Life Since 10/17/2018

Well hello Dambreaker Nation!!

I am finally able to return to a keyboard and computer where I am able to write this to you.

There’s plenty to talk about. So let’s start at the beginning, which is the 17th of October in 2018.

The attached image was taken from my cell phone on that day around approximately 4:00 in the morning on the 17th.  My apartment building was on fire.

I was awakened by the sounds of someone screaming “Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!…” over and over again.

The first thing that I remember was that I could smell smoke. But I did not identify it s such. I thought that one of the neighbors was burning incense or something and it got out of hand. But that didn’t make sense at 4:00 in the morning.

As I opened my eyes, my window was just filled with a bright orange glow. Something was in fact, on fire.

I got up and went to the window and looked out, expecting to see the apartments on the other side of the fence burning. But I saw nothing but darkness. Then I looked up above and saw more of the orange glow. The neighboring building was not on fire…. I WAS ON FIRE.

I ran for my desk and quickly had to make a decision on what was most important and vital for me to take with me. Keys, wallet, cell phone, rings, cash, coins, etc. Thankfully these items were all in the same spot.

My wheelchair did not have the foot rests attached so I reached for them in the dark, the smell of smoke was becoming more and more apparent.

But I could not see in the dark what I was doing. My next thought was to quickly turn on the light to see. However, as I turned I noticed another bright glow from the ceiling inside of the air conditioning vent. Inside the vent in the ceiling was in flames.

It was at that point that I had decided to abandon everything else and get the hell out before something serious happened.

As I approached the front door, I felt around to see if it was hot. When I realized it was safe to exit, I opened the door slowly and was met by much more fire and smoke. Once I opened the door, I went as fast as I could to get away from the building. And in the process of it all, I felt and heard snapping noises from beneath my wheelchair.

The frame broke.

The neighbors began to pour out onto the sidewalks and I noticed that it was starting to rain. I thought to myself: “Great! From fire to water!!”

The fire department and the police department was swarming all over the property. A police officer made the suggestion that we leave the area because the smoke was about to get worse.

A school bus was sent to pick up the neighbors and I and take us to a local high school gymnasium in order for us to get away from the area and out of the rain.

There are eight apartment units in each building here at SGC. With the exception of two buildings. In the building where I was, there was one unit vacant due to a move out, leaving seven residents living in that building. Four people with walkers and three wheelchairs.

ALL SEVEN OF US GOT OUT WITHOUT INJURY!

The displaced sat inside that gymnasium for just under an hour before they brought us back to the property and placed us inside of the community building where the offices are. It was a mad house but at least we were back.

The apartment manager made some phone calls for those of us who were displaced. My sister and brother were called.

Within the next hour, my sister arrived to SGC. She was ready and willing to help out with the immediate needs. By then I was mentally gone.

I remained inside the community building with only one thought running in my head, “I need a place to stay. How the hell am I going to pay for it??”

The American Red Cross was there and they gave some aid to the displaced. It was not a lot, but it was more than what I had before now that I had lost everything to the fire.

I am thankful for my sister and her efforts to help me. Especially during those first few days. She and her son was in a fender bender the month before and it seemed like their situation was just as bad in their declined health. But she came out to help me.

My brother in Georgia jumped into action as well. Making phone calls and talking with connections to see if he could help in some way.

By the end of the day on the 17th, I still had no idea where I was going to go. The apartment complex just kept asking if I found a place to stay. And I just had to ask them for help.

I was going to use the funds that were donated by the American Red Cross for a hotel for the night, but after that I had no idea where I was going to end up. The social worker found a hotel and tried to use the funds but it was refused. So the apartment complex used a corporate card and paid for the first night of hotel. My brother paid for a second night. It is the one and only time that management paid for a room.

My sister taught me how to connect the Wi-Fi to my cell phone. Thankfully it has been free. So it is a struggling and learning process to figure out how to remain on the Internet with a cell phone.

Nobody who was displaced had insurance. The fire was determined to be an electrical problem in the roof.

During the day, I had people reaching out to me asking questions and what not. And one of the local bands here in Austin, whom I cherish and love so much, created a GoFundMe account. And it was shared around the Internet those first few days.

Those first few days were brutal. But today, is just a memory of hardship. I stayed in the hotel for a few more days after that. But after paying over $325 (before taxes) for just three nights, I knew that I needed to find some place else to stay.

The GoFundMe account has really saved me. I am so thankful for each and every person who decided to donate.

I left the hotel and my sister and I went hunting for something more affordable. Something that I could do from week to week. We went all over Austin and couldn’t find much.

After a reservation finally was made, we went to the front lobby and immediately was met by a woman who said that they had NO ground floor rooms available and there was no elevator on the property.

But eventually, we found a place to stay which had much more room and was on the ground floor. And I have been there since. And I will remain there.

