A Personal Kick In The Ass

As I strive to find something POSITIVE to end the evening on before retiring for bed. I stumbled across something that was said to me on my birthday.

I originally had intended on posting about this shortly after my birthday, but things got messed up.

Ironically enough this person has a personal image that one would not seem to have the ability to say. Or the desire for that matter!!

I personally think that its those people are the true treasures in life because once they say something so profound and it hits deep, you never really forget them.

Once we find them, what we do with these people is up to us.

But here I was discussing the fact that I don’t honestly have that many years left to live on this planet, due to the disability that I have. And the response that I received? Well… read for yourself:

“Don’t let numbers like that worry you. It is not the years you get but what you do with them. Live each day to the fullest and waste nothing. You have just a good a chance of dying in a bus accident on the way to a gig in Houston as you do from your condition. We are all guaranteed to die, but each of us must choose to live. You always do, and it is one of the qualities that I respect and admire the most in you. Your condition has always been your challenge…never your master.”

Thank you, Dr. Froth.

 

Basorexia

“Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.”~ Bernard Meltzer

Hang on to your hats and put the children to bed. It is time for a sloppy wet vocabulary lesson. One that you soon won’t forget.

And it is brought to us all by our simple primal urges of simply wanting so badly to make out with another person.

Yep, as you can see in the graphic, its the strong craving or hunger for kissing.

LA-LA-LA-LA- …… well that’s only funny if you could hear/see me flipping my tongue up and down. And some of you would just think that I’m being gross. (But I can assure you that for those who do, you have never kissed me. So there.)

So yes, if you are right now experiencing the strong craving or hunger to kiss someone, you are experiencing basorexia, and thus you are basorexic.  

Basorexic… sounds dirty. Sounds sickly. But really? Just the beginning stages of downright HORNY!!!!!!!!

So go find someone to kiss, and take care of what ails you.

The next blog post will be just as spicy if not more! More vexing vocabulary from the Dambreaker coming your way.

Administrative Professionals Day?

“When things haven’t gone well for you, call in a secretary or a staff man and chew him out. You will sleep better and they will appreciate the attention.” U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson

Happy Secretary’s Day!

But wait, its Administrative Professionals Day? What the heck?!? What’s the difference?

The difference is that there’s more to say than the word secretary.

The gorilla shaped idiots who thought of political correctness said that it is better and more legal to say administrative professional than secretary.

I think that political correctness is the biggest joke since the time that people have been inquiring as to why the chicken crossed the road.

The English language was just fine without political correctness!!! Granted there may or may not have been a few terms that would threaten a person’s individuality by offending their gender or whatever, but secretary is not a word that is offensive at all!

How in the world is the word library offensive? Now its an educational resource center. GIMME A BREAK!!! We already know that the resources inside of a library are educational.

Even in my own world, other people believe that it is better to use different terms rather than use the term physically handicapped. I am NOT “differently abled”!!!!!!!

So you see the only thing that political correctness does, is make you have to say more words to describe something that had a perfectly good definition in the first place that could be defined in a word.

But still no matter what they call them, today is the day to celebrate those who help out all day long in the work place.

If you want to a see a list of ridiculous changes by the politically correct movement, it can be found in the link below. As well as a few humorous examples between the sexes.

http://www.bored.com/pcphrases/

Private Eyes, Part I

“You can observe a lot by just watching.”~Yogi Berra

I’m so excited that I could just spit. But then again, that would make you dirty and you wouldn’t like that much at all.

I don’t know how it was done, but it was. And I am sorry in advance as I cannot say too much about it. But what I am going to say is exciting enough.

I woke up today and found in my personal e-mail inbox a message that came from a particular Hollywood actor who was responding privately their response to reading this very blog!

Even after my personal choice of bashing the Hollywood scene and community, the person had nothing but nice and kind words and praise to give to me. And to my own disbelief they had a agreed with a number of things that I had said about Hollywood. And yet they were expressing their own opinion.

I replied back with thanks and gratitude for them taking the time to read through several blog posts and that I appreciated their opinions, views, and feedback and then left it at that. I probably will never hear from them again.

My star-struck gaze has since passed. And it brings me to the meat and potatoes of THIS blog post.

One just never knows who will be reading the blog. For those of us bloggers who have been doing this for any length of time, one just can never be sure who will pass through and read what you have to say.

The same concept actually goes for those of us who do not have a blog or an online diary. Your actions and your words are always being watched by others whether you realize it or not. And in times like these, it could lead to positive feedback.

And in times when we are cruel, mean, vindictive: others are also taking notice of that as well.

I think that it is possible that if we actually do “watch what we say” that we can see the invisible impact on others.

