Head

“Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from, but every morning I start off with a good head on my shoulders, saying to myself, ‘It’s going to be a good day!’.”~ Lindsay LohanIf I did not write this down, it would be a complete tragedy and total loss to mankind.

Even though I cannot give specific details, I can give you at least the story which is too good to keep to oneself. I’ll have to change the names. Not for their safety, but to keep my ass from getting sued. Ready? Here we go.

Not that long ago, I was laying in a hotel bed at night just watching television, thinking to myself that I should probably go to sleep because the following morning, I had to get up early and knew that I would be working hard all day long.

The moment that I had the room dark with all the lights turned off, there was a knock on my door.

When I opened the door, they asked for me by name. I said that’s who I was.

It was a woman. More specifically, a prostitute. Hookers aren’t my thing, so I decided to turn her away. But she insisted that either she come into my room or she get paid. She told me that “Mark” had called for her to come to my room, and she was not going any where until something happened. Either her work or her getting paid.

“Mark” had a room two floors above, and I tried to tell her that it was “Mark” that called so she should attempt to get her money from him. But she was insisting.

I slammed the door in her face. But she kept knocking. I’ve never met a more persistent prostitute in all of my life!

So I gave her the money that I had made working for the week to get her out of the hotel and told her to get a cab ride home.

“Mark” was going to get it. I am in charge of “Mark”, so he was screwed.

But I double checked with those that are in charge of me, and to be honest, they do not like “Mark” and they wished that they could find a reason to fire “Mark.”

A small group of people went on a horse riding tour. One of which, took a long a shovel.

Don’t get ahead of me… keep reading!

But in fact, this group of people did gather the manure from the horses, and picked up more and placed it all inside of a plastic bag.

Here’s where it gets hilarious………

I know some people who have worked in the industry with make-up and the like. They took this head full of horse shit and sculpted it into the shape of a head. And then they painted it and made it look like a person’s head. Complete with facial features and everything. The only thing missing were ears for whatever reason.

They put this head and placed it into “Mark’s” luggage.

At the airport, there was an elderly man working. This guy was probably really close to retirement when he began sniffing into the air. Something was wrong. But he couldn’t figure out what.

So he had “Mark” open up his luggage to figure out what the problem was.

The moment he flipped open the lid, that head was right there in the middle of it all. The poor old man working luggage screamed like a pre-pubescent girl. He was terrified at the sight of that head being there.

“Mark” was busy staring into his cell phone when he jumped hearing the old man scream. He looked down and he screamed as well.

“Mark” immediately started to punch at the head, squeezing and pounding it. Allowing for the contents on the inside to scatter all over the place.

That’s right. Horse shit was everywhere. Everything was ruined.

“Mark” soon quit the job a few days later. Not because of the luggage prank, but he started having marital problems being away from home for so long at a time. He went home to fix his marriage.

Moral? Don’t mess with me. Especially if I am the one person you have to answer to.

Crying Over Spilled Beer

“Don’t cry over spilled milk. It could have been beer.”~ Author Unknown

Last night, I traveled to Waco, Texas because #1- I can and #2- I was invited to attend a show there which headlined the band, P.O.D.

There will be a full blog post about my travels and experiences about that much later.

I wanted to focus on a group of people that I had the unfortunate displeasure to have crossed paths with.

Although as they say, when it becomes a thing of the past and you look upon it then you will just laugh and laugh and laugh.

I ain’t laughing yet….. that much!!!

As I was familiarizing myself with the venue, I had the sorrowful duty to attempt to manage to get myself around as best as I could while dealing with rather THICK carpeting.

I had turned the corner and hadn’t been talking, hadn’t bothered anyone, and I passed up a group of gentlemen.

Suddenly, my arm and chest and all the way down to my hip felt wet and very cold.

These “gentlemen” were a group of friends and were involved in a serious match of horse play when one of them spilled their beer all over me.