In the meantime, my sister has given me help in transportation so I could find a more permanent place to stay. I have applied everywhere in Austin. But it is all the same. There is a waiting list. And those lists are usually six months up to three years.

Eventually I was told that there was a place willing to open their doors to those of us still displaced. However there is a massive pile of red tape and paperwork ahead and I just don’t have any idea when this opportunity is going to open up.

It would be nice as far as the social life is concerned as it is only about a mile away from the downtown area. And I could stay there until SGC rebuilds. The word on the street is “six months” but nobody believes that time frame. Everyone has their own theory that the rebuild will take about a year.

In the meantime on the day that I am writing this. It has been 34 days since the fire. I’ve been blessed to be able to get out of the hotel and still see live music. However taxis are super expensive. So I have to really pick and choose who I want to see.

I find it necessary to go because of my own mental state, which is shot by now. So it provides me with a distraction from this awful situation. AND…… it is important that others see me at their shows, so that they know that I am still alive and unharmed.

But I can’t afford to go to every show that I had originally put on the calendar to attend before the fire.

This morning I jumped on a city bus and returned to SGC because they are having a Thanksgiving meal. This is usually the only opportunity that I have to do something for the holiday. Usually November and December holidays are just another day.

So I arrived early and had some coffee, spoke to some of the neighbors, and sure enough the gossiping still thrives around here! As if I should have been expecting that.

Today, Day 34 since the fire, I have learned that out of the seven people who are displaced. Two people have left the area and found a place to live. Three people remain to displaced (including myself).

And to my surprise the remaining two residents displaced have been moved into other apartment units that were vacant at the time of the fire.

I am pissed!

Like…. SUPER pissed off!! But I am trying to hold it together because I don’t know just how these two residents were selected to stay here and how the others were left to fend for themselves. I don’t know and I don’t get it. And that is frustrating. Why them and not me? And so on.

While I am back in the neighborhood, I’ll stop by the stores and markets to help myself out as much as I can.

But because there’s no ending in sight, it is a massive struggle so I have included the GoFundMe page below. I hope that the URL works.

I only ask that if you cannot donate that you share the campaign as much as possible. This campaign is the only thing that is keeping me afloat. Nobody else is giving aid. I fear that because nobody wants to talk or give answers as to what’s going on in the near future, that if those funds run out that I will be in deep trouble.

The GoFundMe account is keeping a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. And sometimes food in my stomach.

Not knowing is the worst part. I have to have faith that the light at the end of the tunnel will soon be brighter. I’m doing my best to stay living in Austin, Texas for the time being until this situation gets corrected.

I know that this will come to an end eventually. However once I get out of the hotel and into a place more long term, I’m going in there with literally NOTHING. And I am going to have to start over again.

It still is true today since I started saying it on day one. I am not in any position to say no to anyone who wishes to help.

 

GoFundMe Campaign

PayPal: send funds to the e-mail address:
joelhaskell@hotmail.com

 

Dangerous Weather Of 2015

Hey there. Just a quick message out there to all of you readers.

The past couple of weeks have been quite tumultuous as far as weather has been concerned.

In my area, we’ve received more rain thus far in 2015 than Seattle or Portland has.

The drought here is practically erased. And that’s a good thing. But the flooding is continuing in other parts of the state.

On the 23rd of May, I had spent an absorbent amount of time hiding out in my bathroom as four different TORNADO WARNINGS was broadcast for my area. Each time a different storm came through, it was more intense and more powerful and dropping insane amounts of rain!

I expected with each storm that passed that the electricity would go out. But thankfully, that did not happen. What did happen was the horrible sights that everyone by now in the nation has seen on television….. the flooding.

Today I think that we’re starting a drier spell but still have about a 20% chance of rain. The rest of the week will see rain chances going higher than that. We may not be out of the woods with this yet. People are comparing it to the Memorial Day weekend floods of 1981. But we’ll see how it turns out.

So far now in 2015, there have been four confirmed that have lost their lives.

On the other hand, I happen to be situated on a hill. Flooding is always possible, but the rains will always rush downhill. So far, I have been fortunate not to have any specific damage. Although I cannot say the same for the others around here. It has been a terrible mess. Yet when you are dealing with the threat of tornadoes… that is very, very real. And cannot be handled lightly.

Of which I never do.

But for those of you who have been worried about it, I’m okay. I don’t have any property damage that I am aware of. And the rain, although wonderful for the drought that we’ve been through in the past four years or so, is beginning to turn into a drag.

Thank you for your concern and well wishes.

Soon, Dambreaker will be back and in top shape!!!

For those of you who wish to help with the horribly affected areas, which include MORE than 26 counties can visit the Red Cross website.

http://www.redcross.org/

 

March 18, 1925 – 90 Years Ago

“Today, the technology is there to give early and normally ample warning when a powerful tornado approaches. When a tornado strikes, all of us are at risk.”~ Spencer Bachus

Before I continue on with more music show posts that I have seen over the past weekend, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on something in American history. An event that fits into one of my hobbies/interests.