As for myself I do make a bit of an effort to ensure that if I am speaking of someone in particular that I do not actually spill out their actual names and change it to something else to tell my story. Or I will just go by first name. Or if I know that they just don’t care, and they are looking for the attention for one reason or another and have their blessing, then I’ll just go ahead. But I do not normally do such a thing as to keep them from humiliation and unwanted attention.

No matter what I am speaking of or who I am speaking of, I often do forget that there are others watching and reading. I’ve even had people admit to me that they read this blog. They just haven’t subscribed to it to be able to read everything that I post.

Quite a lot of things can be learned about people by just observing. Berra had that right all along. Remember: there ARE people observing you.

Vexing Vocabulary

“Actually, I’ve always had a rather extensive vocabulary, not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar and a superlative command of syntax. I simply chose not to employ them.”~ Courtland Mead as ‘Uh-Huh’ in “The Little Rascals” [1994]

In my book, etymology rocks!!

It is something that totally fascinates me and usually I do what I can to make sure that I am increasing my own vocabulary.

Throughout the years, I’ve done so for various reasons. One to be smarter, one to sound like I know what I am talking about, one to be cool. And so on.

But I think that I also enjoy learning about the origins in which particular words and phrases come from. And I am always trying to find other words that would fit so closely to the original word to make sure that I don’t sound like I am a broken record with the rest of society.

Several years ago I had actually started a code with two other friends. We used the English language, but when spoken… it didn’t really make much sense to those listening. And that was the point! Being at that young of an age where the discovery of females had just begun, we wanted a way to talk about them without them knowing it.

Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t perverts. The code was not as degrading as I am probably making it sound. For example: “sapphires” were blue eyes. “Emeralds” were green eyes, and so on.

It was just our own personal take on the English language.

But the English language has also changed so much over the past several years. There are words now that we say, that had a completely different meaning so long ago.

Words like gay, bitch, hot, and cool.

'i' before 'c' accept after... oh screw it! I don't need this, I'm hot!!!

The word “gay” which was used to describe being happy now has its own definition of describing someone’s sexual orientation. The word “bitch” used to be solely describing a female dog, now it is said in a derogatory meaning, commonly against women. “Hot and cool” were defining temperature, now its defining the social statuses of being attractive and socially acceptable.

I can even remember a time when on television, you were not able or supposed to say the word “bitch”.

Just the other day, I found something that actually made me happy. The word DIVORCE has more meaning or definition than the commonly understood “dissolution of marriage”. When the word “divorce” is spoken- many people shutter. Many MARRIED people, I should say.

But the word is more than just a dissolution of a marriage contract.

Some people have actually heard me say, “If you do that- I wanna divorce.” Those who have heard it, either understand what I am saying, or they get all wonky and uncomfortable because they don’t understand.

In this case, the second definition of the word DIVORCE means to separate or break apart. So then if I say “If you do that- I wanna divorce”… means “if you do whatever it is you are going to do, then I’m not going to speak to you any more.” I am going to have to separate myself from you, or divorce myself from you, essentially. And that should be a great indication to you that I am saying that I disagree with your wanting to do that and strongly advice you not to go through with it.

Brushing up on your vocabulary couldn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean you have to completely talk differently. It just means that you have more than a few words to express yourself in other ways. Even if your goal is to sound impressive, I am sure that you will succeed. But as I always say, and always will say: “Knowledge is power.”

Normalcy Doesn’t Exist

At the end of what was to be my first romantic relationship, I was needing to return to the scene of the crime after the fires had settled and the smoke had cleared.

I had to go back to the house of my former lover’s sister and retrieve the rest of my belongings and get them out of her house and into what would be my first ever apartment.

It was a creepy feeling being back there after so long, but it had to be done. I wasn’t sure if the war was going to flare up again and her sister taking up her side of things and leaving me alone to defend myself in the battle zone.

I was fortunate that her sister was a bit more mature over matters than my ex. Or so I thought.

Still though, it was quite a nervous time. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know what to do. Was I to just go there, get my junk, and get out? Or was I to socialize and say “hello” and maybe stay for a beer?

I spoke to her sister in soft, shortened words. I didn’t have time to mix any of them. As I collected what belonged to me that had not been hoarded and ransacked through already.

Then I simply asked her sister, “How is she doing?”.  That was it. I didn’t want to know anything other than that. The last that I had known was that she was in the hospital, trying to work on resolving some issues she had. Which at the time, I thought was excellent for her. She would see the error of her ways and she would realize that the life she had was not so horrible and she would return back to me and it would be happily ever after. What a frickin’ joke of a thought that was!!

The rage and fury that would settle over me from her response would never be matched again by anything else that I had encountered or experienced.

