and then ran over two other groups of people in the attraction that were ahead of me, all the while knocking people over onto the floor, and out the door I went without stopping or looking back. Screaming like a little sissy girl in the process, the entire way out the door!

 

Apparently, Mr. Creep followed me every step of the way and thought it was so funny as he stood there in the doorway holding his sides and laughing hysterically and yet some how still able to stay in character.

 

I didn’t think it was that funny. At least not at the time. But I laugh about it now and don’t get so upset when I tell others this story and they start cracking up.

 

I never went back there again. At least not as an fear enthusiast and a customer. The attraction really isn’t that far away from where I live. I go by it all of the time- all year round.

 

But then how ironic is it that I am absolutely craving the opportunity for employment at a place that just about scared the piss out of me? Wild, wild stuff!

 

The Halloween season of 2010, I kept up with the House of Torment as much as possible. I never got a chance to go to the area, but I was so amped that it was opening up again. I talked with a lot of people who did go to the attraction and had them tell me their stories and experiences. I even contacted via the Internet about possible employment but never heard back from them. I guess they were already in full swing of operation by the time I had done so that they didn’t need any more help.

 

I joined message boards, profiles, whatever had their name on it. I watched YouTube videos of people’s visits… laughing every step of the way when someone was using a cell phone to record video and an unindentified monster or zombie that was NOT in frame would come up and yell “BOO!”.

 

Now I understand that Global Fear Enterprises are the ones in charge. They offer a variety of wonderful services, including graphic design. But what I found was most thrilling was the fact that you could hire their monsters for public events and parties. I thought that was really cool. But I had to stop and think about whether or not that was just a seasonal thing, or of it was all year long.

 

Most people who have known me for the past year and a half now, know that I found this thing called “Monster Escorts”. Certainly it wasn’t how it sounded, right?!? So I sent a message inquiring about that particular service.

 

The language was a bit stiff, no pun intended. I was told that “Monster Escorts” was for more of an intimate time. That did not help!! Because the zombie chick in the photo of this blog post, I saw from others who went and took pictures, I became intrigued by.

 

Since I knew last year that I would not get the opportunity to go to the House of Torment to go get my picture taken with this actress, I wondered if their “Monster Escorts” would allow that chance for me to meet up with her and then I would have pictures taken.

 

Very wisely, I asked them to elaborate on what “intimate” meant. It was quickly explained that it was referring to more of a one-on-one scenario, like going on a date to the movies or out to dinner, rather than having a whole bunch of monsters come out at the same time. It would be just one monster to make an appearance.

 

Naturally, each monster comes with their own “handler” as they called it. Of course for safety reasons. That didn’t bother me too much. But I never got specific when I inquired to ask whether or not I would get the chance to see this particular actress in an intimate setting.

 

For the longest time, I contemplated the whole idea. It was kind of hard to take that it would cost $200/hour. But a business is a business. And they are to make money. I just couldn’t make up my own mind on whether or not I wanted to go through with it.

 

So I asked for a general consensus on Facebook. I said that if I received 40 ‘likes’ on that particular status that I would go through with it and some how manage the money to set up a date with a zombie chick. I only got 17.

 

Still though, the thought intrigues me again as the season is not that far away. Whether or not they will still be offering the escort services, I do not know. I will have to find out.

 

What are your thoughts? Should I go for it or should I just leave it alone? Leave your thoughts in the comment section.

 

But it is coming. The unforgiving heat of June is telling me that once the unbearable weather disappears, then the House of Torment will be open for business yet again. It is something I can look forward to as I lie here miserable in the heat and the relentless use of air conditioning. Something that I can focus on positively.

 

I suddenly just find myself totally stoked and pumped for it to come! I can’t wait!! Time to get my scare on a little early.