90 years ago on this day, the Tri-State Tornado struck and blazed a trail across three states, killing almost 700 people and injuring thousands more.

If you were to look at any “tornado ranking” or “tornado list” this tornado will always be at the top spot.

Thankfully we have not had such a severe and serious outbreak such as what happened in 1925. A time when there were virtually no weather warnings. No sirens. No television or radio announcements.

A number of cities and towns were literally destroyed and wiped off the map. According to multiple reports, the storm didn’t even look like a tornado. Just a dark black cloud.  

I cannot imagine how the survivors of this event had felt when the destructive winds blasted through and was on the ground for more than three hours in total.

With the technology that we have today, we do not have to worry about having such a high casualty rate, we can be better warned and if people would be better prepared and actually listen to the weather reports, it would save lives.

Tornadoes in the United States of America will always be a thing. But we do not have to be a number or a tragic event.

Christmas Truce of World War I

On the 24 & 25th of December 1914 entered the first Christmas season while the world was at war. However in most parts of Europe in the trenches, there had been some sort of miracle during the Christmas holiday.

Both sides between the English and the German stopped fighting, came out of their trenches, and conducted themselves among each other in fellowship and celebration.

The Christmas Truce of World War I had begun.

Roughly 100,000 British and German troops were involved in the unofficial cessations of hostility along the Western Front. The first truce started on Christmas Eve 1914, when German troops decorated the area around their trenches in the region of Ypres, Belgium and particularly in Saint-Yvon.

The Germans placed candles on their trenches and on Christmas trees, then continued the celebration by singing Christmas carols. The British responded by singing carols of their own. The two sides continued by shouting Christmas greetings to each other.

Soon thereafter, there were excursions across No Man’s Land, where small gifts were exchanged, such as food, tobacco and alcohol, and souvenirs such as buttons and hats.

The artillery in the region fell silent. The truce also allowed a period of time where recently fallen soldiers could be brought back behind their lines by burial parties. In many places along the Front, the truce lasted through Christmas night, continuing until New Year’s Day in others.

It is even reported that a game of football was played between the two sides. One game which ended when it was kicked and it landed into barbed wire, deflating it.

Needless to say that the higher-ups back at HQ on both sides were not thrilled that the fighting had stopped and they sent word of threats, demanding that the soldiers fight. And if they would not fight they would be pulled off the lines and disciplined. Again, this came both English and German commanders. 

But nobody wanted to fight. So leaders and soldiers alike on both sides were replaced with new recruits in some places. Other places along the trenches saw that their situation was grave as they were not willing to disobey their commanding officers. One story is told how groups of soldiers reluctantly returned to their trenches and a leader raised his pistol into the air and fired it, signaling that the war would resume.

Had the truce held on for a little while longer, the war to end all wars would have ended itself in just a matter of months. However, the war would go on until 1918. And of course as we look back in history, it would not be the war to end all wars as World War II began in 1939 and ended in 1945.

But what a sight that must have been in the trenches to hear and see the Germans decorating and celebrating Christmas and then just the fighting and shooting of weaponry falling silent and people were acting like colleagues rather than enemies.

Personally speaking when I had learned about this many years ago, I thought that it would make for either a good book or a film. And I began a long process of writing, researching, and digging to find answers and stories about this event. Naturally because it was so close to being 100 years ago as it is now… I knew that talking to anyone who had been there or witnessed it would not be possible. So for four long grueling years, I did the best that I could with books, documentaries, and other resources.

When I had finished, I began to take the composition and change it into a screenplay.

And then I found out that there was a film by the title of “Joyeux Noël” which was released in 2005 at the Cannes Film Festival. So all that I had done, was almost rendered worthless. I held on to the works until that computer crashed and I lost it all. But these things are truly fascinating and makes you ask the popular rhetorical question of “What if?” and has you think of what it could have been like had World War I ended shortly after the Christmas Truce of 1914.

 

Blog Progress: By The Numbers

Another milestone in this blog’s history came about today.  And I would be lying if I said that I was not proud of this unusual accomplishment.

This morning I noticed that I was close to reaching 140,000 total views. And now I have surpassed that as it goes beyond 140,100 total views.

So I figured that I would break it down awfully fast for those of you who cannot help it but live in a world of numbers.

It is true that I do not have as many followers/subscribers as I had hoped I would have at this point. Nonetheless I am happy to have what I DO have. But I would not have thought that I would reached this amount of total worldwide views so soon.

This blog post will be the 679th post for Dambreaker.

24 posts where someone left a comment. 296 comments total so far and 79 comments are from me personally responding back.

I have 125 total followers/subscribers at this point. 

From the beginning, it has been 3 years, 5 months, and 21 days. Seven days short of saying “Three and a half exact years.” Or 3 years and 6 months. An exact total of 181 weeks.