She had told me, “She’s fine. She is out of the hospital now. And living with a guy, somewhere.” I nodded, believing in that. I really did not think that my ex was going to “take the time” to get over the relationship that just ended horribly and on seriously bad terms. I had expected that she was only going to bounce from one man to the next. And I was being proven right. But that’s not what got to me.

Her sister then added, “Her new boyfriend is really nice. Probably the nicest guys she’s dated in a long time. And he’s … you know… normal.”

Perhaps a back story would help here:

When I got together with my first girlfriend, she too, had Spina Bifida. She was confined to a wheelchair from the severity of her disability. At that point in my life, I did not believe that I would EVER be in any romantic relationship with just any woman. I had settled for this one, because I felt that because she dealt with a lot of the same things in life and I would not have to worry about the fear of being with someone who didn’t understand that would judge me for everything that I had to deal with, or have to sit down on a daily basis and explain everything. So she was the one that I chose for those reasons. I settled, very much so and I realize that now. Besides it was my first rodeo. There was a lot to learn.

NOW… she’s with someone “normal”.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over??

Okay, nevermind that she just said that this new guy was the nicest ever, totally insulting me to my face and insinuating that I was not nice or not nice enough… but “normal”????

I wondered in my mind if she had heard herself! Yes, I understand that my ex had moved on. I expected that. I also had expected tons more maturity from her sister. I believe that it would have been better received had she said “He is not physically disabled.” Hell, I probably would have even accepted “He’s not in a wheelchair.”

Normal???

I attempted to find a solid definition of the word. The best that I came up with was that normal is defined as “something that does not stray from what is consistant or the usual.”

That is not a  solid definition at all.

What is “normal” for some, is not normal for others. Just because this new boyfriend of hers could walk, does not make him any more or any less “normal” than me. It only means that he has more capability to walking than I do. Normal does NOT exist!

“Normal” is one of those terms that can only be defined by each individual person. But, each definition is NOT going to be the same time and time again. “Normal” is within the eye of the beholder. And therefore, normal doesn’t exist because there is not one solid definition that is accepted by everyone.

Is it normal that a man will get up at 6:00 in the morning every day, get into the shower at 6:15, and then eat breakfast at 6:30 right before he goes for a 3 mile jog? No! Because not EVERYONE does the same thing. It is only normal for that person because that is what he does every day and it is something that is consistent with only him.

Is it normal that I wake up at 8:45 every morning, get into the shower at 10:15 and then watch Internet pornography for 15 hours straight? Of course not! Because not everyone in the world does that. (And neither do I, so don’t even! I’m just trying to prove a point.)

So the word “normal” is something that is entirely incomplete. The definition is really just spread so thin because it means so many different things. Yes, generally it means something that stays consistent, but consistency bends from one person to the next.

How her sister could’ve said such a thing was something that I could not fathom. I bit my own tongue to keep me from ripping hers out.

I do not remember saying much more to her at all, other than “thank you” when I left. I never went back there again. It could have been that she didn’t know what to say to me either at that point and that was the only way she could describe what was going on. But she could have done better. A lot better. There was a million and one other things that she could have said to explain to me that this man could walk and had no physical disability that was similar to me. “Think before you speak” should’ve been something that went through her mind before she opened her mouth.

You Watch Your Damned Mouth!

So I could not help myself but to write this post, after being somewhat mesmerized by reading the newest posted edition of Frothtonomy.

Language skills, they teach us are VERY important! And wouldn’t you know it, if you actually paid attention to them telling you that, you would know by now that it is true.

But we also grew up with being told to watch our language. Okay sure, nobody wants to get into trouble by what we say. Yet there are those out there who really don’t care what kind of diarrhea comes flowing from their mouth. There’s just no stopping that, or them. And that, I might leave that subject for another time.

Still,  as I read the genius of Dr. Froth, and his infinite creative wisdom, it totally had me thinking about just how swiftly languages evolve.

Who in the world writes the rules on what is considered “in” as far as speech is concerned and how we communicate with others?? There’s been quite a change in how we talk. And people wonder why English is the hardest language to learn, for those who do not actually speak it.

The best and most provocative examples I can come up with are the words, “bitch” and “gay”.

Bitch by definition is a female dog. But somewhere along the road the word “bitch” has turned more into a vulgar and derogatory term for a nagging, whining, irritating person. It had been used against only females, but I suppose now men are bitches too. And who can remember when you could not say “bitch” on television? Now its as common on television and in dialogue and assorted screenplays as the word, “and”.

Gay by definition was an adjective that described someone or something to be happy and cheerful. I don’t think that I need to go into what it is commonly referred to as today.

Words indeed, are very powerful. If you add one too many or leave out one too few, you’re are in deep trouble. And with the world of technology, where we don’t even actuall SPEAK to one another, that causes a lot of problems too. I’ve already talked about the vocal inflection. But it is more common to get our butts in trouble by lacking the proper skills of writing and punctuation.