Now I realize that they didn’t simply just THROW it on me or DUMP it on me, nevertheless the guy’s glass was empty in a fraction of a second and I was dripping with the contents of that glass.

Suddenly their incessant giggling and immature shenanigans came to a most abrupt end and conclusion. So much so that they pretty much kept to themselves quiet the rest of the night…. even after I had moved.

I looked at my coat sleeve as it dripped of nasty and cheap beer from the forearm to the hand and down the fingers to one side of my lap.

Looking up slowly, I saw three or four faces frozen in shock and in horror. And best of all: fear.

I didn’t say a word. Not even a grunt or a peep. I turned away from them and kept moving on.

The rest of the night, the guilty party continually came up to me after it was all said and done, apologizing, begging for forgiveness, and apologizing some more. I continued to stay quiet. 

Here’s the inside scoop on this story and probably the REAL reason as to why they were so adamant about being sorry and letting me know about how sorry they were:

The photograph of the jacket is called a “BDU” in the military.

I was wearing one. My brother got one for me while he was serving in the Army.

I had my name across it. I had military patches and other insignia up and down the sleeves. It looks legit even though it is not. Because I am not a Colonel, nor enlisted in the United States Army. I do however, like the insignia and symbol of the rank of Colonel.

Eagles, anyone?

These guys convinced themselves without any help of anyone else of the outside world, that a beer had been spilled upon a member of this country’s military veterans.

The next thing I know, they were offering to buy me drinks the rest of the night. They were wanting to take me out to eat. They were willing to purchase expensive band merchandise. They even offered to bring me to the next big show and pay for my ticket. All of this, without my consent or approval.

I honestly believe that these people were fearing some kind of massive retribution on my behalf as a consequence for their immature actions. And they were attempted to mend the wrong with showering me with gifts, to ensure that retribution would not be received.

The sad part is that people are going to believe what they want to believe. It does not matter whether or not you attempt to right their mistakes, they will do and believe what they want. No matter how many times I tried to tell them to just drop it… they insisted. And no matter how many attempts that I gave to explain that I was not in the Army, and that it was just a jacket… they believed what they want.

Am I former military? NO.
Was it okay for them to have done what they did? NO.

So, there’s fault on both sides. And it appears that both sides were stuck with attempts to right the wrong in vain.

Chances are… I’ll never see these guys again. That’s just the way the world works. But I literally had these guys scared to death the entire rest of the night up until the time that I left the venue to return home.

This could be a lesson for people as well.

Of course I could have screamed and cursed and attempted to pick a fight with these guys. I would have been justified in doing so because of what had happened. But I think the best retaliation was to let them stew in their own individual minds about what they were doing and what they did do and what had happened, to punish themselves about it the rest of the night.

Are they thinking about it now-today? I doubt it. But they sure as hell thought about it last night.

The Douchebag Award Returns

“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing.”~ John Mayer

Well, well, well. Look at what and who we have back here today!!

The winner for the Douchebag Award For November 2012 has surfaced back in the news whether she likes it or not.

After being totally disrespectful and being not so smart with her choices, it appears that karma keeps a track record and has a very good memory and hits harder than anyone else could have ever imagined.

She’s since become a viral sensation that the world over has learned to really dislike. And it appears that our feelings for her have not gone away. Instead what seems to be a resurgence of her viral popularity (or unpopularity as it seems)…. life has not been all too kind since her faux pas at Arlington National Cemetery.

She lost her job. People were screaming in 2012 for that to happen. But since then, she’s not been able to go out in public for over a year, she’s had death threats and rape threats and every kind of threat against her and her life as you could possibly imagine.

She doesn’t even dare to try and date.

Now I personally don’t believe the death and rape threats were/are necessary. However personally, I was satisfied to hear she had lost her 2012 job. But she works now with children with special needs. Autism to be exact. People who are reminded her of vulgar image turn inward to their hatred for her and hope that she stumbles and falls again and again and again.