This blog has been around for 1,267 days and counting.

Its been accessed through any random search engine 109,993 times. The top engines being Google Image searches 58,368 times. Google Search 31,614 times. Yahoo Image Search 10,824 times. And then Twitter 25 times.

People have clicked on the link on my personal Facebook page to read 4,043 times.

There’s only a few countries that the blog has not been accessed within (many countries from Africa):

Somalia

Mozambique

Chad

Central African Republic

South Sudan

Western Sahara

Mauritania

Mali

Guinea

Sierra Leone

Greenland

Svalbard

Turkmenistan

Kyrgyzstan

I do not know if I ever will get someone from these nations to log on to my blog or not. But it would be really fantastic to say that each and every nation and country on the planet has viewed my blog at least one time. I suppose that I could do some research on these countries and then write about them and tag them and see what happens from there. I am not afraid to tag as I have 2,966 tags in total.

Naturally, since I am from the United States of America, it is the top accessing nation. Followed by United Kingdom, Canada, Hong Kong, Germany, and India.

 

Stupidity Still Breathes Our Air

“What are you going to put on your resume – ‘dumbass’?”~ Kurtwood Smith

This one was just too good (or bad) to pass up for this installment of Dambreaker.

For many countries, this past Sunday was Father’s Day. A day of gathering and a day of celebration, sometimes having a BBQ or taking Dad out to lunch or whatever.

Just a whole day to celebrate fathers in the nation. If not, the world. Not only fathers but fatherhood in general.

Father’s Day was founded in Spokane, Washington at the YMCA in 1910 by Sonora Smart Dodd, who was born in Arkansas.

Its first celebration was in the Spokane YMCA on the 19th of June, 1910.

Her father, the Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart, was a single parent who raised his six children there. After hearing a sermon about Jarvis’ Mother’s Day in 1909 at Central Methodist Episcopal Church, she told her pastor that fathers should have a similar holiday honoring them.

Although she initially suggested the 5th of June, her father’s birthday, the pastors did not have enough time to prepare their sermons, and the celebration was deferred to the third Sunday of June.

Several local clergymen accepted the idea, and on 19th June 1910, the first Father’s Day, “sermons honoring fathers were presented throughout the city.”

A bill to accord national recognition of the holiday was introduced in Congress in 1913. 

In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane to speak in a Father’s Day celebration and wanted to make it official, but Congress resisted, fearing that it would become commercialized.

United States President Calvin Coolidge recommended in 1924 that the day be observed by the nation, but stopped short of issuing a national proclamation. Two earlier attempts to formally recognize the holiday had been defeated by Congress.

In 1957, Maine Senator Margaret Chase Smith wrote a proposal accusing Congress of ignoring fathers for 40 years while honoring mothers, thus “[singling] out just one of our two parents”.

In 1966, President Lyndon B. Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers, designating the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day.  Six years later, the day was made a permanent national holiday when President Richard Nixon signed it into law in 1972. In addition to Father’s Day, International Men’s Day is celebrated in many countries on November 19 for men and boys who are not fathers. 

So there’s your history.

But a swarming nest of ignoramuses have shown their asses. Because of this feminist movement of “#YesAllWomen” has seen the light, now we have a bunch of ill-considered, no more brain cells having, loud mouthed, dumb twat waffles who believed that they needed to speak up AGAINST Father’s Day.

#EndFathersDay ??? Really?????

These women are taking shit far too much or too serious.

I could not believe what I read!!!

Where the hell do these people come from?? And what I mean by that is where are the rocks from which they come out from??????

Let’s take this one by one… keeping in mind there’s a ton of this crap going around on Twitter. But we’ll deal with this image here.

Tasha Polwright: #endfathersday because celebrating patriarchy and male dominance is #rapeculture. Why do you keep using them words? I don’t think them means what you think them means. Celebrating Father’s Day is NOT glorifying male dominance or patriarchy – where the male is taken the lead role in the family.

Rowan: #endfathersday Because its a #TriggerWarning for all womyn who have been abused by their fathers. Okay, first of all – allow me to buy you a dictionary because the word is “women” … got it?? And no.. there is NO trigger warning for abused women. There have been fathers who have abused their children. Yes there most certainly has. But one day is not going to TRIGGER anything. And one day is not going to TRIGGER ALL WOMEN who have been abused. Some of them have gone to receive help. Others have found a way to deal with it. To say that it will trigger ALL WOMEN… you’re so full of shit. Learn to spell!

And then she says something else too:

Rowan: #endfathersday because masculinity is what causes abuse and is nothing to celebrate! Just gotta keep going, don’t you??Apparently you are the leading professional in “abuse” and you know exactly where it comes from and where it gets started. Since you know so damn much why don’t you set your ass up in front of the United States Congress and make a bill about it and make sure its signed into law? Miss Professional of Abuse.