The most common reference to this, is the sentence:

LET’S EAT GRANDMA.

Sounds pretty serious if you asked me. But where is the punctuation? It is a totally different sentence if proper punctuation was involved.

LET’S EAT, GRANDMA.

The total difference between expressing hunger and a request for an action to an elder family member and inbreeding cannibalism.

Yet again, if one person leaves out one word, or adds one too many… they run the risk of being in a world of hurt. Do I even have to discuss the “F bomb” and its many uses in the English language?

So I guarantee you that language is powerful. It makes or breaks a world. Think twice about what you are saying and who you are talking to. Make up your mind what it is you need to say, then say it and be done with it.

 

 

 

 

Immaculation Ejaculation

“You are immaculation of the feminine existence.” is what I heard today when I was eating breakfast. Damn near choked on my food too.

I turned around to see where the voice was coming from and there sat a couple just moments away from embracing in a kiss that the man was receiving as his reward for his words to his beautiful counterpart.

I thought to myself, “Wow! I haven’t heard that term used to describe a woman since high school.” And for that moment I thought that was probably the most awesome thing he could have said to her. However, my opinion would change as I would hear him refer to her as “immaculate” three more times. Then I thought it was just plain overkill.

To be fair, the woman was absolutely gorgeous. I did find her extremely physically attractive. However I just couldn’t shake the feeling that the guy had gone overboard with his complimentary words. But I turned back around because it was none of my business. It was not long before a colleague of mine whispered in my ear, “Hey look! Porn show going on right behind you.” The couple had involved themselves in a makeout session and did not seem to remember that the rest of the world may have been watching.

I wish them the best though. Especially that lucky bastard who was with her.

In my experiences, we use words to define one another. Especially when we are regarding the opposite sex. And there’s a point to all of it. We are trying to capture the other person’s attention so that they only concentrate on us and not the others that are around them. We crave for their attention alone and so once we establish that communication we aim for the highest point in trying to get our point across that we are interested.

I used the word “immaculate” once to describe a girl in high school. Only two things went wrong. #1- She (as a Catholic) took offense to it for whatever reason. #2- I did not really know at that time what the true definition of the word was. On an unrelated note: I got in serious trouble for using the word “slut” for not really knowing what it meant. Now you know something dark about me.

But here is what the word truly means:

Immaculate: Pure, stainless, spotless, perfection.

I don’t think that I have used that term to describe a woman since. I may have used it to define something that was inanimate, but never again another person.

Maybe its because I was spurned so long ago that I stopped using it. Or perhaps deep down in my brain I thought that it was improper to define a person in that manner. After all, “nobody’s perfect”. But then to debate that- beauty is always within the mind of the beholder.

The problem is that hardly anybody any more is beholding.

I remember in high school the whole dating ritual. I’d watch guys my age and younger say the worst things in the world to a girl and some way, some how, they would win?? Needless to say that it didn’t last very long but I was amazed that these beautiful and smart girls that I was sharing my educational experiences with, would go for that kind of thing. Perhaps it was just the fact that someone was showing them some attention.

I don’t know. High school is a wild time. Kids can be cruel. But for those of us who have been out of high school for certain amount of time can look back and think, “Good grief, what the heck was I thinking?”.

Back then, I started living by several mottos. Or at least tried to. One of which was “If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.” But it did not mean that others around me were going to. So it baffled my mind as to why these guys would say some of the dumbest things to girls and then they would still win… at least temporarily.

It would seem that they were only saying what they thought the girls would want to hear, just so they would be able to see what the girls had under the skirts. Some of them found out, some of them did not. Either way, the ritual did not last long at all and it was no surprise to hear in the halls, “She dumped him.”

Now that I am older, I still do my best to associate with others by truth. Never something that I think would give me the advantage over something that I wanted. I don’t truly see the purpose in it. So if I am saying it, I probably have been thinking it for a while, and I have realized that I actually mean it.

There have been lots of times when I have been corresponding with women, more specifically online, where I have said something to them, and then I stopped to look it over and make sure it was in fact the same thing that I really want to say to them.

I’m the kind of person that uses terms of endearment a lot. To anyone. But I know that it will make a few females uneasy, so I’m able to take that DELETE button and put it to good use. And that just means I’m erasing out the “dear”, “hon”, “sweetheart”, and what not.

Life however- does not have a delete button. There is no chance to ever slap down on the BACKSPACE. What you say will be said and processed and there’s no way you can take it back.

So be careful to what you say. Especially to the opposite gender. Whether you find their immaculation or not. There’s no need to spew your overabundance of vocabulary. Unless you are trying to impress a writer or librarian.