It appears that she generated plenty of reaction and hatred that she is forever scarred and linked towards disrespect and deemed unfit for this society.

But hey, she’s back. Sort of. I don’t know how she’s been able to survive. I found her Twitter account and apparently she has a YouTube account and does make videos although I did not research it further so I don’t know what kind of videos she does- if any at all.

Her past will definitely haunt her for the rest of her life. And sadly, she does not have many people in her corner for what she had done back in 2012. She must live with it. No matter how difficult.

http://tacticalshit.com/flipping-off-dead-soldiers-2012-karma-smacked-woman-hard/

An Answer Years In The Making

“Revenge is an act of passion; vengeance of justice. Injuries are revenged; crimes are avenged.”~ Samuel Johnson

And there it is, ladies and gentlemen… boys and girls.

Management staff have finally fired BACK against the revolting, whining residence of this place with regards to Food Pantry and how it its distributed.

Throughout this entire blog, if you searched for the words “food pantry” you will find a number of blog posts through time in which I have written about the avarice of the residents of this place.

For as long as I have been living here, there has always been a handful of people who have complained about the current system and how it works. If you’ve read all the posts I am referring to above, then you know I once was involved in the selection of people. But that was taken away from me because people were bitching that I was cheating. The TRUTH was that they didn’t like how things were going — which was not “their way” and so they complained. Since then, I’ve been forbidden to “help” out.

And now this notice from management comes today. Several years in the making. It should have been handed out so many years ago, and written just like this!!! If you don’t like it, then get out!

Its basic human nature one would think: If you don’t like something, you don’t do it. If you don’t like drinking alcohol, you’re not going to drink. Same thing should have been applied here. If you don’t like how things are being ran for Food Pantry, then don’t come to the Food Pantry.

I honestly feel that this should take care of many of the current problems that we have with it. At least for a short period of time. I don’t think that this will be a final fix though. There’s always going to be someone who is going to bitch and moan and complain. For those who do, they need to be shown this notice. I think that this notice needs to be hung up in the hallway by the door of the food pantry as a constant, ever-present reminder to those who wanna complain.

This particular notice has come about because last month, one of the residents sat there in the building crying like a 5 year old having a tantrum for not getting his way. I love the fact that its added that you will be turned away if you are exhibiting poor behavior. So this basically has given other members of staff the power to remove or kick out anyone being stupid or acting like a child. Over something that is never promised to us and is, in a sense, a bonus to this community. The NEED for Food Pantry is cut and dry. What these people do, do not show a NEED. They will be cut off and pushed away.

And what makes this even funnier to me was that the manager asked me to look at this notice and asked if it was too harsh or not. I laughed and said that the only thing that it was missing was a few crucial F bombs. Which, he would not be able to include to begin with but he got the point.

So I finally applaud management for doing something RIGHT for once. This should have happened years ago, and management does acknowledge that. Let’s hope it sticks longer than any other plan that has been put in place.

But then what was done by management that was NOT right was that only a few apartment buildings had been delivered this notice, then management had to go retrieve food FROM the Food Pantry and left the distribution of these notices to the REST of the complex to someone who hasn’t done it yet. So at this hour, some people know about this notice, others have no idea. People are going to collide into one another. Those who know will run into and bump heads with those who have no clue and more BS and drama will appear. Way to go there!!!

Eventually though, those notices will appear, to everyone.

Let’s also hope that this is the last time I write about Food Pantry problems in this blog.

 

 

Campaign For The Pissed Off Ex

Okay readers, really quick… I saw this on Facebook.

I laughed, I cried, I got envious because we ALL could make a lot of money if we were so creative. I think that next time I WILL attempt to do something like this and see how far I can make it go.

And for those of you who are wondering, yes I DID buy a t-shirt.

http://teepspring.com/FUCKTODDANDJESSICA

Valentine’s Revenge?

“Nobody pulls a prank like George Clooney.”~Anna Kendrick

I just saw this video and there’s a ton of thoughts about it.