Sharmeka Martin: Glorifying the rape culture and patriarchy? No thank you. Hmm… I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that either you have a crap relationship with your father OR you’ve had no relationship with your father whatsoever. And that’s just sad. Rape culture though? What the hell are you talking about?? This is the United States of America, NOT the Middle East. There is NO glorification for people who rape in this country.

Carly_Jackson: because 100% of child abuse is from men. typically white men. we need more #singlemothers. For this one, I will admit that I went to Twitter to find out what was this person’s malfunction. Let’s just say that what was seen cannot be unseen. Regret filled in for sure. But let’s deal with the tweet. “100% of child abuse is from men. typically white men.” Just how old are you? And better yet, just how DUMB are you? 100% of men are abusive.. well thank you very much for that. Let’s go get Susan Smith and Andrea Yates and get them out of jail. Since 100% of abuse is from men. Wow… I am sure they wished your information was at their trial, otherwise they would not have gone to jail.

How do you explain this then?

http://www.elinewberger.com/articles/archive/childabuse-research/abuseaccidents.html

Mothers Abuse Children 3 Times more than Dads – Federal HHS Statistics

http://fox6now.com/2014/01/11/milw-mother-faces-charges-in-case-involving-severe-child-abuse/

Go on… tell me again that its 100% of men!!

But what is even a WORSE statement than that, is the fact that you think that the world needs more single mothers. Well dumbass, you need a man (father) to get with woman (mother) in order to have children and make that woman a mother. Unless you are implying that ALL married women need to just up and divorce.

And one more, cuz this is just irritating my own brain cells to be even bothering with it all.

Phoebe Kwon: #endfathersday because fathers are still considered the head of the household, they don’t need to be recognized. #YesAllWomen. Ohh, here we go with this again!! The whole “YesAllWomen” at what point do these groups think that they speak for ALL WOMEN because some of the women that I have talked about this issue with are giving you the finger!!  Yes, fathers ARE considered the head of the household. That is how things roll in the United States. And in a lot of places in the world. But there are other places in the world where women are in charge. But more than likely, Phoebe, you aren’t living there. Feel free to move. As far as the fact that fathers do not need to be recognized? There is a Father’s Day because of equality issues with having Mother’s Day. Soooooooo… if we don’t need Father’s Day then we don’t need Mother’s Day either. Nor Grandparents’ Day. Nor do we need to have days off of work for many holidays in the calendar year. How about that?????

Now I understand that there are some men who are on the planet who have slept with women and these women have become pregnant and had children and a lot of the time these men absolutely are NOT a part of their own children’s lives. There are deadbeat fathers out there. And there are abusive fathers. But to wipe away a holiday because of this SMALL group of men is immature, ridiculous, and very ignorant.

#EndFathersDay ……. no thank you!!!

In Cold Blood

“I’m gonna put some culture up your ass!” – some random father to his child at The Getty Museum

Well hello there snarky people!! Apparently none or very little of you know this tale, so bend over because history, culture, and society is about to be shoved up YOUR butt!!

Four people were murdered in a very tiny town in Kansas back in November 1959. All four people were the same family.

In April 1965, the two people who were responsible for the murders were executed and hanged.

Shortly after, a book was written. The story, the town, the family, and the author would become notorious!!

Now let’s dig a little deeper into detail and show the chain of events leading to this story becoming so infamous.

Two ex-convicts on parole from the Kansas State Penitentiary, Richard “Dick” Hickock and Perry Edward Smith, committed the robbery and murders in November 1959. 

One of their former fellow prisoners was Floyd Wells, who had worked as a farmhand for Mr. Clutter who lived in Holcomb, Kansas. Wells told Hickock about a safe at the farmhouse where Herb Clutter kept large amounts of cash. Hickock soon hatched the idea to commit the robbery, leave no witnesses, and start a new life in Mexico with the cash.

Crime scene photo of Mr. Clutter’s body

The information from Wells proved to be nothing but bullshit, since Mr. Clutter did not keep cash, had no safe, and did all his business by check.

Because Hickock believed in this story, they were adamant about finding the safe. The family had been tied up (the men separated from the women) and eventually all were murdered. Shot in the head by a shotgun. The only differences in the murders was that Mr. Clutter also had his throat slit by a knife… is blood splattered all over the basement walls and floor.

The men were found in the basement and the women found upstairs in the house.

No safe was found. The family was robbed of what they did have and Hickock and Smith took off in the middle of the night.

It seems as if nobody heard the shotgun blasts. At least there were no reports of hearing any in this tiny Kansas town.

Soon enough the bodies would be discovered and it would only be a few weeks before they were brought back to Kansas to face charges for the murders.

After years of appeals, both Smith and Hickock were hanged in 1965.

Shortly after, author Truman Capote wrote a book detailing and describing the crime and its ugly consequences.

It was named “In Cold Blood” and it shot everything into infamy and notoriety.