Its title however is quite deceiving in its own way.

Its supposed to a video about a Brazilian man who gets revenge on a cheating girlfriend. She opens up what she believes is a romantic box of yummy and delicious chocolates.

What she finds instead is a total nightmare.

The video shows the man giving the box to the woman in the back seat. Then he gets out of the vehicle while she’s distracted by this elegant gift of love.

The video shows him seemingly making the vehicle only able to open the doors from the outside from its safety-lock feature.  

As she finally gets the ribbon off of the box and pulls the lid off, she throws her loving gift into the air, spilling the contents everywhere inside the vehicle.

The box was not of chocolates, but of something so disgusting and terrifying that she scrambles as much as she can to get away from it all.

I will not tell you what was inside of it. You will have to find the video and watch it for yourself.

She screams in terror, calling out somebody’s name. We are to assume she is calling for the name of the same man who had given her the gift in the first place.

She tries in vain to exit the vehicle and screams more and more and more.

This video lasts only about 90 seconds and doesn’t give much explanation. The language is in Portuguese and subtitled as well.

Seeing this on Facebook for the first time, I actually laughed. I only knew what was being presented. That a man was seeking revenge on his CHEATING girlfriend. 

But as I did the research for this story and wouldn’t you know it, its all fake!

It was a prank that was set up and recorded for “Pânico na TV!” which is a television program in Brazil.

The poor victim’s name is Daniele Bolina. A model/dancer for the show.

The television program has been in a great decline from its viewers in Brazil. The model actually was being picked on because she had married in 2010. And the show’s contract stated that all models/dancers were to remain single. So, in an  act of payback they picked on her.

She is not yelling in terror at the supposed boyfriend, but rather the producer of the show once she figures out that she has fallen a victim of a prank.

The other comments that are being made about it is that her voice sounds like a man when she screams. But I’m not this person’s gynecologist, so I’m leaving that one alone.

I actually had fallen to believe that this was a real prank of vengeance. And I did not feel any sympathy towards the cheating woman. Knowing the pain and sorrow of being cheated on, I was almost to the point of applauding the video although I am not 100% sure if I would do something like that to get back at someone who cheated on me.

But then my opinion on the matter had changed completely when I realized that this was a prank for a television show. Instead of being supportive of the action, I turned around and was shaking my head that this happened to the model.

I understand that she broke the terms of her contract by getting married. But what I do not understand is why didn’t the producers just terminate the contract and fire her from her job?

I think that since she was a part of this program that she knew something was coming. But she didn’t know exactly what.

This video is wild and crazy.  Some will laugh and others will shake in terror. You tell me what you think!

 

 

 

 

 

Hungover On Halloween

“Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special. “~ Chris Rock

As Halloween 2012 comes to an end and I am sitting here in the dark and sharing text messages with a sexy Vulcan, I thought that I would pause from that and share the story that I was explaining to the rest of you.

It has been wonderful not having to deal with random strangers knocking on my door and begging for candy and treats. I’ve not had to deal with that for many years. Either I have lived on very private property where the practice of Trick-or-Treating was frowned upon or lived inside a gated community. It has worked to my advantage.

The point of this post is to tell the story of the last time that I did have someone knock on my door on Halloween.

They were not small children, they weren’t even teenagers. They were full grown adults dressed up in homemade costumes. And they were going door to door looking for beer.

The smell of the beer that they had already consumed was heavy. Some of them couldn’t even stand up on their own… they were that drunk!

I sent them away. And told them not to come back. BIG MISTAKE.

They did. But because they were so intoxicated, they made so much noise that I knew they were coming up the street. And so, I prepared for their return.

Let me set up the scene here. Halloween night in Kansas. Snow is already on the ground. It was around 12:30 AM. The air temperature was 25-30°F. And a thunderstorm was in the area. Actually it was approaching. But it was raining with a little bit of lightning and thunder.