The sales of the book did very well, and even shortly after that was a Hollywood film adaptation in 1967 of the book starring Robert Blake and Scott Wilson as Smith and Hickock.

Truman Capote

The film was done in black and white and it follows the story from the time they were paroled all the way until their executions. The one thing that stands out in my mind was the fact that at the end of this film, there’s the sound of a beating heart as the execution is taking place. Then when the body falls through the trap door, it begins to slow down until it finally stops.

Evidently, Truman Capote was there during the times of the execution. He witnessed the execution of Hickock but couldn’t stand to watch the execution of Smith and then soon left the penitentiary.

His literally works put everything and everyone in the spotlight and on the map.

I actually lived in this very specific area of Kansas in the 1990’s. Many people since 1959 have owned the house but have chosen to live there quietly and in peace. One of the owners strangely committed suicide (but not inside of the house) and other strange things are linked to the home. 

There was a time when the owners at the time were strapped for cash and was allowing people to come into their home to look around for $5 a person. It was then that I personally had gone inside of the house and seen the places in which the Clutter family had laid dead.

It is actually one of the most creepiest places that I have ever been in. The Clutter home is actually scarier than the Lizzie Borden house in Fall River, Massachusetts. But this is only my opinion.

The one thing that has stuck with my head since visiting the home was the fact that the splattered blood on the walls of the basement  from Mr. Clutter is still there. No matter how many times they paint over the blood, it still comes back. I had touched the blood splatter when nobody was looking and I was almost instantly surrounded with the feeling of being frozen…… in late August.

I did not live in Holcomb, but rather I lived in Garden City at the time.

This is a map of the county. Garden City being the county seat as well as the most populated place in the county. Holcomb on the left of the image, almost not IN this photo, but is there.

Holcomb less than 8 miles away from Garden City, Kansas. And I’ve known people who lived in Holcomb. None of them spoke of the murders. Most of them still afraid to bring it up for whatever reason.

The population of Garden City in 2012 is just over 25,000 people.  The population of Holcomb where the murders took place in 2012 is just over 2,000 people.

For a little perspective…  In 1960 (only a few months after the murders) the population of Garden City, Kansas just a few miles to the east of Holcomb was 10,905 people.  The entire COUNTY was 16,093. The population of Holcomb in 1960 is estimated to be only a few hundred.

So this was truly an extremely small town that Smith and Hickock got into and by their criminal actions had put southwestern Kansas in the stars of the sky. 

However I will say this for those who are fascinated by murderers, killers, and otherwise have a general interest in this story… do NOT seek the Clutter home any more.

The owners of the house have changed from time to time and the current owners do NOT want anyone entering their house for any reason at all. DO NOT GO THERE!!!

The current owners are extremely super serious about it too. Don’t come to their property, don’t ask to be let into their house, do not drive down their road to take photographs of the house. If the owners are there and they find you, they will call the police. And they will insist you be arrested for trespassing. (In small town Kansas.. trust me, you WILL be arrested!)

I think I caught a lucky break in the 1990’s by seeing that house when the owners at the time had opened their house up. But it got to be a hassle after a while, and so they closed it up again and lived in peace. Or tried to any way.

Other residents of Holcomb are just trying to move on and away from the horrific past. But it seems as if the fame and notoriety of the murders will not let them. Truman Capote sealed their fate. It is worth noting that not a lot of the town’s residents were very willing to talk to Capote when he was in town.

And now you have been educated.

I’ve read the book. It was hard to put it down. I recommend it for those avid readers out there or for those who just want to know more.

There is the 1967 film with Robert Blake.

And there was even a “mini series” starring Anthony Edwards and Eric Roberts. The mini-series wasn’t as great as the black and white film, but does a decent job. Stick with the film from 1967 if you want to be the most accurate to the actual story and to the book.

Don’t Short Yourself On The Benefit

“One person can make a difference, and everyone should try.” ~ John F. Kennedy

I could have sworn on the life of my music collection that I had discussed this before but when I went back through the pages of history in this blog I could find nothing.

Strap in, hang on tight. Because with history comes action and with action comes consequence.

Let’s do this in steps because I’m not sure how long we’re going to be here:

1. HISTORY: Ever since the first time that  I moved to where I live currently back in early 2005, we’ve had our social services coordinator.

I’ve discussed that job position many times but had been talking about many people. However in late 2005 into early 2006, there was someone that was fresh out of college, fresh out of getting her degree in social work. Or at least, her license for social work.

Let’s face this ongoing fact: My neighbors then and still now, are old enough to remember World War II. And I can NOT recall the Vietnam War??

But what am I to do as a young adult with nobody around me or my age group?

When this new social services coordinator came into the job in late 2005… I thought I could choose her. NOT in the sense that I wanted to date her because I felt that would be crossing a boundary. But I just didn’t see any problems with doing something menial… you know, going to a movie, going shopping, taking in a meal. Whatever the case may be.

There was this little tiny thing that was in the way, and I had no idea it existed. Now in 2014, I call it the Book of the Devil. 2005 however, I didn’t know it at all.

Its the social worker’s Code of Ethics. (COE for this blog’s purposes.)

I had never heard of it. This social services coordinator was hiding behind it. And I kept getting shot down and I did not know why. Until one weekend I decided that I would search for this COE myself. I found it in a PDF and I opened it and started to read all of its pages.

It took hours. Practically the entire day of reading the “DO’s and DO NOT’s” of any person in the field of social work.

It was incredible. And if we’re being honest, a lot of it is FUBAR.

Although it did explain to me why this social services coordinator was being such a terrific butthead to me about wanting to go do something over the weekend and hang out.

At long last I had pushed this girl’s buttons too far and the words came out “If I am going to be your friend, then I cannot be your social worker.”

Touché. Game over too.

But hell at least at long last I had an answer. She also had other boundary issues where I would be myself, nice and complimentary, and she was taking it all in as harassment. Once someone else had mentioned that she had a pretty dress on. She said thanks to them, and THEN I said that I agreed. And five minutes later she took me into her office stating that what I had said about her dress was inappropriate?

Umm, what??

She didn’t last long at her job though. She quit and when people attempted to give her farewell gifts on her last day at work she turned down everyone and everything that was attempted to being handed to her. Destroying everyone’s feelings in the process in the name of the COE.

I have since grown a full-on hatred for the Code of Ethics that social workers must abide by.

The problem is that I am too friendly and too social of a person in my young adulthood for COE to be slammed down on my toe like a wall of denial. The COE and I do not click at all.

Now I get and understand that some social workers will have their own PERSONAL boundaries as well as the boundaries set within the COE. So I tend to believe that with each social worker it depends on personal boundaries as far as professional boundaries are concerned.

SITUATION IN CURRENT SPACE & TIME: Enter two more social worker interns for 2014. Almost ten years later after the nasty SNAFU that happened with someone with a social worker’s degree and some pretty high walls for their PERSONAL boundaries which led into their PROFESSIONAL boundaries.

I will not say much about them. They were here for a few sessions to hold a group for remembrance and now that area of time has passed.

But knowing it was going to be held by social worker interns, I hedged and attempted to stay far, far, far away from it all because of the ugly past that I did have. In the end I found myself going inside of the room and joining the first session/meeting so very very very late in the hour that they were going to be there. I had ideas of what it was SUPPOSED to be about however I would be proven to be very wrong.

So I stuck with it. But I was flighty for sure!

This group met once a week for an hour for a total of LESS than ten times.

So it really didn’t give a lot of people who wanted to participate a good deal of time to get settled in. As I had mentioned in the last meeting that things were just too short because we were just getting started. However, I had to keep in mind that these were college students, hired by an agency to do their internship.

Those two words stuck in my head though like flies on stink…. social worker. Even IF they were interns.

I backed off. I backed WAY off. Even though I put on appearances that I was there and I was participating. I ended up going because of a bit of a connection between the two interns. And that was fine. Because I knew based on the horrors of 2005 and 2006 that this connection soon to be severed and cut into shreds any ways.

The relationship DID have an ending and it was most definitely in sight. 

That’s the other thing….. dealing with relationships ending. It also caused me to sit back during that last meeting, refuse to eat, sweat like a hog, and keep as quiet as possible unless one of the interns had asked me a personal question.

I backed away from the group. Sat behind the couch with a pillow against my chest and stomach, clinging on to it for dear life.

I attempted not to make direct eye contact with either of the interns. But that quest failed miserably. The two of them were the kinds of people on this Earth that actually LOOKS at you while they are engaged in conversation. Me having my face to the floor would have been very obvious to them, and they would have definitely called me out on it.

Even more horror dripped across my sense of hearing as I heard someone else ask “Do you gals have Facebook?”

Ohhh GOD NO!! PLEASE NO!!

I stopped. I attempted to melt into the background. But I listened with great intent.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that the answer to the question of  “Can we friend you on Facebook?” is an emphatic NO. I know this!!!

After reading the Book of the Devil… its not allowed. My everything however turned and did a flip when I heard the two of them fumble and bumble like a comedy duo routine of whether or not they could add anyone to Facebook. Their final and official answer to the open question was “We’ll ask and find out. But do not get upset if the answer is no and we never hear from them again.”

Good show, ladies. Because I am calling BS on that one. They both knew the answer. And they both knew that the answer was NO. They knew that answer long before they started. But perhaps they will ask, if maybe only for the sake of knowing for sure that the answer is in fact NO. The only reason that the answer would become YES is if these two were to abandon their COE and come up with their own personal boundaries with regards to communication and socialization with anyone that was involved in the group.

THE PROBLEM FROM THE SITUATION: Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t call BS and I think that’s because I would WANT to be wrong. I just think that based on the horror and experience that I had as well as talking to other people in the social working field, its not going to happen. So right now, I’m not crying about it.