I ran outside and waited in the dark, trying not to wake up the neighbors. The drunks had gone to the local grocery store which was on the other side of the fence from the property that I lived in, and bought a bunch of eggs to take their revenge.

Yep, they were there to throw eggs at my home. Two of them got a few off, but it did very little damage as the shattered eggs landed on bricks. Nothing that I personally had to worry about.

But what they did not realize was that as it began to rain softly in the brisk and cold night air, I was in the dark with a garden hose. And I hit them all with the water coming from the faucet that was on the side of the building through a garden hose that was laying across my patio area. It had been there already and so they didn’t realize it.

I soaked their drunk asses to the point of pure moistness.

They all ran off into the night, cursing me and threatening that they will come back to finish the job. But I was ready.

It was about 3:00 AM and half of the determined group had in fact, returned. I had put away the garden hose but had made some arrangements for company. The local police department.

Sure enough, the eggs began to hit my home, and I called the direct cell phone to the officer nearest me. Within a few minutes, the police officer came up on them in the dark and rain and night and got up right behind them before turning on his swirling lights and the siren.  Some of them were arrested for trespassing. Others were charged with damage to private property or intent to cause damage. The others who ran got away with it but I never heard from them ever again.

So yes, that was the very last time I had ANYONE knocking on my door on Halloween. I hope all of you who celebrated with Trick-or-Treating and attended parties were all safe tonight. And I also hope that you had a lot of fun.

Until the next time.

 

Judge, Jury, And Executioner

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. “~ Wayne Dyer

 

I have a tale for you.

 

The relationship is over. As least for these two. And it is all because of someone falsely judging another.

 

Holly had a birthday party. She invited her best friend Kimberly to come. But Kimberly had given her RSVP as a “NO”. At first, Holly didn’t think too much about it. But soon after that, Holly began to become bitter that her best friend wasn’t going to be there at her birthday party. Kimberly was the best and only friend that Holly had. And it had started back when they were both about six years old.

 

The party came and went. Kimberly of course wasn’t there. And Holly had a miserable time at her own party even though she stuck it out with wearing a mask of smiles to the rest of her party guests.

 

Holly never did go to her best friend to find out why she didn’t attend the birthday party. Instead, Holly made up her own assumptions and investigated Kimberly’s whereabouts using leads outside of simply asking her.

 

Holly decided that Kimberly was not the best friend she thought. And refused to talk to her for weeks and even months. Even though Kimberly did attempt to communicate with Holly some time after the party. Holly was too set in her ways to “punish” Kimberly for what she had done until Kimberly saw the light.

 

But because of the silent treatment, Holly ended up losing Kimberly as a friend. By the time Holly was “ready” to talk to her again, Kimberly had moved on. 

 

Holly absolutely took it upon herself to be Kimberly’s judge, jury, and executioner. Because of the fact that Kimberly didn’t go to the party, then Holly deemed Kimberly guilty of being a terrible friend and chose the method of execution to be the silent treatment. But what Holly didn’t realize is that the longer she stayed silent, the worse it got for their relationship.

 

This is just one example of how our attitudes and behaviors can actually do more damage than good. All because someone has said or done something that we did not agree with. Where in the world do we get off believing that it is “okay” to punish those people for saying or doing those things?

 

We receive the answers that we deep down, don’t want. And because of it, we set out to make those who gave us those answers to suffer. Does this make any sense to anybody out there?!?

I’ve done it. We ALL… have done this in some form or another to those whom we say that we love. But in doing so, did it ever give us the result that we truly wanted? Absolutely not!

 

If life was meant to be a peach, we’d all have pie. But then nobody would want cake. Life is full of disappointments and in some cases- failures. A lot of the times, these disappointments are out of our control. Instead of forcing our views upon people for the sake of getting our way all of the time, we should be learning from the times when things just don’t go the way we had hoped.

 

If we continue to behave like this… are WE really being the friend that we say that we are? Are we, really??