But I totally and completely robbed myself.

I think that people (even social workers) can agree that what happened to me many years ago was insanity and that the person back then did not handle the situation correctly at all.  However for me to take those memories and experiences and apply them to build a wall around me when I first go into this group meeting to fight against these two interns, was unfair both to them (as people) and to me because I was short changing myself from receiving the full benefit of the services that these two interns were actually offering.

But because of what happened in the past, I didn’t fully participate and therefore I didn’t fully take on everything that I could have. Even if there were professional and personal boundaries. I am aware of those. It doesn’t mean that I need to shoot myself about it because there is this belief that I need to avoid any and all situations where the COE would come in and just stop everything because whatever was going on and/or being said was crossing a boundary.

I was called gregarious today. After looking that word up, I totally agree. I am a very gregarious person. In fact, that’s going right next to being called a RENAISSANCE MAN by LFC. Hand in hand, you know????

And for me to be in a social situation where there’s a undefined boundary that can be sprung up in my face just is a major conflict with me.

Instead of attempting to avoid the landmines of life, I need to charge forward and attempt to receive anything and everything that life has to offer to me. These two interns, I had nothing personal against them. They were uber nice and kind. One of them reminded me of someone from my past that I had a serious crush on and currently working on getting past– but that’s okay. Its going to happen. And its definitely not her fault. 

I did learn my lesson though. I definitely cheated myself out of some thing. Whatever that some thing is, I will never know. Because I cheated myself out of it by stepping back and retreating based on experiences. That was definitely foolish!!!

And now there will be no second chances. No second guesses. No second tries.

Even though something is uncomfortable, never short change yourself out of any opportunities that may fall upon your path. Because you just never know.

I was successful in taking photographs of the group as a whole. And I got a few shots with the interns as well. It was something that I definitely felt that they were going to say NO to, but they didn’t. And that was their choice, not mine.

And I wrote down the URL to this blog for them and gave them my e-mail address. So they could be reading this, you never know.

Just don’t do what I have done and rob yourself of opportunity, benefit, and glory… just because something makes you feel uneasy or horrible. Step forward and march on strongly and you never know what will be the spoils of your victory in war.

Not The First Rodeo For Ft. Hood

“When life knocks you down, try to land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. Let your reason get you back up.”~ Les Brown

I’m just speechless that another senseless act of violence and death happened yet again at Ft. Hood near Killeen, Texas.

Since the horrible events of 2009 where Nidal Hasan went on a killing rampage, it appears that another soldier carried out another deadly attack.

However the casualties are far less than what they were in 2009.

Nidal Hasan is in custody at the United States Disciplinary Barracks.

The soldier that caused the havoc in 2014 is dead by his own hand.

And so I watch all of these reports and they are constantly connecting 2014 shooting with Hasan’s rampage in 2009.

What they are NOT saying is that these two shootings are not the first time Ft. Hood has dealt with soldiers killing while on base. There has been others who have killed. But they are not talking about that.

PFC Dwight J. Loving (in custody)

PFC Dwight J. Loving was a soldier at Ft. Hood and he was involved in a series of crimes of robbing convenience stores. But what ties him to Ft. Hood and the base is the fact that Loving called for a cab and then he robbed the driver at gunpoint. Then shot him in the head, killing him.

Loving soon after called for another cab and he did the same thing, he robbed the driver and then shot him in the head and killed him in secluded areas of the military base.

Loving was apprehended the next day. Now he sits on United States military death row, waiting for his own execution. The same as Nidal Hasan. There are currently FIVE military members that are military death row.

Loving’s crimes happened in December of 1988.  Hasan was more than twenty years later and now this tragedy less than five years later.

I’m just so surprised that nobody is reporting on ALL tragic shootings for Ft. Hood.

Metallica Conquers The Entire World

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”~Bill Cosby

Today, on the very frozen continent of Antarctica, heavy metal pioneers embarked on a journey never traveled before.

A concert on the icy continent for their fans.

I can hear you now… why is this significant?

Because now Metallica can say that they have performed all seven continents in the entire world. They’ve toured for many years and gone around and around and around the globe, and now they can add Antarctica to the list of places where they have played. I cannot be 100% entirely sure because I do not know, but I am not aware of any other musical act who has pulled off playing in all seven continents. So I would hedge before saying that Metallica was the first. But to MY personal knowledge, they are?

I thought it was a crazy stunt. I thought that it was unnecessary. I also doubted that it could be done. But I was proven soooooooooooo wrong today that I should probably go to bed and lay there in my wrongness.

Here is the only full length video I’ve found via YouTube of the action if you either wanna watch it or don’t believe me:

It is of very, very poor quality. But there’s your proof of sorts. Perhaps better and more videos will be uploaded to YouTube as the days go by.

Congratulations to Metallica! Horns up to you guys!!!